Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.

“Words as Violence and Stories of Women's Resistance Online” isn’t just a subtitle—it’s the heartbeat of a searing, clear-eyed reckoning.

In this profoundly unsettling and deeply affirming work, journalist Alia Dastagir dismantles the myth that online space is neutral terrain. To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person is equal parts exposé, ethnography, and elegy—a testimonial of what happens when a woman speaks, resists, or even exists online, and how digital aggression replicates centuries-old patterns of silencing.

Dastagir doesn't offer easy catharsis. Instead, she weaves together chilling accounts of harassment with sharp cultural analysis, making the digital experiences of women—and particularly women of color, queer women, and other marginalized voices—impossible to ignore or depersonalize. The book exposes the brutality that often masquerades as “speech,” asking not just what harm looks like online, but whom society believes has the right to inflict it.

📌 Key Strengths:

- Narrative Intimacy Meets Journalistic Precision: With the clarity of a reporter and the compassion of a memoirist, Dastagir crafts a book that’s both rigorously sourced and emotionally immediate. Each chapter unspools personal testimony without reducing women to victims or tokens.

- Linguistic Violence, Unmasked: She interrogates the premise that language online is consequence-free. Whether it's trolling, doxxing, or “joking,” words become weapons—and Dastagir shows how these harms are unevenly distributed along gendered and racialized lines.

- Resistance that Refuses to Be Quiet: This isn’t a book of despair. It’s a war cry. Stories of defiance, survival, and solidarity course through its pages, reframing resistance not as heroic grandeur, but as daily insistence on one’s own humanity.

- A Structural Gaze: What separates this work from others on digital harassment is its systemic lens. Rather than simply naming bad behavior, it implicates institutions—from social media platforms to the law itself—in sustaining harm through inaction or complicity.

👤 Who This Book Is For:

- Readers of Roxane Gay, Rebecca Solnit, and Safiya Noble, who crave fierce intellect with unflinching honesty
- Activists and educators seeking language to name and challenge digital misogyny
- Anyone who’s ever wondered, “Why doesn’t she just log off?

Dastagir’s book is not comfortable. It’s not meant to be. But it is essential. In naming the violence many would rather dismiss or scroll past, To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person asserts the radical idea that women are not abstractions or usernames—they are people. And when they speak, it is not noise. It is truth.

I thought this was such a powerful read and something we need to be talking about! I loved the format and how she wove in her personal experiences with those of other women and research. I also loved that she compiled the advice in a toolkit at the end. Online abuse of all forms needs to be dealt with and I think this book is excellent as part of that conversation.

An important look at social media and the patriarchal judgemental set-up of the internet as a whole, this is a must-read for anyone who uses the internet and anyone involved in journalism. The author herself received unbalanced hateful commentary on an article she wrote, and she sought out others who have experienced racism, hate speech, and doxxing. Many of her resources come from essays and in-person interviews, and this was a well-researched, thoughtful look at why things are the way they are, and what they could be. It is an important call to action that we should all heed.

A thorough look at women’s experiences of online abuse and how the internet (and the people on it) grew to foster and encourage such abuse. Alia Dastagir details not just personal stories, but the layers of facing this type of abuse — race, disability, religion, and sexuality, as well as experiences of anger and humor, trauma and self-care, safety and solidarity — and how these function under patriarchal norms. There’s a satisfying balance of stories and quotes from popular feminist figures like Gloria Steinem and Mikki Kendall; academics and journalists; and everyday women. Some analysis is 101-level, but I mention this only as someone who knew I likely wouldn’t get as much out of it as someone who spends less time online. Well-researched and, as ever, painfully timely.

An informative and impactful look at the impact of online sexual violence against women. The book takes a deep dive into the experiences of numerous women and how the hateful messages they received impacted them. This is an important book that should be in every public and academic library.

Somehow this book is beautiful even while it describes the terrible realities of being a woman online. I have a gender neutral name and I have found that I do better online when I use my husband's picture. But that makes it harder to connect with other women.
I have recently stepped away from social media and I wish I didn't have to.
I just want to thank you for writing this book and letting these women share these sadly relatable stories.

This is an important book, but I found parts of it too triggering for me to be able to read. The sections that I was able to read were engaging and well-written. I do recommend this book for those who can delve into the subject.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read in exchange for an honest review.