A very unsettling and depressing read, a man battling his grief and his loss, his descent into the darkness that he believes he deserves.
I was intrigued by the main storyline, but the various mini stories interspersed in between were too gruesome and horrific for my tastes. The morbid fascination with death and disease, the overtly sexual undertones, the mentality of the main character — all points that didn’t really help me enjoy this read more.
I did enjoy the audiobook, the narrator’s voice was very captivating, but the book itself wasn’t my genre of horror.

Overall, the premise is interesting and intriguing. Writing is good, but I found it preachy and repetitive towards the end. If you love unreliable narrators, then you’ll love this.

I found this book really interesting in the way that it explores not only grief, but the experience of those with an “abnormal” psyche of some kind. This is my first Eric Larocca book and it was definitely an experience. This one is definitely the more dark, twisted, and “sick” side of horror, which I really didn’t mind and I think that’s because this genre allows for the exploration of these themes with little to no judgement.

It's been a week and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about this book. On the one hand, I enjoy reading dark books and I don't mind when things get weird. The weirder the better for me, honestly. I do feel like many of those dark scenes were more for the shock factor than to benefit the story. Like those couple moments we get where the secondary characters are telling the main character a story (the story within a story). It felt long and unnecessary (I lost track of what was really happening/what the point was during the middle of both stories), though I suppose there was no way to incorporate those scenes into the story itself because they were so, so out there...

I do think, personally, I emotionally disconnected from this book from the start simply because our protagonist's missing/dead son has the same name as my daughter... I was scared toward the end we were going to get some detail about what happened to the son that I really didn't want to hear, so I'm glad that wasn't the case.

I feel like Eric LaRocca was trying to say something with this book and the side stories that totally went over my head. Many other reviewers said it was a great portrayal of grief, and while I'm not sure I agree with that, I did find it entertaining for entertainment's sake. And I am still wondering wtf I just read, so that's always a plus!

t Dark, I Become Loathsome, in short, is the story of the dark decent of a grieving husband/father.

Andrew Eiden is one of my all time favorite narrators. I am used to hearing him narrate romance novels under his pseudonym Teddy Hamilton, so to say I was pleasantly surprised to hear his voice when I opened up this horror audiobook is an understatement. His voice was oddly comforting given the dark and gruesome content, and I appreciated it. The narration was slightly slow and I think it feels normal paced at around 1.25 - 1.5x speed. I thought Andrew Eiden did a great job reciting Eric LaRocca's poetic prose.

This one seemed to be heavy handed on the poetry, even more so than his previous works - sometimes it was overdone and didnt flow as naturally as it could have. Another aspect that didnt work for me was the over sexualized scenes. I found myself rolling my eyes and grimmacing through those parts. I understand one getting piercings to cope with life's pain, as the main character did, but the depiction of facial piercings being something ugly and horrorfying also didnt work for me.

I felt like this book started off really strong, and was shaping up to be my favorite of LaRocca's, but in the middle, the plot would get lost sometimes in the main characters thoughts and LaRocca's prose. There were parts of the ending that I really liked, but at the same time it felt abrupt.

Thank you Netgalley, Blackstone Publishing - Audiobooks, and Eric LaRocca for the advanced listening copy.

4.5
Eric LaRocca continues to be one of my favorite horror authors and this book is his best yet.
At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a perfect example of what I love about their writing, the way the story is told through different media, the story within the story, and the compelling and deeply unsettling path in takes. with his works I always feel a morbid curiosity that I have to continue to the bitter end.
I listened to the audiobook in one sitting and absolutely devoured it. I couldn't bring myself to put it down. The narrator did a fantastic job of being able to bring the story to life.

*thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the ALC

4⭐️

First of all this cover?! Amazing!

*TW* Grief, depression, suicidal thoughts, child death, cancer, SA, child abuse, homophobia, plus more

This is a spatter punk that deals with grief and depression. While this book deals with heavy topics (as many spatter punks do) I found the writing very captivating. I was doing this on audio and simply couldn't stop listening.

