When Catie and Toby make a deal in which he'll teach her Mandarin if she'll teach him how to date. Its easy to see which direction this one is going to go in and quite frankly I was there for it.

“Broken Hearts and Broken Homes—If home is where the heart is, then a broken home must mean that a heart is broken too.”
4.5/5☆

📖 Recommended for fans of:
💜 Emotional contemporary YA
💜 Books that explore cultural identity & adoption
💜 Slow-burn romance with serious soft-boy energy

There’s something special about books that sneak up on you—ones that promise a lighthearted story but end up gripping your heart in ways you didn’t expect. First Love Language felt exactly like that. I went in thinking I was getting a cute coming-of-age romance, but what I found was an emotionally rich exploration of identity, grief, and the search for belonging.

Catie’s life is a constant balancing act between past and present, between San Diego and Utah, between the mother she lost and the one who raised her. Moving to a new place with her adoptive mother and younger sister should be a fresh start, but the ghosts of her past are impossible to outrun. The questions about her biological mother linger, as does the ache of losing her father. But how do you best spent your summer away from home? Working of course. Then she meets Toby. Beautifully dyed lilac hair and an easygoing charm, a boy who somehow makes the tangled mess of Catie’s emotions feel a little less overwhelming. Their relationship is a slow burn in the best way—filled with hesitation, missed chances, and the quiet kind of understanding that speaks louder than words.

"Of all the things I’ve lost in my life, my first language is probably the only thing I can reclaim."

One of the most compelling aspects of this book is how it captures the experience of feeling disconnected from your own roots. The way Catie grapples with her transracial adoption, the cultural knowledge she never got the chance to fully embrace, and the language barrier that seems to separate her from a version of herself she’ll never fully know—it’s all written with so much honesty and depth. Some lines genuinely made me pause, just to sit with the weight of them. Stefany Valentine has this gift of weaving emotions into her prose in a way that feels effortless, yet powerful. I kept on annotating over and over again.

"血 脈 ·文 化 The Culture in My Veins."
Not to mention the absolutely immaculate chapter titles. CAN WE BRING BACK CHAPTERS THAT DON'T JUST HAVE A NUMBER?

And Toby. Oh, Toby. My favorite character. If there’s one thing this book absolutely nailed, it’s the portrayal of a love interest who is equally awkward and endearing. He’s the kind of character who sneaks up on you, much like the book itself—one moment he’s just a coworker, the next he’s teaching Catie Mandarin, helping her find pieces of herself she thought she had lost forever. Their dynamic is filled with playful banter, stolen glances, and that ever-present what if. It’s impossible not to root for them, even as Catie struggles to untangle her feelings. New book boyfriend alert.

I do wish there had been more direct integration of The Five Love Languages, considering how much weight the title carries. The book touches on the theme, but it never quite dives as deeply as I hoped. And while I loved Catie’s perspective, I would have loved even better to get even a glimpse into Toby’s mind as he had so much quiet depth that I wanted to see more of.
While representation is important, the inclusion of a certain theme felt slightly forced imho, considering this was ultimately Catie’s story of self-discovery. It didn’t add much to the overall plot for me.

Still, those are small things in the grand scheme of what this book does so well. It’s beautifully written, deeply introspective, and filled with moments that linger long after you turn the last page. If you love contemporary YA that isn’t afraid to explore the complexities of identity and first love in a way that feels real and raw, this is absolutely worth picking up. I know I’ll be thinking about First Love Language for a long time.

"I hope you saw a piece of yourself in Catie’s story." ❤️‍🩹
Indeed, I did. As a Turkish-Dutch girl raised without my Turkish side, with a father I’ve never known, the story resonated with me in ways I didn’t expect. That constant push and pull between what is and what could have been, the questions left unanswered, the feeling of being tethered to a culture that feels just out of reach—it all hit home. There’s grief in not knowing parts of yourself, in wondering who you might have been under different circumstances. I’ve learned that identity isn’t something you either have or don’t; it’s something you can reclaim, something you can grow into. This book made me reflect on my own life, and for that, I’ll always hold it close.

