This is an autobiographical style novel featuring Ilana's ongoing stream of consciousness about her life. She is successful and engaged, but being adopted has left her wondering about who she really is and what it would have been like to grow up with her birth family. Against her friends and fiance's advice, she tracks down her birth mother and goes to observe her mother's life anonymously. This leads to a breakdown of her current life and an exploration no one expected. It's an emotional, dark, existential crisis. She examines whether she has ever made a conscious choice in her life before this one. It challenges others to examine their own lives. I was sometimes appalled at her lack of consideration and compassion for those in her life. It's a bit slow and heavy, but worth the deep dive into murky waters. Very thought-provoking from a socialite's perspective.

Really enjoyed this one! I should have read it so much sooner! But I don’t regret it. This maybe a new obsession! I love the characters, plot, etc.

Ilana Barrett is a sophisticated Manhattanite employed at the Lyric Opera House. She is well qualified, organized, and very good at her job. She is in a committed relationship with Adam, a research scientist. On the exterior, Ilana appears to have it all. However, after the death of her adoptive mother, Ilana begins to wonder about her birth mother. Her boyfriend Adam as well as her best friend William, question her reasoning. But Ilana feels lost in her life, not knowing where she came from, despite a wonderful upbringing with very supportive parents. She is tired of being predictable and rigid.
Ilana travels from Manhattan to Albany in her search. She is not sure how she will approach the woman believed to be her birth mother. When she enters a local family-owned bar, she feels so out of place. What she ends up meeting is a cast of characters that she initially can’t relate to. This is when she loses control of her decisions, control of her life, and becomes a different person.
The author is extremely descriptive in her writing which made the words flow so beautifully. This novel takes place just after the Covid lockdown and people are just starting to readjust to some normal living.
I struggled with the ongoing themes of neuroscience and the debate surrounding conscious vs. unconscious decision making and free will. It was extremely heavy and confusing at times. I loved the close relationship between Ilana and her friend William. This book does not have chapters, which for me, made it difficult when stopping and starting my reading.

Many thanks to Koehler Books and NetGalley for allowing me to read the digital ARC in exchange for an honest review. Thank you also to Deb Zipf at Meryl Moss Media Group for putting this book in my hands. Published on October 22, 2024.

Where do I start? This book was just too wordy at times. When her boyfriend started talking about his research and job I glazed over. The author should have skipped some of that and focused more on her birth mother and the characters in Albany. I did like parts of the story, but I felt it was just long winded at times.

Ilana Barrett is employed as the production manager for the Lyric Opera House in New York City, an occupation I've never run across before. She knows she's adopted but it's only after the death of her adoptive mother that she starts questioning her origins and learns that her birth mother owns a pub in upstate New York. What harm could there be in furtively dropping by for a drink? Indeed. As the blurb states, Lost in Thought is a novel about unconscious decision-making and the illusion of free will.

I don't mind admitting that I'm not sure I got everything from this book that I was supposed to. I mostly liked the underlying story and the characters were interesting but there was more introspection in the book than I like and much of it went over my head. I don't think I know anyone who thinks such deep thoughts or who has such "meaningful" conversations with friends and family, or maybe they just don't include me in them. This book is well-written but I don't think I'm the appropriate audience. 3.5 stars rounded down.

I was invited to read and review a copy of this book by Meryl Moss Media Group on behalf of Koehler Books via Netgalley. All opinions expressed are my own.
Publication Date: October 22, 2024

My unrestrained thoughts: This book comes close to ‘living inside someone else’s head’… but the someone else in question is a bunch of really flawed people.

Now, onto a little sophisticated review – it may contain tiny spoilers!


Deborah Serra’s Lost in Thought follows the life of the calm and controlled Ilana Barrett, whose life is as good as it gets. After managing the production of operas, the entire day, she goes home in the arms of her scientist boyfriend. Life does seem good… until we find out she’s going to meet her birth mother. Oh, yeah, she was adopted and had loving parents. But in her grief of losing her adoptive mother (and her boyfriend’s research on the decision-making process), she makes a spontaneous decision to check how her life would’ve been if she was still with her birth mother.

