I wanted to enjoy, or at least be fascinated by this book, but I was thoroughly disappointed in it. The author bashed all of the church, not just the specific churches she attended or the denominations she was most familiar with. There are thousands of Christian denominations and millions of churches, from megachurches to small house churches consisting of less than a dozen people. It's far too narrow-minded a view to paint them all in a negative light. The author also had a specific set of beliefs and seemed to communicate that her set of beliefs was the only right way of thinking, while at the same time insisting that those who left the church are thinking correctly, even though those who left the church can have many different views. The stark contradiction doesn't make sense. Overall, the book came across as hypocritical and convulated.

However, I appreciated the author's honesty with her story, and I do support the idea of searching for God elsewhere, rather than just through your pastor, which was the main message of the book. The delivery of the message was simply less than ideal.

This book is a powerful, personal memoir of finding faith through releasing obedience. It is also a kind, gentle, but realistic guide to readers who might be interested in undertaking a similar journey. She includes journal prompts, reading recommendations, and questions for personal introspection

Karla Kamstra is a Tiktok minister. This book is part memoir and part "how to" guide for those "deconstructing" from the faith of their childhood or religious heritage. This book will undoubtedly help people, there are many that are struggling with the journey of healing from spiritual trauma. There is no "there" to get to, no goal, no destination. Mostly this book is for those who were formerly a part of a high control, fundamentalist, "evangelical" American type religion. Ex IBLP, Ex JWs, Ex Southern Baptists, etc, this book may be for you. Basically any church that does not allow women to preach or with a patriarchal definition of God.

It is challenging to leave a fellowship and community, even a damaging one. Losing your entire support system feels like an emptying of your life, and it can feel lonely at best and suffocating and terrifying at worst. Reading this book helped me learn more about what her experience was like and making space for those who have a different story than our own. There are many people that are what I call "spiritual refugees" and Kamstra describes as being in the "spiritual wilderness."

I really liked how she describes "what church has gotten wrong" and "what church has gotten right." She has a great sense of "both things can be true" meaning "my church taught me harmful and incorrect teachings meant to manipulate and control" AND "my church gave me tremendous community, sense of purpose, and did wonderful things for the community." BOTH of those things can be true. "Nazis and KKK and Southerners who Enslaved people ALL used Christianity to justify their actions" AND "Universities, hospitals, reading programs, food pantries, shelters all were and are created by and for people driven by Christian principles"- BOTH those things can be true. I learned some stupid and untrue things in churches. I learned some pure and beautiful and loving things in church. Both of those things are true.

I have respect for Karla's journey and her seminary degree. Personally I have always been a seeker and I feel happy and content and aware of God's presence in my life today. For me, I absolutely need an affirming, inclusive community that allows me to explore my own journey while giving me spiritual direction and tradition.

One of my favorite questions she asks; "Why have I never seen that I can be inspired by the Jesus story without being bound to toxic theology? That's where we can find the real Jesus."

I am a little cautious of those who find spirituality very independently and "worship their own way" at home without any kind of direction. I think it is way too easy to just be led by algorithms and not be challenged. Way too easy to create my own God in my own image. That said, I spent a LOT of time there myself, because I was too burned, hurt, and damaged by spiritual trauma to be a part of organized religion. I believe that the Holy Spirit led me back to organized religion when I was ready. I am so grateful for it today. It took 20 years in the "spiritual wilderness" and a lot of therapy and healing. I think it is important to be accountable, a part of a community, to learn how to worship in community with people that have different beliefs than I do. As long as someone's beliefs don't harm someone else, as long as they do not deny someone else's acceptance into Jesus's family, I am cool with singing hymns with you. Meeting someone where they are is important. Community isn't contingent upon 100% shared beliefs.

Another useful exercise in this book are some journal prompts. They do not try to "convince" you of any particular theology but really get you thinking about what types of narratives have been imposed on you. Kamstra really encourages people to take responsibility for their own healing.

Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for the ARC. Book to be released Oct 8, 2024.