This was such an amazing novel! It was my first by Eric and it did not DISAPPOINT!

I loved the narrator and all the jarring stories and perspectives! This really was a masterpiece and if you don’t have any triggers I highly recommend going in as blind as I did!

The twists and turns in this had going insane.

Where is Bailey? Who are these side characters? What is the importance? Am I crazy or is the author?

And yes to all of the above!!

This was my first Eric LaRocca book and I knew it would be gross/dark/gory, etc. But the actual story, it didn't make a whole lot of sense. Did not enjoy.

LaRocca is excellent at making his readers uncomfortable while creating an intense amount of dread in with his writing. This book was no different. LaRocca's books ride the line of extreme horror really well, so even fans of horror can still enjoy his work without being too grossed out.

Wow! What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said! This book was dark, disturbing, and yet I was fascinated. Not for the faint at heart! Author Eric LaRocca has the ability to write horror beyond the norm, which is a feat all its own! Thank you NetGalley for the advance chance to listen to this horrifying dark twisted audiobook!

This was my first horror/splatterpunk and first read by Eric LaRocca and I am both deeply disturbed and impressed. I really liked a lot of the themes here (i.e., identity, sexuality, death, grief) and the way that LaRocca (and narrator) really pulls the reader in. That said, it felt a bit much at first and I almost considered DNFing because I wasn't sure I could push through. For a few reasons: it was honestly a bit of a difficult read/listen topically and, while the narrator was a perfect fit, it got a bit overwhelming listening to him at times. If you want to read something that is both lyrically written and deep, dark, and grotesque, this might be right up your alley. Definitely check the TWs first though!
Thank you to NetGalley, Blackstone Publishing, and Eric LaRocca for the advance listening copy in exchange for an honest review!
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TW: blood, gore, depression, anxiety, suicide attempt, homophobia, child loss, grieving, mourning, animal abuse, animal death, drug use, cancer, CSA, and probably more tbh

This was the darkest thing I’ve read in a long time and it seems like that is saying a lot. Honestly, I am not sure I could describe this and do anything but downplay what it accomplished. It’s weird, creepy, wrong. But I really enjoyed it anyway. Five stars for the narration as well— perfect for this slimy little gem of a book.

It is with a heaving chest and frantic mind, that I scream 5 STARS!

oK, all jokes aside, this wont be for everyone and thats ok. This is dark, its gritty, its like a snuff film on page, its a panic, its got all the beats that make LaRocca the powerhouse he is. This is eccentric, its shocking. It is audacious and it is violent. Eric LaRocca cements himself amongst titans.

Thank you Netgalley for the advanced audio of this incredible read

This was my first LaRocca read and I really enjoyed it. It was deep, dark, and disturbing. About a man struggling to define himself and his desire to help others do the same. Contains lots of harsh sexual descriptions. I will definitely be reading more of his novels.

This book was so dark. It almost put me in a weird type of vibe. This is my very first what I consider horror/splatterpunk read I'm usually a thriller. It did not disappoint it will definitely put you in your feels. It's very poetic and eclectic read.

This book is a haunting exploration of the grotesque wrapped in lush, almost lyrical prose. LaRocca’s writing is elegant and poetic, with a grace that contrasts sharply against the dark and often disturbing imagery that unfolds throughout the story. The beauty of his language, full of intricate descriptions and poignant reflections, creates a stark juxtaposition to the horrors the characters experience. The audiobook’s narrator, Andrew Eiden does an excellent job at emoting Ashley Lutin’s turmoil throughout the book. I don’t usually like audiobooks but he truly made LaRocca’s twisted world come alive.

The novel’s chilling events—ranging from psychological torment to physical grotesqueries—are presented with a sense of eerie calmness, making the brutality all the more unsettling. LaRocca’s careful attention to detail in crafting these disturbing scenes only enhances their impact, as the reader is drawn into a world where beauty and terror coexist in an almost surreal harmony. The seamless blending of the poetic with the horrific turns each disturbing moment into something both grotesque and mesmerizing.

This juxtaposition is not just a stylistic choice but also deepens the emotional weight of the narrative. As Ashley grapples with his own loathing and despair, the elegance of the prose makes his suffering even more tragic. At Night, I Become Loathsome is a masterclass in how beauty can amplify horror, creating a truly unsettling and unforgettable reading experience. I highly recommend purchasing this as an audiobook for the ultimate reading experience.

*Thank you so much to NetGalley & Blackstone Publishing for the audiobook copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Eric LaRocca always HITS!!

Ashley Lutin, consumed by grief after losing his wife and son, initiates a dark ritual, gathering vulnerable strangers and demanding their absolute trust. Eric LaRocca's writing is a masterclass in contrasts, shifting seamlessly between lyrical beauty and shocking brutality. The novel delves into the characters' struggles with grief, darkness, and sexuality, with a raw intensity that demands trigger warnings.
While the pacing felt slightly rushed, leaving me wanting deeper character development, the unsettling atmosphere and emotional impact were undeniably effective.

Thank you NetGalley, Eric LaRocca and Blackstone Publishing.

This was a super interesting read. It didn't follow a conventional path of horror and normally I hate when an author tries to reinvent the wheel but I actually really enjoyed this book.

The only issue I had was it was a quick audiobook and the amount of times the title was repeated like a mantra was a bit much.

I thought the main character was really well written but I struggled with the rationale of the ending. It seemed odd to me and I couldn't find a way understand it. I know sometimes we aren't meant to understand but it left me feeling dissatisifed and that really irked me.

