This book is super relatable with all the personal stories; I really enjoyed reading it.
Thank you to NetGalley, to the author, and Macmillan Audio for this ARC.

How to Stop Trying: An Overachiever’s Guide to Self-Acceptance, Letting Go, and Other Impossible Things
by Kate Williams
Narrated by the Author
Audiobook publish date:2024/02/25

I love non-fiction books and have read fair share of self-help books to cope with my anxiety. When I saw the cover, it made me laugh and I wanted to pick up. A self-help book with a cute cat on the cover - how could I resist?

The content is very approachable and written by a busy woman in 40s juggling child-rearing, family and professional life while trying to maintain friendship too. It's written with light-hearted humor and warmth. So if you fall in this demographics and can use someone to sympathize with you, this book may be great.
Unfortunately, I don't belong in this group and found the content lacking substance. To me, it was all fluff and nothing new. There is no scientific discovery here, nor studies backed by research, nor detailed "how to"s. If one is tired of being mindlessly busy, the book would tell you to let go of expectations and live your own life. With no practical suggestions of how one would do that.
I personally prefer more academic approach of self improvement. However, if you want something soft and easy to read, here is one for you.

An advance copy of this audiobook was provided courtesy of NetGalley and Macmillan Audio.
My opinion herein is my own.

I can say wholeheartedly that I really liked this book.

Self-help/motivational books or something that’s not always easy to rate because everyone comes from a different background and will interpret and use this information differently. I really thought this author did a wonderful job at narrating and conveying her own book. And I thought her topics were valid and enjoyable, and her chapter names were witty and fun.

All in all, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that enjoys self-help, motivation, or is wanting an enjoyable read about a few topics that women face every day.

I enjoyed this read! It was not what I expected, though. I thought it'd be a humorous read--the cover made me think of WOW, NO THANK YOU, and there were notes of "humor" in the blurb. I did not find it humorous but more informative and inspiring. But, even though the marketing didn't match the vibe for me, I enjoyed the book.

How to Stop Trying is like a great chat with a good friend—you leave feeling more encouraged and less alone, and you’re motivated to make some positive changes (but not to try too hard as you’re making them!).

I resonated with feeling like I’m not present for my own life due to rushing and worrying, and to being a lifelong people pleaser who isn’t sure she CAN stop trying. (I also identified with all the 90s girl references like The Craft and Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

That said, as someone who has experienced infertility and miscarriage, the significant amount of time devoted to those topics took me back to a place I didn’t particularly want to revisit. I thought about putting it down, but kept going and was very glad to see the later examples and stories covered many more topics too.

Memorable line:
“Holy shit, having a life you love is terrifying.” Amen, sister!

3.75⭐️

I really enjoyed listening to this audio book version of How to Stop Trying. Read by the author, with some great real life examples, this self-help book was like listening to a pep talk from a friend. As a listener around the same age as the author, I was easily able to connect with what she was sharing and relate to examples from my own life. I enjoyed the tone of her writing as well, while a serious message on how to live up to all the crazy expectations placed on women, there was sarcasm and humor infused within. While we can't stop trying all the time, its a good lesson to keep in the back of one's mind to let go of the things out of one's control, and let go of the pressure and stress we can remove from our lives, to focus on the things we can control. A engaging book at a manageable length to listen to over a few days (or less!) . Thank you for the advanced copy of this book.

I really enjoyed this audio book. While not my normal reading genre, I found it compelling. The life experiences shared by the author were relatable .

I enjoyed this book and the message behind it. The author did a great job highlighting common experiences and reflecting on how society made us feel like we had to be this way. I’m definitely someone who is always on the go, always trying to take on more than I can handle. It’s exhausting. If you’re looking to feel validated, this is the book for you. If you’re looking for next steps, I was hoping for a little more. It felt like I didn’t really get a how-to, but got empowered to chill.

This book was just what I needed. It was like sitting down with a friend and having a chat on your couch. There are so many societal pressures and even just pressures that are ingrained in us that need to be addressed. It felt like listening to my favorite podcasts, not an audiobook.

