Let me start with the good things. LaRocca is a decent storyteller. The book vibes were spot on, eerie an creepy and the whole time you can't figure out what the character you're supposed to be sympathizing with gives you the ick.

The cover is awesome. Based on the cover and plot, I thought that this was going to be about necromancy, maybe a little necrophilia for shock value, and perhaps someone being haunted. This is where it went south for me.

The horror was gratuitous and ill placed. It felt like LaRocca wrote the book and then said to themself "this wasn't gross enough for my genre" and added additional splatterpunk scenes. The scenes didn't advance the plot or character development at all. It gave us so much information about things we didn't need to know and then absolutely nothing about what we wanted to know - like the end of the story. We are left having no idea what the resolution to the story is.

And finally, it didn't feel queer - it felt homophobic. Child SA just doesn't do it for me. Especially when the graphic nature of it doesn't do anything to add to the story.

I won't be picking up anything from this author again.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a dark tale of love and loss. Ashley experiences the loss of their wife and son and spiral. The story circles around the idea of not being good enough for the world and not wanting to be in the world any longer. Ashley sets up rituals to help people overcome this. Little did Ashley know, he was going to spiral the drain even more himself.

This book left me wanting more.

This book just wasn't for me. I like Eric LaRocca's writing and have enjoyed several of their other books, but I couldn't really get into this one. The audiobook narrator was done wonderfully, so I did enjoy listening to the story. I can't really explain why I didn't vibe with this book. There were some scenes that were extremely descriptive and almost goes into extreme horror territory, so be aware of that. Also, I understand the reason, but I was so over hearing, "at dark, I become loathsome." It's said so many times. I'll still be reading other books by Eric LaRocca, but this wasn't for me.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a deeply unsettling yet oddly beautiful story about grief, trauma, and the dark places we go when life falls apart. Ashley Lutin, struggling with the loss of his wife and son, creates a strange ritual to help others facing similar despair. When he meets Jinx, a man with his own tragic story, they form a connection that pulls them both deeper into a cycle of pain and secrets.

LaRocca’s writing is gripping—dark, raw, and emotional—and the way he blends horror with moments of vulnerability makes this story hit harder than expected. The characters’ journey isn’t easy, but there’s a strange kind of hope woven through the darkness, showing that even in the worst of times, healing is possible.

This story within stories has that classic Eric LaRocca’s signature style. At Dark, I Become Loathsome is sad, dark, depressing and disturbing. It’s a quick read that is shocking, sometimes in a sexual nature but most often depressing. Ashley Lutin’s wife died of cancer and his son was abducted. The main character wants to be a hero figure by creating rebirth from false death scenarios. This story is described as “a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love.” I will say that it’s not gentle. One thing that irritated me was the repetition of the title, At Dark, I Become Loathsome. I’m not sure who brought this repetition into favor but it needs to go away soon. ALC was provided by Blackstone Publishing-Audiobooks via NetGalley. Excellent narration by Andrew Eiden. I received an advance listening copy for free and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think this was a Chuck Palahniuk novel. Holy cow. Thought-provoking while also making my skin crawl. How incredible.

Coming off of a Tremblay novel, At Dark, I Become Loathsome had similar eerie vibes. I think that they complimented each other and I want to read more from LaRocca. Without going too deep into it and ruining the story, Ashley is a tortured and grieving soul trying to help others in despair… does he do it out of sincere care or to tap into a dark side? This was a creepy and well-done production and the pacing was great. The ending was a little predictable but the story was wild and haunting. It’s like letting your intrusive thoughts win. I got to listen to this as an #arc from #netgalley! Thank you!

Not for the faint of heart, with some major triggers and vile descriptions, Eric LaRocca takes the reader to some deep and dark places that I had never thought I'd really think about - let alone read about. The content is disturbing in a want to know more (I can't look away) sense. Whilst the descriptions make you re-evaluate life, the writing really does capture your sensors unlike any other. Such a short novel really did capture me with its characters, plot and a well rounded ending.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for early access to this audio!