This was so cute. It captured my attention from the first page and made me practically devour it, the pacing made it feel like such a quick read. From the characters and their journeys, to the chemistry and dynamics between them, I enjoyed every page of this book. It reminded me of why I love YA contemporary so much, it was a great debut and I cannot wait to read more from the author.

This book had no business of making me emotional and almost shed tears towards the ending. The whole plot around the five love languages is golden. I'm already obsessed about how love languages exist and its fun to see replicated in practice dates.

Followed by, both Toby and Catie are oh so precious. Catie is messy with her lies, sure. But I love how she's always there for her family, takes on responsibility, and accepts there's more to her life than what she's already living. And Toby? Oh god. What can I do to get a guy like that? He's literally the personification of a k-pop idol lol. I loved how sincere he's towards his work, family, and friends. He doesn't push boundaries, and isn't afraid to pursue what he dearly loves.

Apart from our MCs, I appreciated a glimpse into Mormonism and queer relationships. Catie's mum is amazing and Mavis is gold. It explored subjects that have a depth - losing your heritage and pursuing it again, practicing a different religion, and accepting your identity.

The setting and everything, as I mentioned earlier, is amazing. I think what could've worked a little better for me is more insight into the relationship of Catie and Toby. Like... I still don't understand where and how they fell in love with each other, but I was still there for it!

This is my first 5 star book of the year! I never expected a random ARC from an author I’ve never read before to be this good, and I was pleasantly surprised. It’s hard to say exactly why I loved it so much, but it really was the perfect ya novel.

It perfectly combined the cutest romance with a story of identity and self-acceptance, balancing the heartwarming and heartbreaking moments really well. The book follows Catie, who moves with her family away from San Diego to Salt Lake City, where they have to stay with their very strict relatives. Catie and her sister both don’t fit in at their new home, Catie being half Taiwanese and her sister being a lesbian. Throughout the book, they both manage to find their communities in a way they never expected to, and I just really liked seeing their journeys. My favorite part was Catie connecting to her heritage and finding more of her family through her church genealogy program.

And of course the romance was amazing!! It had a super cute premise of Catie teaching Toby how to go on dates by creating dates based on each of the five love languages. It was very unique and I’ve never read anything like that before. The exchange of Toby teaching Catie how to speak Mandarin was a great way to connect both parts of the novel together.

Overall this was such a good book and I REALLY RECOMMEND READING IT!!!

Full review to come on Goodreads and Amazon. Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for a review copy.

I liked this book much more at the beginning than I did towards the end.

Catie’s dad passed away 2 years ago and she currently lives with her adoptive mother and step-sister. When they have to move from San Francisco to Salt Lake City for the summer, Catie decides it’s time to get in touch with her Taiwanese mother’s side and see if she can find out more about her. Unfortuantely, she does not speak Mandarin anymore and she doesn’t know anyone in Salt Lake. When she gets a job, she becomes friends with the owner’s son who speaks Mandarin and is willing to teach her, if she will teach him how to go on dates. She finds her dad’s copy of the Five Love Languages, and even though she has no dating experience, she lies to Toby and uses the book to help teach him how to date.

There was a lot that went on in this book for being under 300 pages. I liked the beginning of the story because I enjoyed the teen angst of being dropped in Salt Lake in a community you no longer relate to and no friends. Catie’s adoptive mom’s family is Mormon, so there is a lot of discussion about Mormonism and how strict the church is.

Catie’s dad met and married her birth mom in Taiwan, but they divorced and she moved back to America with her dad. She kept in touch with her mom for a little bit but then eventually they stopped talking when she was little. She never asked her dad why they divorced or why her mom wasn’t in contact with her, so a lot of this story is Catie trying to figure that out. I would say that is the majority of the story and a little less so the fake dating.

I did like Toby and I liked when they went on dates. I didn’t like how easily things seemed to fall into place. Catie never planned these dates. She would just wing them in the moment and they always turned out perfectly. I would’ve appreciated if she had put at least some sort of effort into the dates.

