WHO I ALWAYS WAS details the author's journey of coming into her own—her desires, her connection with Blackness after growing up in almost all-white suburbs in Wisconsin, and her understanding of her father's mysterious death and the ways it affected her family.

When Okokon was young, her father traveled to Nigeria to attend a funeral and never returned. After his death, her memories and grief accompany her as she grows up and tries to figure out who she is, what she likes, and what really happened to her dad. This memoir in essays primarily chronicles her family life, search for identity, career changes, and romantic woes. It dips into a few heavier topics, but the author's humor and warmth helped lighten things up.

I didn't enjoy or see the point in most of the dating content, but as the book went on, it went deeper and offered some meaningful introspection. It's an honest and vulnerable book, but it ultimately wasn't particularly interesting or insightful to me. However, it's a lovely ode to what it means to belong, call someplace home, own your struggle, and become who you were meant to be.

*This review is based on an advance review copy provided by the publisher. All opinions are 100% honest and my own.

I received this text early from NetGalley for review.

The author, Theresa Okokon, lost her father at a very early age when he traveled to Nigeria to bury his mother and never returned.

Throughout the stories in the text, we come to find out that Theresa and her siblings were told many different versions of what may have happened to her father. But in all of the versions, one person stood out as a possible suspect for her father's disappearance.

This text is not only about Theresa's loss of her father, rather it is full of stories from her life as she reflects back to the ones that helped to shape who she became.

Theresa writes with so much detail and interest, that the reader is drawn in and becomes part of the story. I felt as if I were the one experiencing some of the emotions she so clearly described. One that particularly stood out was about a rocking chair that she treasured, and was heart-broken when her mom gifted. Theresa had created fake memories (and acknowledged this) around this chair, despite knowing they could not be real based on when the chair was purchased.

This was a beautifully written memoir that I could see sticking with me for a while. This was a beautifully written series of essays telling the authors story. The writing was lyrical and thought provoking and themes really stuck with me. This is the first book by this author and would read more from them in the future. I would like to thank NetGalley and the publishers for a chance to read this book for an honest review.

I really, really loved this memoir of essays. I think that this book is something completely refreshing and wholesome that everyone should read it if they can. (Preferably to a playlist of Alanis, Ani, and Biggie.) I was moved by Theresa’s words about her life and her experiences that truly shaped the incredibly talented and passionate woman that she is today. Her imagery of loss and pain, specifically her essay about the loss of father will stay with me forever. She truly brought me there with her on that carpet to hold this space for her. From her search for answers with her family, to her changing landscape with that all white Honda to a Boston suburb she really paints a beautiful panoramic picture of peace and tranquility. Thank you so much to the publishers at Atria for the galley I received. It has in no way influenced my opinion of my review.

This book definitely felt like a debut book but it was very well written. Theresa straddled the line of both funny and haunting in her debut. A definite read.

DNF - I tried twice with this one, but just couldn't get into it. The beginning was just so slow and boring, like a history lesson in high school. I hoped maybe it would pick up, but it didn't.

This is an excellent example of black horror and thriller. Many black authors highlight rhw fact that so much of black history is horror in itself. Such deep rich, yet nerve wracking stories exist in these parts of the world. What a wonderful and relatable text for black history month. Well done!

Funny and warm memoir of the author's life as a Black girl and woman growing up in Wisconsin and the daughter of a mother from Ghana and a father from Nigeria. The book is broken up into individual stories which deal with her childhood in a suburb of Milwaukee where she was one of the few Black girls in her school and continuing on to her as an adult living in Boston. I enjoyed hearing about her childhood with her pediatrician mother and professor father and the parts about her fathers mysterious death in Nigeria read like a mystery novel.

Some of the book delves into her history of dating where she wanted to find love but often found herself pleasing others at the expense of her own needs and wants. I loved a story dealing with her mother's rocking chair where she explores the idea of parents keeping things for their children and there comes a time when the child has to keep things for themselves. A lot of her thoughts were in the philosophical range and I particularly liked her idea that parents can sow seeds that will root in their children, but children will pick up their own seeds and spores and we are all both connected and independent of our parents. Okokon is a storyteller, teacher, essayist and performs her stories on stage. I can't wait to read more by this talented and thoughtful writer. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a copy of this ARC for review.

Who I Always Was – Theresa Okokon - 2025 –
In this heartfelt debut memoir, Theresa Okokon explored the meanings and impact of parental loss combined with the social and cultural forces that shaped her life story. Theresa Okokon is a celebrated television co-host, storyteller, teacher, and writer. Her work has been featured in several publications and media formats.

Theresa was one of four siblings born and raised in Wisconsin by West African parents. In Fall River, the family lived in a spacious landscaped home, her parents both had PhD levels of education, her mother worked in the medical field, and her father was referred to as “the doctor of books” and was a professor at the University of Wisconsin.
When her father, a healthy 42-year-old man returned to Nigeria for his mother’s funeral, he never returned (1992). Her African-American relatives spoke in careful hushed tones when they visited, and never in English, there were many versions of the stories surrounding his mysterious death.

