How to Get Along with Anyone by John Eliot and Jim Guinn is a down-to-earth and practical guide for improving relationships, whether at work or in your personal life. I appreciated how straightforward and relatable the advice was, though some of it felt a little basic if you’ve already read other self-help books. Still, it offers solid, actionable tips for navigating tricky social situations and building stronger connections, so it's definitely worth a read if you’re looking to boost your interpersonal skills. Rating: 3 stars.

Good tips. Mostly common sense, but good tips. I'll keep some in my tool box so I can use them later.

"How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home", by John Eliot and Jim Guinn, is a handbook on a very timely topic. Nowadays, it seems no one knows how to resolve conflict or avoid it altogether. The authors begin this book by discussing the three main types of conflict types: task, process, and relational. These conflicts can be triggered by emotions, events time, and/or conditions. I was really interested in the conflict personality styles, which they labeled as follows: the avoider, the competitor, the analyzer, the collaborator, and the accommodator. The authors then dedicated a chapter to each personality style, giving practical advice to each style.

This book, while not exactly an exciting read, was full of good advice and suggestions to help the reader handle conflict. This would be a good read for anyone who is interested in bettering their social interactions. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

"Defuse any heated conflict by learning which of the five conflict styles you are and how to resolve even the most sensitive dispute with this must-read guide."

Maybe in the corporate world these five "patterns" (dare I think of them as stereotypes?) really do work. As with astrology, I see a lot of overlapping traits--nothing carved in granite.

"Almost everyone, when pushed too hard or stretched too thin--in other words, when Triggered--goes to one of (or a slight variation to one of) these personas.) We call them Go-Tos, short for ‘Go-To Conflict Personality Styles.’ Go-Tos pick up where standard personality typographies like Myers-Birggs, Enneagram, and StrengthsFinder leave off.”

So, what is your Go-To?
How easy is it for others to predict how you’ll react when triggered?

"When riled by another, humans will instinctively (1) avoid, (2) compete, (3) analyze, (4) collaborate, or (5) accommodate.”

I worked four years (two at a bomb factory, two at a company that produces radio equipment for the military and general aviation). The hardest part of my job ("presentations writer") was getting people to do their job. The other hardest part was dealing with egos and toddler antics. I said I might as well be a stay-home mom with actual toddlers, as nobody is paid enough to deal with adults who never grew up. (And I did. One Friday night after work I went into labor. Three children later, all of them adults now, I'm still not working from a corporate office full of people.)

Which of the five personality types does that make me?

The Accommodator shuns the limelight and graciously praises others for their accomplishments. No stealing credit for the work of others! This really is one of the five types. I would have thought this trait would get a lot more attention here, because in real life, it seems as mythical as a unicorn. Even at the checkout lane where clerks hand me a survey along with my receipt ("Please say how well I did?"), so much emphasis seems to be on being SEEN and named and thanked for doing the work that needs to be done. Humility gets us nowhere, right?

So, yeah, the Accomodator the one that had me thinking, "This is me." I'm not a competitor or a born leader; I love to see others do their best; I prefer working behind the scenes, unseen. And yes, I would actually prioritize the achievements of others over my own achievements and well-being.

But. Accommodaters still need to be appreciated. If not, they bottle up resentment. “They tend to bottle and bottle . . . until they quit.”

So, nothing is crystal-clear or cut-and-dried. These five personalities really do have a lot of overlap. A competitor might pretend to be a collaborator at times, and that makes it all the harder to discern who fits into what category and what little tricks we should employ to appease them, avoid their triggers, and inspire them to just do their job. Be a team player. Get things done.

All this common sense, buried in egos and psychological manipulation.

“Which Go-To is your boss? Which Go-To is your spouse? When their back is against the wall, how will they react?”

The authors offer a ‘Big 4 Checklist,” mode, timing, tone, and route, for helping us figure out which of the five types we may be dealing with.

“So how do you resolve conflict with someone who is certifiable?”

Now that’s the #1 question I had. An anecdote was offered. Einstein is quoted. My Kindle is filled with highlights indicating that I read the ideas here (Active Listening, Validation Technique, etc), but I cannot say I found anything that I can use.

Maybe if I reread this book several times or go hire a Life Coach, I’ll figure out how to deal with the people in my world who make life needlessly complicated and difficult.

If you want to know all five traits, go, get the book. I’m not summarizing all of them here.

In all, this book might be of use to someone else, but for me, it isn’t worth fifteen dollars. Fortunately, I didn’t pay that. Thank you to NetGalley, Simon & Schuster, John Eliot, and Jim Guinn for an e-ARC of this book.