From Edmund White:
“In my novels and memoirs, I have written quite a bit about sex, even very outre sex. I’ve always insisted I’ve approached sex as realistic, not as pornographer. That is, I like to represent what goes on through someone’s mind while having sex—the idle thoughts, the resentful thoughts, the comic aspects of the body failing to make the aerobic ambitions of the imagination—and the sometimes enriching, sometimes embarrassing or dull, often distracting or irrelevant, or wonderfully intimate and tender moments of lovemaking”.
“I’m at the age when writers are supposed to say finally what mattered most of them—for me it would be thousands of sex partners”.
“There is still a prudishness about sex not only in America but everywhere”.

Alright …. so I’m a 72 year old straight woman — married 46 years ….. what am I doing reading a queer sex memoir my friends might ask? I’d ask right back, “why not?” I’m interested in all types of humanitarian stories
- all types of subjects.
I was a fully engaged captive audience reading “The Loves of My Life”. I loved it …. everything about it.
Yes it’s raw….with sexually explicit prose …..
but Edmund’s voice is so real — I trust this man — I’d have love to be friends with Edmund White.

“It may seem absurd for an octogenarian (85), to be writing a sex memoir, but it could be argued that Edmund White has decades of experience to draw on and an unimpeachable point of view even if the horse he has in the race may have become feeble and cobbled”.
“Because I am in my eighties, have most of my marbles, been a practicing gay since age thirteen, lived through the oppression of the 1950s, the postStonewall exaltation of the 1970’d and the wipeout after the advent AIDS in the 1980s, the discovery of the life-saving therapies of the 1990s, the granting of gay marriage, equal rights in the States in 2015, the parallel right to adopt children, the brewing storm in the 1920s against everything labeled
‘woke’ (trans people, drag, books, pubertydelaying drugs)—because i’ve witnessed all this drama and mellow drama, I’m perfectly situated to view how we got here”.

“Gay fiction and Black fiction still puts off many straight or white readers”.
Yeah, I agree with Edmund White when he says:
“Can you imagine a world in which there were no
Zora Neale Hurston or James Baldwin, or Toni Morrison?
NOTE: I am a straight, white, married 46 year-old woman… and I love both Gay and Black writers.

Throughout the years of ‘being gay’ was such a strong aspect of this memoir …..Edmund took me down memory lane …. remembering the 60’s - 70’s - 80’s.

I was born and raised in California.
In the SF Bay Area:
….We like Gay people—
….We like Black people—
….We like all colors, age, genders—
… We “LIKE” . . . …..JUSTICE and KINDNESS—
… We value THANKFULNESS for ALL LIFE—

At this moment while the devastating fires are still burning in Los Angeles….
so much devastation, destruction, and loss, (many of us know multiple family members and friends who have lost their homes) ….
I can’t help but wish that sex - any type of sex — might add love and comfort to those grieving.
The entire world is experiencing the horrors from the L.A. fires. I wish the entire world was happy with their sex lives.

Fact is … Edmund White had a colorful life of sex! He shares openly… about his sex life in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s….
It’s a wonderful historical journey through time …

Tons of topics are covered.
In no particular order — we read about:
….love, lust, hustlers, married men looking for sex with gay men, fashion, slimming girdles that girls wore, white handkerchiefs that men wore folded in their peaks, shoe shine men, blowjobs, queer girls, and queer men, body parts, movies, history, the gay culture, eagerness, authors, aging, making propositions, (dangerous propositions to drunk, drivers or straight sailors), abuse, self hatred, blackmailers, brutes, powerlessness, the police, crimes, strapping guys, hitchhiking, hotel, rooms, bathrooms, muscle men, politics, refusal that infuriated others, older man, younger men, shy guys, brazen guys, cerebral pleasure, eroticism associated with the lips and kissing, kneeling, sexiness, the word charged word cocksucker, taboo and forbidden pleasures, fag’s competition with women,
sexual positions, cumming, masturbation was considered a sin by priests, solitary ecstasies of onanism, circumcision, or not, dating, dating sites, vegetarians, vegans, masseurs, Craigslist, parents, college, race, drag, queens, backroom bars, hair, straightening, meth, theater, musicals, magazines, college degrees, orgies, shag, rugs, cigarette burns, music, parks at night, bathhouses, public toilets, literature, New York, New Orleans, Madrid, California, Rome, London, Maine, Paris, Venice, Florence, Michigan, Cincinnati, The Hamptons, Spain, truck stops, parks at night, ballet troupe in drag, boyfriends,breakups, living together, verbal, fantasies, baths, saunas, possession, or submission, eternal love, poets, Japanese dancers, Kabuki, uninformed heterosexuality, loneliness, horniness, sadness, careers, addictions, passions, publishing, alcoholic, anonymous, Buddhist Monks, a Scottish lover, Sadomasochism, S&M sex
famous actors. well-known authors artists, musicians, fuck buddies,
Spirituality, mini-adventures and enjoyable stories. AIDS and death,
MORE love,
more sex partners, many interesting sex connections and relationships,
joys of sex,
desire for love….
The Gay Rights movement, and
MORE:
….explicit graphic sex.

