Breathe

Trigger warnings: [recounting of rape, assault and attempted rape, panic attacks (hide spoiler)]

I was honestly surprised this was a debut novel. I enjoyed it very much, and had a really hard time putting it down. I have a bit of a thing for characters with mental health issues (especially those with traumatic pasts) getting their HEAs, so this was right up my alley!

“She dropped his hand and gripped her portfolio case more tightly. She’d gotten used to the occasional wash of fear threatening to overtake her whenever a man stood too close or made his interest clear. She was good at swallowing it, ignoring it, telling herself she’d never be afraid again. And she wasn’t, until the next time.”


Ellen’s a British ex-pat, who’s leaving Boston – actually, leaving the country entirely – in four months. Her visa’s up, and it’s time for her to move on to another hotel management position. But, before she leaves, she’s got one more Queen’s Ball to organize – the crowning charity event at the Rosette, the hotel she works for – and she wants Fielding Paper to contract with the hotel for all its conference needs. Kane Fielding’s paper mills are being set on fire. Kane takes it personally – it’s a family business – and he’s working with the union to make sure that all of his employees are able to work different shifts at other mills, even if he has to pay overtime.

I was torn about their first meeting. Kane attends the meeting between Ellen and her friend. Kane’s just gotten back from the site of another burned down mill, so he’s exhausted and not thinking clearly, but he’s attracted to her. When he reaches to take a coffee tray, she flinches when he gets too close, so he keeps his distance for the rest of the meeting (props for that). Later, however, he shows up unexpectedly at the hotel to ask her out, which I found… vaguely creepy? It’s possible I’m overreacting a bit, due to personal history and Ellen’s past, but it seemed like he should be more aware of the power differential in coming to her place of work, while she’s trying to secure his company as a client, to ask her on a date. To his credit, when she turns him down, he leaves, and it isn’t until they run into each other later – literally run into each other – that she agrees to go out for dinner.

“After a few minutes, Kane broke the silence. 'Good?' was all he said.
'Really good,' she had to admit[….]
He laughed a little. 'That’s the nicest thing you’ve said all night.'
As swept up in the flavors and the pleasure of plain good food as she was, she said, 'Maybe if you were covered in this gravy and served up next to this pile of mashed potatoes, I’d say something nice to you too.'”


Of course, there is an underlying attraction there, and both Ellen and Kane have to work through their issues. Ellen has a hard time getting past his parade of ex-girlfriends and the scrutiny being in a relationship with him entails. Kane has to learn that he can rely on others for help. I really liked them together, though, and I loved how Kane handled winning Ellen’s trust, though, of course, he fumbles a little as part of the culmination of the conflict they have to overcome. That part read particularly real and was very raw, so much that I was sobbing while reading it. Because while Ellen’s trauma is, perhaps, more common and easier to understand, the way his father’s death and the responsibility of turning around a failing company have left its own scars on Kane, and it’s not until he’s able to accept it that their relationship can bloom.

“They stayed like that for a few seconds, or Kane may have slept a little, but then she moved forward and kissed him. ‘I missed you so much when you were away,’ she whispered, and Kane fell in love with her so hard he couldn’t breathe for the ache.”


What I particularly enjoyed about the book is the underlying theme of how you present yourself to the world. Since a disastrous press conference when he took over the firm at 22 after his dad’s death, Kane’s cultivated the persona of the perfect businessman – one that’s immaculately dressed, with stylishly rumpled hair, and a parade of celebrity girlfriends. Ellen, on the other, maintains an illusion of control, of an “ice-queen” and has never even told her parents what happened or that it’s the reason she fled the country. When she can, she suppresses and ignores the trauma, until something triggers her and it explodes all over the place. Ellen has baggage from the rape, and, thank goodness, it’s not the “pretty” fainting or crying you sometimes see portrayed as a panic attack. For example, she has an attack while making out with Kane and literally karate chops him in the neck before kneeing him in the balls. There’s also how the outside world sees their relationship, leading to paparazzi eavesdropping on her conversations and rampant (and harmful) speculation about her visa status.

As for cons, while I enjoyed the arsonist plot, the final resolution was anti-climactic. Honestly, just thinking about it while writing the review annoys me, because it was just so jarring and sudden.

Overall, this was a delightfully fun and sexy read. I’m looking forward to more books by Ms. Ash, hopefully covered in gravy and served with a side of mashed potatoes!

I received this book for free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

I loved this romance by debut author Kimberley Ash so much that I read it in two sittings, even sneaking away to read it Christmas night! Ellen and Kane, the main characters, are beautiful and damaged, and I couldn't wait for them to find their happily ever after. This romance certainly isn't a fairy tale- these characters are mature (they are in their thirties), with jobs, responsibilities, and tons of baggage. A relationship does not come easily to them, but with their physical attraction and chemistry, and emotional need for each other, the reader will ache for them to be together in the end. Ms. Ash did a lovely job at blending the romance with the plot, which kept me swiping the Kindle pages at a furious pace. I highly recommend this book and I'd love to read more about this world (maybe a book about Penny?)!

I received a no cost arc from netgallery for review purposes.

I LOVED this story. SO MUCH!! It deals with sexual assault so I do want to warn about that but I loved this book so much. I looked the author up and it appears to be her first book and it totally does not read like a new author. It had wonderful characters, a great story and great writing.
The stars are Kane, a target for the press a lot and he runs his company paper company. And Ellen a hotel employee who runs conferences for her hotel. They meet when Ellen tries to get his business for the hotel. Once Kane sees her, she is all he can think about. But Ellen, is a former english girl does not like the press and turns him down.

But Kane keeps at her and finally she agrees to dating him. I loved these two together. They both have issues in their lives complicating it but I loved watching fall for the other and start to rely on the other and share their secrets. I loved how they trusted each other and were there for the other.

This was a truly fantastic book and I was blown away by this new author.