This book captures what every woman encounters upon growing up: it is impossible to do it all, and it is a lie that we are told. I thought this book handled this very gracefully, and I didn't feel disillusioned, I was left feeling empowered. I thought the author did a fantastic job at examining the unpaid and unacknowledged mental load women carry in every day society, and I loved the alternatives she explained. I felt relieved that it wasn't just me who struggled and felt burntout.

This book resonated with me as someone who feels like a recovering people pleaser and overachiever. I felt like there were action items, and wisdom that reminded me what is reasonable and what is not for trying in your day to day life. Recommending to approximately 200 Zillennial women I know who are over capacity.

Thank you to NetGalley and to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I've been told my whole life to not worry about things while also being praised for going above and beyond. So which is it? Should I strive to be the best in hopes that is appreciated and recognized or do I stop caring and worrying about it? And can any overachiever actually stop trying so hard? I wanted to read this book because I will read anything that might help ease my anxiety about things often out of my control.

I read a review on this book from a male reader who initially felt like the book was not meant for him because it focused primarily on the mental load of women. I'm so happy that he went on to say that while that may be the case, he recognized that he could still learn something from the book. He was able to see the exhausted, never-ending pressure his wife was under. This review caused me to do some research. In the last 10 years, we have had many books directed to women on how they can stop letting societal pressures overwhelm them. But where are the books for society on not placing these pressures? A quick google search came up with very little with a major male focus. The only one that came up was meant for couples and emphasized how reading this book would improve their sex lives. Almost as if that is the only reason a male reader would find it worth reading. So if you are a male reader and you have women in your life, READ THIS BOOK AND OTHERS LIKE IT!!!

I definitely applaud the author for everything she says in the book because it is something we need to hear. Did it cure me? No! But...I believe that the more we consume/observe behaviors that are good for us, the more it will sink in. So maybe I won't wake up healed from my overachiever ways but I might be reminded next time I panic clean before someone comes over that I do not need to do this. Williams says in one part about how women (mostly) have been raised to believe a clean house is a direct reflection on them and how well they can keep house. Maybe this is why when someone is coming over, I stress out trying to clean every surface and my husband wants to clean the one room no one will go in.

The author also talks about pressures to be the best mom ever with a heartbreaking story on her breastfeeding/postpartum journey. She does talk about infertility and miscarriages so if you are sensitive to that topic right now, maybe wait to read the book.

The book shows that we can only change how we feel on these personal and public issues. The world will still judge. We just have to learn not to care. If anyone finds a way to actually do that, please let me know!

Some recent books I've read that I think might help: Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez and Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old by Brooke Shields

Kate Williams narrates the audiobook and her voice reminds me of listening to a friend tell me their struggles. I can hear how much heart she put into this and how much she wants to help others. Thank you to NetGalley, Kate Williams, Macmillan Audio and Flatiron Books for the opportunity to read it. I have written this review voluntarily and honestly.

How To Stop Trying by Kate Willian
Audio Version
Overall Grade: B
Information: B-
Writing/Organization: B-
Narration: B+
Best Aspect: A good reminder that change is needed for many women and people need to stop comparing themselves to others.
Worst Aspect: Needed more example of how women can “stop trying” without quitting.
Recommend: Yes.

The adorable cover grabbed my attention and the title was interesting, so I had to check it out. Normally self help isn’t my go-to genre, but in this case I was very intrigued.

The copy I had of this is the audio version from Macmillan audio and it was read by the author. Her diction and delivery were exceptional, which is always a nice surprise.

The book reads very much like a memoir, and the author is personable and interesting. Her writing style is clear and straightforward. She has some good insights. As an older adult woman, there was a lot in here for me to relate to. I found myself engaged and interested throughout the book.

I would seek out this author’s fiction titles, as well, because she’s a good writer. If she wrote another memoir, I’d probably read that, too, or listen to it if she narrated again. 😊

This was a pretty solid self-help book that provided a practical approach to letting go of certain societal expectations and harmful narratives that keep us constantly exhausted. I appreciated the systems-level perspective in the second half, recognizing that these issues are social/systemic and NOT our fault as individuals. While it mostly focused on sexism (and I was hoping it would dig deeper into other -isms), the occasional mentions of capitalism being a root cause and beneficiary of the current overachiever culture were spot on. This book felt honest and reasonable. 

