Ok this one surprised me. I honestly was expecting something more fluffy and what I ended up with was something that was messy, dark, and totally unexpected. I loved the writing. I got lost in some of the descriptions. It was beautiful. I did think that there could be more to this.. I think small side stories, like in The Sun is Also A Star, would have taken this book to a new level but sadly there wasn't any of that. Overall, I really enjoyed this one.

This was so raw and emotional and was so real which made me so happy to have read a book like this one. It portrays female and female relationships as healthy and completely right. It also shows how people can overcome their fears and live with their anxiety which was beautiful. Highly recommended.

My initial draw to this book was the concept of a young girl dealing with anxiety. As somebody who has dealt with it for more than half of my life, I thought it would be something I could relate to. In reality -- not so much.

The pros:
• How easily sexuality was integrated without needing a big "coming out" scene.
• How Maeve's sexuality was explained -- girls shining with light, boys being a shadow was excellent.
• The last chapter. Beautiful. Brilliantly written.

The cons:
• Much of this story is exaggerated and goes on too long and is riddled with unnecessary repetition.
• Maeve's parents refusing to let her take anxiety pills when its clear how bad her line of thinking was is one of the most toxic parenting tactics I've heard of
• None of the characters talk like real characters
• Mrs. Patel's death was too convenient and just another tragic thing Maeve had to witness which made it unbelievable
• Her absentee, drunk father came across as a cliche Very "Woe is me!"
• When her father didnt want to go to al-anon, because, and I quote, it's full of "a bunch of people whining and moaning about their drunk father or mother or sister or boss or kid" which is funny because that;s exactly what she's been doing for the last 10 pages
• Maeve's thought process on believing she killed Mrs. Patel countered with how she reacted when her mother was in a car accident was selfish
• Not actually cancelling the date with Salix like she'd though was just a matter of convenience because of COURSE the story wouldn't be complete without the love interest
• As soon as Salix talks about her own worries and says it's not just Maeve -- "she's wrong, she doesn't understand me!, i'm a special snowflake! the only one around here allowed to have problems, you hear me?" She's essentially an angry toddler throwing tantrum
• Oh, and let's not forget what Ruthie did! What anybody with common sense would have guessed! Sexual assault! The big way to make your character sympathetic!
• Rather than never having a climax, there was too much happening, but nothing REAL, nothing that made a difference. Things just... happened. Changed. No reasoning or movement behind them.

This is a book that takes very every day situations, dramatizes them, and asks for sympathy. Which is much of what anxiety CAN and DOES do. The issue here is, it's not believable. The characters aren't relatable, let alone LIKABLE. Most are obnoxious, our lead lady included. And those that aren't obnoxious, are only tolerable at best. While this can be a prime example of what panic disorders looks like, it's not laid out in a fashion that makes its readers CARE.

This is the first book I've ever received through Netgalley and it did not disappoint. I loved this book. I'm not quite sure how much of it has to do with the fact that I have quite a few things in common with Maeve, but I don't really care =)

This book had a lot going on but that's what I found so realistic about it. When you suffer from severe anxiety, life doesn't just leave you alone. Stuff keeps happening. While my own anxiety isn't as bad as Maeve's, there were a lot of moments where I would've reacted similarly. I, too, hate to drive for the exact same reason as she does.

Maeve's home life is pretty interesting. I'm glad the writer didn't go with the cliché stepfamily situation. I really loved Claire and the twins. Her dad is a mess and I would've liked to have seen a bit more development into her relationship with him before and after everything went to hell. The same with her relationship with her mother. I got the sense that they were really close but since she was away we never really got to see much of that aside from text messages and phone calls. I also would've liked to know more about where Dan fit in the dynamic.

Her relationship with Salix was adorable, though. While it did have some characteristics of insta-love (which I don't like at all), I feel like it wasn't as noticeable as it usually is in novels. I would like to know what happened to their relationship after the book ended since she'd have to move back home in a few months.

It took me a minute to get used to the writing style. But once I did, it was really quite an interesting way of approaching things. Especially in the beginning, I had to go back quite a bit because I didn't understand something but I did like the mystery to certain aspects, like what happened with Ruthie.

Anyway, to sum it up: I loved this book and totally recommend it to anyone looking for a good contemporary with a main character that suffers from anxiety.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions in this review are my own.

