Reader, I sobbed. This heartbreaking and heart-mending story about a teenager raised in an emotionally abusive evangelical community discovering freedom in her own queerness is completely gorgeous. Natalie Naudus writes from her own experience with such vulnerability and strength and gentleness and compassion for anyone raised with religious trauma. I can't recommend this book highly enough. And of course, you've gotta check out the audiobook version!

Es gibt Bücher, deren Cover sieht man einmal, und zack! Man muss dieses Buch haben. Um andere schleicht man länger herum, ehe man Lust darauf bekommt. „Gay the Pray Away“ gehört für mich in die zweite Kategorie und ich bereue kein bisschen, dass ich mich letztendlich dafür entschieden habe. Eine queere Liebe inmitten eines religiösen Kults und zwei Mädchen, die sich gegen den Glauben, der ihnen aufgezwungen wurde, auflehnen – klingt doch schon mal vielversprechend, oder? Und das war es auch!

Ich war zwar (zum Glück) nie in so einem Kult und, ehrlich gesagt, auch nicht sonderlich religiös, obwohl ich katholisch erzogen wurde und die Kirche erst im Erwachsenenalter verlassen habe – aber damn, dieses Buch beschreibt das Leben in einem fundamentalistischen, christlichen Kult so hautnah, das ich mich unweigerlich gefühlt habe, als wären Valeries Erfahrungen meine eigenen. Ihre Trauer, ihre aufgestaute Wut, ihre Verzweiflung – alle ihre Emotionen waren so greifbar, dass ich das Buch nicht zur Seite legen konnte.

Versteht mich nicht falsch: Gerade die Szenen, die mit dem Kult, seiner Weltanschauung und der normalisierten Praktiken einhergehen, sind alles andere als eine leichte Lektüre. Neben religiösem Trauma thematisiert das Buch auch häusliche Gewalt (physisch und psychisch, auch gegenüber Kindern), Misogynie, Queerfeindlichkeit und Rassismus – und das auf eine Art und Weise, die einen einfach nur wütend macht. Nicht, weil die Umsetzung davon schlecht gewesen wäre, sondern weil sie so realitätsnah war und man sich immer wieder ins Gedächtnis rufen muss, dass dieses Buch vielleicht Fiktion ist, es aber durchaus Menschen gibt, die diese Ansichten teilen. Hier hat Natalie Naudus, die selbst das Leben in so einem Kult hinter sich gelassen hat, ganze Arbeit geleistet.

Aber so schwer das Religionsthema auch war, dafür waren die Szenen zwischen Valerie und Riley umso schöner. Valerie, wie sie langsam ihre Queerness erkennt und beginnt, für Riley zu schwärmen. Riley, die ihre Gefühle erwidert. Und die beiden, wie sich eine zarte Liebe zwischen ihnen entwickelt – wundervoll!!! Und das ganz ohne unnötiges Drama oder Konflikte, die sie an ihren Gefühlen füreinander zweifeln lassen. Ich genieße ja immer sehr, wenn sich die Protas gemeinsam gegen den Konflikt stellen, anstatt dass dieser zwischen ihnen ausbricht.

Bis dahin: Perfect. No notes.

Ein kleines Manko hat „Gay the Pray Away“ aber doch: Das Ende. Denn das ging mir viel zu schnell und zu reibungslos. Das wäre der Moment gewesen, um noch mal den Konflikt hochkochen zu lassen. Die ganze Zeit habe ich auf die Explosion gewartet, die nicht kam. Es war einfach zu … einfach. Nicht, dass ich mit dem Ende nicht zufrieden wäre, aber ich glaube, es wäre zufriedenstellender gewesen, wenn es schwerer zu erreichen gewesen wäre.

While this was a best-case scenario type of story (I wanted something with a lot more conflict, both internal and external), I still enjoyed reading it.

The romance was really cute, and I was rooting for Val and Riley the entire time. I really liked that their relationship was shown positively, and that they were both accepting and understanding of each other's situations. Riley was such a great foil to Val, and I loved how she brought Val out of her shell.

I loved that this story sent a very hopeful message, and I hope that it brings comfort to younger readers in similar situations.

I won't lie though, I was expecting a more emotional deep dive, with a lot more of the nitty gritty and the ugly side of things when it comes to growing up in a close-minded community. This felt like it was for the younger YA set, since it only hinted at the darker issues within religious cults. Any time the book mentioned something extreme, like child abuse or sexual misconduct, it felt really blunted.

And I really hate to say this, but a lot of it read like it was written from an outsider's perspective. I honestly wasn't sure why or how Val was so easily accepting of her queer identity. I was expecting more guilt and shame, and not to mention, a lot more self-introspection on her feelings, thoughts, and actions.