The moment she steps into the pub owned by her mother and her husband, chaos ensues. There’s a snarky grandmother who doesn’t like to put her teeth in, an appallingly frugal half-sister, a slightly sane half-brother, a neighbor shooting his gun at the sky/God, and a carpenter who induces totally weird (read: sexual) feelings in her. Not to forget her threateningly welcoming stepfather and bio-mother with a layered personality, the reason behind the book’s conflict.

Whatever she had imagined about this visit… well, it goes to hell when she sleeps with the carpenter and is kicked out by her mother when she reveals her real identity. The usually calm and controlled Ilana is thrown off her rails in the most profound way, and she’s not sure what will happen next. But first, she has a boyfriend to break up with… the one who is planning to propose to her. So, yeah…

For me, Ilana was a tough character to like. She had the advantage of protagonist bias but her opposing thoughts and actions made her look spineless. I was not sure what exactly to make of her, with the way she hopped from one decision to another. But I guess I related to her being ‘lost in thought’ and her unawareness of her grief’s influence on her. I’d also like to think that by the end, she didn’t have an epiphany to leave her ‘old life’. It was simply her fresh grief adding to the earlier one that drove her to have her life turned 180°.

As is also marketed, the book is primarily about the nature of choices. Through Adam, Serra explores whether we are in control of our decisions or if we’re just puppets to our unconscious mind. It’s a really thought-provoking discussion, but the way it was presented made it really forgettable. I was more focused on how Ilana’s life took a turn, instead of speculating why she did what she did. I think Adam’s heavy-handed explanation and the novel’s structure also added to its unmemorable impact.


What I liked:

o Novel’s structure: With no chapters and no POV, the novel almost reads like a stream-of-conscious story from every character’s perspective. I was definitely thrown off at the start because it felt too confusing. Honestly, I was sure I was gonna DNF this book as I felt like I was pushed to read about Ilana out of nowhere. But the book soon grew on me, especially when the story gave insights into the O’Hollerans. I soon understood the beauty of this narrative style, even if it dampened the shock effect of many instances. Anyone thinking about Adam’s drunken proposal? Me too…

o Isabella: Isabella appeared after the high point of the book was done (let’s be honest, everything picked up pace after the first half anyway) but she managed to make a small home in my heart quickly. She had strong ideas about everything and she put them forth in such a convincing way that I couldn’t help but nod along in agreement. She is like that brutally honest voice in that anxious person’s head who’s simultaneously positive in a convoluted way. And I’d like that to be in my life.

o William: If not for Isabella, William would’ve topped my ‘favorite characters’ list. He doesn’t judge, gives out great advice, and is there for you exactly the way you need him to. Well, he is the levelheaded person frantic people like Illana want. Admittedly, he had his own issues, but unlike the actual protagonist, he faced them as maturely and responsibly as possible. So, imagine my shock when the only good character in the book became the ‘fatal’ reason behind Ilana finally coming to her senses. Like NOOOOOO! Why did he have to die???


What I wasn’t impressed with:

The book doesn’t follow the normal structure where there are POV changes… or chapters. Instead, it’s a mishmash of every primary and secondary character with sad asterisks put in between to indicate scene or setting change. While I can definitely see how radical it is, I couldn’t help but get frustrated at times. I might have come to like the flow after a while but that doesn’t mean I’ll willingly read books with this style. You can say it’s an aspect I loved and hated equally…

Another thing that made me uncomfortable was… Cafferty. Initially, I was blinded by Ilana’s instant attraction to Cafferty (that was enough to give me butterflies). But as Serra provided his perspective, I felt disillusioned. Till their big fight, my opinion changed enough that his words pissed me off.

It was not about how different his life was – the typical village boy, so to say – but the fact that he wasn’t ready to understand Ilana’s lifestyle. He kept thinking that he’ll change her and make her love the quiet life of Albany – and that’s just… so fucking stupid. Well, he had a redeeming arc at the end, but Cafferty can go to hell for all I care.

