This was good but not great. I honestly don’t think the main character Aaliyah developed at all over the course of the book. She’s really unforgiving and her decision making at times seemed clear eyed, at other and more frequent times completely discombobulated and odd. This really confused me even though it had promising moments.

Thank you to the publisher for the ARC.

I really enjoyed Briana Johnson’s debut! In ‘If I Could Go Back’ we follow the story Aaliyah who has been raised by her grandfather. However she feels that there is a void in her life without her parents and she decides to reach out to them. She reconnects with her parents Lena and Quincy much to the dismay of her grandfather who is facing some health issues.

This was an emotional read. Aaliyah is faced with her desire to get to know a part of her that she was separated from with the fear of disappointing the only parental figure she has ever had. The author also provides an accurate portrayal of what it means to live with anxiety through Aaliyah’s character.

However I was a bit disappointed about how the dc was handled in the book and I would have like it to be addressed in a more in depth manner. Although I understand that this was not the main focus of the story. I did like how the author made it a point to highlight an important misconception about who can be a victim of dv.

Aaliyah has been raised by Grandpa Joe since she was born, and now that she's eighteen, she has a plan to reach her birth mother, Lena—even when it's against Grandpa Joe's wishes or her cousin Ivy's and overall her family's. She fears disappointment, but much to her surprise her father, Quincy, shows up. And when Grandpa Joe's health worsens and has to be treated intensively, Aaliyah uses the opportunity to connect with parents she never met before. Will things go according to plan? Is there something Grandpa Joe hides from her? What about Tommy, a guy who Grandpa Joe disapproves like he disapproved Quincy years ago? Will Aaliyah find what she longs for so long?

I did expect If I Could Go Back to be an emotional read, but what surprised me is its profound, relatable conclusion. Not only Aaliyah's teenage voice sounds realistic, the way she (and other characters) acts also represents how teenagers behave and how their learning moment happens, and honestly I found it beautiful. The nuances in Lena, Quincy, and Grandpa Joe's characters as adults in Aaliyah's life give extra dimension to Aaliyah herself. There are so many things that she needs to unlearn and relearn regarding to her family's condition and her desire to be in a "complete" family unit. The dynamics among Aaliyah, Ivy, and their friend Jen are believably natural. The dialogue is super fun (even when the characters argue) that I finished the book in a day.

To be frank even though I understand Aaliyah and Tommy's situationship-relationship, I didn't really feel for it, maybe because I'm too old (? LOL) or I need more backstory of them to see why they are that way. BUT Tommy's love life situation is something that must be brought to light, and I'm glad I found it here. Just recently I read a news with the same case and there are still people who blame the guy for being soft, mushy, or a coward. This can be one way to say that it's wrong.

If I Could Go Back is perfect for realistic YA novel fans who like to read stories with focus on family, mental health representation, and characters that are suitable to their age.

Thank you to NetGalley and Peachtree Teen for providing a digital ARC of this book. Opinions expressed here are my own.