I plan to post this review tomorrow (March 10) on my blog (www.autumnlala.com), then cross-post or highlight the blog on my Instagram and Threads profiles. I am happy to provide a document with my review instead if reached out via email. Thank you!

Book Review: Me, But Better by Olga Khazan
Can personality truly change, or are we stuck with the traits we were born with?
In Me, But Better, journalist Olga Khazan sets out to answer this question with a bold, year-long experiment on herself. Using the Big Five personality traits—Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (OCEAN)—as her framework, she explores whether deliberate actions can shift the way we think, behave, and feel.
Because don’t we all want to feel better, sometimes?
I was immediately drawn to this book after seeing that Gretchen Rubin had reviewed it. As a longtime fan of Gretchen’s work on happiness and habits, I was curious how Olga would approach the subject of personality change. I first discovered Me, But Better on NetGalley, and it arrived in my life at just the right time. As Olga says in her introduction, “Moments stack.”
Oh, goodness, how they stack. One after the other like Legos we can’t avoid stepping on forever.
Our thoughts, choices, and behaviors compound over time to shape our lives. Like her, I’ve felt the weight of certain aspects of my own personality, and I was excited to see what strategies helped her create meaningful change in her own life.

The Science and Reality of Personality Change
The early chapters lay the groundwork for what personality is and how much of it we can actually change. Like many nonfiction novels that center around such topics, these early chapters are more dense in nature; there’s admittedly a lot to catch up on when it comes to the field of personality studies.
Olga explains that while traits are partially genetic, they are also shaped by experience and environment. No surprise there, given what we all learned about in school. But beyond that, research suggests that we aren’t entirely fixed in our ways - we can gradually shift traits through intentional actions.
And Olga certainly did her due diligence.
One key insight from the book is that “you more likely act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action.” This quote by Jerome Bruner encapsulates the idea that if we want to change, we must first behave in ways that reflect the person we want to become, even if it feels unnatural at first.
I’ll say this, above anything else: Olga leans into the discomfort of her experiment. She doesn’t shy away from it - or from sharing her true thoughts - even once. Her hard truth is sometimes palpable on the page, and even as a reader, it was difficult to confront. Even a book can be a mirror, and the best ones are.
I can only imagine how she felt, throughout the full experiment, and now, as her book publishes this month on the 11th.

How The Experiment Developed
After her introduction, Olga dedicated one chapter to each aspect of OCEAN, but not in the order you might expect. She began with the traits she most wanted to change, and which ranked the poorest on the Big Five Personality test she took directly from researcher Nathan Hudson’s website.
Extroversion
As an introvert, Olga began with extroversion. From improv classes to awkward networking events, she examines whether faking extroversion can lead to genuine personality change. She tackled this trait first—headfirst. I admire her tenacity where extroversion is concerned. Her commitment to dive into the deep end, to commit to this lifestyle in the ways that she did, told me just how serious she was about becoming a better version of herself.
I was hooked.
One of the most striking insights from this chapter is how social interaction can disrupt - even prevent - negative thought spirals. As she said, “Through all of this activity, I found that occasional extroversion can be a tool. It pauses the broken record of the depressive mind: Nothing rescues you from endless rumination like social interaction, even when forced.”

Neuroticism
Olga describes neuroticism as one of the most difficult traits to change—after all, anxiety and emotional sensitivity are deeply ingrained. She explores various methods to calm an overactive mind, including meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, and mindfulness practices. For every chapter, she speaks with many experts in the field of behavior and habits.
She references conversations with Dan Harris and Jon Kabat-Zinn, as well as her own struggles with meditation: “Quieting the mind is impossible at times.” She routinely acknowledges the tension between wanting to change and feeling trapped by long-held emotional patterns.
For me, one of the most relatable moments in this chapter is when she describes feeling happy, but immediately fearing that something will go wrong. “I was elated—but for the neurotic, happiness is always tinged with the suspicion that you’ll screw it up somehow.”
It’s a relatable fear. And while this chapter did not end in the way I expected it to, the next few were impossible to put down.

