Initial reaction: I'm sorely in the minority of opinions about this book, but I'm sitting here in the aftermath of this book thinking, in gif form:

Saywhatnow

My outrage is less about the situation Mercy finds herself in for the latter part of the novel (which is messy, but I figured it would go that route) and has more to do with the complete misrepresentation of consent, cheating and rape (via coerced consent and blackmail) that this novel puts forward. Also, sexual stereotypes abound. It really pissed me off.

Full review:

*exhales slowly* If only this was the kind of review where I could say - "I hated it. Anti-feminist, anti-sex positive. Nothing more to say. Goodnight everybody." Nah, not that simple.

I think this is one of those books where if it had been treated with a lot more sensitivity and recognition for the issues within, I would've been more supportive. But while it's clear that Mercy/Mercedes has an unhealthy attitude about sex due to the circumstances, figures, and experiences she's had in her life - I honestly don't understand why the narrative failed to address these issues in an honest way. It feels like the narrative just glossed over them and Mercy never really has a true coming to terms with...well, anything. When I tagged this book as being "false advertising" - that's exactly what it is. It doesn't address any of its respective issues with the kind of weight it deserved. And let me be clear, this book is marketed as sex-positive and anti-slut shaming - but it is clearly NOT. There's slut shaming and constant sexual shaming throughout this darned book - and it's a harmful compilation of sexual stereotypes.

Sexual relations are complex topics to discuss enough when pertaining to adults, but discussing it in terms of teens gives it another level of complexity that not many people are prepared to dive into. I was prepared to give Laurie Elizabeth Flynn props for taking it head on, but what I got out of this read was just one more narrative that describes what I find to be the problem with a good portion of New Adult novels - sex being used as a means, being defined as a method of escapism, of a measure to feel "normal" and objectify rather than as the experience and choice that it is. In an ideal world, sexual choices would be respected for what they are and not be used as a means to label, objectify, criticize, or dehumanize/demean people. But yet this book plays right into the hand of those stereotypes rather than showing them for what they are.

The premise for this book is interesting and has a ton of potential talking points that it could've expounded upon. I knew that from the moment I heard Mercy/Mercedes was enacting a measure where she would help guys lose their virginity and purportedly have more confidence in their relationships with their girlfriends, it would be a book with some heavy topics to deal with. Not to mention a heavy fallout because you're talking about cheating - because these are guys that ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS - and the multiple sexual relationships that have the potential to be outed, Mercy potentially being used by guys who weren't really virgins, etc. I knew there would be fallout and that it would be hard to watch. I just didn't expect the execution of it to be undermined or not called for what it is. Mercy is a young woman who really doesn't have ownership of her body or control over her situation - she's "damaged" and seeking control. Which isn't so much being sex positive as much as it is compensating for a horrible situation.

A pertinent quote from the narrative - which was noted towards the end of the book:

I told Angela all about Luke in the letter...I told her that I don’t blame Luke for what I have been doing, that what he did to me doesn’t make it right for me to sleep with other girls’ boyfriends. I told her that I don’t even know if I really enjoy sex or if I just like the control I feel during it. I told her that I really did want to make them better at it so that their girlfriends would have better first times than I did. That was a big part of it for me, no matter how wrong it sounds out loud or how bad it looks on paper.

Considering what happened to Mercy, her first time was NOT a first time: it was a violation. And there isn't much expansion or notation to where Mercy calls it for what it is. SPOILERS: She was raped at 13, was pregnant - and dismissed/discredited by her rapist - but had a miscarriage. At no point in the narrative does Mercy ever say outright that she was raped, which is odd, because there are tons of examples in YA - "The Way I Used To Be", "Faking Normal", etc. where rape/attempted rape is called out for what it is and cited by their protagonists. Why doesn't Flynn note it as well?

While this point isn't revealed until much later in the narrative, it's alluded to throughout the novel, so I wasn't surprised when the reveal came about. But I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself because, there's a lot of problematic build-up to the end of the novel. I don't consider bringing the book to a more positive ending in the last three chapters to compensate for how problematic this book was through the majority of the narrative.

