That anxiety in the pit of your stomach when you’re not comfortable with a situation — that’s often the first sign of a misalignment that may, eventually, lead to to an act of defiance, or lasting regret. In her research and this book, Dr Sah explores what makes us take a stand, or knuckle under to a situation that doesn’t seem right to us.

When do we defy? When, and why, do we comply? How do we differentiate between compliance and consent? The book digs into all of these questions, while offering both inspiration and compassion.

Aside from the fascinating discussion of the degrees of defiance, the big take-away for me was this: standing up for what we believe in is a skill that we must cultivate. Defiance isn’t a trait—at its best, it’s a considered action. This book makes a great guide.

A beautiful testament to defiance. As an autistic girlie whose default mode is defiance, and deeply experiences PDA (passive demand avoidance), I found this to be an incredibly insightful look at the values behind WHY someone chooses to defy. I know this book might not have been written thru the lens of neurodivergence, but I found it immensely helpful. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the advance copy.

I have mixed feelings about this book. The premise of the book is intriguing. I liked some of the ways the author suggests that readers can work through the situations where they feel they need to speak up. Several of the examples were hard to read and left me feeling unsettled about the book. The concept of defiance is something we all have to deal with. The section talking about Defiance as a process resonated with me and I felt that I have experienced that in my life. Overall, this is a great book but for the right reader.

Thank you to Sunita Sah, NetGalley and One World for the advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Publication Date: January 14, 2025

Thank you to @RandomHouse and #NetGalley for the DRC of #Defy. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.

I found this book very interesting and it feels timely in the current political climate in the US and beyond. Dr. Sah writes about defiance in a very personal, relatable way, illustrating how social and psychological norms can prevent us from following our true values and moral compass.

Sah doesn't rely solely on research to make her point. The book is layered with examples of real life defiance - from Rosa Parks to Greta Thunberg and the Challenger engineers.

Overall, a good read that will make you think.

Dr. Sunita Sah explores defiance and what it means to deliver a "True No." Sah delves into the research about defying and evaluates perceptions of defiance through real-life stories that will change how we view defiance and help us leverage it to cultivate change, big and small.

Dr. Sunita Seh's powerful DEFY could not arrive at a better time. Wise and reflection, this excellent book examined all the ways we can adopt "small-scale defiance" in thinking for ourselves and acting on what we know to be true rather than thinking and feeling one way and going along with what everyone else is doing or authorities proclaim is what we must do. The voice, the stories from others as well as Seh's own life experiences make this book feel like you're learning by listening to a kind and intelligent friend. I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

This was an excellent look at what it means to say no instead of yes, all the time, And how it can be viewed as defying people. When in reality that is not the case. I found the information in the book to be very helpful.

Wow. What an urgent, needed message, and a book unlike any I've read before. I'll be thinking about this one as the year ends and as I start 2025—thank you for the message!

A short book that explores what it takes to make decisions based on your values, and what holds people back. A few examples are more well known (Rosa Parks, the old experiment where people give electric shocks), George Floyd, but others are not. This would be a great book for a young person to understand how conscious decisions are made and how to be ready to make them in the moment.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC. #sponsored

It always takes me a little longer to read a nonfiction book as I tend to stop and think and jot down notes. Defy by Dr. Sunita Sah was such a book for me. It has so much to dive into. A book on defiance (it’s really way more than that!) could be dry and unappealing, but Dr. Sah writes in an approachable manner. This is a powerhouse of a read, well structured and thought provoking. There is a lot to unpack but the reader never feels overwhelmed. I found it practical, filled with action steps and questions to ask ourselves as we learn to say “no” instead of “yes.” Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and author, for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.

I’m here for ways to speak up and push back, defying what seems hard to push back against. As a woman of color I understand the plight described by Dr Sah. However as much as I know I should say no, I often still find myself saying yes. This book gave me a boost of confidence in myself to believe in myself and not what I think others think.

A thought-provoking and beautifully written book outlining how we are raised to acquiesce and go along with societal norms and practices in our cultural, political, and personal lives. Asserting opposing ideas are discouraged and sometimes carry costly repercussions. Dr. Sah brilliantly takes us through real-world examples of how defiance is tamped down and overridden in subtle ways. She expertly details how we can change our conditioning so we can align our decision making with our value system. I found it very enjoyable, insightful, and timely in our current divided and fraught moment in our country - highly recommended!