Openness, Agreeableness, and Conscientiousness
Openness to experience is often associated with creativity, curiosity, and adaptability. While Olga realized she already does many of the things that open people do - including watching foreign films, reading novels, appreciating art, discussing controversial topics (especially as a journalist), and more - she wondered how she could challenge herself to become more open by trying new experiences and embracing uncertainty.
Like how she threw herself directly into an improv comedy class to increase her extroversion score, she put herself off balance again by pursuing an interest she always shook off: surfing. What’s more open than that?
Agreeableness, however, was an area she hoped to work on. She herself noted how she could be angry, blunt, skeptical, and resistant to small talk. But could she become more empathetic and agreeable, still speak up and participate, without feeling like she was smothering or losing herself? In addition to her experiences using Bumble BFF and Meetup, Olga volunteered to serve lunch to the homeless on a weekly basis. More than most, this chapter widened her understanding of what it means to be agreeable.
Sometimes, it meant being disagreeable.
Her last OCEAN trait chapter covered conscientiousness - a trait she was proud to score highly on initially at the beginning of her year long experiment. As she said, she was finally able to speak from a place of lived experience because she had already increased her conscientiousness years before. In fact, it was her passion for her future that did the trick. I know I appreciated reading through how she changed that part of herself so drastically
It also served as proof that the personality change she hoped to find within herself was one that she had already long accomplished.
This sentiment shepherds nicely into her final two chapters.

Knowing When to Quit
One of the most emotionally powerful sections of the book is Olga’s exploration of when to persist and when to walk away. In self-help culture, people are often told that perseverance is key—but sometimes, quitting is the wiser choice. Olga captures that well.
This chapter includes an emotional discussion of values versus goals. One I’m personally familiar with and advocate considering for anyone interested. She writes, “Values cast a spotlight on what’s important, and invite you to step in.” This idea - that understanding our core values can guide our decisions - feels like one of the book’s most lasting messages. I knew my own values before reading this book, but they cemented further in my heart.
There’s little more that I could ask for out of the second-to-last chapter.

Final Thoughts: Keep Changing
In the final chapter, Find Your Beach, Olga reflects on how to sustain personal growth over time. She emphasizes that personality change isn’t about rejecting who you are, but about expanding your possibilities.
Ultimately, Me, But Better is a deeply engaging blend of personality science, self-discovery, and humor. Olga’s writing is sharp and honest, but she goes to great lengths to make psychological research feel accessible and relatable. While the book doesn’t offer a rigid step-by-step guide for change, it provides something even more valuable: a roadmap for experimenting with who we are and who we want to become.
It provides hope.
If you‘re curious about the psychology of self-improvement, this book is a continual reminder that growth isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about becoming the best version of ourselves.

Disclaimer: The quotes used in this piece are based on available sources but may differ from those in the official publication.

Excellent. Thank you! Relatable and enjoyable. I was excited to read this based on Khazan’s work in the Atlantic, was excited to receive an e-arc. I particularly enjoyed the parenting aspect and application.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/214151967

This was an interesting read! The author guides us through her research and experiment of personality change including the “Big Five” traits that form an individual’s personality, and how daily thoughts and behaviors can be altered to change your personality. Essentially, you can behave like the person you want to be and change what you don’t like. I was able to connect with many of the references relating to anxiety and this book provides a different perspective on how our feelings and behaviors can change who we are.

I thought this book was just ok. I think at this point most self help books have all the same advice and there isnt much new to be said.

I devoured this book because I'm hella interested in social science research AND I too am curious if I can truly change my personality, which has been deeply formed by childhood experiences and neurosis; feel a little skeptical? Olga Khazan is your guide on this whirlwind journey of learning how to rewire yourself to be the version of yourself that your dog thinks you are. Acting as both the guinea pig and the researcher, Olga takes you along as she learns about the ways she can change her personality, and life, in one year. A fascinating mix of memoir and informative read, I couldn't put it down....well, except to reflect on what caught my fancy and caused me to spiral into a 10-15 minute period of reflection and deep-thought, but other than that, this book was devoured.

Are we stuck with the personalities we already have, or is there something we can do to change? Can we think or act ourselves into a new way of being, creating an improved way to see ourselves or a different way to be perceived by others? Olga Khazan's new book, Me, But Better addresses this issue with curiosity, enthusiasm, and intelligence. More than a self-help volume, this book describes a reporter's search for helpful information and published research, and then chronicles that same writer's effort to put theories to the test and see what happens.

The author walks us through her examination of five specific character traits which comprise an individual personality: extroversion, neuroticism, openness to experience, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Using herself as the test subject, she compares the results of a diagnostic inventory of these traits in herself with the results achieved after employing a number of exercises and disciplines to improve her scores in each of the five areas.

