If you want to enjoy this at all, you better be prepared to not just suspend disbelief, but possibly misplace your entire brain because to say this begs credulity is…kind.

So, Elizabeth Walker is the last heir of Alexander Hamilton. Din Lin-Manuel Miranda have to pay her royalties? Probably not. Even worse for her she jumps in front of a subway train almost as soon as she’s introduced.

During the last few days of her life she was searching for a mysterious key, sending odd messages to her BFF Sarah Brockman and, I assume, hanging out with Nicolas Cage, the way this thing is shaping up. No? Well, it certainly sounds like the plot of “National Treasure” to me, is all I’m saying…

The morning after Elizabeth’s death Sarah receives a box of documents that she takes to Elizabeth’s husband Ralph. The two of them join forces to determine what secrets Elizabeth had, how they related to her famous forebearer and what role they play in saving American (I am TELLING you this is “National Treasure”!).

Did I make clear there were a few problems with this book? The dialogue was stilted, the language repetitive and the plot laughable. MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD…..Am I supposed to believe that when computers cover the tiniest blip in every conceivable market out there no one but Elizabeth noticed someone buying up all the gold in the world? No one???

And the dialogue! At one point one of the big bads says, “For us to achieve world domination and control…”. I’m sorry, are Natasha and Boris having a discussion? Is Bullwinkle in the room? Does the author think that word powers might actually talk this way? It’s so bad it’s almost great!

On the up side, it was blessedly short, so there’s that. This might sound promising to you. Like The DaVinci Code. It is not like The DaVinci Code. It is not promising. I read it so you don’t have to.