I read this book in one sitting because it's such an engrossing and vital read combining memoir with rigorous research on political theory on reimagining how we care and commune outside of heteronormative scripts. Shon Faye's astute observations on love and romance being anything but apolitical feels particularly relevant for the moment of late stage capitalism most Western societies are in.

I lived in London around the time Shon Faye was finding fame in gay London and internet circles. We sometimes frequented the same clubs and I always love her musings online. She always struck me as someone who’s extremely intelligent.

Love in Exile is part memoir and part well researched thesis. Faye offers her unique perspective on love in many forms (love of self, love of another, love vs. sex, etc.) and I found her academic lens interesting, but in someways it distracted from the memoir. Early on in the book, Faye states, “…I often felt I understood things long before I experienced them. I regularly mistook intellectual understanding for true knowledge of my emotions…” This is relatable for anyone who has experienced trauma.

I think Faye has a strong academic voice and this book will strike the right note with a certain reader.

*** A memoir about love, by a trans-woman, that all cis-people should read ***

Shon Faye writes her memoir about love. Refreshingly, if you read it right, this tale is mostly liberated from too narrow perspectives. It is not limited to the trans-experience or hetero-pessimism, or any other limiting perspectives. Love is love and heartbreak is heartbreak. And personal experiences are personal, regardless of cis, trans, or other.

Beside that, of course, there are also the eye-opening bits that a cis-person cannot experience first-hand and by that fully appreciate. Like the recurring theme of passing as a woman. Of constantly assessing one self for any signs of maleness, "the man within". It is a strength of any good book to make one experience things that one cannot experience in real life. And it is a strength of this book as well.

Not so sure I buy into all of the more political theses developed here. But this is a good book, no question. Extra star for that this was such a surprise find!

(based on an ARC from NetGalley)

Well is it a surprise to anyone that this book is excellent? It’s honest, informative, funny and so, so wise. It is so specific and personal but points to something truly universal - that opening yourself up to love is scary and vulnerable.

Faye has such a talent for writing about her own life but also weaving in well researched and referenced information. At the end of the day love sucks because of capitalism. Before reading this book I would be inclined to agree. After reading this book I’m convinced of it.

I thought this was incredibly valuable and eye-opening and it really touches on something about our current society that is uncomfortable to think about. It’s pretty loveless! And individualistic. A superb book from a writer that I will always, always make time to read.

*read via NetGalley

An erudite reflection on love, heartbreak and different ways to live in this heteronormative world. Shon Faye is a fantastic, insightful writer who blends high and lowbrow references wonderfully (I particularly loved the section on Lana del Rey’s NFR!). Short but packs an emotional punch!

Love in Exile is part memoir, part reflections on love and relationships. It charts both the personal and political implications of her reflections on love and has fascinating insights on love in the modern world. Shon is well-versed in contemporary romance guides and popular theories and surveys them well on top of her personal experiences with love through heartbreaks and alcoholism. Her personal stories are moving and incredibly readable; no surprise given how much I enjoyed her previous work but this really flew by. I think it’s a shame that (I believe in following hook’s work) it ends on potentially its least interesting chapter on God and romance because it left me feeling a little underwhelmed, despite how much I enjoyed the rest of the book. Her thoughts on friendship, addiction, self-worth and motherhood will hook you though and I highly recommend for anyone looking for an erudite and interesting companion to modern relationships.

Love in Exile is a short, thought provoking non-fiction book reflecting on the authors experience of love across her life - not just romantic but platonic, familial, spiritual and love of the self. It’s a book that’s part Notes on Heartbreak by Annie Lord, part Radical Intimacy by Sophia Rosa and part First Comes Love by Tom Rasmussen - all of which I enjoyed and I similarly liked this a lot. My favourite chapter was that on self-care, which rightfully criticises the phrase for what it’s come to signify in culture but also provides a interesting alternative that I found very persuasive and moving. Four stars as while I liked this a lot, it just wasn’t long enough for me to really find it a satisfying read.

This book felt very close and comforting to me because I as a trans person have experienced and felt many of the things that Faye discusses. This is not to say that every trans person has dealt with the same things but coincidentally Faye and I have to an extent.
Reading this felt very honest and raw, there is more of a Memoire/ anecdotal component as compared to Faye’s other book (the transgender issue), which has made this book an easier read for me personally. There are still many resources backing Faye’s claims in her bibliography which I found to be quite interesting and helpful.
I was honestly a little upset when this book ended because I just wanted more of it.

I will definitely purchase this book as soon as it hits the shelves!