Defy by Dr. Sunita Sah is easily the best book I’ve ever read on this topic. I never knew there was so much to know on defiance, but I found myself picking my jaw up off the floor in each and every chapter. This book is filled with case studies of well known people who have been made famous (or infamous) due to their defiance.

Defy opens with a deep look into the deeply rooted idea that says good person = compliant, bad person = defiant. Dr. Sah then looks closely at several studies to demonstrate how strongly most people cling to this idea. This book is broken up into three sections: the true yes, the true no, and becoming a moral maverick. The true yes section is a deeper look into what true consent looks like and the five necessary qualities of a true yes. The True No section is on the opposite side of the spectrum as the true yes, but all prerequisite qualities necessary for a true yes are also required for a true no. This section of the book really digs into what it means to be defiant. The final section on becoming a moral maverick dives into how a person might practice their ability to defy so that if a situation occurs that requires you give your true no, you can do so.

This book was so approachable and SO good. I enjoyed the writing and the many stories and case studies about real people who knew the time for defiance was now. I highly recommend this book!!

I would like to thank Random House Publishing Group and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

A facsinating examination of how we understand our priorities/values and how we can be our best selkves in a challenging world. I appreciated the questions and examples that Dr Sah offers - very relevant and very helpful.

My thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Random House for an advance copy of this book that examines the obedience that seems to built into all of us, how it is in many ways making life worse, and how by being true to ourselves and saying no, that's wrong we might make our lives better, one defiance at a time.

America is a very illusionary place, one that is comfortable with its falsehoods. America pretends to be a place where mavericks and cowboys, rebels and iconoclasts are celebrated, where freedom is something that is ingrained in us all. And yet. After the American Revolution, many people wanted to make George Washington a King, or even better a tyrant. Many people in the last election stated proudly that maybe a dictator for America would be a good idea. Well that is one way I guess to get cheaper gas for trucks that get 9 miles to the gallon. This country lives by a motto, one that many would say is communistic, but is true. The nail that sticks out must be hammered into place. A man wearing woman's clothes. Stop. Two people of the same sex getting married, no no. Body autonomy for woman. NO, NO NO. Compliance is the Constitution, and those in power will never willing give up control. Eveytime we allow something, something more is taken away. Why though? Is it the fear in sticking out? The fear of being thought of as wrong, when really it is just a matter of opinion. We face these decisions everyday. At work, when a sexist comment is made, shopping; when a customer is wrong and takes it out on someone else; and in politics when we allow leaders to act blatantly corrupt. We as a people are told to say no is wrong. From childhood throughout life. This lack of saying no is why things might be so wrong. This book hopes that the power of no, might gives us back our power to be right. Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes by Dr. Sunita Sah is a call to change, to take that fear of being thought of as defiant, or annoying and using it to grow, not to stay stagnant, or even worse regress in many ways. And maybe make a better world for ourselves.

The book begins with two a murder in public. A police officer places a chokehold on a man accused of using a counterfeit bill. Two police men stand by and watch, even checking the choking man's pulse, but do nothing. EMT's say words, but also do nothing, while the man is publicly executed. Why was there no questions, no hey I think we can handle this now. Because of authority, the hierarchy, and how we are trained to listen to those in power. The author goes to a hospital for chest pains and is told that as a patient tha author can not leave until there is a CT scan. The author being a doctor also wonders why, and does not want more radiation for a test that might not be important. However the author does not think to question the other Doctor, for the Dr. Sunita Sah has always been told not to be defiant. From there Sah begins to look at ways that we are told not to question, again starting at an early age and moving through school, religion, jobs and even marriages. Not questioning not saying "NO, is not only detrimental but can be demoralizing. Sah offers examples of this, and offers Sah's own ideas a "True No" approach that can help people deal with problems in life, problems that cause us to morally and ethically be untrue to ourselves.

A very important book in these days of declining rights, and one that I am sure will start many conversations over the coming years. We as a society are so used to listening to others, leading to wars, environmental destruction, roads we don't need, a police that has tanks to enforce laws that lead to people being killed. No is a powerful force. Though we are so used to hearing it used against our rights. No don't think that. No, be normal for a change. Sah uses personal stories, research and studies to prove the points raised in the book. Sah is a very good writer, and there is a passion in this book that is missing in many books about self- improvement. Maybe because the stakes are so high.

An important book that raises a lot of questions, many which I am still thinking about. And a book a highly recommend.

