This book isn’t for everyone and Li makes that clear from the start. In fact, this book almost feels like it isn’t meant to be read, only witnessed, because it is so personal.

I lost a brother to suicide. I can’t relate to Li’s intellectual approach to mourning (most people can’t and she also acknowledges this). But some of her insights resonated with me. I can’t help but draw parallels between the boys she lost and my own brother. For that reason, I’m glad I read it.

For similar reasons, I wouldn’t recommend this book. It feels weird to have to rate it at all, but I received an advanced copy so I want to leave my thoughts. Can anyone appreciate this book without having experienced some level of loss akin to Li’s? I’m not the person to answer that, but you might consider it before reading.

no one writes like yiyun li. a stoic, brutal, and intensely loving book for li's second, quieter child, james. extraordinary.

i could see this book as a salve and gift for any person grieving death, suicide, the loss of a child, or any person who, even in life, felt elusive; though li, herself, eschews the word "grief", about which she writes:

“I am against the word “grief,” which in contemporary culture seems to indicate a process that has an end point: the sooner you get there, the sooner you prove yourself to be a good sport at living, and the less awkward people around you will feel. Sometimes people ask me where I am in the grieving process, and I wonder whether they understand anything at all about losing someone.”