Eric LaRocca can drop some deep, dark ish and I am always down for it. At Dark, I Become Loathsome is my most favorite yet! It’s disturbing, it’s depressing, the grief and the guilt is so immense. I was so mad at our main character and so sympathetic at the same time and really had myself questioning why I could feel for someone who quickly became a monster but here I am. Grief horror always calls to me, and I think this one delivered on that. I listened to this on audio and loved it, the narrator did a great job with it. It was definitely a one sitting listen for me. Many thanks to Blackstone Publishing for my advanced audiobook. At Dark, I Become Loathsome will be available next week!

At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric Larocca is a dark fiction story for the readers who love to read body horror. The book explores the deep dark secrets of troubled minds. I am a huge fan of Larocca's works and have previously read his books. He has a unique writing style that has both horror and emotions. But, the book his little bits of sexual violence that can disturb your mind. The book creates a dark aura around you and you feel immersed in it.

Ashton Lutin's character is the soul of the story. Also, the plot has some mini stories also that increases the reader's interest. And, I think this one is the darkest one written by the author. For a moment I was numb reading all those encounters of various people with grief and the measures they took to cope with it. It was a really wonderful read. The book definitely deserves 5 stars.

Eric LaRocca knows exactly the best way to tear out your heart. At Dark, I become loathsome is filled with a very special type of self loathing, grief, hope and vengeance. It’s so devastatingly relatable to so many of us who have tried to hide from who we are, or what we feel. The confusion of process grief while also finding your self.

I will never not love LaRocca, and instant buy and a brutal and beautiful author

I had the pleasure of both reading this and listening to it on audio, and the audio narration was perfect,

[ Book trigger warnings: brief violence against an animal, death, suicidal ideation, homophobia (mostly internal), minor descriptions of child abuse, kidnapping ]

Oh man, I’m going to be thinking about this one for a while. This short novel encapsulates what it looks like for a person to feel the weight of grief and the inability to move forward. It’s heavy. The events in this book are heavy, and the sadness bleeds from the pages. But it’s vulnerable, and honest, and I felt the rawness of emotion and was reminded that there is no perfect way to move forward from the things that wreck us. There is no way that feels right to return to old passions or engage with the world we knew before when it feels like it was consumed by darkness. Yet, even so, we can bravely face the light of day when we are ready and continue to try our best in the ways we know how. We can sit with our demons and regrets until they dissipate enough that their grip is more a light hold rather than a hook in our flesh. And one day we will see sunlight again.

Thank you Eric for writing something so brutally honest and uncomfortable. I will be keeping up with your work from now on, and commend you for this beautiful piece of literature.

i don’t even know what to say about this, the way i was equally disgusted and invested at the same time is a testament to the authors ability to draw you in.. even when everything inside you is wanting to look away. this book focuses a lot on suicidal ideation, grief and depression— some of the scenes is this truly made me so uncomfortable. the formatting reminded me a bit of their other work: things have gotten worse since we last spoke,but the content isn’t the same. the only thing i wish was different is the ending cause it was kind of abrupt, the reveal that happens before it had my jaw hanging open though. the narrator made this story 10x more compelling (to be expected of Teddy Hamilton). i think the way Eric approaches grief in the horror genre is so effective and visceral, I’ll continue to read anything they write!