Even with that being said it was missing something for me to put it in the five star area but I'm honestly not sure what that is.

This was an arc sent to me in exchange for an honest review.

This was absolutely so dreadfully beautiful. It’s so wrong that it’s right. I think one of the most wonderful things about Larocca’s writing is he manages to create something so dark, poetic, so full of grime, yet it’s absolutely beautiful and true if you are willing to see it for what it is. It scratches a place in my brain like no one else does.
This book is about pain, grief, loneliness, lust, acceptance or lack there of, suicidal ideation and so much more.
It’s heavy but oh my god I thinks it’s amazing.
I usually dislike audiobooks but I actually enjoyed this one!
At dark I become loathsome.
Thank you to the publisher and netgalley for the copy!

Feelings evoked by AT DARK I BECOME LOATHSOME by Eric LaRocca —-
Some people take pleasure from other people’s pain, while others feel pain when they see others succeed. Life can be devastating and AT DARK I BECOME LOATHSOME starts off trying to help find a light in the dark.
Few authors can shove horror in your face and make you realize you are looking into a mirror. To me this book feels like a personal essay of someone that you connect with on a deep level, of someone that you wish you could be, or at least bring that persona forward. Sure, the main character Ashley really doesn’t like himself, but how many of us do?
It’s all so honest and raw, unrelenting in its bleak emotion yet beautiful like pearls of blood that spring forth from a razor’s slice.
There are a couple of side stories that are thrown at Ashley, with shock value being the obvious reason. They are descriptive and uncomfortable which is what we are looking for in a LaRocca story.
The overall story arc is one blow after another as Ashley’s story unfolds. Go into this blind as I did and let the sadness bury you alive.
Eric is brilliant at showing us misery and suffering while reminding us to not take anything for granted.
Releasing January 28th

I can't put a simple star rating on this book. Gun to my head, I'd put a 4 on it for my personal experience. However, for those that revel in psychosexual horror that pushes the limits, this would easily be a 5-star read. Those with a weak constitution - maybe don't read it haha.

In many ways, this book disturbed me, repulsed me, and made me want to stop reading—and it is clearly intentionl. Yet, LaRocca is such an excellent writer that I wanted to keep going, to see what gorgeous, disgusting line would follow next. This novel enraptured me. Even though it's over, I feel its pull on me, the heavy pit it left in my gut. The experience of reading this was a dark, magical feat by a gifted author.

Thank you to Eric LaRocca, NetGalley, and Blackstone publishing for providing me an audiobook Arc of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

Larocca has such a dark and unique voice. His tales are both beautiful and grotesque, twisted and engaging at the same time. Since he burst onto the scene a few years ago he hasn't let up. It's nice to see him mature and grow as a writer and I look forward to many more works from him. A must read author for sure. I will read whatever this guy puts out there.

LaRocca makes these 4+ Stars look easy.

Thank you to the publisher and to Net Galley for providing me with an audio arc of this title.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a book which explores the darkest thoughts and actions of humans and how grief can permanently alter people. Please read the trigger warnings before reading this book. This is not gory or spooky horror, but psychologically grotesque horror.
We follow a psychopathic main character who, after losing his family, turns to harming others. The book opens with the main character performing a live burial service for clients. I found this to be an interesting concept. I though the ways in which he views the world and his actions were well written, as well as the guilt he feels towards his late family. This central plot of the story (the burials and his grief) was interesting and well done. However, there are also sections within this book that are basically mini stories that the main character is hearing. These sections felt out of place and introduced a sadistic plotline which is all too common for LaRocca. This is the sixth title I have read by LaRocca, and I am getting tired of the reoccurring theme of sadism. It is purposefully uncomfortable and used to explores the darkest human actions, I understand this. But, after having seen this theme in several LaRocca titles, they are losing their impact. Instead of being crucial to this title, the sadism read as pure torture porn. I will use this information to be far more discerning about what I picked up from LaRocca in the future.