As I mentioned, Mercy's efforts aim in teaching several different guys how to be sexually experienced with their girlfriends in an effort to help them have the first time she never had. She instructs them, expects them to keep confidential to avoid fallout and complication with their girlfriends. She's self aware enough to know that this is a flawed plan and wants to stop herself at a certain point, but can't. (This almost feels like a sex addiction of some sort.) Plus, she keeps a secret notebook that ranks the guys based on their performance with her (which reminds me a little of what I hated in the YA work "Kissing Ted Callihan" - the protagonist there is caught with not really defining her multiple relationships to the people she's with, keeps a notebook about it, but it gets leaked. The protagonist in that never really came to terms with the repercussions of her actions and somehow it all worked out in her favor in an unrealistic way.)

The presentation of said encounters is discomforting to say the least, with Mercy outright telling one boy to ignore consent issues, one boy coercing her into another round of sex, and then another outright blackmailing her into having sex with him. I was horrified to see this in the novel, especially when consent and mutual respect for one's boundaries in any relationship, including sexual relations, are essential. These encounters were not just uncomfortable situations or things to be passed off as Mercy does in the novel, it was sexual assault/rape. I don't know how they could be passed off and remain unmentioned in the narrative in the way they were. It's inexcusable.

All the while, Mercy's not really in a relationship save her sexual flings with Zach (notably on Wednesdays). It's clear that Zach wants to be more than just her Chemistry partner and sex partner, but Mercy's afraid that she'll hurt him if there are more strings attached - since she doesn't have or want a boyfriend.

Mercy's situation is even more complicated in the measure that she's basically lying to everyone around her, including herself. She masks her relationships under a facade coupled by her friendship with Angela.

Direct quote:

I met Angela at prayer group in grade nine, which I only started going to because Kim was pushing me to find a boyfriend and naturally, I told her I wanted to join a convent instead. Angela is why I kept the charade up. And this year, the bonus has been that it makes an excellent cover for my pay-it-forward scheme. Even if there were a rumor or two, who would suspect the girl who’s almost a nun?

Mercy doesn't have parents in her life who seem to care about her. Her father is out of the picture (he does show up later in the novel) because of the divorce from her mother, Kim. Kim on the other hand doesn't seem to care what her daughter does and is noted that she would applaud some of Mercy's "bad" decisions because of Kim's own sexual pursuits.

Another direct quote:

Usually I do everything in my bed. Besides sleeping and having sex, I also study in it, watch movies, read books. I have a desk but barely use it. Kim used to chastise my attachment to my bed. “Don’t become one of those fatties who lay around all day and end up with bedsores,” she said once, when I was holed up in my room, poring over my notes before finals. Now, when she’s around to see a new guy come in or leave, her eyes flash with something resembling pride. Better a slut than a fatty with bedsores.

Slut shaming AND weight shaming? How about no. (There are jokes in here with referencing an eating disorder that I wasn't comfortable with either.)

When Faye comes into the picture as a new student, Mercy is half amused by her and half repelled. There are a number of times when Mercy (internally) shames her because of being jealous of Zach's attention to her, but there were other times when I think the narrative was baiting a potential f-f relationship between Faye and Mercy. While I could appreciate if the narrative were exploring parts of Mercy's sexuality, something about the exploration seemed off to me in terms of the presentation.

Ultimately, Mercy ends up being outed by one of her sexual pursuits (one who ties her up and videotapes her while they're having sex, while another gets and uses the footage to blackmail her even as he's the boyfriend of Mercy's friend). The fallout is brutal for Mercy, though what Zach and Faye do to take the attention off Mercy didn't sit well with me in the least (a sex tape just to take the dialogue away from her? AND Faye gets expelled from school while Zach doesn't get punished as harshly? The sexism in this book is rampant because it ends up focusing on male desire and sexuality more even as Mercy is purportedly helping the guys she's helping to give the girls more meaningful first times. The logic here is really skewed and not well presented at all.)

