As a wounded activist and healer, there's really no question that even my most effective activism is influenced by how I build relationships and the remnants of my past experience.

So, I decided to dive in to Dean Spade's "Love in a F*cked-Up World" with a little anxiety, a little trepidation, and also a little "Is this really for me?" given I'm older and less interested in the idea of "relationships" these days.

"Love in a F*ucked-Up World" was for me and is for anyone who wants to make the world a better place but would benefit from a reminder that "being the change" also applies on the homefront.

Spade is associate professor of law at Seattle University School of Law, a lifelong activist and educator who also penned "Mutual Aid" and "Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law."

Here, Spade challenges us to be the change we want to see in the world - not just out in the world but also in our closest connections.

I've often wondered if my woundedness hasn't had a strong impact on my own activism, my sometimes (okay, frequent) awkward relational skills inconsistent with my own personal politics of liberation, resistance, and equity. Spade leans into this beautifully and fuels one's decision that, in fact, our interpersonal actions can't be separated from our politics and/or activism. Spade asserts that many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because of this - people treat each other poorly, intentionally and unintentionally living out cultural myths that we are fed about dating, relationships, and roles.

Spade dares to ask "How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems?" How do we bring our best selves and our best thinking about freedom and justice into our desires for healing and connection?"

Spade has some thoughts about it and they are remarkable, challenging, bold, and yet also clear, concise, and actionable. Spade weaves together a tapestry of storytelling, truth-telling, actionable steps, and social insight into a collection that is refreshingly bold, clear, and empowering.

For those willing to really change the world and vulnerably willing to look internally, Spade has crafted the ultimate guide to raising hell and building healthier relationships for who we are, who we want to be, and the world we want to live in.