I also understand that this is a YA novel, but I felt like the romance was so flat. Like, at one point she just goes “oh my God I love him.” Even though they have only known each other maybe a month? Like, they’ve never dated or kissed or anything and she decides that’s love? And then a little later, her sister and cousin say “Dude. Toby loves you too.” And immediately Catie goes ‘Oh my God he dose love me. Hoe could I have no seen it? There’s no way they’re wrong about this.” So it was a little bit too insta-lovey for me and I didn’t like how quickly she just decided that yes, they are in love and it’s the truth. I know I’m no longer a teen, but even back the I don’t think I would’ve decided I was full on in love with someone I had a crush on.

I think the author bit off a little more than she could chew given this was a debut novel. Between the Mormonism, the divorce, the cancer, the love, the abandonment and the move it was a lot going on. Not that that’s not necessarily realistic, but I just think there was a lot that got left behind.

This book is fine. I think it’s obvious that this is a debut novel. Maybe I would’ve enjoyed it more as a teen? I wanted more about the romance of the five love languages than of Catie researching her family history. Which was also left with an unsatisfactory ending. I think I would recommend this book more for young teens or even middle grade than I would older teens.

"If home is where the heart is, then a broken home must mean that a heart is broken too."

What a beautiful coming of age romcom (drama). Catie is such a lovely character, and her spin on fake dating is hilariously relatable as well as outlandish.

The author's unique addition of love languages as a reference book definitely makes this a meaningful story. Not only is it an adoption story, it's a found family story, and a story of LGBTQIA+ community. It's about dealing with grief and finding yourself.

My heart breaks - and grows - right along with Catie.

"For someone who's never been in love before, I've known heartbreak since long before this moment."

Thank you to Colored Pages Book Tours, Penguin Teen and Stefany Valentine for sending me a physical copy of this book!

I really enjoyed this book! Catie does make some mistakes and can be a bit messy, but with what she has gone through, you understand why she made the choices she did. This does not excuse it, and I’m glad she took accountability for it. I think this story will really resonate with adoptees since so much was touched upon, when it comes to secretly wishing to know your biological parents to feeling a disconnect from your culture. I think the book really highlighted how meaningful it is to reconnect with your culture. I do think her conversation with her mom could’ve been a bit longer, but I overall do like how it was resolved.

The romance was so cute! I love the idea of dates based around the love languages and think it’s such a fun concept. Toby, the love interest, tutored her in Mandarin, and in exchange, she tutored him in love. Toby was very sweet, and I love how their relationship developed!

I also really appreciate the important discussions throughout the book surrounding identity, adoptees, family, grief and religion. I didn’t know too much about Mormon culture, and the book featured her conservative relatives but also included how it is being queer and growing up Mormon (her sister, Mavis, is pan). I think this rep will mean a lot to people who have gone through this as well.

I do think the ending was a bit abrupt and would’ve loved to learn even more about her family history, but I do like how the book ended very on a very hopeful note. Catie had been through so much, so being able to be happy and hopeful by the end of the book is something that I think will bring comfort to those who understand her journey.

First Love Language follows high school senior Catie as she has to move for the summer from San Diego to Salt Lake City after her mom loses her job and they have to move with her very Mormon aunt. This coming of age debut was incredibly sweet and offered a closer look into exploring themes of adoption, family, and one's cultural identity.

Catie wasn't expecting her summer to take the turn it did, especially when the opportunity to learn her first language arises through the form of an exchange of lessons between her and her new coworker Toby. While he will help her reconnect with her Taiwanese heritage and language, she'll give him dating lessons to help him score a date with his longtime crush - the only catch is that she's never dated anyone in her life. Armed with only her late father's annotated copy of The Five Love Languages, Catie has to come up with an entire curriculum to prove she's an expert on love, while learning more about a part of her past and identity she had always been left in the dark on.

Reading this book felt like a love letter to adoptees which is reflected in the author's note as well. Pulling on personal experiences, Stefany Valentine dives into what it means to be adopted and the emotional process of deciding how to find the answers to one's birth parents. Through Catie's perspective, we get to understand the joys that come from finding long lost relatives as well as the pain of discovering all the time lost as a result. Her story offers a gentle hug to readers who might be experiencing or have experienced the similar journeys all while offering a lighthearted element of first loves.