The narrator does an amazing job with the intonations throughout the book. Kate’s take on stepping back and letting things go helps the typical working mom see that it’s not all on her shoulders and that it’s okay to “stop trying”. I am not a read/listen to books multiple times, but I will be going back to this book when I need to readdress my overwhelm levels again.

Kate Williams seems a friend who I could identify with. As a Generation X woman myself, I identified with so much of what she talked about. She has a very sociological take on the problems of society that Generation X women face. The idea of stop trying is so much of a counterculture to what we are told, and yet it is what we need to hear. I really love that the author read the book herself.

One of the areas that I think she missed touching on, and paraphs she isn't' there yet, is how important the concept of stop trying is going to be when you enter into the sandwich generation time of your life (take care of both children and aging parents). Williams touched on a variety of ways to stop trying, but this was one area that I think other Gen X women will be able to identify with.

After hearing the entire book, I think this is something that the younger generation should hear as well. Hearing about how important friendship is and the false messages that women are served through a patriarchal lens is really important and probably the most salient part that stuck with me through the book.

It's a good book. At 5 hours, it was a quick and well worth listen.

How to Stop Trying by Kate Williams is like a refreshing reset button for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the constant pressure to hustle and be perfect. With a witty and relatable tone, Williams gently nudges readers to let go of the need for control and embrace life’s imperfections. It’s filled with practical advice and a healthy dose of humor, making it a perfect read for anyone in need of a reminder that it’s okay to just be. Think of it as a cozy chat with a friend who knows how to put things into perspective without making you feel like you’ve been doing everything wrong.

In How to Stop Trying, novelist Kate Williams blends memoir and self-help in the name of encouraging fellow Millennial and Gen-X women to let go of the try-hard, overachieving mindset that leaves so many of us feeling overburdened and dissatisfied with our lives. With anecdotes ranging from high-school swim team, to struggles with infertility, Williams shares her own experiences with perpetually feeling like she should be doing more. She delivers these personal stories—and the ahas that came with them—in an engaging and confessional style, one woman to another, resisting rah-rah positivity, and letting the occasional f-bomb fall where it may. It’s so refreshing and real.

I’m very much in the target audience for this book—midlife women, and more specifically Millennial and Gen-X midlife women—and wow, did it ever resonate with me in a big way. Williams herself falls into this unique cohort of women, raised on overt messages of our equality with men and our power to do anything we can dream, while at the same time receiving subtler messages from enduring patriarchal realities, reminding us that actually, we’re not quite good enough, and our only hope of becoming good enough is to relentlessly people-please and put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. I mean, that pretty much sums it up for me. But Williams doesn’t wallow in this unfortunate collision of aspirations and reality. Instead, she embraces the idea of “a midlife awakening” for herself and finds hope in the prospect of living her second act in a way starkly different from the first—trying less, worrying less, and accepting her grown-ass-woman self more. And in sharing this vision, she makes this kind of shift feel possible for me, too.

I highly recommend listening to <i>How to Stop Trying</i> on audiobook, read by Kate Williams herself. Hearing her experiences and insights in her own voice definitely adds a layer of resonance to the book. And, side note, Williams’s voice reminds me of lot of singer/actress Carrie Brownstein, who feels like a perfect kindred Gen-X spirit to invoke.

My thanks to NetGalley and for providing me with a copy of <i>How to Stop Trying</i> in exchange for my review.

Rating: ★★★★☆ (4.5/5)*

Kate Williams delivers a refreshingly honest and deeply insightful guide in *How to Stop Trying*. The book speaks directly to overachievers, perfectionists, and anyone who has ever felt the pressure of constantly striving to do more, be more, and achieve more. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, practical advice, and well-researched psychological insights, Williams invites readers to question the relentless pursuit of external validation and redefine their relationships with success, failure, and self-worth.

One of the book’s greatest strengths is its relatability. Williams has a knack for capturing the inner monologue of an overachiever with raw authenticity. Her stories of burnout, imposter syndrome, and the never-ending “to-do list” resonate deeply. At the same time, she doesn’t dwell in negativity; her humor and humility make the journey toward self-acceptance feel both attainable and uplifting.

