In this book, Nancy Reddy explores past theories of what it means to be a good mother. Theories that were based on sloppy or inaccurate research, mostly done by mid century men.

I had just returned home from having my first born. I was tired, he was hungry, breast feeding was not going well, and my hormones were in turmoil. Twenty-four years later I still remember the thoughts that were going through my head, unfortunately. Thankfully, by some miracle, a book (unfortunately I cannot remember the title, but did find out it was out of print years later) entered my life that helped me understand what in the world was going on, the fact that everything I was feeling was normal and okay, and yes, the myths of how I was supposed to act and what I was supposed to feel as a mom, were just that, myths.

This book explores similar themes, but is much heavier on the research. This is both a good and a bad thing. Sitting up at 2:00 am crying during a feeding may not be the best time to dive into this book. But the analytic side of me that is rested and clear headed did enjoy the analysis of the research. Despite the slow read, I do feel like this is a great book for the newer or expecting mother to read to gain a new perspective on motherhood and the myths of what has shaped our current “ideals”.

In the Good Mother Myth, Nancy Reddy examines the concept of motherhood from two angles. First, as a mother herself, struggling with new motherhood and the weight of expectations, both society’s and her own. And second, as an academic diving deep into historical research on parenting. Reddy is inarguably qualified on both fronts, but I found her personal narrative especially compelling. Her experience as a new mother and approaching motherhood as something that can be achieved or “done right” was so relatable to me! I found myself constantly nodding in agreement and highlighting the heck out of my ebook.

Reddy also very capably dissects parenting research back to the mid-1900s, shining a bright light on the flaws in both methodology and the (mostly male) perspective of the researchers and psychologists. It was really interesting to see the way these faulty conclusions became the underpinnings of our society’s perspectives on motherhood. Although rigorously researched, these passages became less compelling over the duration of the book, as they tended to be repetitive and sometimes too far into the weeds.

Many thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for providing me an advance copy of this book.

This was really interesting to read about. I wasn't necessarily coming at it from the perspective of self-enhancement--I'm not a parent and hopefully never will be. But, in terms of the information and the historical context I found this to be really fascinating. And, it was a really fascinating look into what it means to be a good vs. bad mother, the historical context of those critiques and the facts that I learned from reading this book. I'm a sucker for a good cover, too, so this was a great read. I think that the time and place of this release is such an interesting historical moment, too, when less and less people are choosing to be mothers and therefore more focus is on motherhood as a whole.

This book is an interesting look into the surprising roots of some of the foundational truths about what we now believe makes someone a good mother. I liked how Reddy dived into both the psychology studies themselves (and how some were based on complete fallacies or cherry picked to prove the researchers hypothesis), but also the personal lives of these mostly male researchers. Should it be surprising that they were absent fathers, terrible husbands, and also at times claimed their wives research as their own? While these parts of the book were very interesting, there was a bit of disconnect between the research and memoir sections of the book. Also, since Reddy mentions in the book that the perfect, good mother has long been characterized as white and middle class, her choice not to integrate perspectives of any other 21st mothers was disappointing, since she is herself white and middle class.

Are you a "good" mother? Do you even know what that means? I am a stay-at-home parent of one and I have no idea what it means. This books was so interesting to read. The lab studies and research side of this topic is fascinating. I definitely recommend.

Nancy Reddy’s The Good Mother Myth is a perfect addition to the canon of mother-centric literature. The well-written book blends personal experience with scholarly analysis to deconstruct what it means (and doesn’t mean) to be a “good mother.” Reddy reviews advice from experts, examines studies conducted by social scientists—most notably Harry Harlow’s famous cloth monkey study—and questions outdated notions on motherhood. She digs into questions many mothers wrestle with: Are we bad mothers for wanting our own careers? Why hasn’t society held fathers to the same standard that mothers are held? How do we stop measuring ourselves against an idealism created from paternalistic notions?
Like Reddy, I doubted myself as a new mother. Unlike Reddy, I did not look beyond my small community of mothers for advice. I’m glad Reddy is not like me. One of the pleasures of Reddy’s book is the way she guides us through her myth-busting journey by alternating the familiar interiority of a new mother’s mind-numbing days with the interesting, thought-provoking early days of social science experiments.
As a recent PhD student who spent her time researching, writing, and defending her prose, Reddy was primed to go deep on her research topic. She uncovered as much about the personal lives of revered scientists, doctors, and experts as she did about their research methods. By linking information about unfaithful spouses, unrealized ambition, and parenting choices with their research, Reddy creates uncertainty about the validity of their studies. It may be that they intended to execute their studies without bias, but, as is suggested in Reddy’s prose, it is possible that their motivation for a desired outcome unduly influenced their research. If this is true, then their resulting conclusions must be questioned, too. This decentering of so-called expert advice cracks open the good mother myth.
It seems fitting that while investigating the methodology of these studies, Reddy found fault with the venerated scientists’ personal motivation and turned that into one of her challenges as to their studies’ validity. It echoes how women and mothers have been attacked in the past—question a mother’s choice about keeping her job after having a baby, then suggest she’s just not a good enough mother. Reddy shreds the old playbook with her methodical approach to deconstructing the good mother myth.
Thank you #NetGalley and #StMartinsPress for an ARC.

