Characters: 4/5
Story/Plot: 4/5
Writing: 5/5

Ashley Lutin creates a ritual in the wake of the loss of his wife and son. This ritual involves inviting strangers that are struggling with life in various ways, to come and put their trust in him and follow his instructions. What follows is an interesting look into the grief and darkness the characters struggle with, as we follow Ashley's story and interactions.

Eric LaRocca's writing is gorgeous one moment and foul the next. He is great at creating visceral feelings of disgust and shock, while also delivering some beautiful prose. This novel, like his previous work, also explores characters struggling with their sexuality. I strongly advise looking up trigger warnings for this, as nothing is off the table.

Overall, I enjoyed following Ashley as he unraveled. I do feel like it was a little too short to develop his character enough for me to connect completely. As a whole, his character elicited the emotions I would want from a horror novel, so I am still satisfied!

I will say that while I do recommend the book as a whole, I do not recommend the audiobook format. The narrator did a fantastic job, but there were certain sections dominated by text messages/IM messages, and the audio format did not work well for these sections.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review!

While a huge fan of this author and incredibly excited for this release, this book just didn’t hit the mark for me. The initial concept and build up were tantalisingly true to trademark. I loved that dark and poetic descent into the mind. The segues to other forms of communication between characters with a side story, disrupted the flow for me, and the repetitive crassness lost the sublime factor for me. The ending did wrap things up neatly, but I’d overall suggest starting with any of the other books by this author.

I listened to the audiobook version and the narration was good. I think when narrating online username communication, the chronic repetition of those usernames becomes an earache so I’d definitely suggest written text.

Thank you to NetGalley, Eric LaRocca and Blackstone Publishing for this advanced audiobook copy.

An incredibly dark horror novel about the lengths one man will go to in his grief over losing his wife and son. I read the audiobook via Netgalley and Andrew Eiden has a great voice for this dark tale. Not for the squeamish or faint-hearted, but recommended.

That cover is so cool and creepy…it’s such a dark work of art! I went in blind on this read and the book throws you right in! This book is dark and a little twisted in all the best ways! Jinx was sooo captivating! I’m still reeling from shock! Ashley’s ritual had my imagination going wild!!! I loved this book!!!!

Thank you Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing me with a review copy of this audiobook. My opinions are my own.

This is the second book by Eric LaRocca that I have read. I'm sorry to say, that it is also my last.

The author's writing style doesn't work for me. It's very repetitive. Some of this is deliberate, like the frequent use of the line, "At dark, I become loathsome." LaRocca also reuses many similies throughout the novella. For example, "torn apart like wet paper" is used twice only a few chapters apart. He also likens characters to dying insects and panting animals more than once.

Another issue is the dated dialogue. Characters frequently refer to their loved ones as "beloved." If it were only the narrator using this term, I would chalk it up to a personality quirk but multiple characters say this. Eventually, all of their voices blurred together. Maybe that was the author's intention but I suspect this is more an issue of the author's voice overshadowing the characters.

LaRocca's characters are also big on oversharing. Jinx shares a story in a messaging app that is over an hour long. This became annoying during the audiobook as the narrator reads the name "MasterJinx76" for every new line. Since MasterJinx76 is the only one speaking, repeating the username for every line seemed unnecessary.

Within the story that MasterJinx76 shares, centipedes are frequently referred to as insects. Centipedes are arthropods, not insects.

I wish I could at least praise the LGBT representation, but even that missed the mark. At one point, the bisexual narrator says "What woman wouldn't want to be ravished by such a specimen of male beauty?" The reality is that many women wouldn't. Not all straight women are attracted to pretty boys, lesbians are not attracted to boys at all, and asexual women do not feel attraction toward anyone.

This same bisexual protagonist shares a photo of his son wearing a wedding dress. The recipient comments that the 9-year-old boy must be gay, and the protagonist agrees. I would think an LGBT character would know better than to assume someone's sexual orientation based on the clothes they wear.

The only thing I can say on the book's behalf is that the author's tone and writing style remain consistent. So if you enjoy his other books, you will probably like this one too.

I loved the narrator and the premise for At Dark, I Become Loathsome, but I found, over the course of listening, that I didn't personally jive with LaRocca's style, or the overall structure/pacing. I do think they were stylistic choices that some will enjoy, they just didn't work for me. This story is tragic and often gruesomely intimate, and I think it will absolutely find its audience.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome was chilling, upsetting, engrossing, tragic, and difficult to review. Storywise, I loved the story's central ritual and its rules, it was bleak and gripping, especially with the inherent level of trust it requires of the main flawed character.

After losing his wife and child, Ashley offers a therapy of sorts where he temporarily buries troubled souls as a means of "rebirth." The self-loathing found in Ashley's inner monologues features a recurring mantra of "At dark, I become loathsome," which starts captivating but turns frustrating for me. I love grief horror, but a lot of the horror to me felt punishing, especially when it involved animal cruelty. There are captivating ideas in here, and I'll always respect a story that makes me squirm, but this one was tough for me.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the audiobook!