On that note, I did wish that we could have spent more time in the "love department" because I was initially intrigued by the use of The Five Love Languages. While Catie uses her father's copy to come up with dates for Toby, she begins to realize that love is so much more than what she initially thought. I loved their interactions together as they tried to keep things platonic and professional all while tiny seeds of romance are being planted. In some ways, Catie's lessons with Toby begin to help her come to terms with all she's discovering about her birth mother and family, allowing her to find love and support that she's always yearned for.

First Love Language is a lovely debut that offers readers to develop a deeper understanding of the adoptee experience while getting a glimpse into first love and lost identities and I would definitely love to see what the author comes out with next!

3.5 Stars

A heartfelt coming-of-age story about a girl still reeling from the loss of her father and missing a connection to her biological mom and her Taiwanese heritage. You can tell that Catie’s yearning for family connection was something the author truly felt, and how much losing her first language, Mandarin, affected her after moving to the US after her parents’ divorce. This would be a great book for someone who is looking to connect with their heritage or someone who is trying to find themself as they grow and learn about what’s truly important to them to live a happy life.

This book was a little difficult for me to read at times, because Catie was kind of all over the place - worried about moving, about finding her bio family, about hurting her adoptive mom, about her job, about Toby, about learning Mandarin, about the stupid lies she was telling. I get it, it’s a lot to deal with. But I wanted to sit her down and say, “Just be HONEST with people.” I guess that’s what she eventually learned; I just wanted her to do it faster, haha.

There were a few elements I didn’t love as well. I’m not a fan of the book The Five Love Languages, and I’m not sure I would have picked this to read if I had known it would be such a focus. I appreciate Catie mentioning her dad had updated parts that were outdated in his copy, but he clearly valued it. Maybe that’s because of his Mormon heritage? I also didn’t love how much the Mormon church played a role in this book, but I would guess that’s an integral part of the author’s story, as well, and why it had to be included. I appreciate that Catie’s family has taken a step back from it, and it was nice to see some queer representation with Mavis, Alex, and others.

The other part I wasn’t sold on was Toby and Catie’s relationship, but that’s possibly because they seem so young to be professing love for one another. They clearly like hanging out and are drawn to one another, each finding the other very attractive, as well as good company. I get why Catie was nervous to tell Toby the truth about her non-existent boyfriend, but Toby seemed irrationally angry about it for way longer than I thought he would. And then suddenly, because he saw what Catie wrote about falling for him and admitting to the lie, he was suddenly ok with things? Seems a little too much of a switch.

Also, there are some inconsistencies with how Toby’s feelings are presented. When they are having their real first date at his house, he says, “Sorry for being too dense to see that I’ve had a crush on you since our first practice date. But I guess it took being with the wrong girl to make me realize I’d rather be with the one I love.” But like two seconds later, he says, “Ever since our first practice date, I’ve wanted to tell you that… and I’ve wanted to kiss you.” He also wrote her that letter in Mandarin the night after their almost-kiss and said, “Even though you have a boyfriend, I still fell in love with you.” So, I wish Toby’s feelings had been more consistently presented when everything was out in the open.

Regardless of the few issues I had with the book, I would definitely recommend it to those looking for a story about connecting with your biofamily, especially one overseas, dealing with the loss of a parent, and finding first love.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Beautifully written. I cried. As an adoptee and survivor of religious trauma, Stefany gets it for us. She understood the assignment. I needed this book so bad as a teen, this book healed that part of me that was searching for someone to understand what I was going through.

Thanks to NetGalley and Penguin Group/Penguin Young Readers Group for access to this title. All opinions expressed are my own.

A debut novel, our story begins with our main protagonist, Catie Carlson, her stepsister, and her stepmother having to move from their comfy home in San Diego to relatives in Utah. Her father died two years ago and Catie is left wondering who will answer her questions about her Taiwanese heritage and her biological mother. A woman that she hasn't seen since she was 5 years old.

