I feel as though I've been reading this book for years and it's because I have been. There's just something about it that makes me want to read it and then I start and I realise I don't actually want to finish it. But here I am, thankfully marking it as read. I don't know how to really review this book though. In many ways, it felt too close to the bone and while I enjoy the occasional sad story, I felt eviscerated by this one. I guess that can be seen as positive and negative. I didn't particularly enjoy the story but it is one I'll be thinking about for a very long time. Thank you for approving this title for me and I'm sorry it took so long for me to review it.

This is nowhere near an easy book.

It’s deep and wide and reaches beyond the limits of what any one person should have to withstand. Reading Sarah’s story (and Amanda’s) was rough, but it was written so well that I blazed through it in a single day, thanks to the audiobook. The hard topics were blunt and stark yet well handled. The emotions were raw and realistic, which made me happy despite the depression on the pages. I love a good emotional story.

The theme of a vanished child is one that intrigues me every time. This particular story was gripping from page one. I kept cruising through the chapters to find out what happened with Sarah and if she would ever be recovered.

The letters written in Sarah’s POV were perfect. They shared the horrors of what she was going through in a childlike point of view, which lent an innocence to otherwise horribly awful events. My heart completely ached at what that young lady went through in this story. It felt very appropriate to be handling child trafficking in this book, because recent current events paired up well with that theme (dozens of trafficked children were rescued in 2020 in real life).

Grief was tangible in this story. It takes lots of talent to take such a difficult emotion and paint it so eloquently upon the pages of a novel. Bravo, Mrs. Cantrell.

A note on suicide, which was a theme that came late in the story: There is a discussion in the book about whether or not a person who commits suicide enters Heaven. While I enjoyed this book, I must respectfully disagree with the author’s stance on this topic. Yes, there is grace for sinners; yet, repentance is key to receiving it. Suicide does not allow room for repentance, as it snuffs out the life of the person before they can turn away from the sin of committing murder against themselves and ask Jesus for forgiveness for the action. Ecclesiastes 7:17 might reveal the answer in the plainest words: “Don’t be excessively wicked, and don’t be foolish. Why should you die before your time?” First Corinthians 3:17 warns, “If anyone destroys God’s sanctuary [the human body once the Holy Spirit has taken residence inside it], God will destroy him; for God’s sanctuary is holy, and that is what you are.” If we are the sanctuary and we’re not to destroy the sanctuary, then reason tells us we are not to destroy ourselves [through suicide]. Deuteronomy 30:19 says we ought to “choose life so that you and your descendants may live.” Perhaps the most well-known biblical example of suicide is Judas Iscariot (Matthew 27:3-5). After he betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, he hanged himself. Jesus said of Judas, in John 17:12, “I guarded them [the 12 disciples] and not one of them is lost, except the son of destruction [Judas Iscariot].” Since he was lost, this meant Judas was no longer following Jesus, which in turn meant that he would not enter Heaven. This was due to the betrayal of Jesus and the following suicide. There was no room for repentance of either choice Judas Iscariot made, because he was no longer alive to turn away from those sins and ask forgiveness for them, which must come before forgiveness is given.

I know this is a controversial subject, and I know the loved ones of people who commit suicide want to believe the best of their deceased loved one’s eternal home, but the Bible is quite clear about the consequences of killing oneself. My heart goes out to the grieving family members; it aches for the person who took their own life and the eternal consequences they now face. I urge you: if you are contemplating suicide, stop and seek help. There are people who care about you, but more importantly, there is a loving God who wants to help you see the hope and good plans He has in store for you (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

Overall, this was a great book with a rich story rife with pain and loss but also peppered with hope and redemption. I enjoyed it and look forward to trying another Cantrell book soon.

Triggers: suicide, child trafficking (including sexual abuse), depression

Content: suicide, child trafficking, tattoos, drugs (mentioned), alcohol, gambling, fortune teller, crude talk, marital affairs

How to know we are loved.
Very profound and profanized topic, right? Yet this is a core of our being. We need light, food and water, oxygen and love. Otherwise, how can we survive?

Trigger warning - this work covers some heavy topics like forced prostitution and suicide among them. But it does it with such precious empathy and love, that I only hope you will give this incredible book a chance. It may heal some places in you.

This is a larger-than-life book on love, sorrow, dark places and the unbelievability of love and hope. And about that said love and hope do exist.
It is raw as just few Christians book are (applaud to both the author and the publisher!), going to much darker place than most. Yet, I have been and some dark places of my own, so I can recognize the truth about the pain observed here, and the deep empathy offered.
This book can break your heart. And then it can build it back to be stronger-bended, but unbroken.

Amanda's fairytale life starts to crumble at The Day, when she was at duty to take care of her best friend's daugher - who is also the best friend of her own daughter, Ellie. But Sarah disappears. And her being missing starts to unravel aome other truths and untruths.
Amanda will enter some seriously dark times from now - as will Sarah.
And some can go through the dark times, and some suffer too much.
Yet, there is light. And we are loved.

And this book is not that dark and depressive as I have just described it as. Or, better - it is exactly that, but also much more. There are enough of heavy topics for five books - yet the authoress works with such raw empathy and such readability, that her work here is catching and highly readable even in spite of all the difficult issues. I can't recommend it enough. One of the (Christian) masterpieces of my reading year!

But also - yes. It is heavy-handed sometimes, sometimes too packed with the motives for them to be impactful (like Amanda's adoption story) and it is prolonged. Yes.
But still!!! Even with me having said all that, I can only say that this is readable masterpiece with such empathy, cathartic moments and messages I rarely seen even in the Christian literature (where it might be needed the most!), that I am seriously touched as I have not been the long time.
From now I will follow Ms Cantrell religiously (the pun very much intended).

Deeply emotional, moving and full of amazing imagery, Cantrell’s latest is a triumph. Although some of the pain on the pages is incredibly difficult to read, this novel is stunning in its ability to convey the different meanings of slavery and being trapped in untenable circumstances. The ending is healing; this is a book to be savored and pondered.
Amanda Salassi accompanies her daughter Ellie’s sixth-grade field trip to New Orleans in October of 2004. The city is alive with energy, and in the chaos, Ellie’s best friend Sarah disappears. As they spend the next few weeks searching to no avail, Amanda is sick with guilt and Ellie slips into a deep depression. Amanda’s marriage disintegrates and they all despair of ever seeing Sarah alive again. Yet Sarah is alive, and she finds solace in God and the sparrow that visits her.