Most important things first, this is my favorite Eric LaRocca book to date. I found it hilarious that the main character's name is Ashley (my name as well). I listened to this in audiobook format and absolutely LOVED Teddy Hamilton as the narrator. I've listened to other audiobooks he's narrated and love those as well. He has a voice that's incredibly easy to understand and listen to, and I feel like his voice and inflections were so very fitting for this book specifically. His narration allows you to be so immersed in the story.

The elements of this book had me so disgusted but so very into the story, I couldn't stop listening. The aspects of grief and suicidal ideation were depressing as a reader, but that's what made the story amazing, it sits the reader down directly into those scenes with our characters.

As always, check the trigger warnings! I highly recommend this read via audio!

Thank you NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for this audiobook arc. All thoughts and opinions are solely my own.

Trigger Warnings: Violent, sexually explicit, suicide ideation, death

As far as the splatterpunk genre, this may be mild. However, don’t make any mistake, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is not for the faint of heart. Ashley Lutin is a narcissistic, tortured, and miserable soul tormented by the twin losses of his son and wife. To find relief, he offers clients relief from their own suffering through a dark ritual with the intent of saving their lives. “At dark, I become loathsome.” Instead of being a savior, Lutin becomes executioner, presumably to offer the stricken ultimate release. Told from Lutkin’s point of view and his client’s journals, readers will learn about the depraved actions and thoughts of what people hide from the daylight. What Lutin may believe to be benevolence turns out to be a disguise for his own pure egoism and hidden desires.

Listening to the audio version, Andrew Eiden (aka Teddy Hamilton) gives the perfect voice to the suffering and darkness of the characters. Lutkin’s “at dark, I become loathsome” and LaRocca’s title is meant to carry the theme throughout the book but becomes a tiresome, repetitive chant. The book is violent and readers should be wary of picking up At Dark, I Become Loathsome. It is not merely horror, it is psychological terror - sexually explicit and sadistic containing adult themes, suicide ideation, and animal brutality.

This was petty dark and disturbing, which I don’t mind, but I didn’t enjoy the bin in the end anyways. The plot wasn’t great and I did not like the author’s writing style much.

✨AT DARK I BECOME LOATHSOME✨ by @eric_larocca is a dark and twisty story as expected from this author. Thank you to the author, @this_is_edelweiss and @netgalley and the publisher @blackstonepublishing for the e-ARC and audio-ARC.

This book came out yesterday and is on shelves now!

⚫⚫⚫

"Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life."

The narrator of this story, Ashley, describes a remarkable change in his demeanor, decisions, and motivations as night descends. He does become inherently violent per se, but his wants, needs and desires become paramount over anything else. This condition has flourished since the disappearance of his son Bailey recently. To quell this dark stirring, he offers a ritual to others who are drowning in the dark. But the way he explains the ritual to his clients does not line up with his intended actions. Then he meets Jinx online who is burdened with his own secrets that Ashley will certainly want to hear.

💀💀💀

Reading Eric LaRocca is like sexual edging for horror nerds. He gets you right to the precipice of depravity and then eases off again and again until the climactic culmination of the story. All the characters are more than loathsome and very much deserve each other's company. Hi stories feel like a contest for the most depraved in the best possible way. There are many twists, puzzles and surprises that you can't look away from even though you know you should!😂

wow!!!! this book was everything i was hoping "things have gotten worse since we last spoke" would be. dark, gruesome, and seriously fucked up. definitely larocca's best novel yet. incredibly difficult to get through, but so captivating at the same time.

This is all at once brutal, disgusting, emotional, and beautifully written. My goodness.

The story unfolds like a fever dream. The main character is extremely unrelatable and unlikeable, but at the same time LaRocca makes the reader feel empathy for him.

The story is one of grief and love, and it leaves the reader feeling quite haunted. I enjoyed it, despite how absolutely dark it was.

At dark I become loathsome by Eric larocca is a dark and twisted tale that will leave you guessing until the very end

I received an advanced copy of the audiobook for this novel through NetGalley. Some of my feedback pertains to the audio version of the book specially, but probably wouldn’t apply to a reader who is reading the hard copy.

This book had some distinctive strengths— specifically, it had an interesting protagonist, intriguing concept, and creative structuring. The book contained several stories within the main story, which gave the reader a nice break. The writing was also excellent; LaRocca has a clear and interesting voice. The writing felt almost lyrical.

He also did an excellent job dealing with the darkness of grief and loss in a unique way. The physical transformation of the main character was incredibly impactful, and felt like a perfect reflection of the darkness you feel after a profound loss.

Although it has quite a few things going for it, I think this book fell short of being great for a few reasons. First, I think it wasn’t committed enough to being shocking. There was some dark horror, but this was contained mainly within the short stories. It seemed almost like the author wrote two excellent splatterpunk short stories and had nowhere to put them, so he shoved them into a novella. It wasn’t clear (at least to me) what they added to the narrative besides being a break from the main storyline. I feel like tying these stories into the main story more explicitly would have made the work feel more cohesive.

Second, I found the ending to be very odd. It felt unfinished and vague, rather than what I believe the author intended, which was to be open ended. There were many opportunities to make connections and plot adjustments that would make the ending feel more intentional.

