A good memoir is about the writer, but it also keeps its reader firmly in mind and offers universal takeaways. Gidding's premise that nobody wants to hear from old white men is objectively not accurate - white men still hold most of the power. I chose this book, expecting him to interrogate that premise and come out the other side with new perspective about how he can grow and participate in the world (and especially the literary world, as that is one of his key concerns). Gidding brings up a number of topics, including implicit bias and failure, that give him the opportunity to show us how old white men can contribute to the conversation. Instead, we get an old white man who leans into being an old white man with old white man excuses. A missed opportunity for both Gidding and his reader!

I had high hopes for this book, but unfortunately, it didn’t live up to my expectations. The themes of implicit bias and grief are undeniably important and relevant, and I appreciate the author for starting an important conversation around them. However, the book’s execution left much to be desired. I had a hard time connecting with the characters, who felt flat and one-dimensional. They didn’t engage me emotionally, and their actions often didn’t feel authentic. I found myself not really caring about their journeys, which made it difficult to stay invested in the story.

The writing style also made it challenging to fully immerse myself in the narrative. The inclusion of an “alter ego” voice, which I assume was meant to serve as commentary on the unreliable narrator, ended up feeling more distracting than insightful. It took me out of the story and made the flow of the book feel disjointed. I could understand the intent behind it, but it just didn’t work for me.

As I moved through the book, I found myself growing more frustrated. The middle section, where the exploration of loss and grief was supposed to hit its emotional peak, fell a bit flat. There were some moving moments, but it didn’t have the emotional weight I was hoping for. By the time I reached the conclusion, I was honestly ready to DNF. While the story touched on important topics, it didn’t dive deep enough or offer a strong enough resolution.

I wanted more from this book—more depth in the characters, more clarity in the writing, and more development of the themes it tried to explore. In the end, it felt like a missed opportunity to truly engage with the issues it raised. There were moments of potential, but they didn’t quite come together for me. That's why I'm giving it 1 ⭐.