Publishing February 4th

4.5

Theresa Okokon, half Nigerian and half Ghanaian, grew up in a mostly white suburb in Wisconsin, with well-educated parents. Really, nothing predicts the loss of her father and the various ways his mysterious death becomes woven into Okokon's life from that point on.

Many of the essays are about Okokon's lack of connectedness. With lovers, with classmates, with family. And though the subject matter feels at times defeating, she often has a witty aside or shares a lesson learned, so it doesn't feel like sadness as much as a window to transformation.

I particularly loved this passage that was such a sudden and obvious bit of clarity for me, in spite of never having thought of it this way:
"...I was working as a youth services social worker, and I had come to hate - and love - the experience of being someone's grown-up. What made me most uncomfortable was the fact that you just never knew when you were doing something they'd never forget. You never know which observation of you processing your emotions will become the manual for how they express theirs. You never know which of the things you give them will become the things they held on to forever, nor which of your words will grow into a life lesson."

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

This was my first ever ARC so big thank you to NetGalley and Atria! I genuinely enjoyed reading this memoir so much and was disappointed to find out that this was Theresa Okokon’s debut.

At the age of 9, Theresa’s father goes on a trip home to Nigeria and never returns. Her collection of essays documents her unique experience of grief and the life that was shaped by this loss.

Her perspective on her lived experiences was really refreshing to read, and she wrote in a way that intertwined a more poetic prose with jokey/relatable quips that weren’t corny. I also loved this cover and all of the hidden meaning I was able to point out after having read.

(review can be found on goodreads, storygraph, fable, and instagram)

Okokon’s writing feels deeply personal yet universally resonant, as she navigates themes of abandonment and yearning while peeling back layers of her identity. Her reflections on growing up as a Black girl in predominantly white Wisconsin suburbs are strikingly honest, capturing the intersection of race, culture, and the weight of always feeling like the “other.” Interwoven with African spirituality and the unflinching realities of navigating love and heartbreak as a Black woman, the essays pulse with a quiet strength, laying bare the ways grief shapes not only who we are but also how we move through the world. It’s a deeply human work, beautifully messy and powerfully introspective.

What a powerful memoir! I love Okokon so much!

"Many of the characters and versions of the truth presented here are things my family does not talk about, words I have never heard my mother utter aloud. And it would be foolish of me to presume the silence has been accidental, much less unintentional. 'As long as you're telling the truth,' my mom once told me, 'I'm fine with it.'"

And thus begins a wild ride, made wilder by the fact that it's Okokon's story. And a wild ride that reminds us all to just be who you've always been - your authentic self, no matter what that ride has been like.

In fact, Okokon writes, "It depends on how you define the word 'truth'. Is there even such a thing as truth? Can there be more than one? How do you define family, blood, community? Does sharing blood make you family? Is community like blood? And what about blame? If there is no blood on anyone's hands, who is to blame?"

All the hard questions, no easy answers, but written in Okokon's flowing style that makes this book impossible to put down and unlikely to forget.

"The truth, if there is such a thing, exists in both the words and the silence of the story."

My favorite part involves Okokon's favorite animal: hippos. 10/10.

So many things about this book resonate. Highly recommend!

The focus of this memoir was self-discovery and I felt like she did that really well. Sometimes memoirs with that theme can be a bit abstract or gloss over uncomfortable facts but I felt like she was being very forthright.

The book did jump around in time but in a very smooth way. I also appreciated h0w she worked in her father's death/murder in a way that felt natural to the self-discovery aspect.

A memoir on the meaning of home, family, heritage, and what it means to belong. A compelling and razor sharp collection of essays from new to me author, Theresa Okokon. Though her life experience has been radically different from mine, I found myself really connecting with her beautiful writing and discovered that it was difficult for me to walk away once I picked up the book. A wonderful read. I am grateful to Atria Books for allowing me an early copy in exchange for an honest review.

”That’s the thing about identity: so much of it is nothing more than what others see in you… I am not interested in being who you want—or believe—me to be. I’d rather tell you, show you, who I am.”

A profoundly moving tribute to home, heritage, Blackness, and belonging. Theresa Okokon writes vividly about her family, her childhood, and her hopes for her own future. I love the cover—something beautiful and vibrant, flourishing in an unexpected place. This feels right for the tone of her essays.

”I have spent my life wanting to feel like I was part of something. A member of the club… Is my belonging real? Do I really belong to and with anyone?”

I especially appreciated the theme of identity and the things Okokon shared about her journey toward self-discovery. She details her mixed Nigerian and Ghanaian heritage, and offers valuable insight on the intersectionality of Blackness and immigration.

”Merely being happy and wanting to be somewhere doesn’t mean you can make yourself fit that place.”

Okokon’s writing makes me want to get lost in my own memories for a while, and see if I can unravel the braided threads of my own upbringing and ancestry and experiences. Would recommend this collection for fans of Transcendent Kingdom or Aftershocks.

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A huge thank you to Theresa Okukon, Atria, and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I don’t like to judge memoirs too harshly because it is a very individual and personal piece of work, but this one just didn’t capture me at all after 6 weeks of attempted engagement with this book. I do, however, wish this author success with this publishing and future endeavors.

Who I Always Was by Theresa Okokon is a powerful and introspective memoir that takes readers on a journey through her experiences of identity, belonging, and self-discovery. I was deeply moved by Okokon’s candid storytelling and the way she explores her cultural heritage and personal challenges. Her reflections on the complexities of race and identity are both thought-provoking and relatable, making it a compelling read. This memoir resonates with anyone seeking to understand themselves better and appreciate the diverse tapestry of human experience.

Deeply though provoking. The author gives you a raw and real look into the enter workings of their mind. I can’t wait to read more by this author.