I Want to Trust You, but I Don't
By: Lysa Terkeurst
Genre: Christian Living

Summary:
You have been hurt or betrayed someone you never thought would do that. You've been devastated by the last person you expected to be. Now what? How do you process all the feelings you, and will, feel? How do you move forward? How do you repair the damage done to you in a healthy way? How do you trust again when your trust has been shattered? Lysa not only walks you through her own journey with these very questions, but she passes what she learned onto you.


Most of us have been betrayed in our life. Some of us have been betrayed by the very person, or people, who continuously declared their unwavering loyalty. And, still, some of us have been betrayed by a loved one, forgiven them and given them a second chance only to be betrayed by them again. Whatever form betrayal took in our lives, it's often incredibly difficult to recover from. Betrayal is a special kind of weapon that leaves scars and wounds that run far deeper than we may realize. If any of this rings true to you, know that you aren't alone.

Lysa has been betrayed by her husband, not once but twice. On top of that, she lost several close people in her life around the same time. So, I think it's fair to say, Lysa knows what she's talking about in regards to the subject. Within these pages, she walks you through her own journey of processing, healing and moving forward. She's honest- her flaws, bumps and bruises. She shares with you some of the wisdom she learned through her devasting journey.

As I read this book, I related to a lot of things she wrote. I saw a lot of things I had to learn. She gets honest about relationships (any form of them) be founded in trust. She addresses those pesky read flags we all hope are flying by mistake, rather than the indicators they really are. Each chapter was full of nuggets that I needed to hear or be reminded of.

The book covers numerous hard hitting aspects of betrayal. Read flags, why God allowed the betrayal to happen and how do you recover and move on if your betrayer gets away with it. Also, why do we stay or have a hard time leaving a relationship we know isn't healthy for us? I can't tell you how wide reaching the chapters are. I wasn't expecting them to be so targeted and full of validity.

I Want to Trust You, but I Don't is a great tool to pick up when you're ready to pick up the pieces and heal. It helps you make sense of things and feelings. It validates your feelings, but helps you process and express them in a healthy way. It was a great resource for me. I hope you find it the same for you.

I couldn’t put this book down and was eating up every word. Going into this book I thought the material was going to address learning to trust God. It does to an extent, but it more so looks at trusting yourself and others again.

What do we do when our trust has been so broken that we no longer trust our own judgment and have become jaded and skeptical of everyone around us? I found Lysa gently provided wisdom from God’s word and her lived experienced. Each chapter ends with a summary where you remember, receive, reflect and pray. I found it really brought the material together and made it easy to apply. At the end of this book, I found I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God. This is not the first time Lysa’s words of truth of reminded me of God’s goodness and brought me to tears.

Lysa Terkeurst's new book I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t - Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment is an absolutely INCREDIBLE book! Always pointing back to God as the source of all Truth, Goodness, and Faithfulness, Lysa does an amazing job in discussing the negative effects of emotional abuse and betrayal, but also gives the reader tangible ways to discern your areas of weakness/triggers, how to assess and discern others' behaviors, and keeping your eye solely focused on God and His plan for you. The author's story is relatable to all, as we all have faced betrayals and have been hurt by other's choosing to sin against us, and she includes a section on organizational harms and church abuse, too.
At the end of each chapter, she shares key points, scriptures, and a dedicated prayer on the topic covered in that section. Every chapter had significant meaning to me, and being able to journal through reading this book, and praying each prayer as my own personal conversation with God, brought me healing and hope. Lysa does not claim to be a counselor and she does point the reader towards professional counseling and services if needed, as well as making sure to direct us to God as our foundation and source of true healing and health.
Some key quotes:
The trauma of having your trust broken by people you thought would never betray you is life altering. But it doesn't have to be life ruining.

We shouldn't place our trust in our feelings and just follow our own hearts without God's truth guiding us, challenging us, and giving us the right path forward.

Red flags we ignore don't typically fix themselves - they just get to be more and more of an issue.

We aren't to enable or excuse away behaviors that go against the wisdom of God. We are to be discerning.

Looking for the fruit of someone's actions is the best way to determine if they are serious about rebuilding that trust.

Whatever other people sow into their lives is what they will reap. Whatever they tried to sow into your life is not what you will reap unless you decide to take the bad seeds and plant them into your own heart and mind.


People are never more powerful than God...and while there will always be gaps in the trust we have with people, there are no gaps in the trustworthiness of God.

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson for the ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.

I wish that I could go back in time to a certain period of my life and hand this book to myself; it would have extremely encouraging.

