Member Reviews

I don't have the vocabulary to review this memoir in a way that does it justice. It's raw and honest, and filled with so much pain and sadness, yet it is somehow hopeful. Life goes on despite what happens to us, and we must actively choose to continue living—if that is what we decide to do. 

I cannot imagine the pain of losing both one's children, but death is something that will touch everyone at some point. This memoir shows that grief takes many forms and gives people the agency to express it in whatever way feels right for them, regardless of what others may think. Life is hard, and we are all doing the best we can to get through it.

Was this review helpful?

A breathtaking memoir; a very difficult read, but radically sincere. Yiyun Li has experienced things no one should have to, and the book is anything but a series of platitudes about moving on; instead, it's a deeply honest account of what life is like after a world-shattering loss.

Was this review helpful?

If there is only one book you read this year, let it be this one. If there is only one book you read any year, let it be this one!!! If I was given a max quota of 1 book I am allowed to read, it would be this one. THINGS IN NATURE MERELY GROW is a behemoth. I have a much longer, much more eloquent and erudite review in the works, but nothing, no review, can ever meet Yiyun Li with where she is at in terms of content, her children and life experience she is writing about here, nor her level of craft. But I will try anyway. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU LOVE, READ THIS BOOK!!!!

Was this review helpful?

A quiet meditation on the death of both of her children. Do not expect to find advice on grieving and the loss of a child. This is very much a writerly work that shows how one can make sense of tragedy through language and writing. Li has cultivated her own style of autobiographical writing, one in which her life events are inextricably linked with and refracted through the words of other poets and writers, wordplay, and an obsessive contemplation of life/fiction divide. In that sense, it's a very insular work that borders on solipsism, but her restraint and the ascetic style of the book make it nonetheless a pleasant read.

Was this review helpful?

Oh my, my heart ached. Yiyun Li reflects with great insight, resilience, and tenderness on motherhood and the loss of her two sons. I have rarely read something so honest, with sue beautiful words about a reality that feels surreal. Once again, she proves just how phenomenal a writer she is.

Was this review helpful?

Things in Nature Merely Grow by Yiyun Li is an intimate book where the author shares her radical acceptance of the loss of her son James to suicide. The honesty and interiority is at the forefront and the writing as all I’ve read from this author before is stand out. This monument to her son is everlasting and the care is evident.

Was this review helpful?

‘I am not a grieving mother. I am the mother who will live, every single day, for the rest of my life, with the pain of losing Vincent and James, and with the memory of bringing them up.’

So initially I struggled to connect with this because there was a lot of Greek history mentioned and plays and things and it was losing my interest, but I stuck with it and I’m really glad I did.

I feel like I learnt a fair amount from this read. Li didn’t mince any of her words, and certainly didn’t use any unnecessarily.

I had expected this to be a book about her sons, but it’s actually much bigger than that. There were some heart wrenching truths on grief vs mourning, and shallow sentiments from neighbours, friends and random strangers.

Considering that this was a book for James, I didn’t feel like he was mentioned much at all. We definitely got a much clearer picture of who Vincent was…but perhaps that’s the point? Maybe James was who he was because of who Vincent was? I don’t have the answers, but it was something I picked up on and wondered about.

I bookmarked a good few pages, especially when she was addressing people who had tried to take advantage of her mourning and also highlighting how some well meaning platitudes can often do more harm than good.

‘Sometimes there is no silver lining in life. Some consolations are strictly and purely for the consolers themselves. Please hold on to your silver linings, as I must decline.’

I think this is a read you might not necessarily understand or connect with if you haven’t lost a child, particularly to suicide, but I think there is value in her sharing this with us.
She addresses the way we confront (or don’t confront) death as people, and how that affects the way we interact with those who have suffered loss. There is much to be learnt here and if you are in a headspace where you can handle this, I recommend it.

Was this review helpful?

Such a beautiful book -- deeply felt and beautifully wrought. In the face of unspeakable tragedy, Yiyun Li is somehow able to make sense of the insensible. A grief memoir unlike any else, comparable only to Joan Didion's BLUE NIGHTS in my mind. Yiyun Li is one of the greatest writers working and thinking, THINGS IN NATURE MERELY GROW is a testament to that.

Was this review helpful?

Things in Nature Merely Grow by Yiyun Li is a powerful, resilient book about the acceptance of loss. In the memoir author Yiyun Li examines and beautifully depicts the life and death of her son James. In 2017, her son Vincent died by suicide and in 2024 her son James also died by suicide near her home. This book is tragic, hard to read and devastating but it also highlights how searching for words and language can be the guide alongside such loss. As a writer the author looks to meaning through her writing and finds that doing active pursuits like gardening, teaching, reading and writing can be in itself the greatest act of surviving and being. The book explores suicide and mental health illness including the authors own experiences and this can be overwhelming but in this book it is necessary and revealing. The book explores how as a society we either hide away from or ignore such complex realities as suicide and don’t communicate with each other about death or how to process loss. The prose is skilled and adept in examining the personal and emotional landscape of such a journey and highlights the beauty and challenge of living in the now. A sensitive, tender and powerful book of remarkable defiance and grace 4 Stars ✨.