“I always feel as if I don’t really know people unless I’ve gone to bed with them; in the same way, I’m disappointed by novelists who leave out sex scenes because they’re embarrassing or ‘irrelevant’ or technically too hard to write convincingly”.

Kudos to Edmund White …
85 years old today … a man who traveled the world - who engaged in a lot of sex…..
This memoir reflects a life well lived …
….a great life of enjoying the process of life itself….
….to love, sex, friends, family, variety, travel, adventures, nostalgia, well-being, health, self-growth, contributions, achievements!!!

A wonderful book! I’m glad I read it.

3 stars - I enjoyed aspects of this book and it was well written but I do think it is hurt by the nonlinear aspect. It felt like the author was jumping around and so there was not necessarily a through line except for sex. There were moments where White accomplished what he set out to do and entice, enthrall and excite the reader but then there were other moments that fell extremely flat. Particularly there were moments where White came off as a leery old man and lack of better word creep but it was in the moments where he was trying to assert that this was not how he wanted to be seen that it happened the most. Queer ageing is almost never portrayed and so it was interesting to see and I think there could have been an even deeper exploration of this but White shied away from this in order to talk about the young objects of his affection. I will give white credit for his portrayal of sex work and how it is positively showed in the book as a normal aspect of sexuality. It did make me want to read more of White's fiction.

A beautiful exploration of the complexities of desire and sex as it parallels with aging and gained experience. There is a reason that Edmund White is an icon of gay literature, and this book upholds that well-deserved respect. Just a beautiful, albeit raw and unflinching look at the author's decades of experience with sex, desire, love, and loss.

Thank you to Edmund White, NetGalley, and Bloomsbury USA for the ARC of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

I've never read any of Edmund White's previous works but I see why he is such a popular writer. I think this book was incredible -- it great insight into the world of sex and intimacy from a new perspective. I think the history of queerness was beautiful, and White is such a great writer. I can't really describe why I loved this book so much but I think if you're interested in the more taboo parts of queer history and sex you should check this out!

Edmund White's latest memoir, "The Loves of My Life: A Sex Memoir," stands as a testament to his unwavering commitment to radical honesty. At 84, White continues to push boundaries, refusing to soften his edges or sanitize his experiences. This new work serves not merely as a catalogue of sexual encounters, but as a meditation on desire, aging, and the ways in which our intimate moments shape our understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

What makes this memoir particularly poignant is its timing. Writing from the vantage point of his eighties, White writes with the sharp wit and unflinching candor that has characterized his entire literary career, but now with an added layer of retrospective wisdom. There are too many delicious quotes that will make you chuckle, text your friends; I'd rewrite them here but I am afraid my mother will see this. White doesn't have such boundaries. The specter of mortality that hovers over the text doesn't dampen its vivacity; rather, it intensifies the urgency of his storytelling. White seems to understand that this might be his final opportunity to share these experiences, to make sense of a life lived boldly and unapologetically.

The memoir's explicit nature might shock some (but then again, have you read White?), but this rawness has always been his strength. He has consistently refused to participate in the sanitization of queer experience, understanding that the messy, complicated reality of human sexuality deserves honest examination. In doing so, he has created a historical document of gay life that spans decades, from the liberation of the pre-AIDS era through the devastating epidemic and into our current moment of relative openness but increasing political backlash.

