good mystery about a couple and staying in a house and the other couple there. kept me on my toes . good mystery and figuring stuff out.

thank you netgalley for the e-arc. the best thing about this book was the cover art and thats where my good opinions end.

Thank you to the author Susan Minot, publishers Penguin Books, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of DON'T BE A STRANGER. All views are mine.

"Love exists below cognitive thinking, [the neuroscientist] said.... [...R]ejected love will stimulate the amygdala, the place one feels pleasure." p197

"What you’re doing is what I want, she says. And how does it feel?
I . . . I can’t say.
From the word maker? he says.
No, she says. That’s the beauty of it." p94

"How was it a person could feel lodged at the bottom of your spine like a bullet. Or shot up through your nervous system through your head." p141

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. "She didn’t think of who she was, that was a clear pane. Anyway by her age one should know who one was. Ivy Cooper was nearly fifty-two." p9 Internalized bias or prejudice, in this case ageism, often makes for a fascinating narrating character.

2. "Caring hoped for satisfaction and she’d found it was best not to expect—well, if you could help it— anything." p11 Classic Minot, beautiful and cynical.

3. "Prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." p11 Interesting character who props up her self-sabotage with cringe expressions that sound like idioms.

4. "Ivy noticed clothes, and admired the effort and even delight which people took in presenting themselves, but she felt the attention strangely embarrassing, even as she wished she took more care and had more boldness. It was hard to muster it. Almost to spite herself she chose the clothes in her closet which were the least striking, relying on the principle that clothes did not define the person, even if she thought so when she looked at other people. It was perverse, she knew, but there it was." p27 I really connect to this. What I like about this character is how real and flawed she is. How totally self-aware, to the point of second-hand embarrassment *for herself*.

5. I love the little crumbs of meta: "Writing was more crossing out than keeping." p51 And this is why her style is so beautifully spare.

6. This book's politics is half of what makes it so good. And the author drops the ideas in short interjection that actually apply to their narrative context. She should teach a masterclass on utilizing political themes. "She thought of what he had said. The point of prison is to remind you that you are no longer a human being. The point is to erase you. Some people in the joint operated there the way they did out in the world, organizing workers, or hiding everything they did. Or you leave that person you were out there and have a funeral for him inside your head and do your best not to think about him, because there’s no place for him in here, there’s nothing for him to do. This isn’t any place for a human being." p79 This book is as much about prison and being a prisoner as it is about femininity and aging.

7. "Now not taking off clothes was increasing, not lessening, misery." p113 Best sentence in the book, bet.

8. All other things withstanding, the character development of Ivy, the fmc, is strong enough to hold up the story.

9. Such great insight in this book: "The adults were all ages, with different accents and different skin tones and different sizes, mostly dressed as you would see them on the street. Everyone was here because of pain and often because of another person. That other person was the reason for your suffering— you thought— and you were likely blaming that other person for your anguish till it began to dawn on you that the other person was not to blame. Guess who is." p193

10. I really love the denouement. Minot leaves some things open, but wraps up the main conflict and a few subplots, also. It was a nice balance.

Three (or less) things I didn't love:

This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.

1. I think I understand what Minot is doing here– portraying a person who gets trapped in their own thoughts and emotions. I've been there; we all have. It's such a dry and repetitive place to be. That's why no one wanted to listen to me when I was in that place. They'd already heard it all and they knew I was just turning my pain into pudding. Sadly, that's how the repetition in this book strikes me– dry boring pudding. Fine enough, but so many other things I'd rather eat. *edit This aspect subsides in the second half with the development of the fmc's arc.

2. "Having her own place did not encourage her to make any further plan for her future; she would just go as she had, always writing, juggling jobs, spending little, making money intermittently." p130 I read a few criticisms of this book, specifically regarding the fmc's identity as a writer. Most of the critics I read were confused because she never does any writing on page. But that isn't uncommon; we often don't see mc's at their occupations on the page. Also...the fmc is more of a general worker plus a writer, as defined by the above excerpt. We also don't see her at any of her other jobs either. But really, I felt I needed to point this out, because the fmc *does* write. Toward the end. As part of her character arc. It's not even a story turn, because Minot plotted it so well. These critics simply didn't read the whole book. That's fine, I DNF too, but I always say so in my reviews.

