Loved this blend of memoir and history-of-gossip. McKinney's narrative felt well-researched and also personal. Great for fans of memoir and also fans of popular history!

3.5 Stars

I am a big fan of the podcast Normal Gossip so when I heard Kelsey was writing a book I knew I had to read it!

The book began with a quote from a 90’s Reba McEntire song so I was endeared and excited from the jump. Reba is my queen.

Going into this book I wasn’t sure if it would be super research-heavy or just straight focused on various pieces of anonymized gossip or personal run-ins with gossip for the author. It was somewhere in the middle? I would have liked it better one way or the other.

However, Kelsey’s comedic voice did shine through which carried this through for me.

I do love that through the pod and this book Kelsey is proclaiming that gossip is not inherently bad, and can be used to protect people and that whisper networks have been here and doing good for ages.

I am a long time listener of Kelsey's podcsast, Normal Gossip! Her work has legitimacy changed my life and also made it so much better. I am a bit older than her typical demographic, but I have been a fan from day one.

Beyond that, this work was an UNDERTAKING. The research alone is amazing.

Know, this concept and framework around gossip has completely changed my life. I went from feeling ashamed--to realizing that gossip is a thinly vailed rubric to protect those with the upmost power.

I said what I said. I will say it again. Gossip protects those with limited power. It limits the playing field.

Read this book.

Any negative I have towards this book is quite simply MY OWN FAULT and not a flaw in the book. This book is a really unique deep dive into gossip: its history, its cultural importance, its characteristics. It is a sociological exploration about the human need for gossip and once I realized that's what it was about, I did really enjoy it!!

My problem is that as a superfan of the author's podcast, Normal Gossip, I expected the book to be filled with salacious gossip stories that would make me laugh out loud, just like on the podcast. I am not the biggest nonfiction reader, so I found some parts to be a little boring, but I'm really glad I stuck with it. So if you're a Normal Gossip fan hoping for something in the same vein, just be prepared...BUT I do encourage you to pick it up anyway because it's so interesting and provides a contextual framework for gossip. And of course the voice of the author comes through in a hilarious way the whole time. I'll continue to follow Kelsey McKinney anywhere!

Thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!!

I love gossip. I love the podcast Kelsey McKinney created all about gossip. And I so wanted to love this book. It’s very well-done, thoroughly researched, thoughtful, and informative—you can certainly see Kelsey’s journalism background throughout (and that’s great!!). But I didn’t love this book. It will be a fantastic read for the right person, but I went into it with expectations of something a little more “hey, let me tell you a secret about gossip in society” and a little less academic.

Finished Reading

Pre-Read notes

Gossip sort of fascinates me. Right now the issue of gossip is creating giant divisions in my biological family. We can't agree what gossip even is, let alone how to handle it as a family. I take the unpopular opinion that gossip happens naturally in families, as in, "How's Uncle Hank doing? How is Gramma's cancer battle going? How's my sister's new job going?" This is not gossip to me, but it is for people who are preoccupied with what is being said about them. I learned a long time ago not to pay any attention to what people say about me. I'm mentally ill, so people are mostly wrong about me anyway.

I hope I gain some clarity from reading this book, despite its humor. *edit The humor added a lot to this emotionally fraught discussion for me!

Final Review:

“Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip. But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.” p152

Review summary and recommendations

This is one of those nonfiction book where the author's interest in her subject really shines through. Kelsey McKinney discusses her seemingly humble topic, gossip, from a number of insightful and surprising angles. I came to this book while experiencing a "gossip" issue in my life and came away with a deeper understanding of gossip and its role in human survival. I loved reading this book and learning to better understand this socially and morally charged topic.

I recommend this one for readers who are interested in learning more about gossip and the role it plays in different areas of human life, and fans of humor, memoir, and general nonfiction.

Reality exists without us, which is a comforting reminder. p142

Reading Notes

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. At its most basic, gossip is just one person talking to another about someone who isn’t present. That means, definitionally, that prayer requests are gossip. So much yes to this. It's easy to vilify gossip as women's talk or unChristian, but doing so holds gossip in a shortsighted perspective.

2. Well, McKinney just convinced me to read The Epic of Gilgamesh by sharing a gossip-style variation she received from ChatGPT. Also, I recommend this book to any writers who are nervous about AI stealing writing away from humans.