Misogyny begins at home. You drink it in with your mother's milk. She is, after all, "just your mother." That phrase resounds in my brain as one of the most invidious, viprously poisonous idiocies that passes unquestioned from many a mouth.

The myth of Motherhood is exalted...pedestalized...and thus an extremely effective weapon in misogyny's arsenal of control. A woman, a human female, is reduced to her biological capacity for reproduction. It is an important function but not, as the Cult of the Mother makes it, a predestination and (not incidentally) a life sentence.

The author's struggles with the reality of being a mother versus the snake-oil sold to her by The Cult of Mother led her into paths of research done during my, and my generation's, childhoods. It was done by men. It was deeply embedded in capitalist norms then being solidified, codified, and imposed to create a Cult of Mother to support a culture of mothers without agency since that belonged to husbands and experts. Never mind that the sample sizes were uneven and the methodology unreliable, uncintrolled often enough; never mind that a lot of the research designs adopted were unethical. Hear the Word of Your Lord And Master, woman: feel this or be forever lacking, wanting in human feeling, <i><b>LESS THAN</b></i>.

It's a vicious self-springing trap for someone in a deep emotional, existential, physical crisis often enough exacerbated by sudden and/or acute depression. Author Reddy takes us through the orthodoxies of our youth, hers too, and parallels them with her own struggles.

What this book sets out to offer the reader is a footing to view the mountain of garbage "science" and the reeking cesspits of "how YOU should feel" liberally sprayed with "...but it's NATURAL" as though Nature isn't the one and only source of all the ills and plagues of Humanity's time on Earth. Yes, it is. We too are part of Nature, not apart from, above it.

Our actions are natural, they can not be otherwise because we live within the laws of nature.

I offer four stars to the read, not docked too far for its lack of rigor...her models for that failing are the great and good of the subject's past...or for its tooth-gritting tendency to repeat itself...see previous parenthetical...but in recognition of its undeniable attack from within the fortress by a victim of The Cult of Mother, therewith to offer aid and comfort to others who experience what she has.

That deserves all five stars. I can't honestly warble my fool lungs out about the execution. It's above average and it makes its case clearly if anecdotally. It is a read that spoke my truth to me, so I resonate to its vibes.

Women: Do NOT settle for becoming what your biology hands you. <i>Decide for yourself who and what you want to be.</i>

Signed, A Pissed-off Man.

An important look at motherhood a book that is a memoir and a fascinating look at research of today’s state of being a mother.As a parent I found so much I can relate to and learn from.a very valuable read.#netgalley #st.martins

The Good Mother Myth by Nancy Reddy is an insightful memoir/nonfiction book.
A very relatable, and engaging book that explores motherhood.
This was such a sharp and interesting read.
The balance of non fiction to memoir was perfect. For those not interested in research, it may be less engaging at times for them but it was perfect for me. I am glad so she dug into the good mother myth.

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC: Reddy, a writer by profession, has created a very readable book where she carefully examines the "established research" around mothering and finds it most often lacks any scientific credibility. She had a difficult time after the birth of her first son and that motivated her to look deeply at psychological research on mothering, most often created by men, that doesn't hold up, yet continues to be accepted as fact. This book will reassure many parents that there is no one "right" way to parent, but rather that finding ways to nurture children and their parents will benefit all. Well written, well researched and widely applicable.

Quote from the book:" The next time you’re inclined to worry if sending your baby to daycare will doom him to a life of insecure attachment or wonder if your mother’s occasional inattention in your childhood turned you into an avoidant mess, remember that those labels are undergirded with all the scientific precision of a middle-schooler’s science fair project."

Thank you NetGalley for awarding me a free advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
"Before I had a baby I was good. For a long time, as a new mother, I was bad. I can see now that goodness was the trap." "The Good Mother Myth" is a beautifully written book combining narrative non-fiction (call it a mini-memoir of Reddy's early motherhood days) and essay analysis of the books and myths that shaped 20th century advice for mothers in the West, with a focus on American and British child rearing practices. As a child of Eastern Europe, the Western obsession with the nuclear family and the stay-at-home mom is baffling and reads a lot like madness. Reddy gives us an overview of the research and researchers who shaped those practices, and attempts to parallel it with her own difficulties in raising her children, particularly her first born whose first developmental year kept deviating from what she'd expected. I felt a lot of empathy for the author and I appreciate her dedication to be both an excellent mother and a scholar. I'm so glad she is reaping the joys and rewards of her hard work.
I won't deny however that by the middle of the book I started to feel dissatisfied. The blend of narrative fiction and historical analysis didn't always flow well, and there was a lot of repetition. Reddy made her points clear early and then re-emphasized those same points more often than it was necessary. She also took a long time to critically engage with the faulty research, and sometimes we had to wait multiple pages or chapters until she came in and deconstructed a faulty experiment or a wrong conclusion. This in my opinion weakened her point and narrative. Ultimately I don't think the author managed to deconstruct all the myths she wanted to take on. I think the analysis of faulty advice given to Western mothers needed to either be shorter and more condensed, or more detailed with more critical analysis of what was wrong, what are some clear examples of good experiment (more than what this edition offers us), and perhaps more examples from the wild. In the current form the book touched on a lot of subjects, but didn't dig into them as deep as I'd expected. The narrative/memoir part was in my opinion the strongest. Perhaps this will resonate more with American mothers than it does to this child of a socialist country.

