What is more important: kindness or the price of eggs? After this last election, the answer is clear, which makes Shola Richards’s new book Civil Unity: The Radical Path to Transform Our Discourse, Our Lives, and Our World now on the list of books to be banned for at least the next several years. Richards writes: “The real decision is if we will actively create a universe that is friendly or hostile.” In other words, we, as humans (with brains in our heads), have agency over our own choices, our own successes, and our own failures; we have agency over our own happiness and our own misery.

Read the rest here: https://greatbutunknownperformances.wordpress.com/

This is a great read. I'm going to buy a copy. Self help meets social justice!

Full Review:

<i>There is no need to be anyone's savior.</i> p142

This is probably the best book I've ever read in the areas of both social justice and self-help. Shola Richards offers in this book no less than a workable solution to overt discrimination. He offers methods readers can use to achieve his lofty goal of being civil to even people who are very different from ourselves, ideologically.

This is an important work, and I implore anyone who reads this review to at least access a sample and see if it appeals. I recommend this for readers of social justice and self help, and those who like CBT techniques, mindfulness, philosophy, and critical thinking.

<i>That’s why the human experience is so complicated. We can logically and rationally understand that civility is a sound strategy, but when strong emotions are introduced into the mix, all of our best laid plans turn into vapor.</i> p150

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. This book is subversive, smart, and powerful: <i>"The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe." —ALBERT EINSTEIN ...Einstein was wrong. ...Once we make the decision that Einstein mentioned, then what? ...The real decision is if we will actively create a universe that is friendly or hostile.</i>

2. I like when authors understand that their position is a hard sell. Their arguments tend to be more rigorous. <i>It sounds like civility means that we just need to be agreeable, not rock the boat, avoid having opinions or keeping them to ourselves, and not taking a firm stand against the policies and people who are trying to harm me and my loved ones. What in the world is positive about any of that foolishness? ...Tough questions, right?</i>

3. Some of this data is eye-opening. Look how stressed out we are!<i> [Many] people are not very skilled at managing their stress well: • Sixty-two percent of adults said they don’t talk about their stress overall because they don’t want to burden others. • Sixty-one percent said people around them just expect them to get over their stress. • Thirty-six percent said they don’t know where to start when it comes to managing their stress. • Thirty-three percent said they feel completely stressed out no matter what they do to manage their stress. • Forty-four percent said they don’t feel anyone understands what they are going through. • Fifty-two percent wish they had someone to turn to for advice and/ or support.</i> p33

4. I love the discussion about entropy, trending towards disorder, and civility (p47).

5. I like that this book delves into the how-to of civility, something that other books I've read on the topic lack: <i>Arguably, critical thinking and intellectual humility are the two most important ICIs to slow the entropy of incivility. Both ensure that we will become better equipped to thoughtfully examine information, less willing to be driven by our ego-based urges to be right, and most of all, that we are less susceptible to manipulation, all of which will be needed when engaging with the fraternal twins of deception: misinformation and disinformation.</i> p88 (ICI stands for intentional consistent interventions, or small acts of intentional energy toward the things that matter to us in life.) Techniques include CBT emotional management skills, close-reading and fact-checking news stories, and so many more. But importantly, each technique is accessible, inclusive, and *possible*.

6. I'm going to buy a copy of this so I can't work the prompts.

Three (or less) things I didn't love:

This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.

1. Richards is assertive as hell on this topic, but I like it and I think it's necessary.

2. <i>Beneath the surface, we all hold some form of bias around the following characteristics: • Age • Ethnicity • Gender identity • Physical ability • Physical appearance (height, weight, or attractiveness) • Political affiliation • Race • Religion • Sexual orientation • Socioeconomic status</i> p108 He left out mental ability and mental health. Mental and psychiatric disabilities never make the cut, even though they are terribly stigmatized, and that stigma makes the lives of these individuals unnecessarily difficult and painful.

Rating: 💞💞💞💞💞 kind hearts
Recommend? Yes! Please read this!
Finished: Oct 2 '24
Format: Digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
🤝 civility as a social movement
🫂 radical kindness
👩🏾‍🏫 how-tos on social justice
💞 radical self-love

Thank you to the author Shola Richards, publishers Forbes Press, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of CIVIL UNITY. All views are mine.

thank you netgalley i loved this arc so many ideas to be a better person within the pages of this book
unfortunately america is not going to even try and that’s ok (not) because i’m not american i am from the countries america will try to bomb probably soon
so yea americans if you read this i need you to take it to heart and try to be fucking better because i do not want to die please <3

Real Rating: 4.5* of five
A book that approaches the central problem of relatively anonymous online discourse: disinhibition from conversational norms of civility, as an opportunity to offer the healing balm of being heard to self and others.