In 1990’s teen culture, Theresa, cute and popular, would always fit in at her privileged predominately White schools. Often, she was the only Black girl, it was easy for her to “act White” to gain acceptance. This worked until she realized that the White boys she liked were never actually interested in her. Despite having a teen boyfriend of four years, this troubling trend of non-committal disinterest would continue into adulthood. Theresa later joined the Peace Corps.

The move from Wisconsin to New England was invigorating and Theresa planned to buy a house. The haunting investigation into her father’s death, combined with her inability to obtain a supportive committed relationship left her troubled and unsettled. In a moment of sorrow, she realized that grasping at the “low hanging fruit” her responses of anger or angst to any degree of discomfort would no longer apply-- she would no longer be that person. Theresa’s journey of grief, identity, and healing is truly inspirational, great cover too! With thanks to Simon and Schuster via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

this was so funny and readable and interesting! i think both its biggest strength and its biggest weakness was how debut-y it was: it was a treat to read about the author becoming an author, but parts of this felt very done before. i will look out for more works from okokon!

Thank you to Netgalley and Atria Books for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. I enjoyed this book and reading about her story. I read this book in one sitting. I would recommend this book.

Wow, this was my first book by this author and I would for sure read more. I don’t typically like reading a lot of memoirs, but I certainly enjoyed this one, i loved her growth and exploration.

“𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘵, 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭.”

𝗪𝗛𝗢 𝗜 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗪𝗔𝗦 is a memoir told in essays that explores the experience of a first-generation American Ghanaian Nigerian woman. From the prologue, @ohh.jeezzz had me hooked.

She immediately addresses that most of her readers will be white and sets the tone for the honesty that’s to come:
“𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘎𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘬 - 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘪𝘴 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦... 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶’ 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦.”

Whether she’s discussing race, relationships or loss, her words are profound and hit home even when they’re laced with humor. This collection is not to be missed. I only wish I had listened to the audiobook to hear Theresa’s stories in her own voice.

Thanks to Atria Books for the copy to review.

I really enjoyed this memoir told in essays by Theresa Okokon. The audiobook was also a great way to take it in. Thank you to the publisher for the free ebook.

Who I Always Was by Theresa Okokon is a well written memoir told in essays.
Such a powerful read.
A very interesting and entertaining book.
The writing was so well done. I was glued to my Kindle.

Who I Always Was is the story of Theresa Okokon told in essays. It is about her experience growing up as an American black female of Ghanaian and Nigerian descent in a mostly white world. She often feels like an outsider with both the black community and the white community. In addition, she has some tragic things to cope with.

I found this memoir to be really interesting; lots of her teenaged experiences seem common to many that age in that she struggles with self confidence and yearns to fit in and be accepted. But then there is a whole new level of feeling different because of her race and background. How did that affect Theresa? What will it take for Theresa to be happy? How important is it for her to have a loving partner in her life? What kind of mistakes did she make along the way, and how did they shape her for the future? What does she need to be fulfilled? What defines her self worth? I would love to see an update in the future. Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books for the digital ARC.

A memoir told in essays, this was a well-written look into the life of the daughter of African immigrants who was raised in (very white) Wisconsin and all that comes with that. Her essays touch on a variety of topics, including the duality of being a black woman raised in a white environment, discovering who you are as you grow up, relationships with men, and the complicated nature of family. The most powerful was her exploration of the events and aftermath of her father’s death and how it affected her for decades to come.

Pub Date: 2/4/25
Review Published: 2/3/25
eARC received from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

A different sort of memoir. This is all about identity and self discovery as well as coping with grief. Okokon writes movingly but know that this is a very millennial as it includes texting shorthand among other things. It starts rough but then the essays settle into a rhythm. Thanks to the publisher for the ARc. I suspect this will speak to many.

Publishing February 4th

4.5

Theresa Okokon, half Nigerian and half Ghanaian, grew up in a mostly white suburb in Wisconsin, with well-educated parents. Really, nothing predicts the loss of her father and the various ways his mysterious death becomes woven into Okokon's life from that point on.

Many of the essays are about Okokon's lack of connectedness. With lovers, with classmates, with family. And though the subject matter feels at times defeating, she often has a witty aside or shares a lesson learned, so it doesn't feel like sadness as much as a window to transformation.

I particularly loved this passage that was such a sudden and obvious bit of clarity for me, in spite of never having thought of it this way:
"...I was working as a youth services social worker, and I had come to hate - and love - the experience of being someone's grown-up. What made me most uncomfortable was the fact that you just never knew when you were doing something they'd never forget. You never know which observation of you processing your emotions will become the manual for how they express theirs. You never know which of the things you give them will become the things they held on to forever, nor which of your words will grow into a life lesson."

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

This was my first ever ARC so big thank you to NetGalley and Atria! I genuinely enjoyed reading this memoir so much and was disappointed to find out that this was Theresa Okokon’s debut.

At the age of 9, Theresa’s father goes on a trip home to Nigeria and never returns. Her collection of essays documents her unique experience of grief and the life that was shaped by this loss.

Her perspective on her lived experiences was really refreshing to read, and she wrote in a way that intertwined a more poetic prose with jokey/relatable quips that weren’t corny. I also loved this cover and all of the hidden meaning I was able to point out after having read.

(review can be found on goodreads, storygraph, fable, and instagram)