⚰️At Dark, I Become Loathsome⚰️

By: @eric_larocca
Pub Date: January 28, 2025

Thank you, Partner @bibliolifestyle @blackstonepublishing for hard and audio copies of this book and including me in this book tour.

Review:
Eric LaRocca's 'At Dark, I Become Loathsome' is a deeply unsettling and thought-provoking experience, and the audiobook rendition amplifies its disturbing power. The narrator's performance is commendable, effectively conveying the protagonist's descent into grief and the unsettling nature of his actions.

LaRocca's prose is as sharp and visceral as ever, painting a bleak and often grotesque picture of human despair. The exploration of grief, obsession, and the darker aspects of human nature is both compelling and disturbing. The stories within the story add layers of complexity, though at times they can disrupt the flow, especially within the audio format when dealing with text based communications.

The book excels at creating a sense of unease and dread, and LaRocca's ability to delve into the depths of human psychology is undeniable. However, some elements, like the repetitive nature of certain phrases and the intensely graphic content, might not resonate with all listeners.

While the audio production is solid, there are moments where the transition between narrative styles, particularly with online communications, feels slightly jarring. It is possible that the written format may provide a better experience for those sections.

Overall, 'At Dark, I Become Loathsome' is a powerful and disturbing work that will linger in your mind long after you finish it. The audiobook enhances the experience with a strong narration, but be prepared for a challenging and often uncomfortable journey.

4 stars

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Part Edgar Allen Poe, part Clive Barker, LaRocca's "At Dark, I Become Loathsome" is creepy, sexual, dark, and deeply sad. Although I have read his previous works, I struggled to finish this one; the graphic descriptions of loveless sex, the hollow isolation and sadness of the characters combined with the longing for an abducted child make for an unrelentingly depressing read.

Ashley, a man who struggles with his homosexuality, is haunted by the kidnapping of his only child and the death of his wife. Through anonymous social media contacts, he contracts with those seeking a new life, a new reason to be, a way to break free of suffering. That experience involves the ritual of live burial.

While LaRocca has created a unique character that, while monstrous, is understandable, the plot wanders from ghost story to ghoul story to gay story to finally settling on a weird parody of "Its a Wonderful Life". However rather than a revelation the Reader is left with little more than a sad shrug of the shoulders.

The Narrator of the audiobook is excellent with a solid understanding of the text.
Fans of LaRocca will like this one but it simply was not my cup of tea.

Interesting in premise, I found the writing to be hard to follow and I was not a fan of the main character. there were one or two supporting characters that stood out to me but all in all, one that I will not revisit.

Characters: 4/5
Story/Plot: 4/5
Writing: 5/5

Ashley Lutin creates a ritual in the wake of the loss of his wife and son. This ritual involves inviting strangers that are struggling with life in various ways, to come and put their trust in him and follow his instructions. What follows is an interesting look into the grief and darkness the characters struggle with, as we follow Ashley's story and interactions.

Eric LaRocca's writing is gorgeous one moment and foul the next. He is great at creating visceral feelings of disgust and shock, while also delivering some beautiful prose. This novel, like his previous work, also explores characters struggling with their sexuality. I strongly advise looking up trigger warnings for this, as nothing is off the table.

Overall, I enjoyed following Ashley as he unraveled. I do feel like it was a little too short to develop his character enough for me to connect completely. As a whole, his character elicited the emotions I would want from a horror novel, so I am still satisfied!

I will say that while I do recommend the book as a whole, I do not recommend the audiobook format. The narrator did a fantastic job, but there were certain sections dominated by text messages/IM messages, and the audio format did not work well for these sections.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review!

While a huge fan of this author and incredibly excited for this release, this book just didn’t hit the mark for me. The initial concept and build up were tantalisingly true to trademark. I loved that dark and poetic descent into the mind. The segues to other forms of communication between characters with a side story, disrupted the flow for me, and the repetitive crassness lost the sublime factor for me. The ending did wrap things up neatly, but I’d overall suggest starting with any of the other books by this author.

I listened to the audiobook version and the narration was good. I think when narrating online username communication, the chronic repetition of those usernames becomes an earache so I’d definitely suggest written text.

Thank you to NetGalley, Eric LaRocca and Blackstone Publishing for this advanced audiobook copy.

An incredibly dark horror novel about the lengths one man will go to in his grief over losing his wife and son. I read the audiobook via Netgalley and Andrew Eiden has a great voice for this dark tale. Not for the squeamish or faint-hearted, but recommended.

That cover is so cool and creepy…it’s such a dark work of art! I went in blind on this read and the book throws you right in! This book is dark and a little twisted in all the best ways! Jinx was sooo captivating! I’m still reeling from shock! Ashley’s ritual had my imagination going wild!!! I loved this book!!!!

Thank you Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing me with a review copy of this audiobook. My opinions are my own.

This is the second book by Eric LaRocca that I have read. I'm sorry to say, that it is also my last.

The author's writing style doesn't work for me. It's very repetitive. Some of this is deliberate, like the frequent use of the line, "At dark, I become loathsome." LaRocca also reuses many similies throughout the novella. For example, "torn apart like wet paper" is used twice only a few chapters apart. He also likens characters to dying insects and panting animals more than once.