Lysa writes about trauma, betrayal, and learning how to trust again. She doesn't shy away from using her own story (with discretion) to encourage the reader. I do think somebody who has faced a broken marriage will receive the most help from this book, but it is not limited to that area of broken trust.

I learned some fascinating science-backed facts about how trauma/stress affects our body, and I was also shown scriptural truths to set me back on track.

The scriptural truths and accompanying prayers are my favorite part of this book, and I plan to buy a copy just to have those at hand.

Allowing Lysa to tell her story to help others is part of how God is "working all things out for the good of those who love Him."

Another of Lysa’s books to add to your reading list!

“I Want to Trust You but I Don’t” is written from Lysa’s perspective, after having gone through her own trials. She uses discernment and the Bible to share her thoughts, and includes Bible verses for reference. I especially enjoyed the prayers at the end of each chapter. If you’ve followed Lysa’s journey, you know she shares real, raw emotion, and writes truth using the Bible as her guide - this book is no exception. If you’ve gone through your own heartbreak, this is a good book to read to help you move forward and heal while working through your emotions, thoughts, and trust issues.

As someone who has been burned in the past by friends and family members, this book was screaming read me. In the past, I've had friends who has turned their backs on me and I have been hurt so much by this. I have read most of Lysa TerKeurst's books and with this book, I felt more connected. I didn't know how to get past the hurt, the anger and the regret that I have been feeling on the friendships that I lost the trust of others or that I felt like I couldn't trust others. This book has allowed me to realize that it wasn't me who caused the trust issue but it was others. For those who have felt like they have couldn't trust some of the people in their lives whether they were new or old friends, or even family. This book is one that I plan on getting and rereading in the future as I want to learn to trust others again, but I may never be able to trust some friends again. I highly recommend this book to those who feel like they have done something to lose the trust of others when it may not be you and it is them.

What a gem this book is! There is so much to unpack. At first glance, this book might appear to be limited to those who have dealt with betrayal. But this book is so much more than that. This book looks at learning to trust again, discerning your triggers, figuring out when to be concerned by other people’s behavior versus when your past trauma is causing fear. This book also looks at behavior patterns in untrustworthy people. This section was really eye opening to me. I also loved when Lysa tackled the subject of trusting God. When we walk through anything difficult in life, this might cause our trust to waver. But Lysa helps the reader to see God’s goodness despite how other people might treat us. And Lysa also discusses how our fears lead us to want to control everything in our lives, which can cause more heartache. Lysa then shows the reader how to move forward, build up confidence, and keep focusing on the Lord through it all.

At the end of each chapter, Lysa has some key thoughts to remember, key Scripture verses to receive, and key questions to reflect on. I especially loved that she ended each chapter with a short prayer. The end of the book is packed with bonus content - a bonus chapter, additional prayers based on Scripture, and other helpful resources. Throughout the book, Lysa vulnerably spoke about her personal challenges. Letting her guard down pulls the reader in. We see that Lysa deals with some of the same struggles we also deal with. But she also provides insight on how to move forward. And I also appreciate Lysa’s writing style. She is down to earth. And every part of the book was interesting and kept the reader hooked. No matter what you are facing today, this book will hold some gems you can learn from.

I read this book for free, thanks to NetGalley. But the review and opinions are my own.

Lysa is just marvelous and her wisdom and Bible knowledge is beyond compare. I highly recommend!this is one of a kind.

Oh Lysa, you always write the book I need that year. It's been a year of pain and hurt and losing trust. And this book just felt like such a breathe of fresh air. It was just absolutely phenomenal. Your honesty, and realness just help so much to be so relatable to the reader. I felt like I could sit in a coffee shop for hours and just go on and on with you about these topics. Your books are always such so filled with scripture to remind the reader, God knows what he is doing, and in the word it's all there for us. Thank you for being so real and true as a Christian to share your heart. I needed it more than you know. This book has been an absolutely gem to me, and you have been a light for Jesus in my life. Thank you. Wonderful book! Highly suggest

Lysa Terkeurst's new book I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t - Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment is a book for those of us that have a hard time with trust and forgiveness. I don't know about you, but that is me, unfortunately. Having dealt with some big and little hurts and sometimes it seems things don't change, but we don't have to stay stuck in a cycle. She reminds us through her personal story and experiences what she learned and what God has to say in His Word. Some of these chapters I need to reread because they are so full of helpful information. Wow, that bonus chapter is on point to what I needed about organizations that hurt! This book has helped me to see where I have been wrong in my reactions to certain things and reminds me I don't have control and can't change people. There is only One who can!