The book is well-structured, with each chapter addressing a specific challenge—letting go of perfection, embracing vulnerability, and learning to set boundaries, among others. Williams pairs these topics with actionable exercises that encourage reflection and growth. While the advice isn’t groundbreaking for those already familiar with self-help literature, it’s presented in a way that feels fresh and deeply personal, making the concepts more impactful.

What keeps this from being a 5-star read is its pacing. At times, the narrative lingers too long on personal stories, leaving less room for deeper exploration of certain strategies. Additionally, readers looking for a step-by-step “how-to” guide may find the approach more philosophical than prescriptive.

Overall, *How to Stop Trying* is a compassionate and empowering read. Williams offers a much-needed reminder that self-worth isn’t measured by achievements and that the bravest thing we can do is learn to accept ourselves, flaws and all. This book is an excellent pick for anyone seeking balance and authenticity in a world that glorifies hustle culture. Highly recommended for overachievers in need of a reset.

This sounded like a great book and I think the author had some great points and right idea. It does require a bit mind shifting with the the thought provoking point of view. Topics can be hard and at times a bit depressing for me. It can bring triggers especially with conception and miscarriages, but it I'd true that aren't a lot of books on moving past those dark tines. Also, true there aren't always happy endings. I can't wrap my finger around it, maybe the sad intro music or maybe winter blues for me but this book was as motivating for me as I wish. But I applaud the author for speaking out and letting others know that's OK to stop trying to live up to expectations of others or dreams we exhaust ourselves in trying to achieve.

The moment she said: "If anyone is going to save this world, and it needs to be saved, it's going to be women"

HELL YES.

The writing? Impeccable. The humor? Top tier. The advice? Real. The value? Priceless.

Am excellent ready for those who are looking for someone to tell them that " the sun will still rise even if you decide to stay in bed".

This is a book that I didn't even know I needed in my life. To say it was amazing, uplifting and full of wonderful advice for women is an understatement. There's tons of things to take home in this amazing audiobook! I took notes on all of my favorite quotes and lines that I wanted to make sure I remembered.I listened to this entire book in one day. I love my fiction audiobooks, but something drew me to this nonfiction book. The title is perfect. I am an overachiever that constantly feels as if she's not enough and doesn't deserve anything. I felt like the author was speaking directly to me! I took to heart every single word of this book. I agreed with everything the author said. I want to thank the author for making me stop and think about the thoughts and mindsets that I can change. The way she used her personal experiences to get her point across was perfect. I am recommending this book to all the wonderful women in my life because they all need to hear what Kate Williams has to say. Some of my very favorite quotes from he book:

"Improvement is a choice, not a path that must be followed."
"Acceptance is letting go. Settling is giving up."
Women are constantly made to feel like they can't feel good about themselves."

The narration was perfect. The author did a great job. Huge thanks to Macmillan Audio and Netgalley for allowing me the privilege of listening and reviewing this book.

Overall, the book was well written and I did really enjoy it. Thank you for this advance reading copy!

Kate, did you write this book for me?

How did you know I also worry about bathroom breaks when they may not be accessible or don’t give myself grace and mercy when I try to have it plentifully for others? I’ve also always tried to overachieve because if you don’t, that’s a poor reflection on who you are as a soul. And my gods, if we go out to dinner on my recommendation and it’s bad, you can find me hiding in said bathroom just for suggesting it!

Thank you for reminding us that our worth is more than what we do and our beauty is more than what we see, and my asking for help is not a burden. I will not be buried under that pile of trash like Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout because someone else didn’t help take the garbage out.

I do have to say, unfortunately, those were some diamonds in the rough…

The publisher’s summary could have categorized this as a memoir and mostly for a select female audience rather than a universal audience. I appreciated the infertility discussion and how it’s ok to stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on what you do. Alas, I was surprised how much the book discussed motherhood and this may turn other readers off if they cannot relate and are unaware of its weight in the book.