What's remarkable about this new work is how it demonstrates White's evolution as a writer while maintaining his essential truthfulness. The same voice that gave us "A Boy's Own Story" now looks back on a life of loves, losses, and sexual adventures with the wisdom of experience but without losing any of its original verve. His humor remains intact, his observations keen, and his ability to find profound meaning in physical encounters undiminished.

For younger generations of queer readers, White's memoir serves as both historical document and permission slip - permission to live authentically, to embrace desire, and to face mortality with grace and honesty. For older readers who have followed White's career, it offers a kind of closure, a final accounting of a life that has meant so much to gay literature and culture.

The memoir reminds us that our sexual lives are not separate from our intellectual or emotional lives - they are inextricably intertwined. White's genius lies in his ability to illuminate these connections, to show how our intimate moments shape our understanding of ourselves and others. As he faces his own mortality, this book stands as a celebration of life in all its messy, complicated glory, and a reminder that the most meaningful life is one lived truthfully, even - or especially - when that truth makes others uncomfortable.

‘The Loves of My Life’ Is Not for Prudes
‘The Loves of My Life: A Sex Memoir’
By Edmund White
c.2025, Bloomsbury Publishing
$27.99/256 pages

Celebrated author Edmund White is just as prolific with men as he is with books. “The Loves of My Life” is a steamy memoir about his decades-long sex life. Now in his 80s, he’s had, in his own words, “thousands of sex partners” and this book recounts many of them, including some many amusing, some poignant, stories.

A warning: this book is not for prudish readers. White describes his encounters in lovingly explicit detail, fondly recalling his partners’ equipment and their skills. Some were shockingly creative: one partner belonged to a “fisting colony” where another member once inserted a football into a man, requiring surgery.

White began early, as a teenager sleeping with other boys at his boarding school, neighbors, and the son of his mother’s lover. Later, working for his father’s business, he picked up male hustlers. He would take these predominately “straight” men to cheap hotels for one-sided, quick affairs; many kept their socks on during. Some threatened violence afterwards, demanding more money or that White spend more time with them.

As an adult, a sex worker he took to a country home to help get clean spent nearly all his time alone in the bedroom, leaving only to pick up meals.

White lingers on his experience with Stan, “my first husband.” They met in college, at a play Stan starred in. Moving to New York, they lived together off and on as Stan found acting work. He became involved with a group led by a former Marine, who kept the party going with drugs and orgies. Thankfully, he would later leave and get clean.

White had many memorable adventures abroad. Visiting Puerto Rico, he and his partner went home with two men they met on the beach; the natives laughed during, speaking mostly Spanish. In a park in Spain, he encountered a man who robbed him after propositioning him. Because homosexuality was illegal, he couldn’t go to the authorities, although they had a quickie afterwards. Years later, he rented a house in Madrid with a younger, Spanish lover, who took him to “geezer” clubs, but who threw tantrums if White spoke to any men there. He felt like a housewife, keeping the home spotless and prepared to satisfy his partner anytime, only once visiting a museum.

The book’s tone is generally humorous, although White recounts how, when he was a young man, many gay men saw themselves. Most only wanted to sleep with straight “trade,” which carried the threat of violence. Even successful professionals thought they were “sick.” White saw a therapist hoping to become straight. While the community’s self-image has improved considerably, there are still plenty of hang-ups. White’s younger friend Rory, for instance, Asian, athletic, and intelligent, only loves white men and feels depressed if one doesn’t return his affections.

He surprisingly doesn’t talk much about his husband, Michael, apart from him walking in on White with a lover and an airplane encounter. It might be useful to hear how they met, and their arrangements with other partners. Perhaps their relationship was off limits.

Mixing self-deprecating anecdotes with insights into writing and literature, “The Loves of My Life” makes for a fun, yet thoughtful read about pursuing pleasure.

A very funny book that perhaps goes further than any gay memoir has gone before. The details are very open,some will be disturbed by what they read,but White holds nothing back and tells the story of gay lives from the 1940s on.

admittedly, 'sex memoir' had me sold - I love people who like to overshare about their sex lives!! but while this book is heavily about sex (NSFW obv), it's also about a whole lot more than that too, and following White throughout his life of love, sex, heartbreak and self-discovery was ultimately an endearing time - albeit with a whole lot of raunchiness sprinkled in.