Adjusting to life under her aunt and uncle's strict Mormon household is a struggle but when Catie meets co-worker, Toby, who tutors students to learn Mandarin, Catie feels that she just might be able to grasp a little more of who she is meant to be. Unfortunately, she cannot pay for the lessons. Still, recognizing that Toby has some unrequited love problems, Catie decides that in exchange for learning a language, she will be his love guru. It promises to be an unforgettable summer.

Oh, I enjoyed this YA fictional story. There was something about Catie that made her difficult to not fall in love with and cheer along the way. I liked the sister relationship between Catie and her stepsister who also had difficulties fitting in especially as her Mormon side(except her mother and Catie's father) of the family didn't seem to be accepting of her being gay. There are also some terrific conversations about grief and its long-lasting impacts on a family. All of this made for a good read.

Oh, that cover is delicious!




Publication Date 14/01/25
Goodreads Review 22/01/25
#FirstLoveLanguage #NetGalley.

Absolutely stunning! This debut is poignant, personal, and beautifully written. The level of detail within the story is indispensable and heightens the reading experience. I felt like I was right next to Catie throughout the events of the book. At the beginning, the romance setup was a little cheesy. The idea of “fake” or practice dates felt a little forced or unrealistic, but overall a minimal issue within the bigger storyline. Readers who love romance and classic tropes will be able to overlook this easily. I would have loved for this story to be longer! I wanted to know more about Catie’s journey rediscovering her heritage and learning about her family. I was also invested in reading more about Mavis, Alex, and Rayleigh (and all their individual journeys).

first, a moment of silence for the cover, because this is truly a work of art.

i am soo in love with every single aspect of this book. from the writing, to the characters, to the romance, to adoptee representation, everything. there was so many different things that were represented in this book that made me remember why i love reading. it's to be transported into another world yes, but it's also to learn about different aspects of life and how diverse our world is. catie, our main character, is an adoptee and this whole book is her learning more about her bio family and culture; essentially finding more about her identity. reading about her journey and all the complex things she goes through was so beautifully put. it's also shown how she has PTSD from learning english as a child and ugh everything thats written in this book is done so amazingly. i truly loved seeing the representation of everything.

i absolutely ADORED her relationship with toby, it was soooooo wholesome!! he is such a cutie little ball of sunshine and all the practice dates they go on, and how he taught her mandarin, ahh they drove me insaneee i need a toby so bad. i loved how she was able to be herself around him, soo cute.

while i may not be taiwanese or an adoptee, there were other aspects of catie then i related to such as being an older sister and some of the struggles she went through. thats a thing the author does really well, is that she makes her characters relatable on some on the other aspect.

overall, i had such a good time reading about catie's journey, this was SUCH a good read!! can't wait to read more from this author :)

First Love Language by Stefany Valentine is such a beautiful and heartfelt contemporary YA novel.
This phenomenal YA romance was so much more than a story of love! It was about family, heritage and culture.
I devoured this beautifully written story.

This book is a great example as to why we need more diversity in books! I loved seeing an adoptee try to get back to their roots in a world that has left them unmoored. To learn this was inspired by the author's own experience made it that much more important.

Catie's parents divorced when she was a child and her father has since passed away. Her stepmom, and adopted mother, moves them out to Utah after losing her job and their apartment. With all this change, Catie is curious about opening the door to her past - except, what if there are no more doors available to her?

I found Catie's experience and narrative so enlightening and eye-opening. She delves into her feelings of belonging with her family, but still wanting to be grounded by her roots. I liked her venture into relearning Mandarin, talks of PTSD around learning English as a child, and her feelings around religion and both her blood and adopted families. This book found many ways to show how one might be able to get plugged back into their roots - through language, through family, and even through genealogy reports at a Mormon church. I loved that it was not just a fictional love story, but also a bit of a manual for those who might be in the same position as the author and Catie were.

Toby is such a sweet summer child, and I adored his kind heart and enthusiasm. I loved his character and appreciated the ways him and Catie fit together as they became friends. Her felt very real and multifaceted and I appreciated learning from him too.