Where it fell short was in its lack of intersectionality, which could have brought it to the next level. The book was strictly from a white cishet, able-bodied, middle-to-upper-class female perspective, and that is the intended audience. Since the author dabbled in other people's experiences (a few examples of friends' situations), so much could have been gained by bringing in how the challenges referenced in the book are compounded if you are also Black, or trans, or disabled. I wouldn't expect the author to focus on identities that aren't hers, but adding in a few conversations with and examples from people with different identities could have made this book much more grounded and helpful for a larger audience. 

Overall, I appreciated the recommendations and plan to incorporate them into my life when needed, but it would have been improved by reaching beyond white feminist narratives.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of the audiobook.

3.5 stars

This book was an easy listen and offered some good advice, but I found myself drifting because I couldn't relate. Honestly, I think my high expectations were partly because I loved the cover. I thought I’d connect more with the content, but early on, I realized the author and I are on different life paths. I didn’t expect the book to focus so much on the author’s journey toward having children and being a mother. While there were bits of other memories and reflections that I personally related to, the narrative often circled back to her family, which is fine—but it just wasn’t for me.

This book wasn't meant for me.

I went into this book thinking it would be geared toward everyone — it was not. The author shared her experience as a woman and mother. And spoke to other women and mothers specifically.

I was a little disappointed initially and thought about putting the book down. But I realized it didn't have to be about me. I could learn about the unseen mental load of my wife. and I could hold the space for the intent of the book while finding nuggets for my own life.

Overall, a great read for those looking to remove "try" from their vocab.

A permission-giving, lifting Atlas's boulder off your shoulder, book to make it okay to stop trying so hard all the time.
This read is perfect for the perfectionist or burnt out person in the modern capitalistic world. Easy read/listen. Adorable cover. 9/10 would recommend.

I genuinely enjoyed this. I don’t think it will be for everyone as for some it might feel shallow. There’s also a layer of privilege that isn’t really addressed until the end of the book when it starts to shift to capitalism being a major problem and thorn in our sides when it comes to happiness. Regardless, I loved the audio book and enjoyed listening. I feel hearing the emotion and inflections made the chapters digestible. 3.5 rounding up!

As a self proclaimed overachiever myself, I was pretty excited to get the chance to listen to this audiobook. Unfortunately, it kind of felt like it wasn't really intended for me. It reads more like a memoir about pregnancy and fertility issues than a guide for overachievers. I would say about 50% was memoir, 35% discussing the struggles of parents and mothers, 10% advice for mothers, 3% fun little quips, then about 2% actually intended for overachieving women without focusing on children.

Although I felt it wasn't really directed toward me, I do think it would be an excellent read for someone struggling with fertility issues or motherhood. The author did a great job narrating the audiobook. Overall it was good, just not quite what I expected.

TW of miscarriage and infertility.

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an early audiobook.

I loved how fast of a read this was and how well it gave the message that it's okay to say no to things. To slow down. That it's okay to prioritize yourself. This book is would probably have hit a little more for me if I had any desire for motherhood, which I don't, because that's also a big part of it. Being able to take care of yourself and balance that with taking care of your children. Some of the suggestions can definitely be taken as basic ones, but it helps to stop and think about these things once in a while.

Some of the writing style wasn't necessarily for me, but I think it'll be a great book for a lot of women.

A lovely blend of memoir and self-help, "How To Stop Trying" is a light read for all of the women who feel they want to do less, but don't feel like they have the option. While the self-help aspect of this book is pretty basic, I think it is still worth the read to feel less alone. Kate Williams did a great job of reading her own book, her narration was engaging throughout. Williams also led us on her journey with humor and positive insights, telling women they have the power to just say no to always doing more.

If you're already in the depths of trying to slow your life down, take things off your plate, lessen the invisible mental load, or stop the guilt from all of the above, you will probably find this book to be very simple in direction of how to do all of these things...but please don't let that stop you from reading it. Kate Williams and her story are so relatable, and sometimes we just need to hear the simple things out loud to feel less alone on this hamster wheel of life.

