The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom by Nancy Reddy was very compelling reading. It takes on the origins of ‘mom is most important source of nurturing’ and the many things it gets wrong.

The idea that mothers should be all about the baby, all the time and completely fine doing it all herself, is wrong. It started with men (of course) having an idea and seeking to prove it. Their evidence is either lacking, cherry-picked, or nonexistent. Any data, information, or criticism that did not support their ideas was ignored or buried.

It’s staggering how much was thrown out in a refusal to be wrong. Studies of ‘difficult’ children ignore context like food or housing insecurity and just focus on where mom is. Other cultures practice alloparenting (shared caregiving)? Ignore the entire field of anthropology.

I’m not sure if it’s depressing or validating that men have always been this arrogant, oblivious, and stupid.

Multiple cultures, both human and animal, rely on community to help raise their children. The idea mom should do it all alone with some help from dad needs to be dropped.

Reddy digs into a few sources but I wanted to see her point out how it applies to our culture today, what insidious places it appears and pervades. There were a few glances but I wanted those to be a little deeper. Show moms what we’re fighting now.

Overall, this was informative, interesting, and easy to read. It’s definitely worth recommending to stressed out moms in your life. 4/5

The Good Mother Myth is an insightful and refreshing collection of essays that challenges the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. With a diverse range of voices, the book offers honest, raw, and sometimes funny perspectives that break down the idea that there’s only one "right" way to be a mother. While some essays resonate more than others, overall, it’s an empowering and relatable read for parents looking for reassurance that they’re not alone in the chaos of raising kids.

I really enjoyed how she infused her own story with the history of motherhood. It really added to the story by having it go back and forth. It was well paced and enjoyable.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and publisher for an advanced copy to honestly review.

In The Good Mother Myth, Nancy Reddy delves into the cultural and historical underpinnings of modern motherhood, examining how societal norms around “good” motherhood have been shaped by outdated and often flawed scientific research. When Reddy had her first child, she was struck by the immense pressure to embody the ideal of the “perfect mother”—a woman who is perpetually patient, always available, and singularly focused on her child’s needs. This standard, however, felt at odds with her own feminist beliefs and the way she had been raised by a working single mother. Faced with this contradiction, Reddy set out to understand where these ideals of motherhood originated and why they felt so wrong.

Reddy’s exploration leads her to the mid-20th century, where much of the prevailing wisdom about motherhood and parenting was formed. These ideas were shaped by social scientists and psychologists whose work, Reddy argues, still influences our understanding of parenting today, despite being deeply flawed. She takes readers through the history of some of the most influential figures, like Harry Harlow, whose controversial experiments with monkeys on attachment, and Dr. Benjamin Spock, whose widely read parenting book offered outdated views on gender roles, continue to have an outsized impact on how we approach parenting.

The book is part memoir, part cultural criticism, and part historical analysis. Reddy skillfully weaves together her personal experience as a mother with a dissection of the research that helped define societal expectations of motherhood. She presents a searing critique of how the “good mother” myth was constructed and how it persists, often to the detriment of real, complex, and varied experiences of motherhood. Reddy doesn’t just expose the flaws in past research—she also highlights how these ideals are rooted in misogyny, limiting women’s roles both as mothers and as individuals. The idea that the ideal mother must be self-sacrificing, nurturing to an extreme, and solely dedicated to her children is a concept that, Reddy argues, leaves little room for mothers to be anything else.

Throughout the book, Reddy’s tone is candid, witty, and occasionally biting, making complex ideas accessible while also providing moments of levity. She critiques with humor but never undermines the serious implications of these myths. The book is equal parts insightful and empowering, offering readers a fresh perspective on what it means to be a mother in a world that often seems to demand perfection.

The Good Mother Myth challenges the conventional wisdom that dictates what it means to be a good mother. Reddy doesn’t just debunk outdated research and ideas—she paints a more inclusive, realistic picture of motherhood that allows for imperfection and acknowledges the ways that modern mothers navigate the intersection of career, identity, and familial responsibility.

Overall, The Good Mother Myth is a compelling, thought-provoking read for anyone who has ever questioned the suffocating expectations of modern motherhood. Reddy’s sharp critique of outdated ideas, combined with her personal reflections, makes this book a timely and necessary read for anyone seeking a more nuanced understanding of what it truly means to be a good mother.

This is a tough topic and ome as a mother I welcome into the fore front. For too long the expectations on a mother have been beyond one person's capacity. Great book.

The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How To Be A Good Mom by Nancy Reddy was a book I started reading at the end of a rough parenting day.

Immediately, I was greeted by a supportive dedication which made me feel extremely appreciated, and I loved the inclusion of international phone numbers for post-partum support! (This is the type of book I read during those early days of motherhood and these phone numbers would have helped provide the assistance I didn't yet know I needed. If thinking back on those early days will feel slightly triggering for you, treat yourself kindly when reading this book.)