Another issue is the dated dialogue. Characters frequently refer to their loved ones as "beloved." If it were only the narrator using this term, I would chalk it up to a personality quirk but multiple characters say this. Eventually, all of their voices blurred together. Maybe that was the author's intention but I suspect this is more an issue of the author's voice overshadowing the characters.

LaRocca's characters are also big on oversharing. Jinx shares a story in a messaging app that is over an hour long. This became annoying during the audiobook as the narrator reads the name "MasterJinx76" for every new line. Since MasterJinx76 is the only one speaking, repeating the username for every line seemed unnecessary.

Within the story that MasterJinx76 shares, centipedes are frequently referred to as insects. Centipedes are arthropods, not insects.

I wish I could at least praise the LGBT representation, but even that missed the mark. At one point, the bisexual narrator says "What woman wouldn't want to be ravished by such a specimen of male beauty?" The reality is that many women wouldn't. Not all straight women are attracted to pretty boys, lesbians are not attracted to boys at all, and asexual women do not feel attraction toward anyone.

This same bisexual protagonist shares a photo of his son wearing a wedding dress. The recipient comments that the 9-year-old boy must be gay, and the protagonist agrees. I would think an LGBT character would know better than to assume someone's sexual orientation based on the clothes they wear.

The only thing I can say on the book's behalf is that the author's tone and writing style remain consistent. So if you enjoy his other books, you will probably like this one too.

I loved the narrator and the premise for At Dark, I Become Loathsome, but I found, over the course of listening, that I didn't personally jive with LaRocca's style, or the overall structure/pacing. I do think they were stylistic choices that some will enjoy, they just didn't work for me. This story is tragic and often gruesomely intimate, and I think it will absolutely find its audience.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome was chilling, upsetting, engrossing, tragic, and difficult to review. Storywise, I loved the story's central ritual and its rules, it was bleak and gripping, especially with the inherent level of trust it requires of the main flawed character.

After losing his wife and child, Ashley offers a therapy of sorts where he temporarily buries troubled souls as a means of "rebirth." The self-loathing found in Ashley's inner monologues features a recurring mantra of "At dark, I become loathsome," which starts captivating but turns frustrating for me. I love grief horror, but a lot of the horror to me felt punishing, especially when it involved animal cruelty. There are captivating ideas in here, and I'll always respect a story that makes me squirm, but this one was tough for me.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the audiobook!

Most important things first, this is my favorite Eric LaRocca book to date. I found it hilarious that the main character's name is Ashley (my name as well). I listened to this in audiobook format and absolutely LOVED Teddy Hamilton as the narrator. I've listened to other audiobooks he's narrated and love those as well. He has a voice that's incredibly easy to understand and listen to, and I feel like his voice and inflections were so very fitting for this book specifically. His narration allows you to be so immersed in the story.

The elements of this book had me so disgusted but so very into the story, I couldn't stop listening. The aspects of grief and suicidal ideation were depressing as a reader, but that's what made the story amazing, it sits the reader down directly into those scenes with our characters.

As always, check the trigger warnings! I highly recommend this read via audio!

Thank you NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for this audiobook arc. All thoughts and opinions are solely my own.

Trigger Warnings: Violent, sexually explicit, suicide ideation, death

As far as the splatterpunk genre, this may be mild. However, don’t make any mistake, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is not for the faint of heart. Ashley Lutin is a narcissistic, tortured, and miserable soul tormented by the twin losses of his son and wife. To find relief, he offers clients relief from their own suffering through a dark ritual with the intent of saving their lives. “At dark, I become loathsome.” Instead of being a savior, Lutin becomes executioner, presumably to offer the stricken ultimate release. Told from Lutkin’s point of view and his client’s journals, readers will learn about the depraved actions and thoughts of what people hide from the daylight. What Lutin may believe to be benevolence turns out to be a disguise for his own pure egoism and hidden desires.

Listening to the audio version, Andrew Eiden (aka Teddy Hamilton) gives the perfect voice to the suffering and darkness of the characters. Lutkin’s “at dark, I become loathsome” and LaRocca’s title is meant to carry the theme throughout the book but becomes a tiresome, repetitive chant. The book is violent and readers should be wary of picking up At Dark, I Become Loathsome. It is not merely horror, it is psychological terror - sexually explicit and sadistic containing adult themes, suicide ideation, and animal brutality.

This was petty dark and disturbing, which I don’t mind, but I didn’t enjoy the bin in the end anyways. The plot wasn’t great and I did not like the author’s writing style much.

✨AT DARK I BECOME LOATHSOME✨ by @eric_larocca is a dark and twisty story as expected from this author. Thank you to the author, @this_is_edelweiss and @netgalley and the publisher @blackstonepublishing for the e-ARC and audio-ARC.

This book came out yesterday and is on shelves now!

⚫⚫⚫

"Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life."

