The Good Mother Myth - Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom by Nancy Reddy is a really fun dive into mothering in the 21st century and how our knowledge of mothering, attachment, and where the concept of being a "good mother" came from. This was a book I really enjoyed reading, as it wove in pieces of Reddy's own experience as a woman and mother in academia, as well as the foundational history of maternal mental health in the lives and research by Harry Harlow, Mary Ainsworth, and John Bowlby.

I did struggle with some of the conclusions Reddy came to in her judgments towards the pioneers in the field of maternal mental health and developmental psychology. As a student of psychology and a Masters level therapist who specializes in maternal mental health, there is so much richness to be gained in reading the works of these early researchers. I felt a bit defensive in Reddy equating the personal lives of Harlow, Ainsworth, Bowlby, and Margaret Mead to their work. I don't think this is the right way to go about "debunking" what makes a good mother, as it feels like taking a low road, versus a high road supported by research. Although I agree that some of their methods may not be the most ideal in today's standards, I would also point out that most research that is foundational would not be IRB approved today - the greatest example being Stanley Milgram's experiment with obedience. Much of the criticism about the early research is based in their personal lives, which I would definitely point out was also a product of the times. Men were not as involved in childrearing in the 1950s, and we need to remember to view things through a more holistic lense than just pointing fingers and saying this is wrong because it's not up today's standards.

I definitely found myself engaged in hearing about Reddy's musings about her own experiences and comparing herself to the wives of the great researchers of the past. I think that there is, however, a lot of reading between the lines and assuming she knew how these women were feeling about putting their careers on hold. I would imagine this comes from a greater bias from the author, who has pursued her own career alongside motherhood, versus taking a step back to fully immerse herself in one role. I definitely found myself cringing at the author's idealization of Margaret Mead, a serial cheater in her marriages and a woman who hid her sexuality from her daughter, as some great pioneer and mother who could do it all. I can, of course, see the benefit in creating a community to raise your child in, but in all reality Mead was absent in regular life. Is that really what we should aspire to be like?

I do think this book may be hard to read for a certain subset of women. There is an ease at which motherhood came about for Reddy, especially in her telling of wanting a second child and essentially getting one without much strife. For many women this may not be possible, their husband/partner is not on-board and puts up a greater resistance, etc. and it can be a bit annoying to read about a woman who has been able to have a successful career and family life. If you can read this book with a grain of salt, remembering that Reddy is not a student of psychology or research, but a poet and writer, I think you will find yourself entertained!

The Good Mother Myth was an excellent read. The writing was propulsive and very detailed. I would read more from this author.

Maybe it’s because I’m currently six months pregnant but I’m absolutely blown away by and obsessed with this book. This is for the new mom, the expectant mom, and the mom in the trenches who’s looking for someone to tell her she’s doing a good job. Hell this is even for the perfectionist overachiever who’s distantly considering motherhood.

It seems endless the ways that men have had a hand in how women are perceived and in the ways we perceive ourselves. Reddy expertly details the divorce between being a woman and a mother, the first often being seen as the least important member of society and the latter being the most vital as they have been solely tasked with ensuring the mental and physical health of children (and therefore the nation). This book also provides you with a safe space to acknowledge the endless guilt. The guilt you feel about not only what the performance of motherhood should look like to the outside world but what it should feel like to you.

I want to keep a box of these in the trunk of my car and hand them out to people. I’m so glad that I read this book when I did

As someone who just had her first child, I am unabashedly the audience for this book. Reddy's exploration of what makes a "good mother" throughout history and cultural shifts. It's an extremely relevant book for where we are right now, with childcare so expensive, mothers seemingly being pushed back into the home, yet parenting (and motherhood in particular) receiving so little support or respect in the US. The way Reddy combined her personal story with her research and and critical writing was extremely well done and effective, and helped make complex ideas and analysis much easier to parse and remember. I will be thinking about this for a long time and buying it for new mothers in my life.

I know that before I became a parent I imagined myself as endlessly patient, loving, giving and more. Then, when my second child was born, I looked at her and thought "I haven't made any mistakes with you yet." All of which is to say that moms seem to be held to very high standards and in the real world these can be hard to achieve, let alone, maintain.

But...what actually makes for a good mother? (Reddy sees this mom as having been portrayed largely as white in the past.) There have been many theories, some of which she debunks. She comments on theorists of parenthood including Bowlby and Spock among others.

Reddy also talks about her own experiences and what it felt like to become a new parent. I think that these sections of the book will resonate deeply with readers.

As a professional, I often facilitated groups. One of the magical things about a group is that members suddenly feel less alone and more understood. I think that this is what Reddy hopes, in part, that readers will take from this book. They are not alone in trying to figure out parenting and their own needs.

Readers should note that Reddy is not without a political bent.

Recommended to those who want to understand more about being a parent.

Many thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for this title. All opinions are my own.