I felt the bones of the book were really great and theres real talent in the writing.

3.75 stars

I couldn’t quite make it to the end of At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca. While I appreciate the book’s intensity, I opted for the audiobook version, and it became a bit overwhelming for me. The narrator’s voice, filled with anger and disdain, worked for the tone of the book, but at times it felt like a heavy, rich dessert that I couldn’t quite finish. It’s a well-crafted story, but the intensity in both the writing and the narration just became too much to bear for me.

The plot follows a man grappling with the loss of his wife and the abduction of his son years ago. He’s filled with self-loathing and tries to help others rediscover their passion for life through a ritual he created. However, as the book progresses, the ritual evolves in darker, more disturbing ways due to his growing disillusionment.

While I admire the complexity of the themes and the exploration of trauma, there are moments that feel unnecessarily intense, especially with graphic depictions of violence, sadomasochism, and even cannibalism. Halfway through, I found it difficult to continue as the emotional and psychological intensity was overwhelming.

This book will definitely resonate with a certain audience, but I don’t think I was the right fit. I’m grateful to the author, Blackstone Publishing, and NetGalley for the ARC audiobook, and I hope this review gives clarity to potential readers.

This was the most deeply intense story of grief I've ever read. It made me nervous so much that I felt I was holding my breath the whole time, which feels extremely ironic because of our protagonist's "job".

LaRocca shares a story about a man who is grieving his family, and has found atypical ways to cope with it. The ongoing start of sections, "At Dark I Become Loathsome" is eerie and a reminder that this story shows us a story of depression. From the earlier events of the book, I got a strong feeling that the ending was going to be an insane one and I was very much right. While on the shorter side, the story feels long and intimate, yet I still couldn't put it down and read quickly. There are some different formats of storytelling, and the scene where it's told through online messaging still very much worked in audio format.

The story is moved forward with an overwhelming sense of dread that is executed somehow perfectly raw and honest. I did find myself scared but in a way that I couldn't stop reading. Our protagonist's main character was a fascinating head to be in, hearing all his thoughts and understanding why he did the things he did. I could see why readers might be upset with the lack of closure but for me, there really was a sense of closure that I hope others take away as well.

An absolutely wonderful horror book that makes you think twice as much as it scares you.

*Thank you to Blackstone Publishing and Netgalley for the ALC! All opinions are my own.*

DNF around 40%

Unfortunately, with really short horror books like this, I find that the pacing is often off for me. After reaching nearly halfway through the audiobook with very little progression toward the main characters meeting, I made the decision to stop reading.

The narrator was wonderful, however, and I don't intend to write-off this author altogether.

#atDarkIBecomeLoathsome by @eric_larocca
Many thanks to @netgalley and the publisher for access to its audiobook for purposes of review.
First, let me say, this book was quite intense,sometimes horrifying, and disturbing; nevertheless, I found it fascinating. Our MC narrates his story, and keeps telling us, over and over that "at dark, I become loathsome." I found this to be initially untrue, just a thing he said to himself because he truly loathed himself. He was on a mission to free others of their desire for death, by imitating a death ritual... but what I think he was looking for was to experience release from his own wish for death, and relief from his own intense suffering. His ritual takes a dark turn, only furthering his belief that "at dark I become loathsome," and im just SO grateful to the author that the old woman's pov was not explored bc that would've been too much, it's bad enough I had to ponder its horror. Which in hindsight, might've been worse had I lingered on it; thankfully I didn't. I blotted it out. I also want to give a massive shout out to the narrator of the audiobook!!! I can't imagine it being done any better! @andreweiden what a creepily fantastic job!!!! Love his voice in this.
This cover is so dark and looks like ancient remains to me, so it really drew me in.
If you're looking for a creepy horror story that has depth and psychological torment, look no further!
Highly recommend.

This being my second time with LaRocca I've kind of understood his propensity for the obscene and sexual habits of his characters. This book goes there and then some. Not for those off-put with a little graphic sexualizing and fantasy fullfillment. The story was gripping and quite intriguing as expected and the execution was original and captivating.

Thank you for the audio ARC. This is my second book by this author and I enjoyed it a lot more than the other one I read. The narrator was fantastic which kept me engaged. I’m not sure I would’ve had the same self control.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

challenging dark tense medium-paced
Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0


At Dark I Became Loathsome is an unsettling, deeply disturbing descent into the mind of a man consumed by self-loathing and twisted ideology. Our narrator sees himself as a savior of sorts—freeing others from their emotional suffering through murder. What follows is a relentless exploration of human darkness, touching on themes of serial unaliving, homophobia, and the horrific impact of trauma.


This book does not shy away from its brutal subject matter, including the harrowing presence of SA against a child. The writing is raw and unflinching, making it a difficult but gripping read. While it’s impossible to feel sympathy for the protagonist, the novel forces you to sit with his warped logic and confront the most depraved aspects of humanity.

Audiobook is well done. The voice give you the serial unaliver vibes you want in a horror audiobook.

The reason this wasn’t a 5-star read for me was the sheer weight of its darkness—it’s one of those books that lingers, but not necessarily in a way that feels satisfying. Still, if you can handle extreme psychological horror and morally bankrupt narrators, this one will leave a lasting impression. Proceed with caution. I do wish my Audio ARC had come with Content Warnings.


Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Homophobia, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, and Murder

I enjoyed another LaRocca story last year - this one didn't hit as hard & I wasn't a fan of the style.
It did have a frantic vibe/ energy that was captured well.
I received the audiobook from NetGalley.