3. I read a few criticisms that the book's setting is vague, but the setting is just delivered in the details. So if you don’t notice, you might miss it. For example, this passage indicates the era, which I saw labeled vague more than one: "Near one entrance a figure in a Darth Vader helmet and black cloak had a sign around his neck: i am one of the 99%. ... She looked at ... a girl with dreadlocks, a dog in a red bandanna and a young man sewing, passed signs i am here because i am scared for my country . The movement had been both criticized and praised for its lack of definition, no leader, no clear agenda, ..." p156 This places the story during the Occupy Wall Street movement, so 2011. It's *good* that Minot doesn't over-explain; it means she trusts her readers to fill in the gaps themselves. That's what we call "not writing down to the audience" and it's a powerful narrative rule of thumb!

Rating: ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 /5 consuming loves
Recommend? Yes!
Finished: Nov 12 '24
Format: Digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
👩‍👦 women's fiction
🪶 contemporary literary fiction
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 family stories, family drama
🩶 middle age romance
🖋 stories about writers

There are so many quotes from this book that will live with me forever. I loved the way it was written. The writing spoke to my soul. As for the story, it was painful. (Not derogatory)

The desperation our main character was feeling bled through the pages. I know this won’t be for everyone but for the people that get it, it will be an absolute hit. Raw human emotions and nuanced relationships are hard to capture in text realistically but Don’t Be A Stranger got it right.

"Don't Be a Stranger* follows Ivy Cooper, a woman in her fifties who starts a relationship with a much younger man from prison. It explores the idea that women in their fifties can still enjoy passionate sex and deserve the same freedom as men to date younger partners. It’s a thought-provoking read that challenges age-related stereotypes, and Susan Minot does an excellent job of making us reflect on our own feelings about attraction and relationships.

A very interesting book about a woman trying to find herself in her 50s.. She is But juggling and divorce and trying to raise her child. It was hard for her because her ex.Husband lived in virginia. It was interesting how she found this man To fall in love with but he was twenty years her junior. It was like a reverse decisionfor a woman to be older and a man to be younger. The S o n Was finding his own way as well. It was an interesting book.Because I liked the love story and how she was running around like a teenager in love. It was a very interesting book.I liked it.

I found myself having mixed feelings about DON'T BE A STRANGER—I still can't quite land on my full opinion, even after reading the book a little bit ago. The story centers around Ivy, a 52-year-old woman, divorced from the father of her third-grader son, who she is now largely raising on her own. She has no room in her life for romance...but then she meets Ansel, a musician decades younger who has recently been released from prison. Throughout the story, readers watch Ivy wrestle with her intense feelings for a man who does not want the same level of commitment to each other that Ivy does. The prose is gorgeous—Susan Minot does a fantastic job of articulating characters' emotions and bringing them to life, and it's impossible not to sympathize with Ivy even at times when you might find yourself frustrated by her. I also loved the NYC setting, and hearing about Ivy's work as a writer! However, I found the pacing to be a little slow, and struggled to fully get into the story despite being intrigued by the premise. Still, I think so many readers will love this one, even if it wasn't a complete hit for me! I'd also be interested in checking out Susan Minot's other writing, as she is clearly so talented. Thank you to NetGalley and Knopf for the ARC.

Don't Be a Stranger was an interesting look at the life of 52-year-old Ivy. She's a divorced mother of a son in elementary school, and she found herself in an often unreciprocated relationship with the moody, enigmatic Ansel. He's twenty years younger, a musician, and spent several years in prison. Despite a number of red flags, Ivy is continually pulled into his spell. At its core, the book discusses the balance of motherhood and want.

My favorite part of the book were the scenes between Ivy and her son. They were touching and relatable, and I always appreciated when the story touched on these moments.

