Thank you to MacMillion Audio, Ellen Hendriksen, and NetGalley for giving me an eARC of How to Be Enough in exchange for my honest review.

What I liked about the audiobook for How to Be Enough is that is narrated by the Author. In many ways it felt like you were in session with the author and she was teaching you about perfectionism and ways to challenge it. There are countless self-help books out there, and there are numerous suggestions about what someone should do. What I liked about this book is that it was not just one solution that was offered, but many. Readers or listeners are able to pick what resonates with them. From the beginning it is said that you can either listen straighthrough, or pick and choose the chapters that are helpful to you. I also appreciated that it was not suggested that you should change your whole personality or leave your perfectionism behind, but rather how you can take that perfectionism and make subtle changes to take some of that pressure off and allow yourself to be enough.

This book offers a good mix of anecdotes from the author, breakdown of topics, and actionable advice for the reader. There are lots of tidbits about self-acceptance and applying it to our personal lives and our relationships with others. The advice was simple, straightforward, and not intimidating.

I related so much to this audiobook that I ordered a hard copy now that it's released. I have spent four decades not understanding the roots and triggers for my anxiety, panic attacks, perfectionism. I've made statements like, all you need to do is look at my messy chaotic office to believe I'm not a perfectionist. Ha. Jokes on me. #ellenhendriksen pokes holes in all of my defensive techniques and gently but helpfully provides suggestions for how to live a good healthy life once you understand why you are the way you are. It's hard to explain but if you have ever felt like you might trend towards perfectionism, I definitely suggest this. I loved that she even says the book doesn't have to be read in order. Find the chapters that speak to what you need and go there. I could not recommend this more.

I listened to the audiobook and the narration was good. How to Be Enough is a self-help book for perfectionists. It was very interesting and informative. The author discusses the combination of genetics, family environment and cultural influences that produces perfectionism, and then elaborates on seven ways or shifts to change the reader's outlook and behaviors. She gives examples and practical exercises throughout the chapters, as well as suggestions to reframe our inner monologue so that it is more supportive and less self-destructive. It was a decent read.

Thank you NetGalley for the audiobook ARC to preview.

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For those of us who have found it hard (no, impossible) to ignore that little voice, (coming from inside, but imagined to be coming loud-and-clear by those outside of us) telling us to work unremittingly harder, faster, smarter for after all, we are just not good enough (yet?) - this is the book to help us reset. Written by a clinical psychologist, herself a self-proclaimed perfectionist, here laid out for the reader is the inside personal scoop, as well as the exhaustively-researched professional data to help us recognize our own drivers, where they come from, how they only partially serve us, and how to get a better handle on them. With these insights, we just may finally understand, accept, and even change our self-critical, rigidly-maintained mindset — with the aid of a terrific set of tools, a deeply compassionate voice, and an in-depth visit with this therapist, who also personifies an “older”, wiser sister (of sorts).

Perfectionism, in all its forms, is about looking for acceptance, — socially, interpersonally, and at its root, where it arises (poignantly) deep inside of us. And therein lies the rub. As the author explains, illustrating via a number of anecdotes based on patients and experiences, — we are not alone, we can make mistakes (even whoppers), we can let go, and we can live the life we actually want to live — she opens the door to a flood of warmth driven by our own self-kindness, unleashed one tiny step at a time, accompanied by a boost of mindfulness to carry us through this journey of discovery to a better place.

A terrific read, packed with insights, “aha” moments, and just plain support (with a capital S), this book is highly recommended (along with the author’s sister volume on Social Anxiety “How to be Yourself”) for sufferers of perfectionism, or anyone with a keen interest in the marvel of our wiring - how it arises, stumbles, yet can be selectively tuned through practice, and the magic of self-compassion.

A great big thank you to #Netgalley, the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.

I thought this book was really interesting. The narration was well done and I enjoyed listening. The author is both knowledgeable and credible in the theory, but as well as lived experience. It is very evident the author speaks with understanding. I definitely left this listen with many items to think on, and a shifter perspective. Thank you so much to the author and publisher for this ARC opportunity, it will still with me.

We’ve heard a lot about self-care recently and some may not allow themselves to indulge, lapsing into guilt because they feel they should be doing something else. Some may be cast in a role based on family expectations, perceived or real. This book has that plus more that I would imagine everyone could identify with at least in some small way. The tone is somewhat light and that is on purpose. The stories are enlightening, relatable and entertaining. A few key takeaways for me, paraphrasing a bit, were

- Make room for rest and things that bring joy
- Hold problems lightly as they are apart of the whole package which is you
- If you need you were enough, what would you do with your life?
- Things don’t have to be all or nothing

There are clinical studies referenced along with societal triggers and such but while they land the point, the book does not feel preachy nor like you’re being lectured nor even studied. I came away with lots of food for thought about my own life and relationships. I imagine that even those who don’t see themselves as self-critics nor perfectionist, will come away from this book with their food for thoughts.