Now this isn't a Bible study or a theology of the Word about forgiveness, but it did remind me where I need to go to truth and where my help does come from and where I need to turn to. I found this book helpful, and it helped me to see some things I didn't understand. So read it as a memoir or having a coffee with a friend type of conversation. I do think this would make a great small group book discussion, as I know many who also struggle in this area, too. Each chapter ends with questions and Scripture to meditate on that go with the chapter to help you process and apply to your life.

Here a few highlights I took, though there are many more:

The trauma of having your trust broken by people you thought would never betray you is life altering. But it doesn't have to be life ruining.

We aren't made to let skepticism be our primary filter through which we see God and others.

Is this a warning that could protect me? Or is this a war in my mind that I need to work through?

It is okay for us to need more information. It is okay for us to ask questions and verify what is true. It is okay for us to be honest about what we can and cannot handle.

You're not a bad person or a crazy person for having uncertainties around trust. You're a person who takes relationships seriously and who wants to invest your heart deeply in the right ways with the right people.

We shouldn't place our trust in our feelings and just follow our own hearts without God's truth guiding us, challenging us, and giving us the right path forward.

Red flags we ignore don't typically fix themselves - they just get to be more and more of an issue.

We aren't to enable or excuse away behaviors that go against the wisdom of God. We are to be discerning.

If the person who betrayed you plays the victim, it's probably not wise to try and rebuild trust with them until their underlying issues are addressed.

Looking for the fruit of someone's actions is the best way to determine if they are serious about rebuilding that trust.

I guess anyone can be an actor and put on a good show. Trust me, I've seen some addicts and some narcissists that deserve an Academy Award.

There can be grace in this process, but it shouldn't be sloppy grace where deceptions are glossed over.

The best thing we can do is trust God with their consequences while making sure we don't get lured into sinful choices trying to right the wrongs.

In whatever we are facing, we don't want to do wrong things to try to bring about right things. We can commit to keep our hearts pure and place our trust in the safest place - with God. He doesn't leave sin unaddressed...

Even in the silence, the unknown, and the places where it looks like evil is winning, He is working. We may experience evil in this world, even still, God reigns over evil. There is a Savior of the world who will right all the wrongs. Even if it takes a really long time and even if I don't see it in my lifetime.

People are never more powerful than God...and while there will always be gaps in the trust we have with people, there are no gaps in the trustworthiness of God.

The very best way to refute the hurtful things others have said and done is for us to go on and live a great life.

Whatever other people sow into their lives is what they will reap. Whatever they tried to sow into your life is not what you will reap unless you decide to take the bad seeds and plant them into your own heart and mind.

Want to Trust You, but I Don't oct 8

Have you ever had a hard time trusting people who have hurt you in the past? Lysa (the author)has, and she discusses how trusting people who have hurt us is hard and that we have an learned avoidance of people and situations where we have been hurt before and we avoid them.

She even had brain scans that show that her and other people living with trauma called "trauma survivors" have a different brain than those whose brains are healthy.

Lisa discusses the process of neuroception Dr. Stephen Porges - "Essentially, neuroception is the process by which neural circuits determine whether a situation or person is safe, dangerous, or life-threatening.
As opposed to perception, which which is a cognitive thought, neuroception involves brain processes that work outside of conscious awareness.
Neuroceptive evaluations can occur extremely quickly and without your knowledge. If social cues trigger a neuroception of safety, our bodies enter a calm behavioral state. We feel calm and can easily engage with others socially or attend to issues.  .  .  . When situations appear risky, the specific areas of the brain regulating defense strategies are activated. Then even neutral or social behavior is met with aggression or withdrawal instinctively.6 Well, that explains why I’m constantly trying to evaluate safety before connection. If someone feels unsafe to me, I withdraw."

This quote helps to explain why people with trust issues react the way they do.

You will learn why we have trust issues, how to avoid people you shouldn't trust and how to deal with healing your issues along with a host of examples in these areas.

A spectacular resource for overcoming trust issues with God after being betrayed by untrustworthy people in your life. The author writes from an authentic place after her husband repeatedly cheated on her, leading to divorce, then after their remarriage, continued to cheat. Helpful and inspiring!

I received an arc copy of this book from Net Galley in exchange for my honest opinion of it. This book certainly came at a perfect time in my life as I am dealing with this issue.

I always love Lysa’s book. It is so hard to trust people after that was broken. It’s a very gentle and compassionate book and also very vulnerable. I felt so many feelings reading and convicted about how I haven’t let go of past hurt. You can’t heal alone.

I received an arc from NetGalley and this is my honest opinion.

While every situation of hurt and doubt may be different this book provides helpful tools, scripture, and prayers to assist the Christian through times of doubt and trust issues.

