Seriously... What Am I Doing Here?

A travelogue from a snarky, anxiety-ridden man that explores healing, identity, and the hardships of coming to terms with who you are.

The one warning that I feel is necessary is that the discussion on the Ugandan anti-gay legislation, that seems to be coming in the first part of the book, doesn't really happen. It's touched upon, but mostly passed over as this book is not about representation and politics. This was not a problem for me, but if you are hoping for some sprawling essays on the state of LGBTQ life - look somewhere else.
This is an introspective look at one person's anxieties, self-image issues, and ambitions to do more and an honest exploration of his faults and achievements. With a metric ton of sarcasm, witticisms, and emotional moments.

Schneck starts off with some cracks in him as he travels to Uganda to engage in some volunteer work with the local school. He then fractures completely somewhere between that and the bike marathon, losing nearly everything he has and being faced with problems that could crush anybody. And yet he perseveres, stumbling into more and more unlikely and fascinating scenarios, always finding a life lesson or a joke to mine in each occurence.
Ken's stubborn desire to become better, to understand himself, and to patch his life up is contagious and with each fist-pumping triumph you, as a reader, inch ever closer to understanding both him and yourself. It's not an easy road and the book never devolves into a gauntlet of unbearable obstacles as Ken's hopeful nature falters but still shines through in the very cracks that unmade him. But it's not some self-help spiritual healing "I love myself" festival either, as Schneck frankly offers up that some of the problems in his life are his fault.

One of the pitfalls of such books that I was afraid of seeing here is the privileged point of view, where the writer bemoans the horrific issues that they face while living in their huge house with a cushy job, like "my kids weren't perfect!" or "I felt unfulfilled!". Those are important problems, but they are not very relatable in general, unlike Ken's battle with anxiety, a broken heart, and self-doubt. These are things that almost everyone faces and though it seems like Ken is looking at them from a rather comfortable place in life, that changes quickly as he loses and gives up many things and you really get the sense that his life is in turmoil and he is genuinely grappling with significant problems and not some petty grievances.

Ken's writing is fun and crisp, as he always injects just the right amount of honesty into his sarcastic ramblings. Not a single moment feels dull as the scenery changes and Schneck changes with it. From Uganda to the Midwest to the Colorado mountains, every step of his journey is engaging, every connection he makes is earned, and every single problem he has - relatable.

I would heartily recommend anyone to read this, but especially those who also suffer from anxiety and need a pick-me-up and a gentle, fun read to remind them that healing is possible in any situation, even with the help of strangers. Schneck changed his life, so let him try to change yours, it might just work!

Such a fantastic book! Well written. It is equal parts funny and touching. I felt as if I were with Ken, along for his adventures. A must read!