You can say both the love interests were a disappointment. Because I also wasn’t impressed by Adam either, but at least he was subtler in getting on my nerves. He was living in his own world, trying to drive their relationship single-handedly without thinking about Ilana (the sudden proposal still sends shivers down my spine). I understand that he was hurt in the end, but there being no chance of reconciliation actually relieved me. Good riddance.

Lastly, the ending was a little less impactful than the author intended. The entire sick storyline felt rushed. On top of that, the context of the last scene was given way later in the novel, so it just elicited a ‘huh’ from me. It would’ve been a jaw-dropping conclusion (and story) if the space for the characters’ unnecessary thoughts was given for building the ending.


My Final Thoughts?
I like the premise of Lost in Thoughts, but it was more like a jumble of thoughts attacking you from every side/character. It does look quite a lot like how people think, but do I want to read in the exact same way my thoughts are? No, I read to escape my thoughts!!
I must admit, though – it was a refreshing read simply because it was different than what I usually read.

Thanks to NetGalley and Deb Zipf of Meryl Moss Media for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
#netgalley #arcreview

First, I want to thank the author, publisher and NetGalley for allowing me this pre-published copy to review.

I found myself wanting to find out how many parts of this plot would end as they circled toward many possibilities. One theme was the question of free-will, which was provocative and thought-provoking to many reviewers, but seemed a bit tired to me, something discussed in college dorms decades ago (or were we just not taking responsibility for our impulses?). Nonetheless, Ilana's quest to find her birth family and her realization that her real parents were the ones who raised her seemed quite true to my experience with many patients (I spent my career as a psychiatrist) and in fact, Ilana was less disappointed than many as she seemed to accept and understand who these people are and who they were at the time of her conception/birth without an unrealistic fantasy. Her maturity in this regard I appreciated.
Another theme was about the tolerance of people living very different lives--whether one concludes this is by choice or some other determinant,--can this be done without the judgement of those who live with the more mainstream "norms"? Much food for thought here.

I found the writing somewhat uneven -- meaning that at times it flowed fast, insightful, thought-provoking, and delightful, and at other times cliched and too nose-on with telling instead of showing. I also found the head-hopping a bit clunky.
Nonetheless, I am not shy to put down a book that doesn't grab me, and I certainly was compelled to see what happened to each character and see how it all wrapped up. Great job.

I picked up this book because of the description and how it related to my life. I was adopted as a baby and was given the choice to correspond with my biological father but since I had just lost my adopted mother I decided it wasn't the right time. I always wondered what may have happened if I chose differently. It was a good, emotional read following the main character and seeing how her choices played out. The nature versus nurture aspects of the. book were also thought provoking.

This is a fascinating, lovely book about Ilana, the production manage for an opera house who is on a quest to find her birth mother when the mother who adopted her dies suddenly. Leaving her boyfriend--neuroscientist Adam at home--she travels to her hometown to discover the truths that have bothered her about circumstances she doesn't understand. At the local pub she finds a cast of unusual but lovely people who are sometimes reluctant but later trusting as she questions them about who she is and why wasn't "kept" there in this small town. It's a bittersweet look at family, love, and the sacrifices one makes to survive and do the right thing.
Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!

Lost in Thought, by Deborah Serra, was a challenging read in that I was more than halfway through before I felt any empathy for the protagonist. In a sense, it is a coming-of-age story about a woman in her thirties who lives an iconic New York City upper-income lifestyle and has no idea whether it is the life she chose or wants. Having lost her mother to Covid, and still emerging from the upheaval of the epidemic, she questions who she is and why. The story is beautifully written, and the characters are nuanced and memorable. The author poses provocative questions about choice and change that are well worth considering. While I recommend this book, save it for those times when you can read and ponder the implications! Thank you to NetGalley and Koehler Books for the opportunity to read a digital ARC.