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.

Dr. Sunita Sah’s Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes is a groundbreaking exploration of the psychological and societal forces that compel us to comply, and the transformative power of saying “no.” This book is a must-read for anyone looking to reclaim their agency and make decisions that align with their true values.

In Defy, Dr. Sah delves into the pervasive pressure to conform, drawing on a wealth of research and real-world examples. She examines cases ranging from corporate corruption and sexual abuse to everyday acquiescence in the workplace and personal life.

The central theme of this book is the power of defiance as a positive force for personal and societal change. Dr. Sah reframes defiance from a negative trait to a crucial tool for growth and integrity. She introduces the concept of the “True No,” a powerful act of resistance that can lead to more authentic and fulfilling lives. This book also explores the ethical implications of compliance and the importance of standing up for what is right, even when it is difficult.

Dr. Sah’s writing is clear, engaging, and deeply insightful. She combines rigorous academic research with compelling storytelling, making complex psychological concepts accessible to a broad audience. Her use of real-life examples and personal anecdotes adds depth and relatability to the narrative, ensuring that readers can see themselves in the situations described.

This book is well-organized, guiding readers through the five stages of defiance that Dr. Sah has identified. Each stage is supported by practical tools and strategies that readers can apply in their own lives. This structured approach makes the book not only informative but also actionable, providing a roadmap for those looking to assert their own “True No.”

Defy is a powerful and transformative read. Dr. Sah’s insights into the science of compliance and defiance are both timely and necessary, offering readers the knowledge and tools to navigate a world that often demands conformity. This book is a call to action for anyone who has ever felt the tension between doing what is expected and doing what is right.

Highly recommended for readers interested in psychology, personal development, and social change. Defy is an essential guide for anyone looking to understand the dynamics of compliance and learn how to stand up for their principles with confidence and clarity.

A compelling research-based look at why people comply even when it goes against their values, feelings, gut instinct, etc. and tools people can use to gain more agency and defy. The book is divided into three parts - A True Yes, A True No, and Becoming a Moral Maverick.

I found this to be thought-provoking and can see it generating a lot of important discussions.

Thank you to Random House One World and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.

As someone who devours self-help and psychology books, I found "Defy" to be a refreshing and insightful exploration of why we so often choose compliance over standing up for our values. Dr. Sunita Sah transforms our understanding of defiance from a negative trait into a crucial tool for personal and societal change.

The book's strength lies in its practical framework, particularly the five stages of defiance and the clear distinction between compliance and consent. Using Stanley Milgram's famous 1960 Yale experiments as a foundation, Sah breaks down the forces that push us toward compliance and provides actionable strategies for resistance when our values are at stake.

What sets this book apart is its nuanced treatment of defiance and the introduction of concepts like "conscious compliance" – the idea that sometimes we might choose to comply while fully acknowledging our disagreement, without shame. The five elements of consent (capacity, knowledge, understanding, freedom, and authorization) provide a practical toolkit for decision-making in challenging situations.

"Defy" stands as a valuable addition to my self-help books, offering essential guidance for anyone who has ever felt the pressure to go along with something that didn't feel quite right.

A big thank you to Random House and NetGalley for providing an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

If you've ever hesitated to voice a dissenting opinion, or gone along with something out of peer pressure, or wondered after the fact why you didn't speak up or say "no" in an uncomfortable situation, or just want to understand why so many people often stay silent or compliant despite having moral or logical objections, you need to read this book.

In Defy, Dr. Sah blends research and personal insights into a powerful nonfiction work. She explains the psychology and sociology behind why and when people defy or comply, and how those decisions affect them and others, both mentally and externally. Throughout the book, she asks readers to examine their own past moments of defiance or compliance in order be better prepared in the future to practice defiance on their own terms. Dr. Sah stresses the need to regularly consider the questions "Who am I?" and "What does a person like me do in a situation like this?" in order to strengthen our ability to dissent or be defiant in circumstances that do not align with our morals, ethics or knowledge.

With this book, Dr. Sah shows us the importance of large and small-scale acts of defiance to improving our feelings of self-worth, as well as improving the world we live in. She asks readers to step away from the idea that some people are naturally compliant or defiant, and to think of defiance as a skill that can be learned, built upon, and encouraged in others. The action steps to practicing this skill are detailed in each chapter, and compiled in a very helpful appendix and reader's guide at the end of the book. I highly recommend this timely and crucial book to everyone who strives to be better at standing up for their beliefs and advocating for themselves and others.