Thank you to #NetGalley and #StMartinsPress for the opportunity to do an early read and share my thoughts on the story.

Happy Reading!

How to Be Enough is for those of us with perfectionistic tendencies who never feel like we're doing well enough. Ellen Hendriksen is in the same boat and shares stories from her clients, studies, and bits of her personal life to demonstrate how to shift your mindset. She doesn't talk about perfectionism like it is something that needs to be cured and acknowledges that these tendencies aren't going to disappear. But you can use these techniques to be kinder to yourself and to connect with others. The thing that resonated with me the most was the suggestion to switch your thinking in labels (more rigid) to values (more flexible). So instead of thinking that you have to or should do something because you are x, you can think that you chose to do something because you value x. I also really liked the section on doorknobs - a technique for continuing conversations by grabbing on to something that was said and asking more questions or continuing the conversation from your personal experience.

The audiobook was read by Hendriksen and I enjoyed listening to her. As a former psychology student, it reminded me a lot of being in a class with one of my favorite professors. She interjects humor (sometimes corny) and little pop culture references that make it an enjoyable listen.

This book has great actionable and tangible advice for readers to implement if they struggle with feeling enough. It did feel very clinical at times and lacked emotion/depth. But I did find the book helpful.

🎧 I usually try to read at least one self-help book each January. This book was exactly what I needed. Not only does Ellen do an excellent job of narrating the audiobook herself, but it was very clear that she wrote this book for herself. This book is for people like her who are conscientious, type A people who struggle with perfectionism and feeling worthy. People like us (I like to call it the eldest daughter syndrome) are used to tying or worth to our productivity and to our ability to achieve. The problem with doing that is it can create burnout as well as a lot of shame when we don’t meet our incredibly high standards and expectations.

Ellen explores a concept called “contingent self-worth” or “I am as I do” which is present in the brains of many perfectionists. A subset of this thinking is activity based self-worth. Contingent self-worth works when we do well but the inevitable setbacks of life is where it falls apart.

One of my favorite parts of the book is where she talked about moving away from a labels based mindset to a values mindset. For example, many of us may have adopted the label “I am smart” as a child, but then we struggle when we can’t solve a math problem or we can’t easily understand a concept. So instead of identifying with a label: “I am smart”, we can move towards the value mindset of “I value learning”, which creates room for mistakes and doesn’t rely on having to be perfect.

All in all, this is a book that I might have to come back and revisit. I’ve struggled most of my life fighting off perfectionist tendencies that do me more harm than good and this book was extremely refreshing. I feel like a burden has been lifted and I’m ready to try the new tactics explored in How to be enough. It’s totally feasible to tell that part of our brain that wants perfection to value community and values over achievement and contingent self-worth. I highly recommend this to anyone who struggles with the same tendencies.

“We want to feel accepted, but we’ve somehow absorbed the message that to gain acceptance we have to perform to the best of our abilities… but our deepest wish is to be accepted without having to perform.”

“What perfectionism neglects to tell us is that getting it right doesn’t make us part of a community.”

“Our drive to find acceptance through performance begins because we already feel separate or different… Pretty much every high achieving person experiences a gravitational pull to feel left out. Meaning we reflexively look for signs and signals that tell you you’re being excluded or not wanted.”

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen definitely knows her stuff. I liked how she understands what it is like to be a perfectionist. She had plenty of stories to illustrate her points. I learned a lot listening to this. I’ve always told my employees that they’re human and mistakes happen, but I don’t give myself the same grace. It was really eye opening and it will be interesting to see if the exercises help because it will take time to make changes. The author’s narration was easy to listen to.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the Advanced Listener Copy (ALC) copy of this book and I am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

"How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists" by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph. D.
Publishing date: January 7, 2025
10 hours 15 minutes audiobook narrated by the author

I wished to read this book because I thought it was a book about minimalism. In fact, it had nothing to do with minimalism (my bad).
The subtitle is "Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists", and the book is indeed about perfectionism and people with perfectionistic tendencies, which happens to include myself.

This was a book I didn't realize I needed. Perfectionists tend to be high-achiever and highly motivated, which makes us highly functional contributors to society. In turn, it is exhausting. We tend to have very high expectations and exhaust ourselves. We exhaust sometimes those close to us, if the high expectations are aimed towards our family, friends, and colleagues. Besides I myself being one, I also know a few close friends who share similar tendencies. The book is full of practical advices to include in our lives to make our lives better - which were highly appreciated.

