thank you to NetGalley and ESPECIALLY Graywolf Press for the advanced digital copy.

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i ate this up faster than i thought possible. trying is raw, nonlinear, smart, and deeply human. it's a memoir told in sharp, sometimes funny, often heartbreaking fragments. the vignettes that build slowly until you realize you've been sitting in something much deeper than you expected. what starts as a book about struggles with age and infertility becomes something much bigger: a story about shifting identity, queerness, betrayal, grief, consumerism, and trying, really trying, to find meaning in it all.

chloe caldwell writes about the cultural expectation that people with uteruses should be either dreaming of giving birth, actively pregnant, or raising children. she doesn't just challenge this, she interrogates how it's weaponized. how not wanting kids is treated like a failure. how being unable to have them is cast as tragedy. how age, especially for people with uteruses, becomes a countdown clock, while men get to coast, often leaving the child-rearing behind.

there's fascinating critique in here about heteronormativity within the fertility industry, how straight couples can jump right to IVF while queer couples are expected to "prove" infertility through multiple rounds of less effective treatments like IUI. there's also a brilliant metaphor tucked throughout the book about a boutique selling 'life-changing pants'. the pants don't fit everyone. they're advertised as inclusive, but they aren't. just like life, there's no one-size-fits-all. and no purchase, no herbal tea, no miracle diet will fix or change something if it's unfixable.

caldwell also touches on how infertility invites unsolicited advice: cut out caffeine, try acupuncture, take these supplements. it's part of a larger pattern - consumerism dressed up as wellness, fix-it culture disguised as care. the book doesn't scream about these issues. it just shows you how heavy it all gets when the trying leads nowhere.

the middle of the book contains a rupture. an infidelity, a divorce. the narrative shifts. caldwell finds herself moving from a hetero marriage into a new world of autonomy. the title still fits. she's trying to understand what she wants. trying to reclaim parts of herself that got buried. trying to write, trying to live, trying to start again.

there's a beautiful, piercing thread in here about how painful it is to be happy for others when your own grief is so big it eats you from the inside out. it doesn't make you cruel. it makes you human. caldwell handles that tenderness so well, without moralizing or apologizing. she just tells the truth.

and the details are SO good. there's pop culture scattered throughout like little gifts: hacks, MUNA, search party. it's specific and current in a way that grounds the book in time and place. the writing is clean, sharp, but not emotionless. it simmers. it stings. it lands hard.

the format - fragmented, meandering, vignette-based - won't be for everyone, but i found it perfect for a subject as slippery as this. trying doesn't offer neat resolutions. it doesn't tie things up. it just invites you to sit inside the mess of not knowing. and for anyone who's ever had to rewrite their life mid-sentence, this will feel like being seen.

An interesting book--I have read all of Caldwell's books and appreciate their deep lyricism and fragmentary nature. Many surprises and swerves in this short memoir which I very much enjoyed.

Chloe Caldwell can do no wrong in my opinion. I've taken some of her writing classes, and forever hold her as the highest esteemed writer in queer literature. Though Chloe is always vulnerable and honest with her audience, Trying felt particularly raw and inviting to readers. Examining her own experience in the quest for motherhood, relationship shifts, and her place in the world led me to examine both my own wishes and preconceived notions of what these places we define for ourselves truly mean.

*Trying* by Chloé Caldwell is a raw and introspective memoir that delves into the complexities of infertility, personal identity, and the unexpected twists life can take. Through candid reflections and sharp observations, Caldwell navigates the challenges of trying to conceive, the unraveling of her marriage, and her journey toward self-discovery. Her writing is both vulnerable and empowering, offering readers a glimpse into the messy, beautiful process of becoming who you truly are. For anyone who's ever questioned the path they're on or sought meaning in life's uncertainties, this book is a heartfelt companion.

Memoirs are one of my favorite stories; I've read them extensively. Caldwell's book is interesting and insightful. It is much more than a story about a person trying to conceive. I liked how open and brave the words within this book are. It was easy to feel immersed in the story. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

As a fellow infertile person looking ahead to a future without children, this was the exact book I needed in my life right now. The book of my dreams. THANK YOU.