This book is about the author's spiritual memoir of his journey from faith to commitment; theological education to ordination; and his engagement with spiritual experiences from both East and West. Since he was 11, Kevin Joyce has strong calling for the priesthood, so strong that he chose it over romance, a career in medicine, and other youthful endeavors. He grappled with various emotions and contexts throughout his youth. He left the seminary for a time to pursue other goals instead of the priesthood. He nearly committed to a long-term relationship with Antonia, only to realize he was not ready. Ultimately, together with his family background, prominent spiritual influence from his maternal grandmother, his positive impressions of Church Mass, and realizing the reality of Jesus' Resurrection, he returned to his religious vocation. He has two purposes in this book. First, to share his learning from spiritual masters. Second, to compare the spiritual paths and traditions of both East (Vedic) and West (Christian). This is Kevin Joyce's conversion, confession, exploration, redemption, and re-commitment story.

With many spiritual masters as his guide, he looks at how God had moved in his life. One significant moment was his encounter with Simone Weil's book, "Gravity and Grace" where grace can be most felt in a void. Human efforts alone cannot manufacture this encounter. From Teresa of Avila, he learns of the 5th state of consciousness, which occurs when the human will conform to God's will. From Father Duncan, who the author calls a modern desert father, he receives a fresh reminder of the monastic vocation. These and many more accompany Kevin on his spiritual walk. He shares his spiritual exercises such as the Lectio Divina, giving us the description and his way of practicing it. One significant teaching was Mother Teresa's reminder that the end goal of the Christian is Transformation rather than Enlightenment.

On the Eastern tradition, he describes his learning from the principles of Transcendental Meditation as well as questions about the Hindu use of avatars. He deals with questions about whether all religions deal with the same god. Whether directly or indirectly, it seems like one of the reasons for him leaving the seminary was the influence of TM. At the same time, it was also the perceived self-absorption with self-actualization in the Eastern religions that diminished its appeal for him. Interspersed throughout his spiritual reflections, Kevin also shares his emotional struggles and confessions. He admits his romantic feelings for Vicki in his seventh grade, and Antonia during his seminarian-on-leave period. While there were periods of doubt, his conviction about the priesthood grew with each encounter with Jesus.

The author ends the book with a moving story of his brother, Brian's last days, covering acts of forgiveness and grace.

My Thoughts
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This is a deeply honest book about the author's struggle with faith. He openly shares his thought processes and how his progression and regression from the priesthood were constantly met with grace and contemplation of God's presence in his life. More importantly, his personal encounter with Jesus tilted the balance toward his religious commitment. Amid the deep search for meaning and significance, he dabbles with romance. He studies the Eastern religions and Vedic philosophies. He tries to find meaning in his travels and interactions with people of different faith persuasions. During some of his most depressing and disappointing moments, he suddenly gets a revelation of the reality of God in this world. One by one, like dominos, his doubts about his vocation were dealt with. His first love has always been with God. His breakthrough came when he saw the film about St Francis of Assisi's conversion. Like a prodigal son who had squandered some years to explore other things in this world, Kevin Joyce returns to the Father with an acknowledgment of God's grace to him.

Scripture plays a big part in the author's journey throughout his explorations. It was the anchor of his soul, a bedrock of assurance, and illumination of grace personified. One factor behind his re-commitment to his Catholic faith was his discovery of the stark differences between Eastern religions and Christianity. For instance, while both Buddhism and Christianity promote meditation, the goals and contexts are different. Christianity focuses on the personal relationship while Buddhism is non-theistic. Even after earnest attempts at practicing TM, he finds that it does not aid in terms of clarity and peace. It only makes him miss Jesus more. Moreover, he realizes the elevation of spiritual pride when he focuses on TM practices. Through it all, the constant anchor for the author was the Bible.

This book helps to partially answer the question of "Why Christianity?" Many books deal with the why either from a philosophical or a theoretical angle. Kevin Joyce goes beyond that through personal engagement. Like the famous words from "Amazing Grace," he can say that he "once was lost" (in searching for God in all the wrong places), "but now am found" (in the arms of Jesus), "was blind but now I see" (the reality of Christ). Some people can seem incredibly certain of their calling initially, only to become discouraged and fall away. Some returned to the faith while others did not. Safe to say, not everyone of us can follow after the endeavours of Kevin Joyce. We all have our own unique journeys to make. However, one thing is clear. As long as we are open to God working in our lives, we too can be surprised by grace. The author's memoir is one such evidence.

Father Kevin Joyce, priest of the Diocese of San Jose since 1980, serves as professor and spiritual director at St. Patrick’s Seminary & University in Menlo Park, California. He studied at seminaries in the Archdiocese of San Francisco, the University of the Americas in Mexico City, and the Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C., where he received a doctorate in spirituality. He attended courses in Spain and Switzerland on the spirituality and meditation practices of the Far East. As a diocesan priest, Father Kevin served as pastor of large, multicultural parishes and founded and directed SpiritSite, a Catholic Spirituality Center. Father Joyce has a particular interest in the East–West interreligious dialogue and in the spiritual masters of the Christian tradition, especially John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila.

Rating: 4.25 stars out of 5.

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This book has been provided courtesy of Crossroad Publishing via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

When I saw the description of this book, I knew I had to read it. My husband and I grew up in the Christian church and he is now meditating and studying Eastern religions, so I felt hopeful about reading someone else’s journey that led back to (or, in Joyce’s case, stayed with) Christianity.

The book took me a little bit to get into; it was not especially organized at first, and some of the biographical details felt less interesting to me - but that definitely makes this feel like an authentic memoir. I appreciated Joyce’s honesty and direct references to the sources that inspired him (the Bible, Jung, and Simone Weil, to name a few).

Kudos to Joyce for acknowledging wisdom can be found outside of the Bible - while still recognizing the Gospel of Jesus as “the way, the truth, and the life.” I am impressed with the way Joyce thoughtfully and respectfully explores Eastern religions while remaining steadfast in preaching the Gospel. One example is his explanation of the difference between transcendental meditation and Lectio Divina, which I found very helpful. Even though Joyce is Catholic and we disagree on some things (such as priests needing to be celibate), he does not focus on one’s works, but on the grace of Jesus. For that reason, I think any Christian would be able to get a lot out of this book. In a time when many Christians are deconstructing, or seen as judgmental of other religions, this book is an illuminating, respectful, and refreshing memoir. I give it 4.5 stars rounded up to 5.

Thank you to NetGalley and Crossroad Publishing for the free eARC. I post this review with my honest opinions.