This is an excellent example of black horror and thriller. Many black authors highlight rhw fact that so much of black history is horror in itself. Such deep rich, yet nerve wracking stories exist in these parts of the world. What a wonderful and relatable text for black history month. Well done!

Funny and warm memoir of the author's life as a Black girl and woman growing up in Wisconsin and the daughter of a mother from Ghana and a father from Nigeria. The book is broken up into individual stories which deal with her childhood in a suburb of Milwaukee where she was one of the few Black girls in her school and continuing on to her as an adult living in Boston. I enjoyed hearing about her childhood with her pediatrician mother and professor father and the parts about her fathers mysterious death in Nigeria read like a mystery novel.

Some of the book delves into her history of dating where she wanted to find love but often found herself pleasing others at the expense of her own needs and wants. I loved a story dealing with her mother's rocking chair where she explores the idea of parents keeping things for their children and there comes a time when the child has to keep things for themselves. A lot of her thoughts were in the philosophical range and I particularly liked her idea that parents can sow seeds that will root in their children, but children will pick up their own seeds and spores and we are all both connected and independent of our parents. Okokon is a storyteller, teacher, essayist and performs her stories on stage. I can't wait to read more by this talented and thoughtful writer. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a copy of this ARC for review.

Who I Always Was – Theresa Okokon - 2025 –
In this heartfelt debut memoir, Theresa Okokon explored the meanings and impact of parental loss combined with the social and cultural forces that shaped her life story. Theresa Okokon is a celebrated television co-host, storyteller, teacher, and writer. Her work has been featured in several publications and media formats.

Theresa was one of four siblings born and raised in Wisconsin by West African parents. In Fall River, the family lived in a spacious landscaped home, her parents both had PhD levels of education, her mother worked in the medical field, and her father was referred to as “the doctor of books” and was a professor at the University of Wisconsin.
When her father, a healthy 42-year-old man returned to Nigeria for his mother’s funeral, he never returned (1992). Her African-American relatives spoke in careful hushed tones when they visited, and never in English, there were many versions of the stories surrounding his mysterious death.

In 1990’s teen culture, Theresa, cute and popular, would always fit in at her privileged predominately White schools. Often, she was the only Black girl, it was easy for her to “act White” to gain acceptance. This worked until she realized that the White boys she liked were never actually interested in her. Despite having a teen boyfriend of four years, this troubling trend of non-committal disinterest would continue into adulthood. Theresa later joined the Peace Corps.

The move from Wisconsin to New England was invigorating and Theresa planned to buy a house. The haunting investigation into her father’s death, combined with her inability to obtain a supportive committed relationship left her troubled and unsettled. In a moment of sorrow, she realized that grasping at the “low hanging fruit” her responses of anger or angst to any degree of discomfort would no longer apply-- she would no longer be that person. Theresa’s journey of grief, identity, and healing is truly inspirational, great cover too! With thanks to Simon and Schuster via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

this was so funny and readable and interesting! i think both its biggest strength and its biggest weakness was how debut-y it was: it was a treat to read about the author becoming an author, but parts of this felt very done before. i will look out for more works from okokon!

Thank you to Netgalley and Atria Books for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. I enjoyed this book and reading about her story. I read this book in one sitting. I would recommend this book.

Wow, this was my first book by this author and I would for sure read more. I don’t typically like reading a lot of memoirs, but I certainly enjoyed this one, i loved her growth and exploration.

“𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘵, 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭.”

𝗪𝗛𝗢 𝗜 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗪𝗔𝗦 is a memoir told in essays that explores the experience of a first-generation American Ghanaian Nigerian woman. From the prologue, @ohh.jeezzz had me hooked.

She immediately addresses that most of her readers will be white and sets the tone for the honesty that’s to come:
“𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘎𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘬 - 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘪𝘴 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦... 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦.”

Whether she’s discussing race, relationships or loss, her words are profound and hit home even when they’re laced with humor. This collection is not to be missed. I only wish I had listened to the audiobook to hear Theresa’s stories in her own voice.

Thanks to Atria Books for the copy to review.

I really enjoyed this memoir told in essays by Theresa Okokon. The audiobook was also a great way to take it in. Thank you to the publisher for the free ebook.

Who I Always Was by Theresa Okokon is a well written memoir told in essays.
Such a powerful read.
A very interesting and entertaining book.
The writing was so well done. I was glued to my Kindle.

Who I Always Was is the story of Theresa Okokon told in essays. It is about her experience growing up as an American black female of Ghanaian and Nigerian descent in a mostly white world. She often feels like an outsider with both the black community and the white community. In addition, she has some tragic things to cope with.

I found this memoir to be really interesting; lots of her teenaged experiences seem common to many that age in that she struggles with self confidence and yearns to fit in and be accepted. But then there is a whole new level of feeling different because of her race and background. How did that affect Theresa? What will it take for Theresa to be happy? How important is it for her to have a loving partner in her life? What kind of mistakes did she make along the way, and how did they shape her for the future? What does she need to be fulfilled? What defines her self worth? I would love to see an update in the future. Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books for the digital ARC.

A memoir told in essays, this was a well-written look into the life of the daughter of African immigrants who was raised in (very white) Wisconsin and all that comes with that. Her essays touch on a variety of topics, including the duality of being a black woman raised in a white environment, discovering who you are as you grow up, relationships with men, and the complicated nature of family. The most powerful was her exploration of the events and aftermath of her father’s death and how it affected her for decades to come.