Pub date: 18 March 2025

This is an interesting mothering book. It has a lot of research plus the authors own experiences with her two babies. If you are a new mom, this would be a good book to read before your baby comes out and takes up all of your free time.

I have a 6 year old, so I wished this book extended a bit more, because in my experience, I still need help with the good mother myth now. And I have a feeling I will be needing it for the next ten years.

The writing was a bit scholarly. Reading like a thesis paper. However, for this type of book to be credible, I think it has to be rooted in research. This book demonstrates how most of the historical mothering research has been done by males. And so it is important for a mother to share her mothering experiences.

"Families around the world raise children in strikingly different ways, but in basically none of them does the mother do the work alone."

Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.

The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom by Nancy Reddy was very compelling reading. It takes on the origins of ‘mom is most important source of nurturing’ and the many things it gets wrong.

The idea that mothers should be all about the baby, all the time and completely fine doing it all herself, is wrong. It started with men (of course) having an idea and seeking to prove it. Their evidence is either lacking, cherry-picked, or nonexistent. Any data, information, or criticism that did not support their ideas was ignored or buried.

It’s staggering how much was thrown out in a refusal to be wrong. Studies of ‘difficult’ children ignore context like food or housing insecurity and just focus on where mom is. Other cultures practice alloparenting (shared caregiving)? Ignore the entire field of anthropology.

I’m not sure if it’s depressing or validating that men have always been this arrogant, oblivious, and stupid.

Multiple cultures, both human and animal, rely on community to help raise their children. The idea mom should do it all alone with some help from dad needs to be dropped.

Reddy digs into a few sources but I wanted to see her point out how it applies to our culture today, what insidious places it appears and pervades. There were a few glances but I wanted those to be a little deeper. Show moms what we’re fighting now.

Overall, this was informative, interesting, and easy to read. It’s definitely worth recommending to stressed out moms in your life. 4/5

The Good Mother Myth is an insightful and refreshing collection of essays that challenges the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. With a diverse range of voices, the book offers honest, raw, and sometimes funny perspectives that break down the idea that there’s only one "right" way to be a mother. While some essays resonate more than others, overall, it’s an empowering and relatable read for parents looking for reassurance that they’re not alone in the chaos of raising kids.

I really enjoyed how she infused her own story with the history of motherhood. It really added to the story by having it go back and forth. It was well paced and enjoyable.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and publisher for an advanced copy to honestly review.

In The Good Mother Myth, Nancy Reddy delves into the cultural and historical underpinnings of modern motherhood, examining how societal norms around “good” motherhood have been shaped by outdated and often flawed scientific research. When Reddy had her first child, she was struck by the immense pressure to embody the ideal of the “perfect mother”—a woman who is perpetually patient, always available, and singularly focused on her child’s needs. This standard, however, felt at odds with her own feminist beliefs and the way she had been raised by a working single mother. Faced with this contradiction, Reddy set out to understand where these ideals of motherhood originated and why they felt so wrong.

Reddy’s exploration leads her to the mid-20th century, where much of the prevailing wisdom about motherhood and parenting was formed. These ideas were shaped by social scientists and psychologists whose work, Reddy argues, still influences our understanding of parenting today, despite being deeply flawed. She takes readers through the history of some of the most influential figures, like Harry Harlow, whose controversial experiments with monkeys on attachment, and Dr. Benjamin Spock, whose widely read parenting book offered outdated views on gender roles, continue to have an outsized impact on how we approach parenting.

The book is part memoir, part cultural criticism, and part historical analysis. Reddy skillfully weaves together her personal experience as a mother with a dissection of the research that helped define societal expectations of motherhood. She presents a searing critique of how the “good mother” myth was constructed and how it persists, often to the detriment of real, complex, and varied experiences of motherhood. Reddy doesn’t just expose the flaws in past research—she also highlights how these ideals are rooted in misogyny, limiting women’s roles both as mothers and as individuals. The idea that the ideal mother must be self-sacrificing, nurturing to an extreme, and solely dedicated to her children is a concept that, Reddy argues, leaves little room for mothers to be anything else.

Throughout the book, Reddy’s tone is candid, witty, and occasionally biting, making complex ideas accessible while also providing moments of levity. She critiques with humor but never undermines the serious implications of these myths. The book is equal parts insightful and empowering, offering readers a fresh perspective on what it means to be a mother in a world that often seems to demand perfection.

The Good Mother Myth challenges the conventional wisdom that dictates what it means to be a good mother. Reddy doesn’t just debunk outdated research and ideas—she paints a more inclusive, realistic picture of motherhood that allows for imperfection and acknowledges the ways that modern mothers navigate the intersection of career, identity, and familial responsibility.

Overall, The Good Mother Myth is a compelling, thought-provoking read for anyone who has ever questioned the suffocating expectations of modern motherhood. Reddy’s sharp critique of outdated ideas, combined with her personal reflections, makes this book a timely and necessary read for anyone seeking a more nuanced understanding of what it truly means to be a good mother.