I feel like this book does more harm in terms of addressing teenage sexuality than it does good. It really doesn't address any of its respective issues with the responsibility needed to have some of its more meaningful contributions hit home, while other issues - like questionable consent, sexual assault, rape, sexual shaming (not just slut shaming) - gets under addressed or ignored entirely.

In the end, I would not recommend this narrative. I think I'm still waiting for a book that really feels sex-positive, body-positive, and doesn't rely on stereotypes to get its point across. This could've been so much better and had more talking points than what it provided.

Overall score: 1/5 stars.

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher.

Sooo good!! It was exactly what I needed after a terrible reading slump.

I knocked off a star because sometimes Mercedes could be really annoying. There was great character development but sometimes her meanness/aloofness/whateverness just went a bit too far for me and I'd resent her. I wanted to smack her and be like, JUST BE REAL WITH PEOPLE!!!!!!

But whatevs.

Still a fabulous book and I did sympathize with her pretty well. I could really see the complexity of the situation and how she got to where she was, but then was like, "How the hell did I get here?" Good intentions gone bad, I guess.

Ok so I found this a hard book to get into. I think I get what the author is trying to portray but it wasn’t excuted very well. I hate given a negative review but some issues it tackled well and some not so good. I get the impression at some points the author is trying to portray Mercedes as being selfless but then that’s conflicted by the lies she tells and her actions. Sorry but this one is a no for me.

I loved how honest and unflinching this book was in dealing with sexuality. It dealt with heavy topics deftly and still felt like a fresh, fun, contemporary read.

I enjoyed this book! The characters are great and even though I wished the plot worked more for me, I still can't wait to read more from the author

Reviewing this book was so difficult for me. It's a well-written book. The story is compelling. But it's an upsetting read for so many reasons. Probably, why it took me so long.

1, Mercedes thinks she is the one in control, but she discovers that she is ultimately not. The boys she thought she was helping were using her.
2. The double standard of it being totally cool for boys to be sexually active but if girls are, they are "slutty and it's okay to talk about them and treat them poorly.
3. The near and total absence of a parental figure to be there to provide boundaries.
4. It was disturbing for someone so young to be so blasé about sex especially when it is never fulfilling or fun her. While she tells herself that she's doing the girlfriends a solid by helping their boyfriends to be better lovers and to give them a better first time, she's depriving herself.
5.Believing that having sex with the boyfriend of her best friend, who is deeply religious and judgmental about premarital sex, could ever be a good idea,
6. I hated how she is treated by her peers when her secret comes out. All the blame is heaped on her while the boys who are not at all innocent join in and get off easy. But so true to life.
7. Finally, the most difficult thing about reading this book is that I don't doubt this is reality for more teens than I want to imagine or believe.

I just hurt for Mercedes, though she felt like she had things all under control and worked out. She was so young. And at the core she was hurt because she is still a young girl engaging in conduct that is much to adult for her. Maybe a bit of an indictment on a complete lack of parental responsibility and presence in your child's life during important times too. All that said, I guess I did enjoy the ending, more or less. I just really did not feel too good after reading this one. Definitely not a feel-good read. More of a morality coming of age, learning from other's mistakes kind of read.

A mediocre contemporary novel for young adults that really didn't hit the mark for me. And, I read this book so long ago that I can't remember a thing that occurred.

I loved this - really thought provoking and a really good novel about sex and about romance. Would love to read a sequel!

When I read the synopsis for this book, I was intrigued to read it, but also a little bit nervous. I could tell it was going to be one of those books I either loved or hated. It's safe to say, I loved it. It wasn't perfect, but it was completely addicting. I had no respect for the next day when I read this book. I started it and finished it in the same sitting, staying up way past my bedtime, but it sucked me in and I couldn't put it down.

Firsts is Mercedes Ayres story. Mercedes is a 17 year old high school senior. She's a good student, seems a bit shy in school, and attends the prayer circle her best friend runs. No one would ever suspect that she's deflowered a many of the guys she goes to school with. Guys with girlfriends. But Mercy doesn't do this to be vindictive, no. She's actually trying to help. She wants the guys to be good for their girlfriends, wants things to be everything her first time wasn't. It sounds messed up, she knows that, but for some reason, she can't seem to stop.