“To me, that young man was god-like and capable of many wonderous things.”
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~ 𝘽𝙊𝙊𝙆 𝙍𝙀𝙑𝙄𝙀𝙒! ~
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So I checked out an ARC for 𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊, 𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 by @eric_larocca . If you haven’t read LaRocca before, I find they have a very tragically poetic approach to describing human depravity. Their prose is raw and unflinching, eliciting a visceral reaction from the reader. The characters LaRocca creates are often perverse, deviant, and morally corrupt, spat out from their traumas and adverse experiences that resulted in who they are today. Their stories often explore the lengths the MC’s will go to absolve themselves from their guilt and/or perversions.
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Grief is the driving theme in this transgressive horror novella, exploring feelings of worthlessness vs purpose and fulfilment in life and the difficulties of finding a reason to live after abysmal loss. I very much so appreciated this story’s take on transformation and purification in healing, as it’s integral in this life, where the unknown and unexpected are just a car accident, abduction, or diagnosis away.
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What distinguishes Eric’s stories from the rest is through the sick and warped choices and actions his MCs make. They act from a superficial sense of victimhood based on past experiences by displacing blame on their own victims, highlighting the extent of selfishness and perseverance humans will go to in order to cope, albeit at the expense of others.
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If you want a book that will leave you staring bleakly at your wall grappling with the loss of all hope for humanity, you gotta check LaRocca out! 𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊, 𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 is out 𝟏/𝟐𝟖/𝟐𝟓! Thanks @netgalley for the ARC!😁
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Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5/5

I received an e-ARC and am giving my honest review. Thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity!

This was incredibly dark. I mean, obviously, it’s LaRocca but it still somehow surprises me every time, haha. It was unnerving, uncomfortable, and bizarre and only got more so as the story went on. However, reading this book or any by LaRocca, you know what you’re going into, and it’s going to be horrifying in all ways of the word. So I, obviously, am not going to dock any points for how fucked-up this book is.
The storytelling was fantastic. It pulled me in and truly got me enraptured with everything going on, which was a lot. It was a bit hard to fully keep my mind around everything at some points, mainly because of it being an audiobook and my having ADHD. Not entirely at fault of the book itself. But I can’t stop thinking about this book. Even though I normally am not entirely a fan of the splatterpunk genre, I’ve read LaRocca before and loved his writing style enough to want to read this no matter the subject matter. Plus, LGBT horror is my favorite genre, so that definitely helped too.
I have to mention the ending too because it blew me away. I normally clock things like that but whether it be masterful storytelling or it being an audiobook so I wasn’t paying as much attention, I was completely thrown off guard. Shocked beyond belief. I was in a tea store getting some vanilla roibos when the twist was said and my jaw visibly dropped. It really wrapped the story up perfectly for me, going from a casual enjoyment to ‘oh holy shit this is good.’
I’ll be thinking about this for a long time and will continue to look forward to more LaRocca novels.

This audiobook of At Dark, I Become Loathsome has excellent production values and a talented narrator.
LaRocca's previous book was among my favorite 2024 releases. I was excited to get this. That cover tantalized me for weeks.

This is well-written, lyrical and aprupt by turns, and incorpoates online chats and stories within the story. The main character was off-putting, intentionally. He's been through terrible things and has found dark ways to cope. There's a lot of care taken in establishing his emotional and mental state and the choices he makes.

Many scenes are vivid and disturbing. This will be a major favorite book for some readers. I found it grim and depressing. Some of it was unpleasant for personal reasons. I appreciate the author's skill in creating the kind of book he wanted to write. I'm simply not the audience for this particular novella.

Thank you, Blackstone Publishing | Big Bald for the ALC for consideration. These are solely my own opinions.

My journey with this book began on accident. I requested it because I thought it was a regular arc copy and when I got approved I realized I’d accidentally requested an audiobook. I decided well… I think it might be better just to get this book out of the way and listen to it as soon as possible. So I did. I did not however, expect how enraptured I was going to be by this story. The narrator made me fall in love very much with audiobooks. I had never listened to an audiobook before, but his performance compels you to listen and hold on to every word he says.

I loved the experience that this audiobook gave me. Andrew’s guttural and dark voice lead you deeper and deeper into the psyche of the unusual Ashley Lutin who lost his wife and son and has a very dark past time.