This is a tough topic and ome as a mother I welcome into the fore front. For too long the expectations on a mother have been beyond one person's capacity. Great book.

The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How To Be A Good Mom by Nancy Reddy was a book I started reading at the end of a rough parenting day.

Immediately, I was greeted by a supportive dedication which made me feel extremely appreciated, and I loved the inclusion of international phone numbers for post-partum support! (This is the type of book I read during those early days of motherhood and these phone numbers would have helped provide the assistance I didn't yet know I needed. If thinking back on those early days will feel slightly triggering for you, treat yourself kindly when reading this book.)

Reddy shares her own experiences as a mother, child and grandchild and it helped shape the narrative into a memoir-esque book while weaving academia nonfiction throughout and managing to completely escape becoming at all preachy. It was fascinating to learn how researchers changed the "best" way to mother based on the culture of the decade, and from this knowledge, it's clear that there is no one "right" way! As this book wound down I cried realizing just how good a job I'm actually doing!

No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, this is an advantageous read!

Thank you NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the complimentary copy to read and review.

Meticulously researched and incredibly validating. I will be recommending this one to anyone who is or interacts with a new mom.

I really enjoyed the memoir portions of this book. I'm a first time mom who never imagined having kids, & I was able to relate to a lot of what the author did. I thought the studies on motherhood were great too & it was great at showing the culture we are & mom's not receiving the credit we deserve.

A much-needed addition to the pantheon of motherhood books, Nancy Reddy’s exploration of the predominantly male social scientist dogma of the 1950s and 60s dispels many of the myths that burgeoning mothers today still consider sacrosanct: attachment parenting, suburban isolation, and meals from scratch. “The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom” (St. Martin’s Press, 2025) combines Reddy’s meticulous research (honed during years as a poet, writing instructor, and solidified with a PhD in rhetoric and composition) with her personal experience as a new mother.

Examining the history and application of research from Harry Harlow, John Bowlby, and Dr. Spock to sociological theories of motherhood that spread throughout Western society like wildfire, Reddy questions statistical anomalies, cherry-picking and combining information from multiple fields to provide more favorable results.

Reddy’s surprise at not immediately feeling awash in motherly love, instinct, and nonstop attachment for her newborn kickstarted her good mother myth research. An ardent feminist raised by a single mother, the messaging from the media and parenting books only provided her with a glossy narrative shaped by paternalistic propaganda. Her recognition of how these prescribed mythologies further separate women and communities from helping one another is the true touchstone of this thoughtful, necessary read.

Comparable titles: Eve Rodsky's “Fair Play: A Game Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live),” Judith Warner's “Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety,” Jennifer Senior's “All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood,” Stephanie Coontz “The Way We Never Were”

Thank you to Nancy Reddy, St. Martin’s Press, and NetGalley for the eARC.

Timely and thought-provoking, Nancy Reddy unpacks and debunks the bad ideas that have for too long defined what it means to be a "good" mom. A good book to deconstruct what is it meaning with a good mother.

What a great way to update the world and give moms some solid advice. There is a lot of questions in motherhood that are hard to answer and this is a great resource I will be offering to my friends and family.

As the author alternated between her own experiences as a new mother and a history of the psychological studies of what makes a "good mother", I reflected back on my own experiences as well as those of my daughters. I was reminded of how attitudes and theories have changed even over the course of my own lifetime. Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin's Press and the author for this fascinating read.

The Good Mother Myth is part memoir and part historical study on the background on the sociology and psychology of what it means to be a mother. I found this book extremely interesting to read! It was so well researched and written in a way for the reader to understand and engage with. And the personal stories and reflections by the author, sharing her own experience as a mother of two children while balancing her own work life, brought a very personal touch which I am sure almost all her readers can identify with going through those difficult early days with a newborn, the struggles with sleeping, breastfeeding, self-doubt, with finding yourself again within this new identity as a mom, and with battling the myths and unfair expectations that society has placed on mothers. I really enjoyed the writing style of the author as well, interspersed with a bit of sarcasm and a lot of empathy and thruth, all to pay tribute to mothers and the women who have paved the way, and to empower mothers of today. “We’re traveling through time. The love we’ve made together carries us.”

Thank you to the author and NetGalley for the e-ACR.

Any mother will agree that there is a lot of pressure on mothers. Mothers are expected to sacrifice themselves, based on specific theories of attachment, and outside childcare, while incredibly common, is often demonized.

In this book, Nancy Reddy goes through the history of a lot of parenting research in the twentieth century, and explores the science behind a lot of modern theories of attachment, showing that the theories that require the most sacrifice of the mother tend to be based on very shaky science, with little evidence to actually back them up. I feel like this book would be an excellent resource for a new mother.