Initially I wanted to give this book 2 stars but decided to add an extra one, considering the author writes really well and is a decent wordsmith.

My beef with this book comes from the fact that I'm fed up with the stories of discovering non-monogamy written by privileged individuals (if you manage to own a home in Amsterdam on one spouse's salary then this alone screams privilege, as well as being able to pay for hotel rooms or travels to be able to accommodate any endeavours outside the primery relationship).

I also struggle to understand the purpose of "Ask Me How It Works" - it is organised around questions that people may have around non-monogamy, so it seems like it supposed to be educational. However it's far from it, unless you read this book and do mostly the opposite. Yes, some open relationships stem from infidelity, yet here it seems like very little restorative and introspective work was actually done. It also seems like one of the partners was actually pulled to non-monogamy and rationalised it, against previously communicated values.

Another thing I'm quite fed up with is romanticising Amsterdam and portraying the Netherlands as the pinnacle of free love and sexual openness. Maybe it is - in some (privileged) circles of wealthy expats.

If this book wasn't supposed to educate and normalise non-monogamy (because it's certainly not doing that), then it seems like was rather a self-indulgent memoir project, green-lighted on the premise of open relationships still being considered a trendy topic.

Deepa Paul offers a brave and insightful perspective on marriage and love.
I had high expectations and perhaps wrongly estimated the memoir aspect of this - I have mixed feelings about certain parts. In a way, I appreciate her honesty and her talking about motherhood, her family background, and all the different identities she has. The writing did not fully click with me, but this may not be the case for other readers.
3.5 stars rounded up.

Ask Me How It Works : Love in an Open Marriage. This book wasn't quite what I expected. It is more of a biography and full life story rather than just the juicy bits. To be honest I didn't really want to read a generational history, as I found it all so unrelatable. I did skim over lots. I am glad it works for them, and the author is brave to write about it all, but it wasn't a book for me. I think there will be lots of people who will love it and find a connection, but as the title question was so direct, I was expecting it to be more focussed.