Lost in Thought by Deborah Serra is a wonderful and thought provoking book that will stay with me for a long time. The author wanted to explore the themes of free will and unconscious decision-making, and did so through a story of love, loss, friendship, family, renewal, self-exploration and letting go. Ilana Barrett appears to have it all; she is beautiful, well educated, in love and has a position as production manager of the successful Lyric Opera. Ilana's adoptive Mother recently died from Covid, and as always Ilana tried to work through her grief without missing a beat in any area of her life. She loved and appreciated her adoptive parents, yet the loss of her mom got her thinking about what her life might have been like if raised by her birth mother. She decided to take a trip to the pub her natural mom and her husband owned- just for one drink and to see her. That trip essentially opened a new and different world to Ilana. While at times I was frustrated by Ilana, I generally liked her very much. Fiona, her natural mother and her family, her dearest friend William, and the lovely yet provocative 75 year old Isabella Wharton all touched my heart.
The book does include sensitive topics including death, Covid, AIDS, griefand teen pregnancy, yet they are integral to the story and written with mastery and grace. I loved Lost in Thought, it captivated my mind and heart. Thank you to NetGalley, Koehler Books and Deborah Serra for the opportunity to read and review an ARC of Lost in Thought; this review reflects my honest opinion. 5 stars.

This is Avery unusual and skillfully written book which explores several big issues. Ilana is on a personal journey to explore her birth origins, a now familiar plot line in many novels with adoptees as central characters. . Despite having everything positive in her life she is dissatisfied and begins her search. It is also a thought provoking book about the process of decision making versus free will.

This novel certainly makes the reader think, but honestly, too much thinking for me. I prefer something a little less intense. That being said, I recognize the skill of the author.

Thank you Netgalley for this original and extremely timely novel. I recommend it with tge caveat, this is not a light “beach read”.

First time reading anything by this author, but I was intrigued so I started reading and then I wondered what was I reading? This book is about “unconscious decision making, and the illusion of free will.”

it seemed like to me, as I was reading this, were just random thoughts pieced together to justify unconscious decision-making. There are many characters in this story introduced which don’t really add to the plot or the circumstance around the main character.

I had a hard time stay focused on the story of the main character experiencing grief , wanting to know more about her birth mother, meeting people outside of her normal world, making decisions that are not in line with what normally would do, and then, blaming unconscious decision-making to be the reason for those erratic decisions.

There were random things conveyed about a side character that didn’t really add to the the story. It made me wonder how does this person making lists, or being a certain way really add or take away from their personality. There wasn’t any additional explanation. Just random thoughts, tangentially placed throughout the story.

I struggled with the story. I didn’t feel any empathy for Ilana, she almost comes across self serving.

Favorite Quotes:

All the flippancy of the evening disappeared. They sank into an earnest whisper. They spoke to each other like kids sharing mysteries while perched in a tree house and rapt in the quiet woods.

You’re born. You get so many minutes. You die. That’s kinda it. How you spend your minutes is the only thing.

Saint Bernadette’s was a dismal boarding house in the center of the city. The nuns performed their earthly penance by running it. They were brittle women, sexless, and looking longingly toward death.

They sat in quiet companionship. Ilana knew for all the gifts that life had given her— her privileged education, her quiet good looks, her sense of practicality— it was the gift of this friendship that she most treasured.

“He’s not a piece of real property.” “True, there is very little real about him at this point— not his teeth, his hair, his left knee, his right hip, or his erection. He is more a collage of spare parts.”

She strikes me as a woman who would ride a llama bareback through a burning building in a pair of crotchless panties if she damn well felt like it.

Whenever Willow had an idea, she made lists, and most of the time, ecstatic intentions aside, the only thing she actually accomplished was the list.

What was not being said was getting loud inside the silence.


My Review:

This was not a happy ever-after romance, this was a coming into oneself women’s fiction tale with characters who were imperfect, realistically flawed, and struggling with real-world issues, work, and personal baggage. While at times I felt conflicted with the vagaries of the storylines when they were not going in the direction I expected or hoped for, kudos must be given to this clever author for her writing style. It was profoundly perceptive, poignant, insightful, and well-nuanced with authentic quirk, while eloquently detailed in a witty brain-teasing manner in magnificent Technicolor. I had to whittle down several pages of favorite quotes for those to include in this review.