The initial draw of this particular title was the author herself, a writer I am familiar with through her work with The Atlantic. Her Atlantic articles are always thoughtful and informative, while consistently a joy to read. It's no surprise to share that this book can be described in a similar fashion. For me, the most delightful aspect of Olga Khazan's book is Khazan. In spite of her perceived need for a positive change in specific areas, the author's personality practically glows on every page, even prior to any transformation achieved through research or improvement projects. This is partly due to her wit and finely-honed sense of humor. There are funny observations and humorous comments sprinkled throughout the book, and at least one laugh out loud moment in nearly every chapter. Khazan's journey to becoming a better version of herself is one she takes seriously, but there is never a hint of her losing the ability to laugh at herself and the absurd situations she creates while on that journey.

One can get a good sense of Khazan's humor in this amusing anecdote that occurred while she was attempting to meet new people and make a new friend:
"Once, I went on a sweltering four-hour trek during which I was sucked into a long conversation with a woman who kept wildly misunderstanding everything I said. “What’s your last name?” she asked. “Khazan,” I said. In English, I pronounce it with a silent “K,” like huh-zahn. “Oh, that’s not how I say it,” she said. “What?”“I say hoh-zah,” she said, as though we were talking about “jif” versus “gif.”“I mean, I guess people can say it however they want,” I said. “Oh, you do not know how to say it?” she asked. “Um, no, I mean I do know . . . it’s . . . my name,” I said as politely as possible. I didn’t think these were the seeds of bosom friendship."

I enjoyed the conversations between Khazan and the researchers, authors, and experts she interviewed who had created studies or programs to quantify, explain, and/or adjust the traits that make up an individual human's personality. Her mix of enthusiasm and skepticism was helpful to me in evaluating the effectiveness of these. I especially appreciated her willingness to try out these improvement exercises for herself, even when she struggled to do so with a good attitude.

There was much in this book that gave me encouragement in my assessment of my own personality "growth areas," and am looking forward to beginning an effort to carefully incorporate several of her suggestions for modifying my own traits in a way that will help me modify my own life. I highly recommend this book.

I am grateful to Simon & Schuster Publishing and Netgalley for the digital advance reader copy that I received in exchange for an honest review.

Me, But Better by Olga Khazan is an insightful exploration of personality change and self-improvement. Using the OCEAN model—openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism—Khazan embarks on a personal journey to reshape her own traits. Blending humor, research, and relatable experiences, she reveals the challenges and rewards of intentional self-growth. The book balances scientific depth with practical advice, encouraging readers to reflect on their own personalities and consider new strategies for change. Ideal for fans of psychology, self-help, and personal development, Me, But Better is both thought-provoking and motivational, making it a valuable read for anyone seeking growth.

I was fortunate to be able to read the not finished editing version of Olga’s book “Me, But Better.” via NetGalley. In her book, Olga documents her self-improvement, personality change journey and the experiences along the way. She wrote in a way that was both captivating and motivating. As far as this genre goes, I really enjoyed reading this book. I also want to mention that I appreciate the amount of time, effort and research that Olga put into this (which is evident by the 219-ish works cited in the reference section.) All in all I recommend this book both for a nice, easy non-fiction read and also for a self-improvement, motivational read.

An excellent read for any and all readers! Author comes at you with both barrels and knocks you out of your shoes! Great job fleshing out all the characters. I give this book FIVE stars! Definitely recommend!

This one made me think and want to take action in my own life. In this book, Khazan takes on the challenge of changing her personality? Can we even do that? Focusing on the OCEAN personality traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeable, neuroticism) Khazan takes different actions to challenge negative traits in each area. In conclusion, we need to do more than think about how we should change ourselves for the better - but do different things to grow ourselves.
Highly recommend this book, I think it’s very well written, researched, and it’s definitely actionable for the reader.

Me, But Better by Olga Khazan really got me thinking about how much we can actually change about ourselves. Khazan’s mix of humor and honesty as she dives into her own personality transformation experiments made it feel so relatable. Some parts had me nodding along like, "Yes, I’ve tried that, too!" while others had me laughing at the sheer absurdity of her challenges. It was inspiring but never preachy.

That said, I found some of the advice a little hard to apply in my own life—it’s definitely geared toward someone ready to dive deep into self-improvement. If you’re curious about the science behind personality and open to trying new things, this is a great pick. It’s smart, funny, and will definitely spark some introspection. ★★★★☆

A fascinating exploration of personality change and the fairly practical steps people can take to (temporarily?!) modify their preferences and behaviors.

I was intrigued to find out how one might go about increasing their extroversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness (and decreasing their neuroticism). The author has an accessible writing style and uses her own experience and those of others to illustrate each personality trait and things you can try in order to change that aspect of your personality, if you would like to.

Recommended to my fellow introverts and anyone interested in reading about human connection and behavior.

Thank you very much to Simon Element and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.