They’re Not Gaslighting You is a breath of fresh air in today’s therapy-laden discourse, cutting through the noise with clarity, compassion, and a much-needed reality check. Dr. Isabelle Morley masterfully unpacks the overuse of clinical terminology in everyday relationships, showing how ‘therapy speak’—when misapplied—can do more harm than good. With sharp insight, real-world examples, and a touch of humor, she challenges us to step away from the impulse to diagnose our partners, friends, and exes, and instead embrace the beautiful, messy reality of human connection. This book isn’t just a must-read—it’s a cultural reset, offering a roadmap back to healthier, more authentic relationships. A game-changer for anyone who values nuance, accountability, and real emotional depth.

if you’ve ever had a normal disagreement turn into a full-blown therapy session, this book is for you. In They’re Not Gaslighting You, clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Isabelle Morley takes on the internet’s obsession with “therapy speak” and the way it’s messing with our relationships. These days, every argument gets diagnosed—your friend is “toxic,” your partner has a “personality disorder,” your coworker is “gaslighting” you. But what if we’re just… people? Flawed, emotional, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately trying our best?

the author delivers a much-needed reality check with warmth, humor, and sharp insight. She’s not saying mental health doesn’t matter—far from it. But slapping clinical labels on everyone we struggle with doesn’t actually help us build better relationships. Instead, she encourages us to lean into real communication, messy emotions, and (gasp) giving people the benefit of the doubt. this book is the antidote to social media’s armchair therapy culture. It’s smart, relatable, and a wake-up call for anyone who’s tired of walking on eggshells in their relationships. If you’re ready to stop overanalyzing and start actually connecting, They’re Not Gaslighting You is a must-read.

I really liked this book. The author does a great job of seperating junk science from social media and put reality to the subject and how to deal with real issues.

A book where the title describes exactly what it’s about. Gaslight, borderline, boundaries, trauma, love bombing, dependent, etc etc - these terms used to be confined to therapeutic spaces but now with social media, many people are using it to self-diagnose, psychoanalyze others, or at worst, weaponized it against others. I completely agree with the author that medical diagnoses should be used carefully and accurately, and therapy speak can actually inhibit resolving conflicts in that when you label people, confirmation bias can happen, especially with uncontrolled social media algorithms that show you what you seek. I was glad to see this book being published because I’ve personally had many concerning conversations with others where I felt that my peers were diagnosing others based on terms they learned in therapy when the diagnoses should really be coming from a credentialed professional. While I’m glad that seeking mental help is mostly de-stigmatized, I can see how this can be super problematic especially when this level of personal psychoanalysis or pathologizing precludes someone from working through their problems with others.

Dr. Isabelle Morley writes with a lot of understanding and empathy and breaks down terms and concepts in an easy-to-understand way through different models and examples. In addition to explaining why common therapy terms, this is actually a wonderful book on relationships too.

Morley points out that it used to be that patients would work collaboratively with therapists to find solutions or identify problems but now people are more inclined to seek out therapy to validate their online self-diagnosis. As a couple’s therapist/psychologist, she also has an intimate view in seeing “both sides of the story” and see how one person’s account may not be correct, but she also points out that therapists can also be part of the problem if they validate their client’s diagnosis of others based on the client’s words alone. This book also breaks down the criteria that psychologists use to evaluate and diagnose patients.

Plus, the way this book is structured is amazing. For example, some of the chapter titles:

* Are they gaslighting you or do they just disagree?
* Is it a red flag or are they just imperfect?
* Are they love bombing you or are they just being nice?
* Are they a sociopath or do they just like you less than you like them?

…And so on.

In 2025, let’s agree to keep therapy speak in therapy.

Thank you to PESI Publishing and NetGalley for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are independently my own.

Such an interesting and, in my opinion, much needed book! It seems everywhere I turn over the past few years I encounter armchair therapist without degrees diagnosing everyone from coworkers to family members to Hollywood celebrities - very often incorrectly and in a way that borders on character assassination. People who have a large ego are branded harmful narcissists, conscientious workers are branded with OCD, introverts are branded as having avoidant personality disorder or sociopaths, and people who disagree with someone may be branded as a gaslighter. Books like this are so helpful because it's important to be able to make thoughtful distinctions about character, intentions, and actions because it's the respectful thing to do and also because it helpful for relationships, whereas the former is harmful. This is an excellent book and I highly recommend it.

This was interesting! I came into this book from a lens of being diagnosed with OCD at a young age and struggling with it severely on and off throughout my life. The book did an excellent job at explaining what OCD actually is and what it isn't (i.e. perfectionism). Also learned a lot about what narcissism, sociopathy, gaslighting, and trigger words mean from a clinical standpoint. It offered some clarity on terms I had seen on social media and why the way they are used there/in common language may be harmful.