Wow, I’m feeling very validated right now. Redeemed even.

This book is part autobiography and part exploration of the science of mothering through the ages. She not only explores the findings from scientists and the theories they come upon, but also what was going on in their (and their spouses’ or former spouses’) lives contemporaneously.

However, the gripping honesty and darkness and confusion and, yes, hilarity (only in hindsight) of the early days of mothering is what really gets me. Like our postpartum nipples, it’s raw.

Does she find the answers? Idk, did you?

Nancy Reddy pulls back the curtain on the flawed social science behind our contemporary understanding of what makes a good mom and debunks the notion of becoming a "perfect mother." The book is both timely and thought-provoking and brings in so many interesting perspectives on parenting.

This is a mixture of memoir, social/cultural critique, and scientific research. I think this is a really important book with a fantastic message. I wanted a little less focus on personal anecdotes and historical context, and a little more focus on present-day discussions. But, overall, I really enjoyed what this book had to say and it was very thought-provoking.

Thank you to Netgalley for the e-ARC 🫶🏻

“We’re traveling through time. The love we’ve made together carries us.”

What a beautifully written blend of memoir and research.

Nancy Reddy unlocked the key to understanding so many of my internal battles since becoming a mom. From the constant need for “perfection” to the rumination of why exactly I feel the way I feel, I can understand now that society has created (and continues to uphold) an impossible set of expectations for women and mothers.

Thank you NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for giving me early access to this book! All opinions are my own.

This is a great breakdown of how motherhood evolved into what we see today. I think it’s especially poignant in this day and age with the revival of “tradwife” ideals to see how we got to that point, and the science to dispute if it even works. On top of that, this can be especially beneficial to read for any mom who has thought that they weren’t doing a good enough job; it’s extremely validating. 4⭐️

As a new mom, this was exactly what I needed to read! I feel heard and understood, while learning more about what makes a good mother. I felt this book was so relatable to the stage of life I’m in right now with her personal stories and just small bits of humor on something I may not have found funny prior to having my son.

I really liked the author’s writing and found it easy to keep turning the page. Sometimes books like this can get boring after awhile, but it was just long enough I felt like I read something and didn’t think “let’s wrap it up” halfway through.

This book strikes a nice balance between memoir and social science, though I found myself preferring the memoir sections. Some parts felt dense, with long tangents into academic studies that didn’t quite hold my interest. That said, there were some fascinating tidbits about how advice has evolved over the decades—it really made me think!

Thank you, NetGalley, for the advanced reader copy!

As a mother this was raw, real, and a fantastic and intelligent mix of memoir and cultural critique of the burdens faced and placed on mothers to be more than 'good enough.'

As someone who doesn’t plan on having children for at least a decade and a half, I approached *The Good Mother Myth* with some hesitation. I worried it might feel irrelevant to my life or preachy about motherhood, but Nancy Reddy quickly proved me wrong. This isn’t just a book about mothers; it’s a book about women—the expectations, pressures, and contradictions they face.

Reddy explores the psychological theories that shaped dominant Western notions of motherhood, particularly the belief that children in their early years need the constant presence of one person, usually their mother. This idea has roots in psychological experiments and theories I remembered from AP Psychology: Harlow’s monkeys, Ainsworth’s attachment theory, Spock’s pocketbook advice. Yet Reddy unpacks these sacred cows of psychology to reveal their shaky foundations.

Harlow’s monkeys, for instance, may have preferred warm cloth "mothers" to cold wire ones, but monkeys raised by peers—without any "mother" at all—were better adjusted socially and psychologically. The Strange Situation, Ainsworth’s widely cited attachment theory study, was based on just 23 middle-class white women and lacked rigorous methodology. And Spock? His teachings were hardly evidence-based. Reddy argues that the convenience of laboratory research often superseded the real-world complexities of motherhood and caregiving, shaping policies and expectations that don’t reflect actual human experiences.

But Reddy’s critique extends beyond psychology to the broader societal structures that fail mothers. If attachment theory were truly taken seriously, she argues, we’d have paid parental leave and universal healthcare to support families. Instead, it’s easier—and cheaper—to place the impossible weight of child-rearing solely on women and shame them when they struggle.

One of Reddy’s most compelling points is the historical link between women’s expanding freedoms and the tightening expectations of motherhood. “Our expectations of the 'good mother' have tended to expand at just the moment when women began to take up space formerly granted to men,” she writes, pointing to the post-WWII era and the 1980s as key examples.

For someone like me, who isn’t yet grappling with these questions in my own life, *The Good Mother Myth* was an eye-opener. It challenges the cultural narratives surrounding motherhood and shows how those narratives reflect broader struggles for gender equality. Whether or not you ever plan to have children, Reddy’s insights into how society constructs and restricts women’s roles are essential reading.