“Every horror story is about power.”

A nasty little novella - perhaps not as ponderous as some of LaRocca’s earlier writing but his most concise, his most clearly articulated. It’s tough to spend so much time in such a loathsome, sad mind - this poor, haunted, depraved bundle of confused desire - but it’s consistently compelling. I appreciate that this core narrative exists primarily to prop up a series of grotesque parables, but it’s just such a bummer. (With a lot of violence against dogs, for some reason.) LaRocca’s prose is lean and affecting, and it’s a feature, not a bug, that it’s so dire: self-consciously transgressive works like this are content to be vile things.

“Take care of yourself.”

I recommend checking trigger warnings for this one. I made it through, but barely.

Ashley has had two horrible tragedies in his life: his wife died, and, shortly after that, their 8 year old son disappeared from outside a supermarket. To help him cope, Ashley has done some extreme body modifications to his face, so he looks on the outside as monstrous as he feels on the inside. He’s also come up with a “death ritual” that clients pay him money to perform.

I found some of Ashley’s actions inexplicable. I also thought the two side stories were unnecessary, and it seemed like they were added just to pad the book a bit.

I did like the ending!

Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for a review.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for this ARC in exchange for my honest review!

Another delightfully strange and disturbing novella from Eric LaRocca. I’m never quite sure what to rate these because it feels weird to rate. There’s plenty of themes here that would probably make people uncomfortable, but why would you come to Eric LaRocca if you were easily disturbed? This touches on grief and a man who goes to extreme measures to help suffering people after his wife dies and his young son vanishes. Our MC Ashley isn’t quite likable and I wasn’t sure if I should root for him but we get a lot of his backstory and see his pain. I also got the vibes of Ashley being “edgy” with his many piercings and body mods and I rolled my eyes a little at that. There’s also a lot more animal abuse in this one than I remember from his previous works and it made me wince so be aware of that. I still prefer Eric’s short story collections overall, but this novella wasn’t boring because it was bonkers and I appreciate that.

I generally dislike Larocca and really hated his first one, but this is the best in terms of thematic consistency. The layers of shame, the boundaries of perversity, the way we enact the same violences on ourselves and others, etc. is all interesting and the gross out gore serves clear thematic functions. I still didn’t like it but it’s more thoughtful than most of his stuff.

This is the first Eric LaRocca book that I have attempted to read, so I am not sure if all of his books are like this one, but this book was not for me. I like the idea that the author had for this book and I liked the writing, but the POV character was way too focused on his confusion around his sexuality. That was distracting from the main story of what happened to his wife and son and the rest of the story unfolding around this character. I just wasn't as interested in that aspect and when it was the focus for so much of the book, I lost interest. I DNF'd the book around the 20% mark.

Really, really enjoyed this one. Would love a full length novel from Eric in the future. This was dark, sad, and keep me intrigued for the entire story, that clocks in at just under 200 pages. Always look forward to what Eric puts out, and definitely recommend this one when it publishes later this month on January 28th, but check trigger warnings as this definitely won’t be for everyone.

Would you be buried alive if you wanted to die anyway- thinking that maybe if would give you a new perspective on life?
When I hear the term splatterpunk, my mind unfortunately goes to novels that have the shock factor but no real substance. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised with the beautiful prose in this book, and the way the main character looks at life and death.
The ending was a little bit of a miss for me (which based on other reviews seems like a personal problem), but otherwise I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a dark novel.

Oof what a gut punch. I mean do I really even need to say anything else? LaRocca's readers know who he is and the kind of work he produces, and new readers are best left going into this book with eyes wide open and zero expectations of what they're going to find between the covers. LaRocca's work is brutal, blunt, and violent in ways that go so far beyond simple physical violence, and if you give too much away your risk scaring people off of an impactful - albeit deeply disturbing - book that deserves to be read.

At Dark I Become Loathsome
Eric LaRocca
01/28/2025
Blackstone Publishing
Andrew Eiden – Narrator

This book is the definition of transgressive horror. At Dark I Become Loathsome is unsettling, dark and horrific, creating an increasing sense of unease with the reader as you turn each page. Caging the reader in with less and less room to breathe. LaRocca uses horror to evoke intense emotions that include empathy, understanding and fear.

There are a lot of trigger warnings and social issues that will go along with this book. However, all of them are deftly handled in a way that that is truly stunning. LaRocca peels back layers of the heart and human psyche slowly and delicately to allow these emotions and traumatic events to flesh out and become real. This is a brutal and vivid. Be prepared to take a break to get over this one.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is disturbing, raw, unflinching, & the most intimate thing he has written. The way in which LaRocca peels back the layers of the heart & uncovers the wickedness in its depths is truly stunning. Recovery from this one will be tough.

Eric LaRocca is a force to be reckoned with!

Ashley Lutin has recently lost both his wife and his son. As he struggles to continue to exist, his grief and his feelings of guilt are constantly fighting to take over...everything. Perhaps as a way to assuage these feelings, Ashley comes up with a ritual to help others in the same situation. He posts this:

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

As it turns out, Ashley was right. There were other people out there in the same situation and he was prepared to help them. What does this "ritual" involve? Will it change people's lives in the way Ashley promises them it will? You'll have to read this to find out!

Eric LaRocca's writing is only improving as his career rolls on. His characters look and feel real. His prose is sparse, yet vivid and easily pictured in my mind's eye. Ashley is not a likeable man. However, somehow, Eric got me to care for him. As I read about his life, the tragedies that have affected him, and his responses to them we do learn that at dark, he becomes loathsome. His constant repetition of this is like his personal mantra.