The narrator of this story, Ashley, describes a remarkable change in his demeanor, decisions, and motivations as night descends. He does become inherently violent per se, but his wants, needs and desires become paramount over anything else. This condition has flourished since the disappearance of his son Bailey recently. To quell this dark stirring, he offers a ritual to others who are drowning in the dark. But the way he explains the ritual to his clients does not line up with his intended actions. Then he meets Jinx online who is burdened with his own secrets that Ashley will certainly want to hear.

💀💀💀

Reading Eric LaRocca is like sexual edging for horror nerds. He gets you right to the precipice of depravity and then eases off again and again until the climactic culmination of the story. All the characters are more than loathsome and very much deserve each other's company. Hi stories feel like a contest for the most depraved in the best possible way. There are many twists, puzzles and surprises that you can't look away from even though you know you should!😂

wow!!!! this book was everything i was hoping "things have gotten worse since we last spoke" would be. dark, gruesome, and seriously fucked up. definitely larocca's best novel yet. incredibly difficult to get through, but so captivating at the same time.

This is all at once brutal, disgusting, emotional, and beautifully written. My goodness.

The story unfolds like a fever dream. The main character is extremely unrelatable and unlikeable, but at the same time LaRocca makes the reader feel empathy for him.

The story is one of grief and love, and it leaves the reader feeling quite haunted. I enjoyed it, despite how absolutely dark it was.

At dark I become loathsome by Eric larocca is a dark and twisted tale that will leave you guessing until the very end

I received an advanced copy of the audiobook for this novel through NetGalley. Some of my feedback pertains to the audio version of the book specially, but probably wouldn’t apply to a reader who is reading the hard copy.

This book had some distinctive strengths— specifically, it had an interesting protagonist, intriguing concept, and creative structuring. The book contained several stories within the main story, which gave the reader a nice break. The writing was also excellent; LaRocca has a clear and interesting voice. The writing felt almost lyrical.

He also did an excellent job dealing with the darkness of grief and loss in a unique way. The physical transformation of the main character was incredibly impactful, and felt like a perfect reflection of the darkness you feel after a profound loss.

Although it has quite a few things going for it, I think this book fell short of being great for a few reasons. First, I think it wasn’t committed enough to being shocking. There was some dark horror, but this was contained mainly within the short stories. It seemed almost like the author wrote two excellent splatterpunk short stories and had nowhere to put them, so he shoved them into a novella. It wasn’t clear (at least to me) what they added to the narrative besides being a break from the main storyline. I feel like tying these stories into the main story more explicitly would have made the work feel more cohesive.

Second, I found the ending to be very odd. It felt unfinished and vague, rather than what I believe the author intended, which was to be open ended. There were many opportunities to make connections and plot adjustments that would make the ending feel more intentional.

Last, this book was hard to appreciate as an audiobook. The structure is INCREDIBLY hard to listen to- specifically the sections which are set in virtual chat rooms. MasterJinx76 was repeated no less than 50 times in a row and it was grating. I also found the repetition of “at dark I become loathsome” to be frustrating. I realize the author was using it lyrically, but at times it felt like a shortcut to writing an interesting beginning to a chapter. Or like the author had thought of this incredibly compelling phrase as a title, and didn’t have much else to say. This was especially frustrating when consuming the book via audio.

Overall, I would recommend this if you’re someone who enjoys existential/ grief horror, or if you’re a fan of LaRocca’s work. Otherwise, I think you can pass on this.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Not for me. While some of the imagery was beautifully sculpted, I’m having a hard time finding much I enjoyed about this book. The two stories-within-stories felt gratuitous and didn’t add anything at all to the experience other than some body horror and grotesquely disturbing moments. The repetition of “I become loathsome” felt more like a bad drinking game than holding artistic merit. There was so much potential for the narrator’s chosen “field” and yet I felt completely left adrift without wither extreme of the potentiality (savior or mass murderer) being explored. The intermittent use of readings from the written works would have been perfect if they were important in the slightest by the end (example: if they turned out to be evidence from a police case file?). Overall I was grossed out at times and underwhelmed at others. There was so much potential left completely unexplored and I ended the hook feeling like I had received nothing but a couple of really grotesque moments.

To focus specifically on the audiobook, I wouldn’t recommend this on audio. The narrator isn’t my favorite, and the emotion felt rather one-note the entire time. The section reading the messages on the chat board was rather awful to listen to, constantly restating the name of the chat user and making the story almost gibberish interrupted constantly by user names.. This section was very obviously intended for print only and made the audio almost unbearable.

Overall not my favorite and I’m not happy I spent my time on this one. Disappointing.

A nasty little novella - perhaps not as ponderous as some of LaRocca’s earlier writing but his most concise, his most clearly articulated. It’s tough to spend so much time in such a loathsome, sad mind - this poor, haunted, depraved bundle of confused desire - but it’s consistently compelling. I appreciate that this core narrative exists primarily to prop up a series of grotesque parables, but it’s just such a bummer. (With a lot of violence against dogs, for some reason.) LaRocca’s prose is lean and affecting, and it’s a feature, not a bug, that it’s so dire: self-consciously transgressive works like this are content to be vile things.