Quick Thoughts and Rating: Did Not Finish at 58% (I don’t star rate novels that I don’t finish because I don’t think it’s fair to the author/book/publisher that I rate something I didn’t complete.) I wanted to love this one, but in the end, I just couldn’t buy in to any of it. Between Maeve’s anxiety and her morbid fascination with death and the billions of ways one could die (she had stats out the wazoo, y’all), I didn’t think continuing with the book would be in my best personal interest.

Review: So the short of it is this, I feel a little bit mislead by the comparison of this book to Everything, Everything–which is probably the only real reason I jumped and requested this book as quickly as I did. In Yoon’s EE, the heroine was isolated because of outside factors. I feel like in this book, Maeve forces her own isolation (when she doesn’t have major attachment/separation anxiety issues with her mother). So, her anxiety is the big cloud hovering over this book. While I appreciate that it’s a genuine sickness and I respect any author that wants to write this storyline, I don’t feel like it’s a journey that I’ll enjoy reading. Furthermore, Maeve’s was pretty extreme and while I tried to be sympathetic to her illness–even empathetic to a certain degree, but my anxiety feels like a walk in the park compared to hers–after a while (a very short while), her cross became more than I could bear. To be blunt: Her anxiety really freaking stressed me out and there was no part of the book that I was finding enjoyment. I finally reached my breaking point when I felt like we weren’t making any progress in her personal character development and then the secondary cast started to feel very flat. I wish I could have stuck with this to see if I’d find any personal growth in Maeve’s character, but my review stack is growing by the day and I made a promise to myself this year not to force-read books I wasn’t enjoying past the point that I didn’t feel would be gratifying in the end. (I may have also went and begged a friend to spoil me on a few points of TTICSFH that were nagging me to keep going, and her response about those aspects really made me all the more annoyed. So, in that regard, it certainly made walking away a little easier, too.)

♥ Rec It? I would never discourage a reader from reading something that I didn’t finish because I don’t feel like I can offer a conclusive opinion based on the percentage that I read. Basically it boils down to this book not being my cup of tea on this particular day, and other readers may wholeheartedly disagree. With that said, if you have anxiety, I’d be cautious about reading this because Maeve’s anxiety levels might only exacerbate your own. Or, at least, that was the case with my personal reading experience. Good luck and happy reading!

♥ A very special thanks to Knopf Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for providing me with an advanced copy of this title.

Thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to read 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac before it's release date on February 28, 2017. This is my first read from Carrie Mac and while it was a very quick read and I enjoyed the overall story, sometimes it was tough to be in the mind of main character Maeve. Maeve suffers from severe anxiety and worries about everything, spouting morbid statistics every time she is faced with anything from traveling by bus to seeing her pregnant stepmother. The first half of the book was difficult to get through, as Maeve's constant worry spilled onto each page, making me feel as though the story wasn't progressing. The last half picked up and definitely got more interesting and Maeve's worrying became more warranted but less frequent as she stood up to her father and became more confident in her relationship with girlfriend Salix.

Overall, I thought this was a good read that featured a lesbian relationship without it being the focus of the plot or a point of struggle for the main characters.

When I saw the comparison to Everything Everything, I was pretty much in, but I also really liked the premise. Sadly, I was mostly disappointed.

I wanted to love Maeve. I was eager to get into her head, but it was a struggle. All of the statistics about death and mental obituaries got a little rough to read. The rest of the characters were just okay. What should have been cute twin brothers, I saw them a annoying and bratty. Her dad is a drunk and a junkie, her mom is out of the country, and her step mom is being being pregnant. Salix was intriguing, but still seemed to fall flat. And I don't even know what to say about Ruthie.

I did like some of the descriptions of anxiety. They felt realistic and easy to understand for anyone who has never experienced it.

Overall, I guess I just didn't connect. I did debate on DNFing, but I was hoping to see her progress. And by the end, it didn't feel like anything had changed.

**Huge thanks to Alfred A Knopf Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for providing the arc free of charge**

Synopsis

10 Things I Can See From Here

This a story about Maeve. She has to live with her dad for a while because her mom is going to Haiti to work with her doctor boyfriend. This wouldn't be an issue, except Maeve has debilitating anxiety. She memorizes statistics for common ways people die. She knows how many house fires happen on average in year. She knows how many people die without a seat belt on. And she badgers her family members with her statistics. Now she is moving to Vancouver with her Dad, Step mom and twin brothers. She meets a cute girl at the bus stop but doesn't know how to calm her racing thoughts long enough to socially interact with her. Can Maeve learn to be anxious and still live?