Pub Date: 2/4/25
Review Published: 2/3/25
eARC received from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

A different sort of memoir. This is all about identity and self discovery as well as coping with grief. Okokon writes movingly but know that this is a very millennial as it includes texting shorthand among other things. It starts rough but then the essays settle into a rhythm. Thanks to the publisher for the ARc. I suspect this will speak to many.

Publishing February 4th

4.5

Theresa Okokon, half Nigerian and half Ghanaian, grew up in a mostly white suburb in Wisconsin, with well-educated parents. Really, nothing predicts the loss of her father and the various ways his mysterious death becomes woven into Okokon's life from that point on.

Many of the essays are about Okokon's lack of connectedness. With lovers, with classmates, with family. And though the subject matter feels at times defeating, she often has a witty aside or shares a lesson learned, so it doesn't feel like sadness as much as a window to transformation.

I particularly loved this passage that was such a sudden and obvious bit of clarity for me, in spite of never having thought of it this way:
"...I was working as a youth services social worker, and I had come to hate - and love - the experience of being someone's grown-up. What made me most uncomfortable was the fact that you just never knew when you were doing something they'd never forget. You never know which observation of you processing your emotions will become the manual for how they express theirs. You never know which of the things you give them will become the things they held on to forever, nor which of your words will grow into a life lesson."

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

This was my first ever ARC so big thank you to NetGalley and Atria! I genuinely enjoyed reading this memoir so much and was disappointed to find out that this was Theresa Okokon’s debut.

At the age of 9, Theresa’s father goes on a trip home to Nigeria and never returns. Her collection of essays documents her unique experience of grief and the life that was shaped by this loss.

Her perspective on her lived experiences was really refreshing to read, and she wrote in a way that intertwined a more poetic prose with jokey/relatable quips that weren’t corny. I also loved this cover and all of the hidden meaning I was able to point out after having read.

(review can be found on goodreads, storygraph, fable, and instagram)

Okokon’s writing feels deeply personal yet universally resonant, as she navigates themes of abandonment and yearning while peeling back layers of her identity. Her reflections on growing up as a Black girl in predominantly white Wisconsin suburbs are strikingly honest, capturing the intersection of race, culture, and the weight of always feeling like the “other.” Interwoven with African spirituality and the unflinching realities of navigating love and heartbreak as a Black woman, the essays pulse with a quiet strength, laying bare the ways grief shapes not only who we are but also how we move through the world. It’s a deeply human work, beautifully messy and powerfully introspective.

What a powerful memoir! I love Okokon so much!

"Many of the characters and versions of the truth presented here are things my family does not talk about, words I have never heard my mother utter aloud. And it would be foolish of me to presume the silence has been accidental, much less unintentional. 'As long as you're telling the truth,' my mom once told me, 'I'm fine with it.'"

And thus begins a wild ride, made wilder by the fact that it's Okokon's story. And a wild ride that reminds us all to just be who you've always been - your authentic self, no matter what that ride has been like.

In fact, Okokon writes, "It depends on how you define the word 'truth'. Is there even such a thing as truth? Can there be more than one? How do you define family, blood, community? Does sharing blood make you family? Is community like blood? And what about blame? If there is no blood on anyone's hands, who is to blame?"

All the hard questions, no easy answers, but written in Okokon's flowing style that makes this book impossible to put down and unlikely to forget.

"The truth, if there is such a thing, exists in both the words and the silence of the story."

My favorite part involves Okokon's favorite animal: hippos. 10/10.

So many things about this book resonate. Highly recommend!

The focus of this memoir was self-discovery and I felt like she did that really well. Sometimes memoirs with that theme can be a bit abstract or gloss over uncomfortable facts but I felt like she was being very forthright.

The book did jump around in time but in a very smooth way. I also appreciated h0w she worked in her father's death/murder in a way that felt natural to the self-discovery aspect.

A memoir on the meaning of home, family, heritage, and what it means to belong. A compelling and razor sharp collection of essays from new to me author, Theresa Okokon. Though her life experience has been radically different from mine, I found myself really connecting with her beautiful writing and discovered that it was difficult for me to walk away once I picked up the book. A wonderful read. I am grateful to Atria Books for allowing me an early copy in exchange for an honest review.

”That’s the thing about identity: so much of it is nothing more than what others see in you… I am not interested in being who you want—or believe—me to be. I’d rather tell you, show you, who I am.”

A profoundly moving tribute to home, heritage, Blackness, and belonging. Theresa Okokon writes vividly about her family, her childhood, and her hopes for her own future. I love the cover—something beautiful and vibrant, flourishing in an unexpected place. This feels right for the tone of her essays.

”I have spent my life wanting to feel like I was part of something. A member of the club… Is my belonging real? Do I really belong to and with anyone?”

I especially appreciated the theme of identity and the things Okokon shared about her journey toward self-discovery. She details her mixed Nigerian and Ghanaian heritage, and offers valuable insight on the intersectionality of Blackness and immigration.

”Merely being happy and wanting to be somewhere doesn’t mean you can make yourself fit that place.”

Okokon’s writing makes me want to get lost in my own memories for a while, and see if I can unravel the braided threads of my own upbringing and ancestry and experiences. Would recommend this collection for fans of Transcendent Kingdom or Aftershocks.

——

A huge thank you to Theresa Okukon, Atria, and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I don’t like to judge memoirs too harshly because it is a very individual and personal piece of work, but this one just didn’t capture me at all after 6 weeks of attempted engagement with this book. I do, however, wish this author success with this publishing and future endeavors.