LOST IN THOUGHT was my first foray into psychological fiction. This was a thought provoking slow burn that I thoroughly enjoyed. It addressed the decisions people make and the effects this has on everyone. So much was about the human experience and it was deeply moving.

Lost in Thought is my first Deborah Serra novel and my introduction to psychological fiction. While the story delves into philosophical themes, it also touches deeply on life decisions and the impact they have on each person. Serra’s exploration of grief, trauma, and the complexities of human choice is captivating. Her writing is both verbose and absorbing, and I found myself halfway through the book before I even realized it. Serra’s storytelling is magnetic, and I devoured the book in one sitting.

Ilana's encounter with her birth mother throws her ordered world into disarray. Raised with a love for control and structure, Ilana is confronted by the chaos and spontaneity of her biological mother's life. This contrast sets the stage for the novel’s most thought-provoking moments.

In the second half of the book, Ilana faces decisions unlike any she’s made before, and this uncertainty is what makes the story so compelling. Like me, readers will be eager to see how Ilana navigates these monumental changes.

By the end, I didn’t want the book to close - I wanted more of Ilana's new journey, more insight into how her life would evolve. Serra has crafted a deeply meaningful, thought-provoking novel that will linger with readers long after they finish it.

Lost in Thought by Deborah Serra is a masterclass in psychological fiction. It's a story that resonates on a profound level, and I haven’t read anything quite like it.

I really wanted to like this book, but this book just wasn't for me. The book was a slow burn for the entire book. I did not find the main character, Ilana, likable. I thought she was wishy-washy, and a lot of her choices were questionable, if not downright weird. Others have given this a glowing review, so this may just be a case of "it's not you, it's me", but personally, I can't recommend this one.

Thank you to the author, köehlerbooks and NetGalley, for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This is a book that pulled me in slowly, and then I was hooked. Ilana, our protagonist, has worked hard to make the perfect life for herself - and it all goes sideways when her adoptive mother dies and she starts searching for her birth mother. Much introspection and unexpected surprises follow, and we find ourselves in the midst of the nature vs. nurture debate. This is chaired by Ilana's longtime partner and comes across as a bit heavy-handed at times, but seeing the outworkings in Ilana's life rounds that out well. I didn't agree with everything as presented, but this book made me think - and in my opinion, that*s a good thing.

Lost in Thought follows the story of Ilana, who has an amazing career at the opera house and a perfect New York life. She is in a committed relationship with a neuroscientist who is studying how people make their decisions. When Ilana's adoptive Mum sadly dies it brings up questions about her birth mother, so she embarks on a journey to find out where she came from. This sends her life down a completely different path and sees Ilana questioning who she really is.

This is nothing like the books I usually read but, having studied philosophy in the past, I was intrigued. For a while, it felt like nothing really happened, but before I knew it I was fully drawn in to the story.
Whilst not being as action packed and fast paced as my usual reads, this was a beautifully written story that will have you questioning whether we have free will atall and wondering how many of our decisions are already made for us.

My thanks to NetGalley for sending me this ARC in return for an honest review.

Ilana, the main character thinks a lot. In the first section, I found her too introspective. Once she arrived in Albany, the plot engaged me more and I ended up enjoying the book a lot . Ilana seems to have it all, a high flying job , an appartment in West village New York, interesting friends and a relationship with Adam, a scientist. She was adopted and after the death of her adoptive parents, looks into finding her biological family. This has severe repercussions for her life and relationships with others, which does make interesting reading. She is a thinker and spends a lot of time pondering about lifestyle choices and relationships, so the book might not be for you if you find that irritating. I had difficulty, at first, with the unusual structure of the book. No chapters as such and the first part was quite long, that became a minor issue as the book progressed and hooked me in more though.
thanks to Net Galley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review