This book is the connection between us and our darkest selves. It’s the still small voice in our heads that tell us to do something we shouldn’t. Ashley listens to this voice and at first, he may not have been the monster he said he was, but that changes as the story goes on. We learn of his darkest desires. His weird obsession with a blog of a man who was in love with his husbands cancer. Ashley’s desire to take his “ritual” further. The darkness of Ashley eventually solidifies into true horror.

The writing is beautifully done. I finished this book in 2 days and I would’ve listened to it in one sitting if that had been a possibility. ‘At Dark, I become Loathsome’ is a horror novel that will grab you by the throat and have your eyebrows raise many times with you wondering, “did I just read that?” …. “Yes.. that is what that says..”.

I also have much to say on the ending, because the ending is… a lot. However, I will not spoil this book. The experience is something that is best when there are no expectations. All I can say is I was very much entertained the entire time I was listening to this story.

If you are interested in reading this please pick up the audiobook. It is that fireside horror story vibe and it’ll keep you fully invested from beginning to end.

Thanks to Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for this audiobook.

If you have never read any story by Eric Larocca, I would definitely suggest you start with this one. This book is by far his best work to date in my opinion. The ending of this book was chef's kiss and left me wanting to read more of his other works. This story might not be for everyone since it's not horror but splatterpunk meaning it's filled with depraved and disturbing scenes that touches sensitives topics such as religion, grief and sexual perversion.

A must read for fan of extreme/splatterpunk horror.

🎧ALC REVIEW🎧
📚At Dark, I Become Loathsome
🎤Narrated by Andrew Eiden

This novella was totally different than what I was expecting. It is a heartbreaking & honestly very sad story of a man whose almost paralyzed with grief from losing his wife then the disappearance of his beloved son.

The writing is surprisingly beautiful and poetic despite the sad & morbid themes that run through the story. Ashley is riddled with guilt over the disappearance of his son, believing he's responsible. As he struggles to exist in the world, he's also struggling with his feelings over his sexuality.

One night he posts, "If you're reading this, you've likely thought that the world would be a better place without you." I know what you're thinking, he offers himself up to help others end their lives. Not quite, but instead he creates "a ritual" that people can pay for where he assists others like himself, rid & cleanse themselves of the extreme grief & sorrow that they've been carrying around through life.

A young man named Jinx inquires about "the ritual" and agrees to his help. Speaking with him several times, Ashley's attraction to the man increasingly grows & he loathes himself even more because of the thoughts he's having over him. The plot twist that happens next was one I did not see coming. I don't know if I liked it or loathed it to be honest.

The phrase written by the author, "Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life," pretty much sums this one up. It's a dark & sorrowful story about the inability to move past grief & sadness.

🎧Let's talk narration: Honestly, if it wasn't for the amazing narration from Andrew Eiden, I'm not sure I would have continued through this entire novella despite the short length. He was totally captivating. Regardless of the dark subject matter, Eiden totally sucked me into Ashley's story & I had to find out how this would end. His performance was amazing as he told the emotional & depressing story. Voicing multiple characters, his talent was beguiling in a weird sort of way. I didn't want to sink into Ashley's world but Eiden's voice work grabbed me & didn't let me go.

I don't think this book is for everyone by any means. I'm not sure I would have even picked it up myself but knowing Eiden was narrating is what drew me to it in the first place. It was haunting & disturbing but the narration kept me going.

Release Date: January 28th, 2025
Content Warnings include: Drug use, loss of a child, loss of a spouse, death by suicide (attempted), animal abuse, depression, anxiety, homophobia, some blood.

Thank you Netgalley, Eric LaRocca and Blackstone Publishing for an advanced copy of the audiobook to review. All thoughts are my own.

#AtDarkIBecomeLoathsome #NetGalley.

10/10 for narrator! he pulled you in the second the story started!

this was such a great story! it was depressing and felt like such a complete novel. the writing was extremly lyrical and it wasnt as grotesque as his other work. so many time my jaw dropped and i just couldnt wait to find out what was going to happen next!

thank u netgalley, eric, and the publisher for this audio