Beyond that, the story itself felt a little bit choppy. And while I can understand the obsession aspect for main characters in their twenties, it was especially frustrating to read about a woman in her fifties going through the exact same feelings without stepping up for herself. I get it - the excitement of a sexy new partner can stir up a number of odd behaviors, but I did hope for more, quicker confidence and growth.

I posted a review this book a few weeks ago and there was a glitch and didn't post. Anyone else having this issues. Anyways, I'll recap This book is about Ivy Cooper is in her fifties who decides to move to NYC and hooks up with a much younger man from prison. I mean what could go wrong! Well not everything. Throught this novel we explore that a woman in her fifties is not dead and like to have fun passionate sex as a woman in her twenties would. We shuldnt look at as icky and doesnt she know better. men do it all the time dating younger woman. Women have the same right. Yes, with age diferences things can be difficult but can also be fantastic. This book is definetly worth a red because first of all it's Susan Minot and second of all it's a story we can all relate to. You can't tell there is a man or woman on this earth in their fifties who has not looked and possibly lusted after someone younger than them. Minot exploes these feelings and makes us look at ourselves in ways we probably didn't want to. Thank you to Knopf and Netgalley for the read. Perfect book for your booklcub to see who has the most to say. Would love to be a fly on the wall for it!!

I have mixed emotions on Don't Be a Stranger and even several days after I finished, I can't quite settle on how I feel.

First of all—Susan Minot is a beautiful author. The way she captures emotions is gorgeous and I truly could feel Ivy's emotions dripping off every page. She had a way of both being incredibly blunt and also lyrical.

However, I struggled with the pacing of this. I don't know if I just wasn't fully clicking with the characters and plot, but it felt like a journey to get through the novel. I kept thinking I had read more than I had and was ready to wrap things up much sooner than it was. I also struggled with Ivy's character—I understand what Minot was exploring, but I just wanted to go in and shake Ivy. And though that may have been the Point, it wasn't working for me as a reader.

All that to say, I think this might not have ultimately been the book for me.

Susan Minot's writing is so evocative, you feel yourself in the room being described, observing the decor, pulling your coat on (or off). Protagonist Ivy, a writer, divorced and the mother of 8 year old Nicky, lives in New York and hasn't been in a relationship in quite a while. A mutual friend introduces Ivy to Ansel Fleming, a musician 20 years her junior. He has a "beautiful face" but is a man of few words and hard to read. They navigate their way through a dinner party where sparks don't really fly but he gets her number. 

The relationship they embark on is a rollercoaster ride for Ivy. As readers, we analyze every facet of it with Ivy as she becomes plain old obsessed with Ansel Fleming. No judgment. We've all been there. It's cringey, it's raw, it's maddening. We can see the warning signs and want better for Ivy. For both her and Nicky (can't forget she's a mother). 

Like the best friend who dissects every minute detail, we're witness to Ivy's agony. It's not all bad, of course, but again, this isn't our first rodeo, and we know how these things go. 

Beautiful writing, engrossing subject, lots of feels. I will be searching out more titles from Minot.

My thanks to NetGalley and Knopf, Pantheon, and Vintage for the digital ARC.

I really enjoyed this book. It kept me engaged and it only took a few days to read. I think this is going to be a good book club option for several clubs. I plan recommending to my book friends and I look forward to reading more by this author.

This was, at times, almost painful to read because it was authentic. I could imagine these feelings and making these same choices and yet I wasn't to stop Ivy. I was mesmerized and couldn't put this one down. Beautiful writing and so intimate. I would definitely recommend!

Don't Be a Stranger comes out next week on October 15, 2024, and you can purchase HERE!

Don't be a stranger, she said.

I'm as ephemeral as the wind, he said after he'd turned his back to her.

Yes, I got that.

She watched him descend the stairs past the curling grate, through the glass of the elevator shaft, and heard his footsteps going across the quiet lobby.