His measured storytelling tones combine with well-chosen illuminating anecdotes of succesful de-escalations. It is by this surprisingly simple shift in tone, complete with some stock phrases to use as the practice becomes habit, that Author Shola gives his evidence for both the need for and the efficacy of active application of civility in all our interactions.

The upcoming elections and the past decade of increasingly strident public, and private, disagreement, has pointed up the need for us all to take stock of our roles in perpetuating this noisy, angry buzz. An expert's view of what works is the gift this book brings. The author's Amazon bio offers a condensed version of his acquisition of expertise:
<blockquote>Shola Richards is an international keynote speaker, author, and suicide survivor, who has deep expertise about—and firsthand experience with—the dangers of toxic incivility.

Lovingly nicknamed, “Brother Teresa”, Shola has shared his transformative message of civility on three different continents, on major media platforms such as CBS This Morning, with top organizations (such Microsoft, Google, and WebMD), on the TEDx stage, and even on Capitol Hill where he was invited to testify in front of the House of Representatives for two hours about how to bring more civility to Congress (clearly, they need a refresher course).

Shola’s ideas are known to be extremely practical, deeply researched, highly inspirational, and readily applicable to people from all walks of life.
So in this book, like his previous book <I>Go Together: How the Concept of Ubuntu Will Change How You Live, Work and Lead</I>, he offers a clear vision for how the effort of communicating civilly and respectfully around our inevitable disagreements, will assist in resolving them.</blockquote>
As one would expect from someone whose CV includes being a suicide survivor, Author Shola does not stint on the positive reinforcement. Being that deep into the darkest places brings a need to stress the light in one's communication with great regularity.

None of this is in any way to suggest that "both sides"ism or tolerance for, even acceptance of toxic intolerant bullying is required to "keep the peace." That isn't peace, it's capitulation, and it's what fans the flames that a different and civil approach to disagreeing with those who spread the ills we're suffering under can offer. Angry confrontation changes nothing, but since when is it your job to change the way others think? Accepting that you can and should have clear boundaries that require those you disagree with to remain civil, while remaining civil yourself, changes the world too.

A very well-presented book with some useful and immediately deployable ideas. My idea of a terrific way to spend money for anyone in a situation where conflicts are, or are becoming, personally troubling. Reading and applying Author Shola's lessons bid fair to change your quotidian world.

Thank you Netgalley for the ARC!

This book is a "MUST READ" during the challenging times we all our facing. It will deal with topics that may be difficult to read but it brutally necessary for all of our healing!!! Highly recommend this book!!!

This was a wonderful book that is badly needed in a world that has proven itself to be uncivil and anything but unified. Maybe we will learn something.

A really important book for our times abook that will teach how to listen & have a discussion where both sides listen all points of view are heard without it turning into an argument.An excellent book for discussion groups.#netgalley #forbes

I could really relate to this Book because I want Through some of the same. Experience. This was a very interesting book because he gave examples of his life and how he changed through these different methods. I He had a lot of reasonings behind Yes, he would explain the situation, but also included in his life as well.. I like how he as a black man.Looked at life very differently and how he was treated. This means H I m stronger And how Dealt with these Difficult situations. This would be a very good focus for kids in high school to show how you can reason out through things. Each chapter dealt with some issue in his life and how he went about changing it. Great book.

Redemptive and insightful, "Civil Unity" by Shola Richards is a clarion call to transform our divisive discourse. With vulnerability and conviction, Richards shares personal anecdotes and practical strategies to bridge the gaps between us. His radical approach emphasizes empathy, active listening, and self-reflection, encouraging us to confront our biases and assumptions. This book is a beacon of hope for a more harmonious world, where we can engage in meaningful dialogue and foster true understanding. Richards' writing is engaging, accessible, and inspiring – a must-read for anyone seeking to cultivate unity in our fractured society. 5/5 stars!

This is an honest book written for a mass audience. Her argument isn't new, but the fact that she writes towards Americans, not just other academically and scholarly minded types has more force behind it. So much attention has been given to the causes and methods to correct polarization and toxicity in politics, but Richards writes as your next door neighbor, not the condescending want-to-be authority figure.

This book will be an excellent addition to any public library, community center, or educational organization. Opening with a description of civility and the ways in which modern life could benefit from civility, the book then walks the reader through the process of building a civil life. From immediate steps that can be taken to restore and maintain personal balance to larger habits of examination and engagement that can be applied across all aspects of life, Civil Unity blends big picture reasoning with practical tools. While an excellent book to read and journal along with as part of a personal practice, this book will shine as the centerpiece of a book club or community read where the ground rules can be shared and the techniques practiced together. Thank you to NetGalley for access to this engaging and informative arc.

Never in history has this book been so useful because we are so easily triggered that it's difficult to have a meaningful conversation and this book is one to sit down with and explore just what it means to give a listening ear to someone with opposing views and also someone with similar views.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.