Last, this book was hard to appreciate as an audiobook. The structure is INCREDIBLY hard to listen to- specifically the sections which are set in virtual chat rooms. MasterJinx76 was repeated no less than 50 times in a row and it was grating. I also found the repetition of “at dark I become loathsome” to be frustrating. I realize the author was using it lyrically, but at times it felt like a shortcut to writing an interesting beginning to a chapter. Or like the author had thought of this incredibly compelling phrase as a title, and didn’t have much else to say. This was especially frustrating when consuming the book via audio.

Overall, I would recommend this if you’re someone who enjoys existential/ grief horror, or if you’re a fan of LaRocca’s work. Otherwise, I think you can pass on this.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Not for me. While some of the imagery was beautifully sculpted, I’m having a hard time finding much I enjoyed about this book. The two stories-within-stories felt gratuitous and didn’t add anything at all to the experience other than some body horror and grotesquely disturbing moments. The repetition of “I become loathsome” felt more like a bad drinking game than holding artistic merit. There was so much potential for the narrator’s chosen “field” and yet I felt completely left adrift without wither extreme of the potentiality (savior or mass murderer) being explored. The intermittent use of readings from the written works would have been perfect if they were important in the slightest by the end (example: if they turned out to be evidence from a police case file?). Overall I was grossed out at times and underwhelmed at others. There was so much potential left completely unexplored and I ended the hook feeling like I had received nothing but a couple of really grotesque moments.

To focus specifically on the audiobook, I wouldn’t recommend this on audio. The narrator isn’t my favorite, and the emotion felt rather one-note the entire time. The section reading the messages on the chat board was rather awful to listen to, constantly restating the name of the chat user and making the story almost gibberish interrupted constantly by user names.. This section was very obviously intended for print only and made the audio almost unbearable.

Overall not my favorite and I’m not happy I spent my time on this one. Disappointing.

A nasty little novella - perhaps not as ponderous as some of LaRocca’s earlier writing but his most concise, his most clearly articulated. It’s tough to spend so much time in such a loathsome, sad mind - this poor, haunted, depraved bundle of confused desire - but it’s consistently compelling. I appreciate that this core narrative exists primarily to prop up a series of grotesque parables, but it’s just such a bummer. (With a lot of violence against dogs, for some reason.) LaRocca’s prose is lean and affecting, and it’s a feature, not a bug, that it’s so dire: self-consciously transgressive works like this are content to be vile things.

At dark, I become absolutely fucking miserable and disgusting
For me, this book was a horrible reading (listening) experience. Somehow the description blurb forgot to mention the torture of animals, the torture gay porn, the pedophilia... a lot of things actually. It was painfully repetetive, and if it was excluded, it could've been even shorter... but nooo, we needed all the description of genitalia and weird sexual perversion for no reason whatosever. My first and last experience with the author, for sure. I like the way he builds the atmosphere, but it's just not worth it.
The narrator did an awesome job though!

thank you to NetGalley, the author and Blackstone Publishing for the audio arc in exchnage for an honest review

To be honest, I was unable to finish this book. I chose the audiobook and I will say the book is extremely intense. The narrator has a voice in this book that is laced with anger and disdain. I understand that he was going for a certain effect with the book, but what I found is that it’s almost like having a really rich dessert. It doesn’t mean that it’s almost like having a really rich dessert. It doesn’t mean that the dessert. It may be well crafted, but you could use something to cut the intensity of the flavor. The same thing can be set of this book. The book is well written, however it’s intense in its dialogue and so the intensity of the voice was just kind of overload for me. The story is of a man who is struggling with the death of his late wife as well as the abduction of his young son years prior. He blames himself for quite a bit of it and is filled with a very thick self-loathing. He uses what time he has left on earth to try to help other people once again find their passion for life through what he calls a ritual. However, he takes the ritual and it begins to evolve from his original intent; an evolution born out of disillusionment with life. I got almost exactly halfway through the book and the intensity was just too much for me to continue to pick it up. There are some extremely graphic sexual scenes in the book. And they have a little bit of a tone of sado masochism. And there is also a mention of cannibalism as well as extreme violence. I hope this review helps provide clarity for readers who are looking to enjoy it. I think it definitely has an audience out there. I just don’t think that I was that audience. My thanks to the author, Blackstone publishing, and NetGalley for the ARC copy of the audiobook.

I've read almost everything Eric LaRocca has published, I find their prose uniquely dark and equally charming and upsetting, so I was excited to listen to the audiobook of their new novel At Dark, I Become Loathsome.

First of all I want to say that Andrew Eiden narrated this audiobook and he did an amazing job, he perfectly brought the darkness to life!
The story... well it's hard to talk about it, it's something out of nightmares to be honest, it's about grief and loss, depravity and disturbing rituals. It's for sure not for everyone, I sometimes think it's not even for me! Please do check trigger warnings before starting it before the graphic imagery is quite intense at times.
3.5 stars, rounded up to 4.

* I'd like to thank Eric LaRocca, Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for providing this ALC in exchange for my honest review. #AtDarkIBecomeLoathsome #NetGalley