I feel like Catie's relationship with everyone other than Toby was a little bit sparse, and though I loved how her sister and cousin really for her, I feel like we never got to know them that well, which felt like a missed opportunity to dig into some of the other things the book touched on.

All in all, this book was a deep dive into the world and feelings of an adoptee and I loved learning with Catie throughout the story. Her voice felt so real, and young, and I wonder if there's space to see more about her in the future, just saying!

TW: micro-aggressions, religious bigotry, religious trauma, grief; mentions death of a parent, death of a sibling, homophobia, lesbophobia

Plot: 5/5
Characters: 4/5
World Building: 5/5
Writing: 4.5/5
Pacing: 4/5
Overall: 4.5/5

Finished copy gifted via Colored Pages Book Tours by Penguin Teen in exchange for an honest review.

This is such a beautiful and heartfelt story about a girl struggling with her identity, her culture & her first language. It is such an empowering journey of her finding out about her biological mother’s life & family, rediscovering and relearning her first language (Mandarin) & learning to fit in with people who look like her.

I loveeeee Toby. I love how he accepted Catie, how he taught her Mandarin, how she was able to just be herself around him (of course I was rooting for them the entire book!!)

This is such an amazing book and I’m so happy I had the opportunity to read it! I really enjoyed it & though I’m not Taiwanese, there were a lot of parts I really related to as a POC.

“Do you ever miss something you’ve never had?”

Some books cross your path when you most need them. First Love Language” was one of these for me. I don’t think I can find something I didn’t like in this book.
The writing is smooth, delicate, graceful. It kindled some images in my mind that reminded me of Sophia Coppola’s Virgin Suicides adaptation (even though the story isn’t as tragic, at all). I loved Catie’s journey to (re)discover her identity, while helping herself to grief, how she needs that but is also full of guilt (regarding her adoptive mother), and regrets (regarding her dad she won’t ever be able to talk to again). Even though my own personal situation is closer to her sister’s, Catie’s questioning echoed a lot in me. I wish I had her courage and determination. I sobbed, shed more tears that I can count –or admit. I admire this character who keeps going, despite her feelings of emptiness, her doubts, her apprehensions. How Catie (re)learn her mother language and how it makes her memories resurface and brings her the first threads of her identity were particularly beautiful moments in the book, as much as was her relationship with Toby.
The way the LGBT+ relationships are pictured in that very conservative community, and how these teens create their very own circle, were also some highlights of the book.
I honestly can’t put into words how much this story impacted me, created all kinds of feelings in me. I’m not a teen anymore (it’s been a long time), but once again I’ve read a YA book I wish I'd read in highschool.

Thank you ColoredPages, PenguinTeen and Stephany Valentine for the eARC. My opinions are my own.

Rating: 4.25 stars

I am kicking myself that it took me so long to read this story, because it was such a beautiful, heartfelt debut novel.

First Love Language isn’t just a contemporary YA romance. It is a story about a Taiwanese adoptee who is reconnecting with her heritage, and falling in love again with the culture and language that connects her to her biological mother. I loved how the author wrote our main character, Catie’s experience. The desire of wanting to find and learn more about her biological mother, but also not wanting to hurt her adoptive mother, was written in a way that was very thoughtful, realistic, and relatable. I really enjoyed this storyline and the relationship she has with her adoptive mother. However, I did wish we could have learned a little bit more about Catie’s childhood in Taiwan. I also really love the LGBTQ+ representation, and the community that was formed to make a safe environment for certain characters to explore their sexuality and embrace their identity. As for the romance, I really enjoyed the growth of Catie and Toby’s relationship from friendship to something more. I loved how they learned from each other and shared personal stories. However, I did feel the conflict was resolved a little too quickly, considering what happened after Toby found out the truth. Although I love a happy ending, I just wanted a little bit more substance from the resolution.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. Highly recommend if you are looking for an inspirational and heartwarming read.

Thank you Netgalley and Penguin Group/Penguin Young Readers Group for giving me the opportunity to read this ARC. All opinions are my own.