Thoughts

Guys, I adored this book. I finished it this morning and I cannot stop smiling about it. I want EVERYONE to read it so that we can discuss it and just swoon together. It made me feel all the feelings. I was scared with Maeve, sad, excited, nervous. This book took over my life and I couldn't put it down. I recognize that Maeve's story isn't for everyone. But with so many books about mental illness and LGBTQIA community coming out. It was so refreshing to read a story that handled these subjects with care and research.

Ok let's talk about some obvious things. Representation was on point in this book. Mental illness wise it was such a beautiful story. Though there is romance, Maeve's relationship with Salix didn't "save" her. Saliz wasn't her knight in shining armor. Oh Em Gee, praise the lord. Mental Health was approached in a healthy and respectful way. Maeve's brain tends to focus on statistics. She writes people's obituary in her head whenever she/they are about to do something that her statistics deem dangerous. Which is everything. Her arguments aren't always easy for her family to deal with but they didn't treat Maeve like she was a child or a drama queen who over reacts. They realized that she had a medical condition and couldn't help it. To some readers Maeve's ramblings are probably annoying. But if you've ever lived with high anxiety you know that this is real life. This is a real depiction of mental illness. It doesn't go away half way through the book. It's here for life. And I loved that Maeve didn't learn how to get rid of her anxiety. But it was about having the anxiety, facing it anyway, and taking it one day at a time.

I personally think the LGBTQIA aspect was also handled well. I talked to a few different people about what good representation looked like and tropes/ stereotypes I should look for. Carrie Mac handled the fact that Maeve was a lesbian brilliantly. I loved that it a) wasn't a coming out story and b) being a lesbian wasn't her defining trait. I hate when I read a good book but the author throws in a gay character with no real personality. They are there to be gay. This book was not that way. Being a lesbian was just another wonderful part of what made Maeve who she was.

While the romance wasn't on the forefront, it wasn't on the back burner either. I was reading this one scene where Maeve and Salix kiss, and I just lost it. I did the fangirling thing where you stomp your feet in bed. Maybe I only do that. haha. But it was just so sweet yet honest. It was a depiction of real romance and what a healthy relationship should look like. I was so excited to see Maeve overcome her anxiety enough that she could sit and talk with Salix.

Overall

5/5 Stars

Loved this and totally recommend it for everyone.

Trigger Warning

If you have high anxiety then this might not be a good book for you. As I mentioned, the authors has insight into Maeve's thoughts. So we see all of her worries. And if you're already worrying, then seeing Maeve's thoughts might make you more anxious. Just putting this out there.

Grade: B-

With her mother on a six month work assignment in Haiti, Maeve, who has OCD and severe anxiety, is staying with her no longer sober father, her very pregnant stepmother and twin six-year-old brothers in Vancouver. She meets a cute street violin player while she struggles to manage her anxieties.

Carrie Mac does a great job getting inside Maeve's head and giving the narrator a voice that truly shows her anxiety. I loved Mac's writing style, all show, not tell.

Maeve was a great character filled with both positive and negative attributes. I loved that despite her anxieties, and wasn't myopic and was able to see the impact of her behavior on others. She cared about her friends and family and knew she wasn't the center of the universe. Her stepmother Claire was my favorite character in the book. I enjoyed seeing the relationship she had with Maeve was based in love, care and concern, not the usual combative stepmother/daughter trope often found in novels.

10 THINGS I CAN SEE FROM HERE felt uneven to me. Nearly the whole first quarter of the book was anxiety after anxiety, statistics of people dying from this and that. The plot was almost lost in Maeve's anxieties. The external stressors in her life increased as she and Salix became closer. Instead of her anxieties increasing, they seemed to decrease. I'm always leery of the unintentional message that dating/falling in love is a cure for mental illness. If anything it's another trigger for anxiety because even positive stressors are stress. Fortunately, Mac didn't cure Maeve's anxiety at the end of the story. I also thought the resolution with her father's drinking was too easy.