The book is also very approachable and narrated very well by the author herself, who admits having a perfectionistic tendencies. This makes her sympathetic to us, which was also welcome. I also liked her sense of humor. For a self-help book, it was funny and engaging, and not dry at all.

I do wish the book was more compact, especially the first part describing our issues and famous figures who have had the same issues in the past - Unless it's someone like me who didn't read the subtitle, the target audience is clear and we don't need to hear about other examples of people like us. I felt it could be shorter and more focused. Overall though, it was enjoyable and I learned good deal from this book.

An advanced copy of this audiobook was provided courtesy of NetGalley and Macmillan Audio. Opinions stated here is my own. Thank you!

I read this book as sometimes I am extremely hard on myself. I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist but I would say sometimes I think I'm not good enough. This book was mostly a lot of chatter but did give me some good tips and tricks to help when I am being overly judgemental of myself.

Author and Narrator Ellen Hendriksen knocks it out of the park with her newest book, How To Be Enough. As a Type A Perfectionist with a very critical inner voice there are a lot of tips and tricks I plan to take from this book, but moreso what I found to be the most engaging was the way Ellen Hendriksen presented the information. Using a combination of step by step plans, her own experiences, data and stories from her patients, Ellen Hendriksen weaves the information in easy to understand chunks and the book is designed so that you're formulating plans and making small changes along the way.

I especially enjoyed her section about procrastination. Often deemed a time management issue, research actually shows it has more to do with an emotional barrier because the tasks seems too hard or involved. This is information not only useful to me but also my daughters. Speaking of daughters, I appreciated how in depth Ellen Hendriksen went into explaining how our inner voices often mirror our upbringing. Under the guise of wanting to help, we are often unintentionally creating distrust in those around us and hurting those we love most. That really resonated with me.

Thank you Macmillan Audio for the gifted ALC.

Wow, Ellen Hendriksen knocked it out of the park with this one! I wasn't familiar with her work before, but she is a fantastic writer. I've read a lot of mental health books, both nonfiction and memoir, but the way Hendriksen explains information, utilizes examples from her work, and weaves in her own personal connections was excellent and far better than most mental health/psychology/self help books I've read. I initially picked this up because I thought it sounded relevant for my husband and some past versions of myself, but I found more of it relevant to me than I expected.

There were a lot of great concepts in here and super actionable advice. All of it is presented in a thoughtful and engaging way. It really feels like Hendriksen understands you and is cheering you on. This was great. I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who identifies as a perfectionist or who is overly rigid (me!) but thinks they've gotten over their perfectionism (lol). So grateful Hendriksen wrote this book.

The only thing I didn't always like about it was the incessant similes that were punny/cheesy--they were a bit much at times, but I'm sure that's just the author's personality. Eventually they just made me chuckle and roll my eyes haha.

I really needed this book. It’s been a rough year and I’ve thought of seeking out therapy for exactly the topics covered in this book, it was like it was written for me!

Since I listened to the audiobook, I don’t have the exact quote, but she said something along the lines of
This book isn’t going to tell you everything you are doing is wrong, you already do that enough yourself. If that resonates with you, or you are constantly disappointed in yourself, feel you are a disappointment to others etc. this is worth the read.

I don’t read self help books very often because they reiterate the same concepts over and over, well not this one! I also love when the author of nonfiction books narrates the audiobook.

How to Be Enough take a deep dive of what perfectionism looks like and how those various characteristics can show up for people. It then takes a look at how we can shift our perspectives about ourselves and start to approach our self-worth with an acceptance mindset. I find these mind shift reminders helpful when it comes to working on self acceptance, the ability to shift a paradigm and view our characteristics as a way of what is, and without judgement is so helpful.

While the overall concepts within this book are not new for me, the little anecdotes help to view the concepts in a new way. I appreciated the stories and talking points as another informative learning in my self acceptance journey.

I will be reading this one again! Dr. Hendrickson shares so much insight on managing perfectionism from her practice as a therapist and from her own personal experience.

If you’ve ever struggled to feel authentic or been stuck feeling like you “should” do something you don’t want, then this is for you.

I’ve had social anxiety my entire life. Because of this, I’ve always felt the need to mask with my “best self”. It’s exhausting. This book said, “I see you and you’re enough.” We’re all just trying to figure this life out — even when we don’t act like it. So let’s just drop the act and be real with each other and ourselves.

How to be enough was a great read and listen. I liked the different strategies to help with self-esteem as well as procrastination. The stories of real patients helped too.

Engaging, accessible, and well-narrated. A recommended purchase for collections where self-help and pop psych are popular.