Framing a Life

On a blustery Maine day, thirty-nine-year-old Roberta Kuriloff found herself standing on a plot of land purchased with her former partner, holding a couple of wood stakes to mark off exactly where her new house would sit. No longer their land. No longer their dream. Now, just hers.

Immersed in a world of blueprints, materials, contractors, and critters, Roberta confronted the major losses she’d suffered in her life—in particular the deaths of her mother and aunt from cancer and her separation from her father and brother during her placement in an orphanage—and to try to understand how those losses had shaped the woman, lawyer, and activist she’d become. As she cleared land, hammered nails, lifted beams, and shivered in her rented mobile home, the answers began to come to her.

Roberta soon found love again, with a woman named Nancy . . . only to lose her abruptly just one year later in a car accident. Her grief over Nancy’s death, and the psychic and out-of-body events she experienced following that loss, led to an eight-year spiritual quest where she explored her Jewish roots, the Kabbalah, Buddhism, and reincarnation. As she healed, new love beckoned with Bernice—and at long last Roberta found that intrinsic sense of self, that unshakable foundation of heart and soul, that home, that she’d been searching for all along.

Roberta S. Kuriloff is a speaker, community activist, former attorney and the author of “Framing a Life: Building the Space to be Me” (She Writes Press, July 18, 2023). With humor and poignancy, her memoir takes readers along an inspiring journey of self-discovery as Roberta finds that home is less a physical place than an intrinsic sense of self, an unshakable foundation of the heart and soul. She also published “Everything Special, Living Joy, Prose and Poems to Inspire,” and a short story she wrote, “Unearthing Home,” was published in Yellow Arrow Publishing Journal. An essay called ‘Musings on the Word Atonement’ was published in “Art In The Time of Unbearable Crisis; Women Writers Respond to the Call” published by She Writes Press June 2022.

As a child living in an orphanage, Roberta dreamed of being Superman’s daughter flying above Earth to save the world’s disenfranchised children, or being the Pied Piper leading the other kids back to their family homes. In later life, her legal work centered on families in emotional and financial crisis. She is a founding member of two domestic violence projects as well as an elderly services organization, and was a hospice patient-volunteer and bereavement workshop facilitator. In between her community work, she makes time to enjoy her passions for writing and dance.

She and her spouse, Bernice, have been together for 27 years and happily married since 2013. They live in the home she built in the woods of Maine.