But did she really? Well, nothing was going to poke through the cotton swathing her. Later she'd wonder why they went their separate ways that morning when they were both otherwise alone. But she was still accepting any new thing.

vy Cooper is a fifty-two year old divorced writer and mother to eight year old Nicky who is introduced to Ansel Fleming, a thirty-five year old musician, who had spent seven years in jail for drug trafficking and had been released a year ago. Ivy and Ansel instantly begin a sexual relationship that immediately destabilizes Ivy. Ansel is aloof, withholding, and forthrightly admits to seeing other women, yet Ivy cannot stop ruminating about the relationship, “what it was or wasn’t or would be? Couldn’t she just let it wash over her for once?” When Ivy tells Ansel that she is becoming attached to him, he replies, “That’s not a good idea. A relationship is not in the cards for me.”

Between sexual assignations with Ansel, Ivy reflects on her marriage to Everett Scott who she met at a wedding in Kenya when he was working in Tanzania. Ivy was disappointed years into their marriage when Everett ultimately chose to settle in rural Dover after his mother died. When they divorced after twenty-eight years of marriage, Ivy returned to a robust life in New York while Everett remained in Virginia.

Ivy spends her time thinking about Ansel and questioning why he wasn’t calling her, why he declined her invitation to a dinner party, and chiding herself for complaining about his behavior. But Ivy cannot accept the limitations on the relationship. Even when her friends tell her that Ansel was spotted looking for an apartment with a young, blond law student (“they were definitely a couple”), Ivy is not dissuaded.

Minot has written another novel about lust and women’s sexual desire, but I didn’t understand Ansel’s allure for Ivy. Ansel and Ivy have little in common other than being artists. Midway through the novel, a kind man questions Ivy, “Why do you want a man who doesn’t want you?” I was wondering that, too. Thank you Knopf and Net Galley for an advance copy of this lusty novel that reveals that we have little control over our desires.

A recently divorced 51-year-old woman moves from Virginia to NYC - where she used to live - with her young son. She soon begins a relationship with a younger man who has recently gotten out of jail. This book has lots to discuss, but it was slow with some odd things that seemed unnecessary.

Don't Be a Stranger by Susan Minot and her beautiful prose, captivating characters. This was a great story!
The premise of the book is very interesting. I enjoyed the story and the characters. The novel is beautifully written

Thank You NetGalley and Knopf for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

Susan Minot's DON'T BE A STRANGER was a non finisher for me. I truly wished I enjoyed it more, being enchanted with Minot's deft touch with characterization such as Maira's entrance as the person at the center of an overgrowing abundance of friends and moments such as Ivy's realizations about a beloved that they have put down an anchor and it's to her how she responds. However, the remote perspective kept me plodding through, hoping for connection, for relating to a person in other than the intellectual, safe distance of third person many times removed. I deeply admire Minot's potential, deeply mourn that it was not apparent to me in this artfully crafted piece. I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

Susan Minot does an amazing job immersing the reader in the obsessive, ecstatic, and dejected emotions of her main character. It's a rollercoaster and at times, the behavior of the character is frustrating, but it's also relatable because the emotions are so real. A great book for those that love rich characters and interiority.

A novel of obsession and, to be honest, bad decisions. Ivy, 52, is raising her son Nicky in the NYC apartment she bought with earnings from her writing but something is missing until she meets Ansel, a much younger stereotypical bad boy character. They push pull against one another with Ivy seeking more of a relationship than Ansel, Minot has a (and it's odd to say this) graceful way of writing about their physical relationship. I'll be honest and say that I saw this would play out from the beginning but kept reading because I was growing fond of Nicky and was curious about how Minot was going to get to the end. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. For fans of literary fiction.

This book is exceptionally well written. I enjoy reading about older main characters who portrayal aging as normal and fun. Ivy is 53 years old, recently divorced living with his 9 year old son in New York. She's a writer who tries to keep a healthy social life and through one of her closest friends meets Ansel, a 35 year old musician with who she starts a tumultuous sexual relationship. Ansel is very clear since the start that he's not looking for commitment and Ivy accepts to keep seeing him, and eventually these encounters consume her life and thoughts becoming very close to obsession. It's a bit sad yet relatable to read how Ivy gets rejected all the time, I think it's a situation most women have lived. I took off 1 star because I found the ending to be a bit confusing, not much closure to speak of. I still recommend it just for the writing itself.