Eric LaRocca’s At Dark, I Become Loathsome is an experience unlike any other—a novel that both captivated and unsettled me, pushing me far beyond my comfort zone. It’s a story steeped in pain, darkness, and the rawest parts of human existence, and while I found it masterfully written, it was also deeply challenging and, at times, deeply unpleasant to read.

The novel follows Ashley Lutin, a man drowning in grief after the loss of his wife and the disappearance of his child. Ashley copes by creating a grim ritual meant for those on the edge of life and death—people who want to die but secretly yearn for a second chance. This ritual is not a path of healing or comfort but one of brutal self-confrontation, forcing participants to endure the kind of suffering that reveals truths they might rather keep buried.

When Ashley meets Jinx, a stranger who agrees to undertake the ritual, their lives collide in a storm of guilt, trauma, and revelation. What follows is a descent into a nightmarish reality where boundaries blur—between life and death, salvation and damnation, and perhaps most disturbingly, love and destruction.

What stands out most about LaRocca’s writing is how unflinchingly he portrays these dark themes. While the rest of the book doesn’t quite reach the brilliance of its opening chapter, it remains a haunting and worthwhile read. The prose is hauntingly beautiful, almost lyrical, which contrasts sharply with the horror and depravity of the subject matter. That contrast is part of what makes the book so uncomfortable—it’s hard to look away even when the content becomes almost unbearable.

Listening to this book in audiobook was difficult at times, for the graphic nature of some scenes but also because of the format. There’s a particular chapter, told entirely through text messages, that was especially complicated to follow in audio form. While the story itself was gripping, the format made it challenging to fully grasp the nuance and pacing of the exchanges, pulling me briefly out. It’s one section where I think the written format might have worked better for clarity.

This is not an easy book to listen to and it’s certainly not for everyone. It felt like LaRocca was intentionally pushing me to the brink, asking me to confront the ugliest parts of human existence, both in the story and within myself. It’s the kind of book that leaves you drained but also introspective, forcing you to wrestle with uncomfortable questions long after you’ve finished it.

I can’t say I enjoyed reading At Dark, I Become Loathsome in the traditional sense, but I absolutely respect and admire what LaRocca has achieved here. It’s a book that dares to go to places most authors wouldn’t, and while it left me shaken, it’s a story I won’t forget anytime soon. If you’re willing to be challenged—emotionally, psychologically, and morally—then this is a novel that will take you to the edge and hold you there.

Once again, Eric LaRocca kills it with this book. All I gotta say is Mr. Larocca you are one sick. F***, but I like it!

For me, the development of the characters was right on, but a little too deep with the sex for me. The horror was on point. The entire time I was reading this book the horror made me want to stop and put it down for a timeout, but found myself diving back in right away.

I really don’t know where you come up with all of this shit Mr Larocca, but I hope that well of horror never dries out! Keep that sickness coming and I will keep reading.

This is the first Eric LaRocca audiobook that I have listened to, so I am not sure if all of his books are like this one, but this book was not for me. I like the idea that the author had for this book, I liked the writing, and I liked the narrator, but the POV character was way too focused on his confusion around his sexuality. That was distracting from the main story of what happened to his wife and son and the rest of the story unfolding around this character, and I wasn't interested in that aspect of the story. I DNF'd the book around the 20% mark.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to listen to this audiobook. I'm sorry this didn't work for me, but I am open to trying another Eric LaRocca book in the future.

At Dark I Become Loathsome is a dark horrifying ride through the brutal and baser instincts of a troubled persons human psyche.

Disclaimer: I read this book as a audiobook arc via NetGalley. Thank you to NetGalley for the free copy.

I find no fault with the audiobook. It was clear and readable even at 2x speed. The narrators voice was acceptable but not a favorite.

This horror novel was a definite brutal and gorey chapter for LaRocca. A shorter novel, this book did have some pacing issues for me. I did feel like it droned on a little too long in some areas and I tended to start to wander. In true Larocca fashion, this is a story within a story and there were just a few pacing issues within that for me. I guess you got more enjoyment out of some than others, and that affected my enjoyment as well.