Was this review helpful?

Having read and loved Li’s previous book Where Reason Ends a couple of years ago, I downloaded this one from Netgalley impulsively. First, what I did not realize because I requested without reading the synopsis were the ways in which this book were so completely tied to that earlier work in the kind of devastating subject matter that is being undertaken here. Because of the trauma that is being disclosed here, it can feel difficult to critique the book; however, the author is putting this out for consumption as a work to be interacted with. My criticism of the book is that it feels much too soon after the events Li is grappling with. The thesis of the book is that it is the work. She is dedicating this work to the loss of her second child in the way that she created art reflecting on the loss of her first child; however, this work still feels much more tied to the loss of her first child than that of her second. Some of this may be tied to the allowances she gives us about that child’s reticence to be acknowledged, but I can’t help, but feel that some of that is an understandable, temporal inability to completely grapple with her experience.

Was this review helpful?

This book is about grief, death, acceptance, loss, and suicide. Yiyun Li reflects on the deaths of both of her sons to suicide. The losses are staggering. She reflects on their lives and insights into what happened and why, but ultimately, there's a sense of mystery because how can we really know why a person decides to take their life? This book reflects on the aftermath of these losses. It's beautifully written, clear, and tremendously sad. The only part that I felt was a bit of a letdown was when Li becomes rather lecturing in tone about how to interact with a person who has lost someone to suicide at the end of the book.

Was this review helpful?

This was a tough book. I've read her fiction but this was essays about the aftermath of both of her children dying by suicide. It is a difficult read and very personal. I almost felt like I was intruding and reading a diary vs something published for mass consumption.

Was this review helpful?

I would like to start this review by saying that writing a review, for a book such as this, feels pretentious. Yiyun Li's superb writing abilities, her courage to face reality, to grapple with it, are all awe-inspiring. that she would allow us as readers into her experience feels gracious and generous. The last sentence of the book is heart-breaking. Every sentence of this book feels written from a place of deep understanding of life, of suffering and of indomitable courage. I am deeply grateful for the chance to read this.

Was this review helpful?

It feels callous to assign a star rating to someone’s deeply profound and unknowable pain.

I am lucky that this memoir did not resonate with me, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a powerful tool or lifeline for someone struggling with unimaginable losses of their own.

This is one of those books that I hope to never recommend to anyone, and I’m sad it was written in the first place. I hope writing this brought Li even the smallest amount of peace, and should anyone find themselves in need of Li’s wisdom and advice, I hope they find this book.

Was this review helpful?

Profound. Important. Eye-opening.

A collection of essays from author Yiyun Yi, Things In Nature Merely Grow reads as a series of contemplative stories and meditations surrounding the death by suicide of her second son, James.

The mother of two sons, Vincent and James, who both died by suicide seven years apart, at sixteen and nineteen respectively, Yi uses her strong intellect to connect with and evoke her departed younger son, James.

Things In Nature Merely Grow is a moving, profound and compelling book, which I couldn’t put down. Though I did feel the book could have been longer—I wanted to know more about these remarkable people that lit up Yi’s life. I wanted to know more about how Yi herself was managing and coping, more about the isolation and stigma of suicide. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful read and I am enriched for having known Yi’s family on these pages.


Expected Publication Dare: May 20, 2025

Many thanks to NetGalley, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and the Author for access to an eARC. All opinions are my own.

Was this review helpful?

This book isn’t for everyone and Li makes that clear from the start. In fact, this book almost feels like it isn’t meant to be read, only witnessed, because it is so personal.

I lost a brother to suicide. I can’t relate to Li’s intellectual approach to mourning (most people can’t and she also acknowledges this). But some of her insights resonated with me. I can’t help but draw parallels between the boys she lost and my own brother. For that reason, I’m glad I read it.

For similar reasons, I wouldn’t recommend this book. It feels weird to have to rate it at all, but I received an advanced copy so I want to leave my thoughts. Can anyone appreciate this book without having experienced some level of loss akin to Li’s? I’m not the person to answer that, but you might consider it before reading.

Was this review helpful?

no one writes like yiyun li. a stoic, brutal, and intensely loving book for li's second, quieter child, james. extraordinary.

i could see this book as a salve and gift for any person grieving death, suicide, the loss of a child, or any person who, even in life, felt elusive; though li, herself, eschews the word "grief", about which she writes:

“I am against the word “grief,” which in contemporary culture seems to indicate a process that has an end point: the sooner you get there, the sooner you prove yourself to be a good sport at living, and the less awkward people around you will feel. Sometimes people ask me where I am in the grieving process, and I wonder whether they understand anything at all about losing someone.”

Was this review helpful?