Are we stuck with the personalities we already have, or is there something we can do to change? Can we think or act ourselves into a new way of being, creating an improved way to see ourselves or a different way to be perceived by others? Olga Khazan's new book, Me, But Better addresses this issue with curiosity, enthusiasm, and intelligence. More than a self-help volume, this book describes a reporter's search for helpful information and published research, and then chronicles that same writer's effort to put theories to the test and see what happens.

The author walks us through her examination of five specific character traits which comprise an individual personality: extroversion, neuroticism, openness to experience, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Using herself as the test subject, she compares the results of a diagnostic inventory of these traits in herself with the results achieved after employing a number of exercises and disciplines to improve her scores in each of the five areas.

The initial draw of this particular title was the author herself, a writer I am familiar with through her work with The Atlantic. Her Atlantic articles are always thoughtful and informative, while consistently a joy to read. It's no surprise to share that this book can be described in a similar fashion. For me, the most delightful aspect of Olga Khazan's book is Khazan. In spite of her perceived need for a positive change in specific areas, the author's personality practically glows on every page, even prior to any transformation achieved through research or improvement projects. This is partly due to her wit and finely-honed sense of humor. There are funny observations and humorous comments sprinkled throughout the book, and at least one laugh out loud moment in nearly every chapter. Khazan's journey to becoming a better version of herself is one she takes seriously, but there is never a hint of her losing the ability to laugh at herself and the absurd situations she creates while on that journey.

One can get a good sense of Khazan's humor in this amusing anecdote that occurred while she was attempting to meet new people and make a new friend:
"Once, I went on a sweltering four-hour trek during which I was sucked into a long conversation with a woman who kept wildly misunderstanding everything I said. “What’s your last name?” she asked. “Khazan,” I said. In English, I pronounce it with a silent “K,” like huh-zahn. “Oh, that’s not how I say it,” she said. “What?”“I say hoh-zah,” she said, as though we were talking about “jif” versus “gif.”“I mean, I guess people can say it however they want,” I said. “Oh, you do not know how to say it?” she asked. “Um, no, I mean I do know . . . it’s . . . my name,” I said as politely as possible. I didn’t think these were the seeds of bosom friendship."

I enjoyed the conversations between Khazan and the researchers, authors, and experts she interviewed who had created studies or programs to quantify, explain, and/or adjust the traits that make up an individual human's personality. Her mix of enthusiasm and skepticism was helpful to me in evaluating the effectiveness of these. I especially appreciated her willingness to try out these improvement exercises for herself, even when she struggled to do so with a good attitude.

There was much in this book that gave me encouragement in my assessment of my own personality "growth areas," and am looking forward to beginning an effort to carefully incorporate several of her suggestions for modifying my own traits in a way that will help me modify my own life. I highly recommend this book.

I am grateful to Simon & Schuster Publishing and Netgalley for the digital advance reader copy that I received in exchange for an honest review.

Me, But Better by Olga Khazan is an insightful exploration of personality change and self-improvement. Using the OCEAN model—openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism—Khazan embarks on a personal journey to reshape her own traits. Blending humor, research, and relatable experiences, she reveals the challenges and rewards of intentional self-growth. The book balances scientific depth with practical advice, encouraging readers to reflect on their own personalities and consider new strategies for change. Ideal for fans of psychology, self-help, and personal development, Me, But Better is both thought-provoking and motivational, making it a valuable read for anyone seeking growth.

I was fortunate to be able to read the not finished editing version of Olga’s book “Me, But Better.” via NetGalley. In her book, Olga documents her self-improvement, personality change journey and the experiences along the way. She wrote in a way that was both captivating and motivating. As far as this genre goes, I really enjoyed reading this book. I also want to mention that I appreciate the amount of time, effort and research that Olga put into this (which is evident by the 219-ish works cited in the reference section.) All in all I recommend this book both for a nice, easy non-fiction read and also for a self-improvement, motivational read.

An excellent read for any and all readers! Author comes at you with both barrels and knocks you out of your shoes! Great job fleshing out all the characters. I give this book FIVE stars! Definitely recommend!

This one made me think and want to take action in my own life. In this book, Khazan takes on the challenge of changing her personality? Can we even do that? Focusing on the OCEAN personality traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeable, neuroticism) Khazan takes different actions to challenge negative traits in each area. In conclusion, we need to do more than think about how we should change ourselves for the better - but do different things to grow ourselves.
Highly recommend this book, I think it’s very well written, researched, and it’s definitely actionable for the reader.

Me, But Better by Olga Khazan really got me thinking about how much we can actually change about ourselves. Khazan’s mix of humor and honesty as she dives into her own personality transformation experiments made it feel so relatable. Some parts had me nodding along like, "Yes, I’ve tried that, too!" while others had me laughing at the sheer absurdity of her challenges. It was inspiring but never preachy.

That said, I found some of the advice a little hard to apply in my own life—it’s definitely geared toward someone ready to dive deep into self-improvement. If you’re curious about the science behind personality and open to trying new things, this is a great pick. It’s smart, funny, and will definitely spark some introspection. ★★★★☆

A fascinating exploration of personality change and the fairly practical steps people can take to (temporarily?!) modify their preferences and behaviors.

I was intrigued to find out how one might go about increasing their extroversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness (and decreasing their neuroticism). The author has an accessible writing style and uses her own experience and those of others to illustrate each personality trait and things you can try in order to change that aspect of your personality, if you would like to.

Recommended to my fellow introverts and anyone interested in reading about human connection and behavior.

Thank you very much to Simon Element and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.