The story was sufficiently gory and creepy, and I do like the greater themes that were explored. Ashely was an interesting character that definitely wasn't a good person by any means, but I still found myself hoping for the best for him.

A decent novel but didn't work for me on many levels. Still a LaRocca fan and looking forward to more.

This is the second book I have read by Eric LaRocca and it met all my expectations of the first one I read! LaRocca builds a story so unique, well thought out, and terrifying which ends up leaving you staring at nothing after you finish. This book had stories within the main story, which I actually loved! Ashley helps people, after losing his wife to cancer, and his son has gone missing. He has a whole process for them in which he buries them alive for 30 minutes and then takes them out. It is supposed to help them appreciate life more. Clearly, a couple twists come into play and make this book absolutely fabulous!

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for an audiobook ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I have read every single one of LaRocca’s books expecting at some point to really like one and I still haven’t found it (even though I do appreciate his ability to tickle my gag reflex) 😅 The plot comes off as extremely disjointed and the characters don’t really have any redeeming qualities. I think this book would’ve been better had it been three separate short stories: the story about Ashley and his son, the story about Tandy and Victor, and the story about the jeweled centipede. Because all together they don’t really connect…at all. I did really like the writing, it was beautiful, although I could’ve definitely done without the repetition of “at dark I become loathsome” for the umpteenth time. My favorite part of the book was the premise of the death ritual, and I would’ve really liked to see that fleshed out more. This is a BLEAK book with a BLEAK outlook, major trigger warnings for people experiencing hopelessness and depression. Song pairing for this book is Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction ⚰️

PUB DAY: JANUARY 28TH 2025 (my birthday!) 🥳

This was super intense, and let me tell you, it's NOT your average horror. It’s one of those stories that totally grabs you from the start, and you just can’t look away—even though you kinda want to. It's all about grief, trauma, and this very dark, twisted ritual that... honestly, gets way deeper than you’d expect.

The main character is dealing with the worst stuff imaginable—losing his wife and son—and it’s super raw. There are moments where you're just, like, “OMG, how does someone even survive this?” But the whole vibe? It’s hauntingly beautiful in its own weird way. The pacing is tight, the writing is sharp, and the weird little stories within the story are total show-stoppers. There's a lot of body horror, but it’s mixed with this emotional depth that really made me think.

I’m not gonna lie, the ending was... well, let’s just say it was one of those “what the heck just happened?” moments. But even though I wanted something a little more, I totally get why it ended that way. It was, like, the perfect amount of disturbing and thought-provoking.

Overall, I gave this a solid 4 stars because it’s totally unlike anything I’ve read. It’s dark, it’s gritty, and it’s just... whoa. Definitely not for everyone, but if you’re into stories that mess with your head in the best (and most unsettling) way possible, then you NEED to check this out.

Big thanks to NetGalley for the audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion. This was a ride!

Thank you to Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for sending me an audio-ARC in exchange for review of At Dark I Become Loathsome.

3.25 stars

I was super excited to receive this audiobook because one of my closest friends has mentioned this author multiple times and I can understand why. The writing of this book felt like poetry, it flowed without falter (except near the end but the situation felt incredibly authentic to the character).

Loved that the main character and I share the same first name regardless of gender as it’s become quite uncommon to see and felt bizarrely coincidental.

This book is heavily focused on trauma, loss, and trying to escape it by the most extreme means possible, illegal means? It takes some dark turns to some very vulgar and graphic conversation and situations which gave a highly visual experience for a book. It gave me the creeps mostly because I’m certain the things that happen in this book happen in real life but I do love a horror.

I also ADORE the narrator Andrew Eiden. Their voice is so smooth, pleasant, and familiar. I checked their catalogue and saved a few of their narrations to listen to later. A wonderful choice to make you feel sympathetic to a character making such questionable decisions!

Thanks again.