Daniels desperation to fit in, to be noticed, to have friends is almost a physical ache and his interactions with his family, school teachers and children in his classes are painful as he questions everything about himself in his attempt to find his place.
For me a book that didn't really seem to go anywhere, but made that journey thoughtfully and poetically. There were a few places where I did think that perhaps a bigger storyline might emerge and provide a bit of drama and was a bit disappointed that nothing really did.

The Boyhood of Cain by Michael Amherst follows Daniel, a young boy on the cusp of adolescence with a rapidly deteriorating home life. Set in a small village in England, Daniel is intelligent but highly misunderstood by those around him. He has profound thoughts for a boy of his age and is truly struggling to accept what is told to him, what is expected of him and the unfairness of life. He wants to be good, but he wants to be free, he is unsure he can have both.

He meets a new boy at school, Phillip, who doesn’t seem to struggle as he does, who instead, seems to excel at existing without so much as trying. This further alienates Daniel and causes more self reflection. Why should things come so easily to others yet not to him?

I enjoyed this book, specifically how close I was able to get to Daniel, with the intricacies of his mind splayed out in such a detailed fashion. It was a very raw, intimate experience and often times I felt sorry that the boy faced such inner turmoil attempting to adjust to the world around him. I appreciated the the writing style, which felt very dreamlike and palpable.

There were many quotes I read over twice, my favourites included:

“What he wants to say is: make me good. Whatever it is that I lack, make me good. Make me normal. Make it so that I can be loved."

“Rather than accepting things, he only ever wants to question them.”

“‘But if none of us can be as we want then what is the point of anything?’ He cannot believe his life should be prescribed for him, written out already.”

While I can understand and acknowledge the beauty of the book and the journey Daniel went through, it was perhaps a little too slow and melancholy. I can’t place my finger on it, but it was just missing some sort of gut punch.

Thank you NetGalley and Faber and Faber LTD for my ARC in exchange for my honest review. Pub Date is set for 13/02/25.

A beautiful, slow burn book full of yearning on the cusp of adolescence. I really enjoyed the writing, it felt almost ethereal and otherworldly. The plot was slow, but the focus on Daniel and his journey from child to borderline teenage made the slow plot worthwhile. This was a gorgeous reflection of childhood innocence, English summers and the well known anxieties of school and wanting to fit in. A spectacular story.