If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You

A Novel

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Pub Date Jun 10 2025 | Archive Date Jun 24 2025
St. Martin's Press | St. Martin's Griffin

Description

Ms. and Ms. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.

A few rules for the international superspy:
(1) Never blow your cover.
(2) Never accept the first plan.
(3) Never fall for anyone at the agency. Especially if she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Second-generation spy Yardley Whitmer, code name “the Unicorn,” can do no wrong. With her combination of debutante-style charm and expert spycraft, she’s become an instant legend in the field. If only finally moving out of her girlfriend’s home were as easy as rappelling off the Eiffel Tower. But living a full-time cover story has slowly eroded her relationship with KC until there’s nothing left but lies.

KC “Tabasco” Nolan, hacker extraordinaire, can crack anything—except the code that would tell her the right moment to confess her secret job to Yardley. Now it’s too late, and she’s in danger of losing the best chance at love she’s ever had.

When an undercover shakedown goes wrong, Yardley and KC discover the unbelievable truth—that they are Unicorn and Tabasco, and they’ve both been working with the agency for years. To salvage the mission, they’re compelled to partner up and fly across oceans, race through winding European streets, and give in to inconvenient passion while hiding in an ambassador’s linen closet. But can they throw away their Plan A and fight through the betrayal and secrets to fall in love with each other’s true selves?

Ms. and Ms. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.

A few rules for the international superspy:
(1) Never blow your cover.
(2) Never accept the first plan.
(3)...


Available Editions

EDITION Paperback
ISBN 9781250894700
PRICE $18.00 (USD)
PAGES 352

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Average rating from 24 members


Featured Reviews

This was a delightful read! I loved the characters in this and the story made me feel like I was watching a teen rom-com unfold in front of me. From fun plot and the blooming romance between Yardley and KC, this is one of the best sapphic books to come out in the genre in a long time and I am incredibly fortunate to have had the chance to read it early.

A special thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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*If I Told You, I’d Have to Kiss You* by Mae Marvel is a thrilling romantic adventure that deftly blends espionage and heartfelt emotion. This captivating tale follows second-generation spy Yardley "the Unicorn" Whitmer and her ex-girlfriend KC "Tabasco" Nolan, both of whom are entrenched in the high-stakes world of international espionage. The tension escalates as Yardley navigates the complexities of her spy life, trying to keep her cover intact while grappling with the fallout from her strained relationship with KC.

The chemistry between Yardley and KC crackles throughout the narrative, providing a compelling counterpoint to the suspenseful plot. Their journey takes them from the elegance of the Eiffel Tower to the adrenaline-fueled streets of Europe as they uncover shocking truths about each other and their intertwined pasts. The story's pacing is superb, expertly balancing high-octane action with intimate moments that reveal the depth of their feelings and regrets. The stakes are raised even higher when the duo must confront not only external threats but also the emotional turmoil stemming from their past.

Marvel’s writing is sharp and engaging, with a clever blend of humor and tension that keeps readers on the edge of their seats. *If I Told You, I’d Have to Kiss You* is a fun and exhilarating exploration of love, trust, and the complexities of relationships in a world filled with secrets. With memorable characters and a fast-paced plot, this book is a must-read for anyone who enjoys romance intertwined with adventure and intrigue.

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Mae, you are a Marvel! "If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You" is the latest from the collaborative team that is Mae Marvel, and it's every bit as fun, sexy and well written as their last book. The book features Yardley Whitcomb (aka "Unicorn") and KC Nolan (aka "Tabasco"), two women who, because of their need to keep the fact that they are spies secret from each other, have allowed their romantic relationship to erode to the point where Yardley is moving out but doesn't want to, and KC is letting her go but doesn't want to. From there, we are on a journey of discovery. Unicorn and Tabasco find themselves working a high level international case together (I mean, they have meetings in the White House with the President!) and as they work to solve the case, they discover much about themselves and each other. Does this mean a happy ending? You'll have to read to find out!

I have always admired Mae Marvel's writing - their books are always light years more intelligent than most "popular" fiction - but this one is amazing even for them. The research that had to be done to accurately portray the life and work of undercover agents, the complex technology that KC works with, and the variety of locations that are depicted is impressively thorough. At one point, one of the ladies casually starts speaking in Portuguese, for example. Or we find ourselves in Sweden navigating the city like locals. All the details are carefully tended to, and accurate, as far as I was able to tell. The one thing that I found puzzling was how they found so much time and so many locations for discreet kissing and canoodling, although I give credit to the Marvels that our beloved spies were usually able to jump out of a linen closet or a dark corner without missing a step of their mission.

In their acknowledgements, the authors emphasize that they weren't trying to write a "gender flipped" spy story; rather, they were trying to highlight the fact that queer people have been a part of every profession "for as long as there have been people." This book honors the women who have worked in intelligence, and it does it beautifully and naturally, avoiding in-your-face moral lessons. I loved it.

Many thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the opportunity to review this eARC in exchange for my honest review.

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Thank you NetGalley and publisher for this arc!!

What a good book! I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I loved the main characters! They had great chemistry and worked so well together. I loved how the book just flowed. My first by this author but will not be my last!!

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This book is definitely reminiscent of Mr. and Mr. Smith. This book read like an action movie or a limited series on Netflix and I was thoroughly entertained the entire time. If you're looking for a sweet rom-com that's got some kick to it, then this book is for you.

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"If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You" was a very enjoyable story. In a spin on "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", the authors have created lesbian lovers, Yardley and KC, who both work for the CIA, but don't know that the other is an operative. Yardley thinks KC runs a freelance tech business, while KC thinks Yardley works in finance. Unbeknownst to each other, they have actually worked together, as Yardley is Unicorn, one of the most successful field operatives, while KC is Tabasco, one of the tech wizards making sure the operations succeed. Having to keep secrets from each other has strained their relationship to a breaking point. However, the efforts to recover a rogue piece of technology, that KC is very familiar with, will result in their secrets being unmasked. KC will have to work in the field for the first time, with Yardley as her handler.

In between the action and intrigue, there is also a relationship to figure out. With their secret identities revealed, and working together closely, Yardley and KC rediscover their importance to each other and figure out the ways that their own insecurities, as well as the situation the CIA put them in, has hampered their relationship. When they start opening up and being more trusting, their personal lives become more complicated, but their professional lives improve, as the trust and connection between operatives and assets is of critical importance to the success of a mission. Knowing each other the way they do and trusting in each other's abilities allows them to improvise as needed, which is essential given what is at risk in the mission.

Yardley and KC also manage to find opportunities for intimacy during the mission, including at moments when intimacy would seem unwise given the circumstances and surroundings.

Yardley and KC are great characters, with well-developed backstories, and while in some ways they play to type, there are aspects of their personalities that don't fit the stereotypes one might associate with them, which makes them much more intriguing and engaging characters. They each have their unique brand of toughness and vulnerability.

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