And while it was cool that Val did a lot of research at the library on topics like queerness and the patriarchy, it didn't feel realistic that she just accepted what she read without questioning it.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but Val as a character felt really detached from her surroundings most of the time. Like she was living in a religious cult, but her personal values were already so different that I wasn't even sure how she was faking it, or how she didn't really do a deep dive into her old values vs. her new values. I wanted a character I could relate to, since I also had a similar journey when I was young. But this wasn't really it.

Despite my complaints, this was still a cute romance novel, and I enjoyed its hopeful theme.

Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for this arc.

Reading this book sometimes felt like an exercise in anxiety. I enjoyed it, and liked seeing Valerie's growing relationship with Riley, but also her locked down life was anxiety inducing. The only place where I felt like the book faltered was that she felt almost too independent already at the beginning with how locked down her life was. Maybe that was the author's truth, but it felt like Valerie never really bought-in to the religious indoctrination; but then, perhaps that's what was different between her and her friend Hannah. Anyways, I enjoyed this but the entire time they were hiding from Valerie's parents felt super anxious since the consequences could have been so dire to me based on the level of control The Institute had.

I read this novel within a day mostly in my breaks and free time, started in the morning and finished just now.
It caught me, sucked me in and basically forced me to continue reading (not that I'm complaining).
The story is so great, and gave me flashbacks to documentaries and tellings about certain church, or better, cult circumstances.

We start as the main Character, Valerie, has her awakening about that something is not quite right in the way she is told her life is supposed to be. We follow through with her troubles, the loves she finds and how she finally decides and takes the chance to free herself from the chains her family and their community wrap around her and every young woman who lives with them.
It's really quite just walking along Val until she is ready to start a new life.

The story is written very heartfelt and also emotionally challenging but somehow also very comforting at the same time. Val and her girlfriend get through everything together instead of going against each other at the slightest misunderstanding.

Most characters are quite "flat build", they don't really seem to have a character, so the focus is even more on Valerie.
Just (former) childhood friend Hannah seems to be a more complex and paradox character.
I'd actually love to read more on how the story continues for her, if she also breaks free from the church or just how her story goes further on. What just bothers me is that we didn't get a closure for Hannahs little brother Ezekiel, it just so much to read about how he is being abused. I just wished this little child who now is a living person inside of my mind (also due to the great writing) would've somehow made it to a better home still within the story and not just made up in my mind :)

Absolutely loved this book <3

Gay the Pray Away is the story about Val, a young teenager stuck in a White Christian Nationalist cult. For the longest time, she is going through the motions, doing what she believes her parents will want to, but not being fully committed to the teachings of her church. Until she finds "One Last Stop" an LGBTQ book that opens up her perspective on the world outside her narrow one. As the wheels in her brain are churning, wondering about the world outside, she meets Riley, a new girl in the church. Riley is a breath of fresh air for Val, exposing the cultish nature of her church and helping her discover herself. With Riley's help, Val is able to learn more about herself and break free.

The story was good, and there were parts of the plot that really hit home, especially after growing up in an incredibly religious house. I found that it didn't really have much of a climax, as it felt pretty "flatline" through out. Not that it wasn't enjoyable though. At the beginning of the book, the story seemed to carry out through dialog, and rushed. I wish I could've had a little more at the end, maybe a little "2 years later" where Val was thriving in her new life.

This powerful and deeply heartfelt story is an emotional journey of self-discovery, first love, and breaking free from the constraints of an oppressive environment. Valerie’s awakening—sparked by a single book—feels raw and real, making her struggle between faith, family, and identity incredibly compelling. The romance is tender and hopeful, offering moments of joy and connection that shine through even in the face of overwhelming obstacles. The bond between Valerie and Riley is beautifully developed, making every stolen moment feel significant and deeply earned.
Beyond the romance, the novel explores themes of resilience, belonging, and the courage it takes to challenge everything you’ve ever known. The emotional stakes are high, and the writing captures the intensity of Valerie’s experience with honesty and care. This is a gripping, thought-provoking read that blends longing, fear, and hope into a story that will stay with you long after the last page. Perfect for anyone drawn to coming-of-age stories about love, identity, and the fight to live freely and authentically.

Okay wow. The undercurrent of dread I felt reading this was top notch because the main character is suffering and so unsafe at home and I FELT THAT. I loved how realistically awful her parents were, and how her religious cult was full of the conservative talking points we hear all the time. I read this one in one sitting and have zero regrets. Can’t wait to add it to my library’s collection!

This book isn’t just about falling in love, it’s about fighting for your identity and realizing you don’t have to live by someone else’s rules. It’s emotional, honest, and full of hope, showing that choosing yourself is always worth it

Gay the Pray Away feels like such a vitally necessary book that I know it will be immediately met with book challenges. This is a strength, not a weakness. Naudus sheds light on the life-saving potential of queer literature, particularly in the hands of queer adolescents. It is unflinchingly brave, and I hope it finds its way into the hands of young readers who, like Valerie, need to see themselves represented in the pages of the books they are reading. The final passages brought me to tears, and I look forward to adding to my shelf once it is published.