3. A meta-analysis published in Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2019 found that people spend approximately fifty-two minutes a day on average gossiping. (The study included only verbal gossiping, so it’s safe to say that fifty-two minutes a day is a low estimate . We are always texting now.) Most of those fifty-two minutes were gossip only in the strictest sense: talking about other people . Only 15 percent of the instances in which participants were gossiping was negative. p39 Gossip is normal.

4. I began to notice that these blanket renunciations of gossip as “negative” never defined who exactly the negativity was directed toward . Negativity is a value judgment. p45 The judgment of "negative" is meaningless when describing two-sided social .

5. In English, the word gossip”comes from the word “god-sibb,” a word used as early as the eleventh century to denote a person with whom you were emotionally intimate but not related. p53 As I speculated before I started this book, it seems gossip comes naturally in families.

6. Recording people in public as individuals does not create the exact same panopticon that the state generates by wiretapping or privacy invasion , but it does make the state’s ability to monitor us even easier. We have created our own surveillance state willingly, and we applaud ourselves for doing so. p123 We need to ask the hard questions about the kinds of gossip that are most powerful and potentially destructive.

7. [G]ossip is how we decide whom to trust and whom not to trust. It helps us decide who is safe and who is not, who will protect us and who won’t. Gossip is how we build our communities, and watching people build (and destroy) communities on television is still social learning. p129 Gossip actually serves an important social function. This is the reason I refused to "stop gossiping" within my family, because the members are abusive, and I feel a deep need to protect myself from them. Abusers in small systems have a lot of power, but one of the greatest sources is in the silence of their victims.

Rating: 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 /5 people talking
Recommend? yes
Finished: Jan 30 '25
Format: accessible digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
📜 nonfiction
👥️ social commentary
😂 humor
🕰 history

Thank you to the author Kelsey McKinney, publishers Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME. All views are mine.
---------------

This book was not a good match for me and it is entirely my fault. I love the Normal Gossip podcast so when I saw the host had a book coming out with a gossipy title - I made up for myself that it would be like the podcast but in print. I got in bed with the book ready to read some great gossip stories and moments of “what would you do?” and laugh myself to sleep. However that’s not what the book is about and not what the book claims to be about - it is just what I made up. This book is a study of gossip and what purpose it serves and how it’s more nuanced than just fun or bad. Lots of interesting information there but a big disconnect from what I expected so it wasn’t working for me. Thank you to the publisher for the free ebook and audiobook to review.

This non-fiction book is one part memoir, one part pop culture references of the past decade, and one part gossip through history. There were some highs and lows, and it was a quick read.

Each chapter has a different theme, and some chapters I felt were much stronger than others. The memoir parts were most compelling to me because Kelsey's voice and opinion shine through with some interesting points. The pop culture references and anecdotes I fear will be a little dated five years from now (e.g. West Elm Caleb), and I just don't know enough of Kelsey's favorite reality TV (e.g. The Bachelorette, The Traitors, Survivor, and Real Housewives) to appreciate those references. The history portion I think is the weakest because it's overly quote heavy and feels more like a paper for school than Kelsey's take or a new perspective. It also didn't feel like there was a strong thread to tie together all of the chapters; I could definitely have read these chapters out of order with minimal difference.

For full transparency, I listened to and liked the first few seasons of Normal Gossip, so Kelsey Mckinney's voice felt familiar and endearing from the first page. I think actually the audiobook narrated by Kelsey will be the optimal experience for this book, because I could guess which words Kelsey would stress or how she'd land lines but it would have been more fun to hear as told by her. If you enjoy Kelsey's podcast, I think you'll be entertained and enjoy learning more about Kelsey, but you shouldn't expect juicy gossip or a controversial take on gossip.

Thank you, Grand Central Publishing, for an advanced reader copy!

You Didn't Hear This From Me is a thought-provoking collection of essays on gossip. There's no ultimate judgement on whether it's good or bad, worthwhile or destructive--it all depends on the context! If you're a Normal Gossip fan looking for more juicy stories, you won't really find them here. Rather, this book will have you examining your own relationship with gossip, eavesdropping, reality tv, celebrity culture...

Hell yess! Normal Gossip is my all-time favorite podcast and while I was sad to see Kelsey sign off as the host, this book more than makes up for it. (For now). The history of how gossip came to be is fascinating and she writes it in a way that doesn’t feel like a textbook. The pop culture references and personal stories are perfect tie ins to helping the reader connect the dots. Read it!