I understand we may have needed an intro to gender studies to convey talking points as to why females tend to feel overburdened and overlooked. However, I also feel emphasizing misogyny, gender inequalities, and making blanket statements about men (and somehow capitalism) only fuels the fires of ire and the feeling of helplessness.
With that stated, thank you for discussing possible solutions on how females can handle the self-imposed, and at times, societal pressures.

I would also suggest not referencing what kind of hat the uncle wore to a wedding but rather focus on the socially disrespectful nature of wearing any kind of baseball cap to a wedding. (Not all MAGA supporters = a$$hole men)

I mention these only because I’m concerned the lack of summary and these mentions may alienate some readers but then again, so what? Didn’t we just ruminate on how we can’t make everyone happy and shouldn’t try!?

Thank you for sharing your stories: the intimate and the relatable.
Thank you for sharing your suggestions: the insightful and the encouraging.

Quotes:
“The more we exceeded expectations the greater they became.“

“If someone has to go out of their way to tell you you’re equal, you probably aren’t.”

(When posting review for Scottsdale Public Library, I will only provide the positive half of the review and provide a 4 star vote)

This book captures what every woman encounters upon growing up: it is impossible to do it all, and it is a lie that we are told. I thought this book handled this very gracefully, and I didn't feel disillusioned, I was left feeling empowered. I thought the author did a fantastic job at examining the unpaid and unacknowledged mental load women carry in every day society, and I loved the alternatives she explained. I felt relieved that it wasn't just me who struggled and felt burntout.

This book resonated with me as someone who feels like a recovering people pleaser and overachiever. I felt like there were action items, and wisdom that reminded me what is reasonable and what is not for trying in your day to day life. Recommending to approximately 200 Zillennial women I know who are over capacity.

Thank you to NetGalley and to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I've been told my whole life to not worry about things while also being praised for going above and beyond. So which is it? Should I strive to be the best in hopes that is appreciated and recognized or do I stop caring and worrying about it? And can any overachiever actually stop trying so hard? I wanted to read this book because I will read anything that might help ease my anxiety about things often out of my control.

I read a review on this book from a male reader who initially felt like the book was not meant for him because it focused primarily on the mental load of women. I'm so happy that he went on to say that while that may be the case, he recognized that he could still learn something from the book. He was able to see the exhausted, never-ending pressure his wife was under. This review caused me to do some research. In the last 10 years, we have had many books directed to women on how they can stop letting societal pressures overwhelm them. But where are the books for society on not placing these pressures? A quick google search came up with very little with a major male focus. The only one that came up was meant for couples and emphasized how reading this book would improve their sex lives. Almost as if that is the only reason a male reader would find it worth reading. So if you are a male reader and you have women in your life, READ THIS BOOK AND OTHERS LIKE IT!!!

I definitely applaud the author for everything she says in the book because it is something we need to hear. Did it cure me? No! But...I believe that the more we consume/observe behaviors that are good for us, the more it will sink in. So maybe I won't wake up healed from my overachiever ways but I might be reminded next time I panic clean before someone comes over that I do not need to do this. Williams says in one part about how women (mostly) have been raised to believe a clean house is a direct reflection on them and how well they can keep house. Maybe this is why when someone is coming over, I stress out trying to clean every surface and my husband wants to clean the one room no one will go in.

The author also talks about pressures to be the best mom ever with a heartbreaking story on her breastfeeding/postpartum journey. She does talk about infertility and miscarriages so if you are sensitive to that topic right now, maybe wait to read the book.

The book shows that we can only change how we feel on these personal and public issues. The world will still judge. We just have to learn not to care. If anyone finds a way to actually do that, please let me know!

Some recent books I've read that I think might help: Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez and Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old by Brooke Shields

Kate Williams narrates the audiobook and her voice reminds me of listening to a friend tell me their struggles. I can hear how much heart she put into this and how much she wants to help others. Thank you to NetGalley, Kate Williams, Macmillan Audio and Flatiron Books for the opportunity to read it. I have written this review voluntarily and honestly.