How to Stop Trying is a blend of self-help and memoir that caters to those who are struggling to focus on self care in the form of letting go or slowing down. I chose to read (listen to) this book due to the blurb about a "painful fertility challenge". I am currently 2 years into infertility, and I'm tired of trying and failing, tired of the exhaustion of it. While I found the chapters about motherhood difficult to listen to due to my own stage in life, other chapters deeply resonated with me. While you might not relate to all sections of this book, I would be surprised if you didn't relate to any of them.

"Maybe you won't get everything you want. Maybe no one does. Maybe all your dreams won't come true. Maybe you can accept that. Maybe you can love yourself anyway." Here's to loving myself more in 2025. (I received an advanced listener's copy, so this quote is subject to change and transcribed from an audiobook.)

Narration was performed by the Author and was excellent. Cover art is obviously 10/10.

I received an ALC from Macmillan Audio via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is the book many millennial and gen-x women have been wanting to read. In some ways it's a self-help book (yes, more gratitude makes everything better) but in more ways it's an anti-self help book. She explores the ways society expects so much of women then derides them for feeling stressed trying to meet all the benchmarks. With a nice balance of personal and global, this is an interesting and engaging reminder to take a breath.

Engaging, accessible, and well-narrated. A recommended purchase for collections where millennial self-help is popular.

I was excited for this book; I'm right in the target demo and it sounded up my alley! Unfortunately, it was a disappointment. The author's advice and insights are all incredibly basic. I spent most of my time listening to this audiobook just feeling shocked that she didn't realize any of these things sooner. I was also immensely frustrated at how she did not acknowledge her own privilege. Not trying is a privilege! Some of us need to constantly keep trying in order to make money so we can afford to live!

I grew irritated that her perspective and solutions seemed so individualistic. I was screaming "CAPITALISM! THE SYSTEM IS THE PROBLEM!" the whole time. About halfway through the book, she started talking about how capitalism is a big part of the issue and I was like "finally!"

Once she dives into systemic issues, it got a bit better, but overall, I still found this pretty shallow and basic. I was also annoyed at the end when she started rambling about choosing to be spiritual. This book just wasn't for me and that's fine! She repeatedly mentions Gen X and millennial women as her audience, but I really think most millennial women will find this akin to the intro feminism of the Barbie movie. It felt very 2016 to me.

Amazing! I felt so validated and seen in this book. Every anecdote and example felt like it came right out of my own life. And the narrator—it's the author herself! That personal touch really adds something special to the stories she's sharing.

This is a must-read for anyone who’s doubting themselves or wondering if what they’re doing is enough. You don’t have to force yourself to keep going with something that just isn’t working. Sometimes quitting is the best option, even though it’s also the hardest. As someone who has had to make those tough decisions and felt immense guilt for not trying anymore, this was something I really needed to hear.

How to Stop Trying is an incredibly vulnerable book exploring how women are conditioned to perfect every aspect of their lives and how we can start to recognize these pressures and let them go. Kate Williams is incredibly open and talks about her struggles with infertility and all of the mental hoops she went through to be able to let herself stop trying to get pregnant, and how she's been working to apply that to the rest of her life.

This book definitely resonated with me, and I really appreciated what Kate brought to the reading by listening to her book and would definitely recommend the format. I will say though, as someone without kids, I felt that a lot of the advice was really focused toward moms and people with kids. I would definitely recommend it to anyone with kiddos, but probably not as much for folks without them.

Thanks so much to NetGalley and to Macmillan Audio for the advanced copy.

As a millennial woman, this book resonated with me a lot. Williams’ experiences were so relatable and she provides such a great reminder about how we all need to stop trying so hard, especially when trying so hard ends up hurting us. Our generation was raised to keep trying at all costs, especially at all costs to ourselves, and it’s an important reminder to break these habits and embrace learning to quit. I’d absolutely recommend this to anyone I know, especially the millennial/Gen-X women in my life.

Thank you to Macmillan Audio and Netgalley for the advanced audiobook copy in exchange for an honest review!

Excellent account of challenges that today’s generation of women are facing. Kate Williams gives honest feedback on how she approached and managed her life choices. Reassurance for those struggling with work/life balance. Kate’s honest reflection on the fertility dilemma is brave.