Gail Lukasik’s What They Never Told Us is a poignant, thought-provoking exploration of identity, family, and the secrets that shape us. Known for her bestselling memoir White Like Her, Lukasik once again delves into the complexities of race, parentage, and societal norms, this time through the lens of ordinary people who have uncovered extraordinary truths about their past.

The book begins with Lukasik’s own journey, a deeply personal account of grappling with her racial identity after a shocking family revelation. Her openness and vulnerability set the tone for the narratives that follow, creating a connection with readers as they navigate the raw, emotional terrain of hidden histories.

Each story in the collection is a journey of discovery, heartbreak, and resilience. The individuals featured in these accounts uncover secrets about their parentage, race, or ethnicity that shatter their understanding of themselves and their families. Lukasik approaches each narrative with empathy and respect, weaving in social and historical context that enriches the reader’s understanding of why these secrets were kept in the first place.

What sets this book apart is its blend of personal narratives with broader social history. Lukasik explores how attitudes toward adoption, infertility, donor conception, and racial passing—shaped by pre- and post-WWII societal norms—created a culture of secrecy. This historical backdrop adds depth to the individual stories, illuminating the systemic forces that influenced deeply personal decisions.

The writing is both accessible and deeply evocative, capturing the emotional complexity of each tale while maintaining the pacing and intrigue of a mystery novel. Readers will find themselves drawn into the twists and turns of these discoveries, from how the secrets were uncovered to the often bittersweet outcomes of the search for biological roots.

Ultimately, What They Never Told Us asks profound questions: Who are we without the stories we’ve been told about ourselves? What does it mean to belong? Lukasik does not offer easy answers but instead provides a space for reflection, making this book as intellectually engaging as it is emotionally resonant.

This is a must-read for fans of memoirs and narrative non-fiction, especially those interested in themes of family, race, and identity. It will particularly appeal to readers of Dani Shapiro’s Inheritance or Lisa Brennan-Jobs’ Small Fry. Searingly honest and beautifully crafted, What They Never Told Us is a testament to the power of truth and the resilience of the human spirit.

interesting set of discussions of families and secrets with very interesting contetn, although at times it feels disjointed. 3.5 stars, rounded up.

I was adopted as a child and while I've made contact with my biological mother, my biological father and half siblings know nothing of my existence. Because of this, I was able to relate to a lot of these stories, and it also provided me many resources to look into to find my biological father. It also made me feel 'normal' for feeling the way I do about my birth and all of the secrets. I did feel like sometimes the stories within the parts jumped around a bit, but I still really liked the book due to the content.

I found the stories in this book to be interesting. Sadly they are far from unique. Cases like these are becoming more common as DNA testing is made more affordable and genealogy as a whole becomes easier to access.
One thing I would like to know is how the discovery impacted people and their families afterward, but for many the discovery is too recent to really expand on.
I did appreciate the author's decision to protect anonymity when requested. She treated each story and its teller with respect and acknowledged how difficult the potential fallout may be.
I would suggest this book to anyone who is interested in genetic genealogy. It is a fascinating look at how families are formed, secrets and all.
My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.

As someone who was told their mom had a child before me she placed for adoption, I find stories like Lukasik's interesting. I read and write a lot about adoption and finding birth families. This book was so well researched and I enjoyed how the chapters broke into concise sections and topics. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. I highly suggest this to families to read.

This book has some interesting stories about those who discover they were adopted, or that their births were the result of AI treatment. The former stories were more engaging than the latter. An adopted woman raised black discovers her biological parents were white. An adopted policeman learns his biological father was in prison for murder. An adopted Italian-American doctor finds out he had a black biological parent. (Apparently it was common practice during certain time periods to place biracial babies with Italian families. Then darker skin colors could be passed off as olive.)

Author Gail Lukasik does a pretty good job of balancing the needs of individuals to know their true biological background, with the needs of mothers and fathers to keep such information secret for one reason or another. Yet I'm still not totally convinced that not knowing such secrets, or being taken away from a biological mother, causes permanent psychological damage. I'm afraid many such stories by those who didn't know such secrets sound self-absorbed and self-pitying. Not the ones in this book, mind you, but many others in articles and memoirs, such as "Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love" by Dani Shapiro.

There is great emphasis in this book on the need to be with one's "tribe", as well as in the need to find someone who looks like one does. But not everyone needs such things. By the third decade of life, it's common to have developed a strong independent identity, independent of one's parents and others. Moreover, not everyone who discovers later in life that their ethnic background isn't what they were told as a child gets terribly upset about the matter. How truly important is ethnicity, race and DNA? Those things are only as important as someone wants to make them.