"You Didn't Hear This From Me" feels like reading a super long college essay whose thesis is “gossip is good, actually“

Kelsey McKinney's full length book about gossip was a fun, engaging and thoughtful read. I most appreciated her discussion of the role of gossip in human culture and identity as well as the evolutionary advantages of the practice. When she delved into current examinations of gossip she referred quite a bit to pop media and reality TV. I understood why she chose these sources as they are widely known and therefore weren't divulging any intimate secrets but I don't personally have any interest in that world so those sections fell flat for me. A valid question would be whether this book illuminated new understandings. I would say it does to some extent. Fans of the podcast would certainly enjoy this book, as would reality TV lovers. Anyone who felt maligned in social circles due to their interest in the stories of those around them could feel reassured that this is all part of community bonding as long as certain privacy lines are respected of course.

A properly kaleidoscopic view on the best subject of all: gossip. I relished the chance to think so deeply about something so many people think is trivial. The book has a great blend of research and voice-y prose, which kept it from skewing too dry or too frivolous. I knocked it a star because I've read enough pop science/pop social science books that a lot of the research was familiar to me, so it wasn't truly revelatory. Still a very fun book!

3.75 stars. I enjoy the podcast Normal Gossip so was interested to check out the host’s book. This was interesting and I was not bored, but it also felt a bit like a padded out essay that was turned into a book. I’m sure this is an exaggeration but it felt like upwards of 25% was quoted material from other sources. I get that gossip can sometimes be good and sometimes be bad. Would have loved a bit more of the fun vibes the podcast has.

Thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for providing me with an advance reader’s copy in exchange for an honest review.

Publishes February 11, 2025.

I love the podcast "Normal Gossip" which was previously hosted by the author of this book, Kelsey McKinney. In the podcast, she presents anonymous gossip stories that are full of fun & plot twists.

This book focused on the topic of gossip and was a well-researched non-fiction book about why gossip is essential to our society in many different forms.

There were several things that I enjoyed about the book to include how thought provoking and nuanced it was about the topic of gossip. One of my favorite chapters was on evangelical Christianity and its relationship with gossip which did make me think about the topic within the context of my faith.

There were some aspect that were more challenging for me about the book too - sometimes I felt the topics were less what I would personally classify as "gossip" and more about story-telling. It felt like English may have limitations on it's definitions around different ways we communicate about each other. I also am a mood reader and think I was expecting the book to be a written version of her podcast - light & funny. While there were moments of this, it was mainly a well-informed and research-based read. Overall, it's a worthwhile read if you want to consider the nuances of gossip and pop culture.

I love gossip and I think Kelsey is an incredible story teller so i went into this with high expectations. I really enjoyed a lot of the chapters but felt some some of them could have relied less on quotes and could have been edited down. The final chapter was fantastic and ended the book on a strong note. Overall would recommend, this was a fun read

Overview: Kelsey McKinney takes a deep dive into gossip through a series of essays in a spinoff of her podcast, Normal Gossip. On the podcast, McKinney and her co-host delve into stories from strangers, perfect bits of juicy gossip, and in this series of essay, McKinney breaks down different types of gossip and gossip adjacent constructs (urban legends, parasocialism, conspiracy theories, anonymous gossip, why Chat GPT can't gossip, etc) in these well researched, thoughtful essays that infuse her personal experiences as a lifelong gossip and internet resident with scientific literature, literature-literature, and pieces of the art world. Overall: 4.5

Notes: I'm going to be totally honest and say that while this was an early "most anticipated" of 2025 for me, I had no clue that Kelsey McKinney had a podcast. I was scrolling through Twitter last year, saw one of her tweets either announcing or promoting preorders or something like that and thought, "A book about gossip? Yes please." So I went to NetGalley and long story short, I've now read the book. While McKinney's podcast does lend some anecdotes to the book, what better facilitates these essays is that McKinney is extremely well versed in pop culture, the internet, and literature. She pulls together a truly interesting and diverse pool of sources that she uses to make her points from novels to memoirs to scientific studies to examples pulled from movies. Having such a gem-filled treasure chest of a library of knowledge to work with makes the essays feel more unique, surprising, and delightful than they might have been from someone whose work was singularly focused on the more scientific angle of the subject.

These books about big topics usually go one of two ways. They either try to put the story of the topic in some narrative stricture, create a sequential order of things, or they jump right into essays that allow the author to delve into the most interesting sub-segments to them in more depth. This book goes for the essay style which makes it easy to digest and pick up for an essay or two. It's very approachable, and McKinney does a great job of creating a conversational tone that still feels rich and thoughtful. The book actually made me want to listen to the podcast. While I didn't learn a ton I didn't already know (I wasn't expecting to, I love this topic and those adjacent to it and have done a lot of reading on the subject), it felt like getting to discuss the subjects of the essay with a very thoughtful, intelligent friend, which is always exciting.