I recommend 10 THINGS I CAN SEE FROM HERE for those interested in mental illness, LGBT stories, stepfamilies, substance abuse and contemporary fiction.

I have so many conflicting thoughts on this one! 10 Things I Can See From Here follows Maeve, our protagonist, as she moves to Vancouver to live with her dad and his family for six months while her mom is away giving medical aid to people in need in Haiti. Maeve has severe anxiety, to the point where her constant imaginings of the myriad ways a given situation could go wrong inhibits her daily life and functioning. She consistently envisions the worst scenarios and can’t stop her mind from running over them again and again.

Let’s start with the thing I loved most about this book: the representation. As someone with multiple anxiety disorders, Maeve’s struggles with her anxiety hit extremely close to home for me. The author perfectly captured the way your brain races ten thousand miles a minute, the way anxiety invades your body like a poison to the point where it makes you physically ill. Maeve’s frequent panic attacks were all too familiar to me. Since the book is told through Maeve’s first person POV, the reader truly gets a glimpse into how her anxiety disorder affects every facet of her daily life. Her disorder in no way manifests itself in the exact same ways that mine does, but even so, I’ve never seen my own personal experiences with mental health captured so well in writing. Though, it was mentioned that Maeve’s parents both refused to let her try medication as a treatment option for her anxiety (even though Maeve herself is willing to try it if it will make her feel better). I understand that whether or not to take medication is completely a personal choice, but it bums me out when medication is dismissed so swiftly as a valid treatment option, because antidepressants have been an absolute gamechanger for me in managing my various anxiety disorders and my depression.

Maeve also happens to be a lesbian, and this book does feature an f/f relationship. I enjoyed the fact that this was not a “coming-out book;” all of the queer characters in 10 Things I Can See From Here are already out. Don’t get me wrong: coming out stories are incredibly important and vital and needed, but we as readers deserve ALL types of stories about people like us– and that includes stories about LGBTQIAP+ characters who are already out, accepted, and happily living their lives.

Speaking of which, I enjoyed the romance between Maeve and Salix. It felt simple, like it developed naturally and realistically. I was hesitant going into 10 Things I Can See From Here that the “girl-falls-in-love-and-BOOM-suddenly-her-problems-are-gone” trope would make an appearance, but I’m happy to report that wasn’t the case at all in this book. Salix as a character was pretty two-dimensional, but somehow it… worked? Possibly because the romance was not a main focus of the story? Regardless, I loved her commitment to music and her goals of being a professional classical musician. #relatable

Though I liked both Maeve and Salix, I don’t feel like I really got to *know* either of them, and the same goes for the other characters in the story. Every single side character felt verrrrry much like a filler. They seemingly only made appearances in the story as plot devices. And, like, there were just way too many side characters for such a short book. It almost felt like the author invented a random new character every time she was stuck as to how to further the plot of the novel.

The main problem I had with 10 Things I Can See From Here was the abrupt ending (longtime readers of the blog will know that this is maybe my number one bookish pet peeve). Really, only a few elements of the plot throughout the book felt like they wrapped up tidily by the end. I appreciated that Maeve was able to conquer her anxiety, at least for a moment, and accomplish a monumental task. This definitely showed her growth, but aside from that, there was absolutely no closure. Her relationships with her family and friends were pretty much left up in the air.

All in all, I think 10 Things I Can See From Here is a vastly important book, and I believe it provides excellent representation of anxiety disorders and of an f/f relationship. I’d love to see more YA books like this one with neurodiverse protagonists! Despite a few qualms I had with the story, I recommend this one to anyone who enjoys contemporaries or is looking for great mental health representation.

It's refreshing to see anxiety portrayed in a realistic and weighty manner in YA, rather than as an accessory of the "manic pixie dream girl" trope. I did struggle with the slow pace at times.

I really liked the writing style of this book and I definitely appreciate Maeve. I've never read a book where the main character has anxiety before and I thought it would be great to read about a character who has anxiety (I also have anxiety). But I actually had a hard time reading about Maeve's anxiety without becoming increasingly anxious myself. Maeve's anxiety is a little different from my own but she still made me anxious. It got a lot better as the book went on but it still hindered me from enjoying the book.
I do really appreciate the representation of anxiety in YA though. I think this book could help people who don't have anxiety to understand what it's like and see things in a new perspective.