Really, this is all about the control for Mercy. She controls how it happens, when, the rules, how many times, all of it. She calls the shots. I was curious to what made her this way, why she ticked. When you find out what happened in her past, it's understandable. I'm not justifying anything she does, but looking at her past, family situation etc, it's something you get.

Unfortunately, Mercedes isn't immune from getting hurt in this situation, and she hurts a lot of other people on the way, whether it's intentional or not. One of those people is her best friend, and the other is Zach (my favorite of the book) the guy who likes her for her, even when he finds out all her dirty little secrets.

This book is a story of growth. It's a story of friendship, forgiveness, making mistakes, owning those mistakes, and learning from them. It's got some controversial topics for a YA book, but it was a great read. The writing was fantastic, the story compelling, and the heroine, oddly relatable and lovable. I truly enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to more from this author.

Yes, you read that copy correctly. This book centers on a girl who sleeps with virgin boys so that they can get their awkward first time out of the way. Without a doubt, the premise will be absolutely scandalous to some readers. However, I felt that Flynn handled the issues that come with subject matter very well.

Mercedes is not always a likable character which made me like her instantly. There’s something very real about how she can be both cruel and well-meaning. She has a certain air of dissatisfaction that keeps her just a little out of touch with reality. It’s a feeling I think a lot of teenagers experience. She certainly has cause for these feelings. She’s been through an emotional ordeal (that is uncovered later in the novel). On top of that, her mother has a kind of hands-off approach that borders on neglect. It’s not until her secret activities with other girls’ boyfriends are uncovered that she begins to see the true consequences of her actions. I did feel those consequences were a little sugar-coated, as I can imagine teen girls treating each other much worse over something like this.

If this were simply a book about a girl who sleeps around and gets shunned by her classmates when they find out, I probably wouldn’t be writing this post. This is about much more than that. Certainly, the ramifications of slut-shaming are a large part of the novel’s message. There are also some good moments about the way sexually active girls and boys are treated differently. What appealed to me more was the commentary on fidelity and infidelity, trust in relationships, and sexuality itself. This isn’t a novel that tells the reader how normal it is for teens to engage in sex. That’s understood from the beginning. Flynn takes the conversation beyond whether teens should be having sex and deals with how sex changes relationship dynamics. She gives the characters in the novel an opportunity to learn about the importance of trust and fidelity. There are so many great discussion points in this book.

Now, here’s where I take my reader hat off and put on my librarian hat. This may break some librarian hearts, but I won’t be buying this for my library. I serve a conservative community and I feel that the detail in which the sex is depicted is just a little too much. I think I’ve raised enough eyebrows by adding great queer books to the collection. It’s all about baby steps. However, I’m still recommending the book. I just have a little caveat. I think this would be an excellent book for parents to read with their teens so they can have some conversations about all this.

VERDICT: Recommended to school libraries serving progressive communities. Definitely recommended to public libraries and parents. Read this book with your teenager and talk to them about this stuff!

This may be a tough read for many adults, because of the ages of the characters and some of the heavy topics covered, but I found it to be pretty realistic - which is probably why it would bother many people.

3.5! This was... well, I'll admit it was a weird concept for me, and an extremely tricky one. I appreciated how the author went about with the story though!

*I never got around to reading and reviewing this book. I may do so in the future*

So, this one is just 100% not for me. I'm sure there are girls for whom this is their life, but that grieves me and kind of bums me out. In seeing GR reviews, I see I'm not alone - both in the YA target audience and in adult readership. I think the characters are vivid and the writing is good, but it just wasn't for me.

Mercedes provides a certain service for virgins,sleeping with them for their first time to give them pointers for their girlfriends, so that those girls’ first time won’t be as terrible as her own.

It all spirals out of control, however, when the wrong kind of guys get wind of what she does, and her BFFs creepy boyfriend begins blackmailing her.

Then there is Mercedes’ hook up, her lab partner Zach. Zach keeps pushing her for a real relationship, but Mercy is afraid to let anyone into her heart.

I read around 30 pages of this book, and it didn't grab my interests, so I stopped reading. Sorry.