I think the book truly had me hooked when McKinney mentioned her attendance at the famous Lorde concert where Jack Antonoff came out and performed, stoking already ardent rumors that they were having an affair. While she didn't mention the truly wild powerpoint outlining why one fan thought this was true (she took the story in a different, interesting direction), that was the moment where I felt like this book was truly on my wavelength.
Review on blog forthcoming closer to release date.

The first essay opens with McKinney outlining what gossip is and how it fits within the larger lineage of storytelling by detailing her failed experiment to try to get Chat GPT to gossip with her. While I loathe any use of the pathetic chat robot, I thought that she made fantastic points that illuminated why Chat GPT is horrible at writing, be it stories or essays. She makes a fantastic argument against the chatbots that everyone should have to read. The next essay discusses the relationship between religion and gossip and the harms that come from gossip being cast as never acceptable. This is largely through the lens of her experience growing up in a megachurch, though the essay does ultimately reach beyond that.

The next series of essays center around popular media. She uses Mean Girls and the differences between the book, the original movie, and the remake to talk about protective gossip and the way that (largely women) use gossip to protect themselves and others from dangerous people. The essay on Anonymous gossip might be my favorite as it pulls together so many cultural touchpoints that I love. It centrally revolves around Gossip Girl and why the original show worked when the remake didn't, but within that, she discusses Refinery 29's Money Diaries series, Elena Ferrante's anonymity (which I didn't realize that was a pen name!), and, of course, Deuxmoi and blind items. This weaves together in such a satisfying way, and as someone who's not above glancing through subreddits gossiping about influencers and celebrities, this was a lot of fun.

Other essays in the collection tackle topics like parasocial relationships and the ways that fans will both start and ignore rumors to protect their conception of the celebrity they think they know. It was a take on the topic that I hadn't seen articulated before and was quite interesting. This is where the Lorde story I mentioned earlier comes in. Doxxing comes up and, of course, West Elm Caleb, and makes a point about how the ways we use social media only helps the creation of a surveillance state. Reality TV can't be left out as its a format entirely powered by gossip. Urban legends and their more sinister sibling, conspiracy theories comes up. I was a bit disappointed to see that my two favorite urban legends born of celebrity gossip (that Paul Mescal ends hook ups by taking his date to the park, pointing out a bird, and then hightailing it away the next morning and that Timothy Chalamet gave everyone at NYU chlamydia) do not make an appearance. Finally, McKinney chronicles how gossip often becomes compressed into history if it's about the right people at the right time and pays homage to the glories of eavesdropping.

Clearly, this book had me hooked, and it does a great job of exploring the topic in a fresh way with great modern, topical references. Even if you think you don't care about gossip, this is a great book for anyone who loves the internet (or loved what it was until recently). I highly recommend this to fans of Amanda Montell's books as well.

I was extremely excited to receive this ARC because Normal Gossip is my absolute favorite podcast. Unfortunately, what I consider to be the hallmarks of the show— tightly paced narrative, surprising insight, and madcap human— were all missing, I found the essays to be wandering and bland. The two most personal (gossip + evangelical Christianity and gossip +the Me Too movement) were by far the strongest even though the subject matter was the most serious. All in all I will continue to recommend the podcast, but would give the book a pass.

I wasn’t familiar with Kelsey McKinney or her podcast before picking up You Didn’t Hear This From Me, but I ended up really enjoying it. The book takes a fascinating look at gossip—how it weaves through our lives and culture, shaping the way we inform, learn, protect, and even deceive.

As I read, I started noticing real-life examples of how gossip plays a role in our daily interactions. McKinney challenges the idea that gossip is purely negative, offering a nuanced perspective on its power and complexity. She made me rethink how we communicate and the ways gossip can foster connection as much as it can cause harm.

This was an engaging and thought-provoking read, and I appreciated the fresh perspective it gave me. Whether you’re new to McKinney or a longtime fan, this book is definitely worth checking out. A solid 4 stars!

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for my free review copy.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this early copy - I love Kelsey's voice and it was strong throughout, a great reading experience. It's a wonderful companion to the hours I've spent with her podcasts and other writing, and I loved the balance between explanation without justification - it's not a guilty pleasure, it's an important communication. A wonderful read, and a distinct authorial tone - loved it!