Assume Nothing

"This courageous and terrifying book charts the author’s descent into an abusive relationship and also her emergence from it in taut, seductive prose. Selvaratnam explains how—even as an educated, sophisticated, liberal feminist—she was enthralled by her lover’s fame and tolerated escalating personal violence. Her narrative is vivid and bracingly frank, a tour-de-force of self-revelation and, ultimately, of redemption."
—Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of Far from the Tree and The Noonday Demon

“Assume Nothing is a gut-wrenching, personal tale told by one of the bravest women of the #MeToo era. Tanya Selvaratnam spares no one, including herself, as she shines much-needed light on the often-misunderstood subject of intimate violence. By confronting her abuser, she finds her voice and power even greater than his.”
—Jane Mayer, author of Dark Money and Staff Writer for The New Yorker

“Assume Nothing is a searing account of Tanya Selvaratnam’s relationship with one of the most powerful men in New York. In lucid prose, she recounts the confusion of signals—the loving embrace turned choke hold—and her struggle to reclaim her voice and power. This book is a necessary and important addition to the conversation around #MeToo—and a gift to women everywhere.”
—Danzy Senna, author of Caucasia and New People

“Tanya Selvaratnam’s Assume Nothing is a vivid, compelling and heartrending story about her personal encounter with domestic violence. It reads like a horror story. 'No, no!' we cry. 'Not him. Don’t let it be true.' But it is. Selvaratnam takes us through her own gradual awakening without sugarcoating anything. This is a brave and winning work that will be of enormous help to many people.”
—Mark Epstein, MD, author of The Trauma of Everyday Life and Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself

"No one wants to believe they are the kind of person who would fall for an abuser. But the reality is that there is no one kind of person who can end up in a relationship where someone inflicts partner violence and/or psychological abuse. The range of women target includes those with their own significant power, like author Tanya Selvaratnam. Selvaratnam's book reinforces knowledge our society so often conceals, that partner violence is part of the fabric of our society at all levels. Selvaratnam does a delicate job of dealing with emotions and personal histories, including her own and those of the man who abused her, while making clear this is never acceptable, never excusable, and no one should be beyond justice."
—Farai Chideya, author of The Episodic Career and The Color of Our Future

“Every woman who tells the story of her own experience of sexual violence is brave. But it takes a particularly strong breed of courage to tell the story of how an outspoken advocate for women’s issues becomes embroiled in an abusive relationship, and that is Tanya Selvaratnam’s story. Assume Nothing is a vivid accounting of her experience, and it demolishes dozens of old cliches in one fell swoop: the stereotype of the typical victim, for one, and the image of the typical abuser, for another. Read it. It has the power to change how we all think—and what we put up with.”
—Cindi Leive, journalist; senior fellow, USC Annenberg School for Communications and Journalism

"Part memoir, part research guide, Assume Nothing shares details of Selvaratnam’s own incredible story. It also offers solutions for handling the dangerous behavior that plays out among more couples than we think."
—Book Riot