Loved the Remember, Reflect, Receive and prayer sections at the end of the Chapters as well. Sound scriptural advice.

I Want to Trust You, but I Don't
by Lisa TerKeurst
Pub Date: October 8, 2024
Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
It came along as I was dealing with the issues addressed in this book so I was doubly blessed.
Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment
How can you live well and step into the future when you keep stumbling over trust issues? Lysa TerKeurst says it's not simply about finding better people to walk with. It's about developing the stability you long for within yourself and with God, so you don't become cynical and carry a broken belief system into every new relationship. In I Want to Trust You, But I Don't, Lysa shows you how t0;

identify which of the eleven relational red flags are stirring up distrust, so you can pinpoint why you're feeling uneasy; stop having more faith in your fears coming true than God coming through for you by asking crucial "what if" questions to better process your doubts; recognize when a fractured relationship can be repaired by considering a reasonable list of characteristics necessary for rebuilding trust; and understand the physical, emotional, and neurological impact of the betrayals you've experienced and start healing from the inside out.
Well Done, Lisa! I recommend this book highly!

I eagerly read everything Lysa TerKeurst writes. Her words resonate deeply because she has personally experienced the challenges she discusses, providing authentic and godly insights. Lysa’s teaching is firmly rooted in the Bible, offering profound advice on healing from deep pain. While I haven’t faced the same struggles of pain and distrust, I recognize that everyone encounters imperfections in life. When that time comes, I will undoubtedly revisit this book to navigate through it. Lysa’s approach is wonderfully gentle, respecting each reader’s unique pace of healing. I highly recommend this book to everyone and am deeply grateful for Lysa’s vulnerability once again.

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

One thing I know from reading Lysa Terkeurst is that she has walked through or is walking through what she is teaching. Lysa teaches from the Bible and while I’m not there yet with my trust issues, I’m learning and using the information Lysa uses in this book to grow. Have Kleenex handy as you dig deep into God’s Word and learn how to overcome trust issues one step at a time. I recommend this book to everyone because we all have trust issues on some level.

I received an advanced reader’s copy from Nelson Books and Netgalley. All opinions are my own.

Lysa’s new book “I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t” is a book written for people who have navigated the shipwrecked waters of hurt and broken trust and are ready to move forward in rebellious resiliency. This book is gentle and compassionate while also unflinchingly honest and deeply vulnerable. Broken trust hurts deeply and unfortunately- as Lysa points out, trust cannot be healed in isolation.

I hardly have words for how fervently I will recommend this book to all who know me. It was not what I expected and also, It’s exactly what I needed. Here is a brief overview:

Lysa opens the book with a discussion on the all too familiar feeling of giving up on ever trusting again. She then moves into something so deeply human: is my mistrust evidence of my discernment or am I just triggered and how do I tell the difference? This chapter was so validating, but chapter three might compete for most helpful- she gives a working vocabulary for identifying red flags and what to do with them when you spot them. I greatly appreciated the nuance and compassion Lysa brought to this chapter. The next chapter is all about repairing rips and tears in our trust. Lysa does not promise a quick or painless recovery; instead, she stands with the broken in quiet solidarity and shines light on the next right thing— which, incidentally is the topic of discussion in the following chapter. Her next two chapters are hard edged and raw as she pulls back the curtains in her own mind and directly confronts the impossible questions suffering uncovered about God. These aren’t questions any human alive can possibly be immune to asking in moments of sorrow, but her act of bravely speaking them aloud robs them of the power they have to cripple us. Chapter 8 is a mirror - what we can’t trust, we try to control and a moving discussion on how and why that’s not always a good thing for you OR cultivating healthy thriving relationships. The last two chapters and conclusion are possibly my absolute favorite. As you walk in healing and learning to trust again, you find glimmers and sparks of hope. We learn to dance again. These chapters were such a delightful way to close up the book and to see that nothing is ever wasted.

One of the best books and so timely. Lysa’s words and wisdom rise up against the hard edges of her story and rebelliously dares to trust again. I’m so thankful she’s chosen to share what’s she’s learned with the world. Surrounded by grievous wounds and endless stories of hurt in the world, this book was surely written for such a time as this.

I’d like to thank Thomas Nelson and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I’m not going to say this book was bad, but it felt like one big depressing moment. Lysa has been through some hard times and it’s wonderful she wants to keep sharing them in her books and trying to help others. I just feel like it’s nothing new. There were some good techniques and insight but since I am not in this situation it was very repetitive for me. I would say a wonderful resource for those with trust issues and down in the dumps, but it just gave me the blues!