Defy is not about defiance. To the extent that the book redefines defiance in the table of contents.

The disobedience side of defiance is de-emphasized in trade off with the motivation side. The author defines it as "acting in accordance with your true values when there is pressure to do otherwise." The book consists of stories of people acting or failing to act in defiance, including some of the author's own. There is some of the psychological research on the topic. Similarly, this includes some of the author's own research.

Defiance is redefined because the author wants to delineate different sorts of defiance, specifically a "true" defiance versus as "false" defiance, until devising a tri-polar system with "conditional compliance" as well. Conditional compliance is in effect compliance without consent. Or at least consent in a dictionary definition. Here, consent is refined to give it a values-focused organization and five-quality bright-line test.

This is a No True Scotsman. But there is some truthiness to it. A list of synonyms for the concept of defiance display a lot of judgy connotations in the word chose. Sort of, as the author points out, how 'obedience' has mostly positive ones.

However, the informal fallacy is the least interesting problem with the redefinition. In getting hung up somewhere in the book's introduction, I feel a bit like the college student stalling for time in class discussion by talking about the cover. But it I cannot escape the pull of the weirdness that this is.

The definition of True Compliance seems closer to a general definition of virtue. Mostly Aristotle, I think. Because, when acting on true values, when would you not be in defiance, seeing as how some sort of resistance is required as a matter of expression of whatever those values would be? As Colman McCarthy said "everyone's a pacifist between wars. It's like being a vegetarian between meals." You do not abstractly have a True Value, you only have a True Value that is expressed at time it is tested. Effectively, this definition of defiance is about moral character under a specific interpersonal situation, specifically a public one. If honor is defined as what you do when no one is watching, True Defiance is what you do when everyone is.

That is a weird place to draw a line, but whatever happened to authority? Milgram's experiments on the subject centered authority. The mise-en-scène of authority is the principal variable in the experiment, or one at any rate. Milgram played around with the appearance of the situation to create different senses of authority. Here, the concept is diffused, made into pressure, coming from above, below, and laterally. It permits a broader scope of morality tale and anecdote. But I have a much more cynical answer for this, which I will return to later (after Conditional Compliance).

The idea of a True Value is unusual. This is what defiance is supposed to express. This is also the keystone of False Defiance. False defiance is defiance motivated by external values: living someone else's dream. It takes internal reflection and self-awareness to realize the True Values, reflecting "core values and highest principles." Do values do not arise originally out of external values? Did I do it wrong when I didn't build a system of True Values through a series of syllogistic observations about the world? Or what about communal values and communal value systems? Or just the context of values within and without from a group? Even if our values do not derive from others, as resistance is required for the expression of a value, the context matters (eg. murder vs. war). Or do True Values arrive a priori?

Well, they can't be a priori, not without ceasing to be True Values. True Values cannot be Moral Convictions. Moral Convictions can point to true values, and encompass all political and religious allegiance. Moral Convictions are understood by people as facts, whereas values...don't get explained in the context except that they are not a fact-like Moral Conviction. The closest to a swing the book takes is a means/ends test. But if that is the test, then True Values are just intent or motivation, not something related to the character of the action.

For context, this is coming up in a chapter about Clayton Ray Mullins and his post-arrest claims that he didn't really do it. I do not see why not to permit evil values, and assume that his defiance was True Defiance, just evil in intent. If True Values and Moral Convictions are distinct, why do we excuse people for having Moral Convictions not in line with their True Values?

And as it comes to context, the acts of defiance here are mixed. The author gives several examples from her own life. Some are quite moving, particularly those regarding the actions of her parents. Others? Well, the author takes a bold stand against mutual funds. But the author's examples that bookend the book are two instances where she is seeing a doctor when she is having a medical crisis and where the doctor requests a useless test.

"Useless," in this context, means that the author, also a trained physician, does not think that the tests are medically relevant and so should not be done. The first time she acquiesces and allows the useless test to be performed at the doctor's insistence. The second time she refuses, the doctor makes a silly comment, and she gets a JAMA article out of it.

Now, the need for patient advocacy is real, and speaking up in any situation, particularly one where you - by definition - are in some order of physical distress, is difficult. But this defiance is not about values, True Values or otherwise. It is about knowledge. I can make it about values, contort narratives as to why it an expression of True Values, like 'I value my health so the possible downsides of the testing are less important than the minimal chance of a problem that the testing might reveal.' But that is still a knowledge judgement. The author can make a cost-benefit analysis. I cannot.