Reddy shares her own experiences as a mother, child and grandchild and it helped shape the narrative into a memoir-esque book while weaving academia nonfiction throughout and managing to completely escape becoming at all preachy. It was fascinating to learn how researchers changed the "best" way to mother based on the culture of the decade, and from this knowledge, it's clear that there is no one "right" way! As this book wound down I cried realizing just how good a job I'm actually doing!

No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, this is an advantageous read!

Thank you NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the complimentary copy to read and review.

Meticulously researched and incredibly validating. I will be recommending this one to anyone who is or interacts with a new mom.

I really enjoyed the memoir portions of this book. I'm a first time mom who never imagined having kids, & I was able to relate to a lot of what the author did. I thought the studies on motherhood were great too & it was great at showing the culture we are & mom's not receiving the credit we deserve.

A much-needed addition to the pantheon of motherhood books, Nancy Reddy’s exploration of the predominantly male social scientist dogma of the 1950s and 60s dispels many of the myths that burgeoning mothers today still consider sacrosanct: attachment parenting, suburban isolation, and meals from scratch. “The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom” (St. Martin’s Press, 2025) combines Reddy’s meticulous research (honed during years as a poet, writing instructor, and solidified with a PhD in rhetoric and composition) with her personal experience as a new mother.

Examining the history and application of research from Harry Harlow, John Bowlby, and Dr. Spock to sociological theories of motherhood that spread throughout Western society like wildfire, Reddy questions statistical anomalies, cherry-picking and combining information from multiple fields to provide more favorable results.

Reddy’s surprise at not immediately feeling awash in motherly love, instinct, and nonstop attachment for her newborn kickstarted her good mother myth research. An ardent feminist raised by a single mother, the messaging from the media and parenting books only provided her with a glossy narrative shaped by paternalistic propaganda. Her recognition of how these prescribed mythologies further separate women and communities from helping one another is the true touchstone of this thoughtful, necessary read.

Comparable titles: Eve Rodsky's “Fair Play: A Game Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live),” Judith Warner's “Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety,” Jennifer Senior's “All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood,” Stephanie Coontz “The Way We Never Were”

Thank you to Nancy Reddy, St. Martin’s Press, and NetGalley for the eARC.

Timely and thought-provoking, Nancy Reddy unpacks and debunks the bad ideas that have for too long defined what it means to be a "good" mom. A good book to deconstruct what is it meaning with a good mother.

What a great way to update the world and give moms some solid advice. There is a lot of questions in motherhood that are hard to answer and this is a great resource I will be offering to my friends and family.

As the author alternated between her own experiences as a new mother and a history of the psychological studies of what makes a "good mother", I reflected back on my own experiences as well as those of my daughters. I was reminded of how attitudes and theories have changed even over the course of my own lifetime. Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin's Press and the author for this fascinating read.

The Good Mother Myth is part memoir and part historical study on the background on the sociology and psychology of what it means to be a mother. I found this book extremely interesting to read! It was so well researched and written in a way for the reader to understand and engage with. And the personal stories and reflections by the author, sharing her own experience as a mother of two children while balancing her own work life, brought a very personal touch which I am sure almost all her readers can identify with going through those difficult early days with a newborn, the struggles with sleeping, breastfeeding, self-doubt, with finding yourself again within this new identity as a mom, and with battling the myths and unfair expectations that society has placed on mothers. I really enjoyed the writing style of the author as well, interspersed with a bit of sarcasm and a lot of empathy and thruth, all to pay tribute to mothers and the women who have paved the way, and to empower mothers of today. “We’re traveling through time. The love we’ve made together carries us.”

Thank you to the author and NetGalley for the e-ACR.

Any mother will agree that there is a lot of pressure on mothers. Mothers are expected to sacrifice themselves, based on specific theories of attachment, and outside childcare, while incredibly common, is often demonized.

In this book, Nancy Reddy goes through the history of a lot of parenting research in the twentieth century, and explores the science behind a lot of modern theories of attachment, showing that the theories that require the most sacrifice of the mother tend to be based on very shaky science, with little evidence to actually back them up. I feel like this book would be an excellent resource for a new mother.

In this book, Nancy Reddy explores past theories of what it means to be a good mother. Theories that were based on sloppy or inaccurate research, mostly done by mid century men.

I had just returned home from having my first born. I was tired, he was hungry, breast feeding was not going well, and my hormones were in turmoil. Twenty-four years later I still remember the thoughts that were going through my head, unfortunately. Thankfully, by some miracle, a book (unfortunately I cannot remember the title, but did find out it was out of print years later) entered my life that helped me understand what in the world was going on, the fact that everything I was feeling was normal and okay, and yes, the myths of how I was supposed to act and what I was supposed to feel as a mom, were just that, myths.