For me, the highlights of this book lived in the stories within the story. First off, I love when that happens in a book. Looking back at some of my favorite books of all time, many of them contain a lot of stories within the story-Straub's Ghost Story or John Langan's The Fisherman, just to name a few. There were two of these in this book and both of them were stark, brutal tales. This is where Eric really excels. Body horror blended with the bizarre, sex, and the nihilistic is where his best work shines. In this way, he always reminds me of Clive Barker in his early days.

Eric LaRocca is going to be part of the future of horror, there is no denying that fact. His work is consistently fresh, exciting and brutal. We are lucky to be in on the ground floor. We LaRocca readers can say "I remember when he just started out." and be proud of it. I will be able to say I invested early and I earned as much as Apple stock purchased in the 80's. Eric surprises me. He entertains me. He stirs up the darkest shadows of my black, rotted, horror-loving heart.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome earns my highest recommendation!

Available January 28th, up for pre-order now.

*ARC from publisher

I'm sad to say that this is the first Eric LaRocca read that I didn't really like. I am still really thankful to Blackstone Publishing, Audio, Netgalley, Libro.fm, and Eric LaRocca for granting me advanced digital and audio access to this piece before it hits shelves on pub day (January 28, 2025).

To be frank, the premise of this novel was almost spot-on to the title, I Died Too, But They Haven't Buried Me Yet by Ross Jeffery... At one point, both authors were writing their books under the same publisher, so I don't know what happened there...

In both novels, we have a broken father who is grieving the loss of their family that once was, doing dark deeds to help others get closure for their own misfortunes, when the needs of a peculiar individual bring them closer to finding their lost son... and wait there is a twist with this mysterious stranger promising goodwill. I won't ruin the surprise in case you'd like to partake in either journey, but just know they are practically identical, and Ross Jeffery's story came out first...

feels like his weakest work to date, largely due to its disjointed flow and confusing narrative structure. The book’s pacing is erratic, and the way it weaves between themes and character development often feels unnatural, as if key emotional beats are rushed or muddled. This could be a result of LaRocca having explored grief extensively in his previous works, and here, it feels like the theme is stretched too thin, lacking the raw, visceral impact that marked his earlier stories. Despite his evident skill in exploring complex emotions, this novel seems repetitive, as though he’s rehashing familiar territory without adding anything new or compelling to the conversation

This is my favorite Eric LaRocca so far. I didn't expect with such horror to also end up so heartbroken. This book does contain a lot of themes that many people might want to avoid,, and never lets up with the feeling of doom and darkness. Right when I saw a glimmer of something that might have been light, it was snatched away. This kind of realistic horror stays with me.
Thanks to NetGalley for letting me read this.

Time and time again, Eric LaRocca knows how to unsettle readers, never seeming to run out of ways to make your skin crawl and your soul squirm. At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a meditation of nested viciousness. Stories within stories within stories of broken humans and devastation.

No other author has disturbed and unsettled me more than Eric LaRocca. This is definitely my favorite book I’ve read from them so far. I was hooked from the first chapter. LaRocca has a way of writing very unlikable characters that you want to follow throughout the entire story. I do appreciate that his stories are short because there is only so much of this unsettling feeling I can take. This will not be for everyone as it does contain some dark and disturbing content, but at its core, it does have glimpses of hope and beauty in the end.

I am once again thoroughly grossed out, stunned, and at a loss for words after reading another Eric La Rocca novel. This was one of the most odd and yet gut-wrenching reads I have had in a while. Thank you NetGalley for letting me read it early.

This nightmare fuel will have you sharing my fear of being buried alive.

My greatest fear is being buried alive. And page one starts with that exactly.

I could only read this book in the morning. Our main character, Ashley, is so twisted and his acts are so depraved that I was consistently horrified. However, Eric's writing gave Ashley this depth, this reason behind his monstrosity that made him a fully-fleshed out, complicated, yet deeply flawed human.

The writing was amazing. There was even a nod to one of my favourite poems, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock which I appreciated. Like the poem, this story is a meditation on the value of life and the complicated relationship we all have with grief.

Based on the previous stories I read in, This Skin Was Once Mine, I was hoping for a different sort of ending. But the story was compelling enough to keep me holding on right until the last page.

Thank you to Net Galley and Blackstone Publishing.

This book is best read with all the lights on.

purplest prose i have read in a while! i don't always mind wordy writing but it just felt a bit overwritten to me.

"at night, i become loathsome" makes for a catchy title but i was less of a fan of its constant repetition every few pages. not nearly interesting enough of a phrase or theme for how often it was repeated imo

was confused by the degree to which the protagonist is fixated on how grotesque his facial piercings are... he just sounds like a guy i'd see at a punk show?? it's certainly in part to reflect the character's self-hatred + conservative upbringing, but his assertion that people stare at him in public with disgust is just puzzling quite frankly

a couple other notes:
- the ritual rules stipulate that the caregiver may only touch the client to hold hands or hug, but one of the steps of the ritual is for the caregiver to bathe the client? minor plot hole perhaps
- i like the thing larocca does when they intersperse short stories within the larger novel(la), it adds texture!
- "I type in my username, 'sad_boy'" ok i'll admit i laughed
- two different objects are estimated to be approximately the size of a quail egg. why? i do not know

all of that being said, i will probably continue to read larocca. i'm not confident his writing style is for me, but i appreciate how creative and twisted his imagination is! definitely a pillar of contemporary experimental queer horror

A short, grim and dark story that will certainly linger with me a long time. It was completely orginial and left me feeling gross - as a compliment!