82.5% of the people in a similar situation would not have the knowledge to know if the doctor was making the right choice. 50.5% of people in a similar situation would think that they have the knowledge, and would be wrong. I do not have the knowledge. I reiterate this because I actually have no basis for judging the author's choice in either situation as correct. The author's statements seem totally reasonable. I have no reason to doubt her, other than a sort of too clever feeling of a published book serving as the 'pressure to do otherwise' from a True Value calculation.

If the author was wrong...well, if the author was wrong is then that is the anecdote that immediately follows the author's first story, that of the engineers at Morton Thiokol before the Challenger explosion. You know, where the engineers could not point to the hard data but loudly expressed their expert intuition on what should be done and were ignored to terrible outcome. Sort of like with the doctors and their test, but not without the bad results.

These are not opposite points, but they do act in contrast. There are other examples of this sort of equivocation in the book presenting two sides on something. Cynically, that's what happens in self-help books. But one of those points, in opposition to the True Values as intent over results, is in the Conditional Compliance chapters, which describes it otherwise.

Conditional Compliance is the best part of this book. Conditional Compliance is compliance in situations where an expression of True Values through True Defiance is too dangerous, or otherwise fraught. It is often a product of structural inequities and traditional sources of racism and other bigotry. The book's starting example is a Black man putting up with a nonsense traffic stop by the police.

Of course, event Conditional compliance is only of limited value there. Even the 'good cop' story of True Defiance by a police officer is a weak inclusion, or an odd one to prove any point. It is an instance where someone is morally correct without being technically correct. Maybe you are supportive of vibes-based policing, but I'd rather the technically correct. It is important for that to be in place when vesting people with authority, like we do with doctors or police officers. Which takes us back to the disappearing authority in the book.

Taking authority out of the question leads to weird results. In that Uvalde chapter. I kept waiting for the book to shift to how the defiance was on the part of the police, in how they didn't act, even in the face of pressure to act by an increasing number of people. With the doctors, I kept trying to apply the book's own logic to their own decisions, which reasonably are created by some sort of social pressure as opposed to a zeal for testing.

The Conditional Compliance chapters are great. This is the part of the topic that - well, I would say deserves more study, but the overall lack of research in the book makes it so that I do not know if that is the case. But what is there is interesting. Milgram's work was not naive to it, but we have a much deeper appreciation for marginalization and hierarchy or the role of intersectionality. Even the questions about and when to resist seem as trenchant as ever.

And in particular as a sort of how-to guide for defiance, the chapters would seem to provide those people in situations who need to use Conditional Compliance (due to whatever immutable characteristic that requires its use) with tools to do so. But are not these people who already understand, who have to understand, this sort of thing to deal with a bigoted society?

I suspect that the answer key there is in the jargon. Along with the terms and terms of art, the book loves formula and chart, you know, like the cone of compliance or the five steps to disobedience, each with their particular iconography. It all gets a bit Understanding Poetry, which is...well, fine, actually. If a taxonomy gets you to tell off a transphobe, the mission is a success regardless of the route taken.

But my suspicion is that it will function to the contrary. This writing is in the grand tradition of the Airport Book, specifically of the MBA at $29.95 a course, with scientific research repurposed as managerial self-help. And when I look at this, and how the different aspects of defiance is dissected, I do not see it being for someone who is going to make a principled stand. I see it as something out to de-fang and diffuse that sort of objection. Did you follow all the necessary steps in escalating your defiance? Have you spent the necessary time in meditation to know that this is a True Value you are expressing?

I see it being used to label someone, giving a way to register an act of compliance without reacting to it. I see how someone would read this to affect showy wokeness, for others, but mostly for themselves, while at the same time avoiding challenges to the system that perpetuates the evils.

So of course authority is erased. The book is for authority. Or people who think that they are in authority. Or want to be. Yet the author here seems capable of so much more than that. The writing itself is charming and spry. I like her stories and each invocation of the crocodile smile positively glows, but the light keeps dying each time under a burden of square-hole-ness. A brief review of her other work, both popular and academic, is just better than this. So I love the topic and want to see more from the writer, but not in this direction.

My thanks to the author, Sunita Sah, for writing the book, and to the publisher, One World, for making the ARC available to me.