This book explores similar themes, but is much heavier on the research. This is both a good and a bad thing. Sitting up at 2:00 am crying during a feeding may not be the best time to dive into this book. But the analytic side of me that is rested and clear headed did enjoy the analysis of the research. Despite the slow read, I do feel like this is a great book for the newer or expecting mother to read to gain a new perspective on motherhood and the myths of what has shaped our current “ideals”.

In the Good Mother Myth, Nancy Reddy examines the concept of motherhood from two angles. First, as a mother herself, struggling with new motherhood and the weight of expectations, both society’s and her own. And second, as an academic diving deep into historical research on parenting. Reddy is inarguably qualified on both fronts, but I found her personal narrative especially compelling. Her experience as a new mother and approaching motherhood as something that can be achieved or “done right” was so relatable to me! I found myself constantly nodding in agreement and highlighting the heck out of my ebook.

Reddy also very capably dissects parenting research back to the mid-1900s, shining a bright light on the flaws in both methodology and the (mostly male) perspective of the researchers and psychologists. It was really interesting to see the way these faulty conclusions became the underpinnings of our society’s perspectives on motherhood. Although rigorously researched, these passages became less compelling over the duration of the book, as they tended to be repetitive and sometimes too far into the weeds.

Many thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for providing me an advance copy of this book.

This was really interesting to read about. I wasn't necessarily coming at it from the perspective of self-enhancement--I'm not a parent and hopefully never will be. But, in terms of the information and the historical context I found this to be really fascinating. And, it was a really fascinating look into what it means to be a good vs. bad mother, the historical context of those critiques and the facts that I learned from reading this book. I'm a sucker for a good cover, too, so this was a great read. I think that the time and place of this release is such an interesting historical moment, too, when less and less people are choosing to be mothers and therefore more focus is on motherhood as a whole.

This book is an interesting look into the surprising roots of some of the foundational truths about what we now believe makes someone a good mother. I liked how Reddy dived into both the psychology studies themselves (and how some were based on complete fallacies or cherry picked to prove the researchers hypothesis), but also the personal lives of these mostly male researchers. Should it be surprising that they were absent fathers, terrible husbands, and also at times claimed their wives research as their own? While these parts of the book were very interesting, there was a bit of disconnect between the research and memoir sections of the book. Also, since Reddy mentions in the book that the perfect, good mother has long been characterized as white and middle class, her choice not to integrate perspectives of any other 21st mothers was disappointing, since she is herself white and middle class.

Are you a "good" mother? Do you even know what that means? I am a stay-at-home parent of one and I have no idea what it means. This books was so interesting to read. The lab studies and research side of this topic is fascinating. I definitely recommend.

Nancy Reddy’s The Good Mother Myth is a perfect addition to the canon of mother-centric literature. The well-written book blends personal experience with scholarly analysis to deconstruct what it means (and doesn’t mean) to be a “good mother.” Reddy reviews advice from experts, examines studies conducted by social scientists—most notably Harry Harlow’s famous cloth monkey study—and questions outdated notions on motherhood. She digs into questions many mothers wrestle with: Are we bad mothers for wanting our own careers? Why hasn’t society held fathers to the same standard that mothers are held? How do we stop measuring ourselves against an idealism created from paternalistic notions?
Like Reddy, I doubted myself as a new mother. Unlike Reddy, I did not look beyond my small community of mothers for advice. I’m glad Reddy is not like me. One of the pleasures of Reddy’s book is the way she guides us through her myth-busting journey by alternating the familiar interiority of a new mother’s mind-numbing days with the interesting, thought-provoking early days of social science experiments.
As a recent PhD student who spent her time researching, writing, and defending her prose, Reddy was primed to go deep on her research topic. She uncovered as much about the personal lives of revered scientists, doctors, and experts as she did about their research methods. By linking information about unfaithful spouses, unrealized ambition, and parenting choices with their research, Reddy creates uncertainty about the validity of their studies. It may be that they intended to execute their studies without bias, but, as is suggested in Reddy’s prose, it is possible that their motivation for a desired outcome unduly influenced their research. If this is true, then their resulting conclusions must be questioned, too. This decentering of so-called expert advice cracks open the good mother myth.
It seems fitting that while investigating the methodology of these studies, Reddy found fault with the venerated scientists’ personal motivation and turned that into one of her challenges as to their studies’ validity. It echoes how women and mothers have been attacked in the past—question a mother’s choice about keeping her job after having a baby, then suggest she’s just not a good enough mother. Reddy shreds the old playbook with her methodical approach to deconstructing the good mother myth.
Thank you #NetGalley and #StMartinsPress for an ARC.