I think I can't provide a full review on this because I am now a parent and it goes to too dark a place for me and starting to read it makes me dizzy. I have seen interviews with Sue Klebold and she seems a thoughtful and interesting person and I wish her all the best.

Prefaced to this book is the following;

‘On April 20, 1999, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold armed themselves with guns and explosives and walked into Columbine High School. They killed twelve students and a teacher, before taking their own lives. It was the worst school shooting in history.

Dylan Klebold was my son.’

This book is one mother’s dedication to trying to comprehend the one of the most terrible of tragedies and horrors. It was something that doesn’t even occur to a parent, a nightmare different to the more common.

When a mother prays her son to be dead, not safe and alive— it is in this bleakness that we observe the horror that he is.

This book follows Dylan’s mothers thoughts as she makes sense of Dylan’s death by suicide and the violence of the massacre only moments before it.

First comes her son, second his crime, third the public’s perception, fourth the agony.

From Sue Klebold’s Journal entry, dated April 1999

‘The terror and total disbelief are overwhelming. The sorrow of losing my son, the shame of what he has done, the fear of the world’s hatred. There is no respite from the agony.’

‘To the rest of the world, Dylan was a monster; but I had lost a child.’

‘Our failure to speak up in our own defense made people believe we were hiding secrets.’

This was a book written with vulnerability and care: I felt it was heart wrenching and painful. I sympathised with Sue Klebold and felt her circumstances were wholly unfair. She was judged for her son’s crime, as his mother she was blamed. It was the most upsetting situation- she had no idea how he could have done something so horrific and lost her son twice over. After his crime, she no longer knew her boy.

I received this book through Netgalley for review consideration.

I really enjoyed reading this book! I read this book in one sitting because I could not put the book down, I highly recommend reading this book!

On the 20th April 1999, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado where they killed twelve students and a teacher and wounded twenty-four others before taking their own lives. This incredible book tells that story through the eyes of Dylan’s mum. She grapples with huge questions that parents everywhere will sympathise with; Why didn’t realise her son was so unwell? How much responsibility should she take for his actions? As the public shuns her and apportions blame to her directly, she tries to show that even after a tragedy on this scale, a mother’s love transcends everything.

Difficult subject matter but a very interesting read. I'm one of those people who think "how could you not know?" but after reading this, I may need to learn to be a bit less judgy!

4 stars

I wish more people that have gone through harrowing situations like the one the Klebolds had to face would acquire the strength to try and do something useful with what they have endured and learned, in order to help others. To help humanity itself. Thank you, Sue.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 brave Stars

Wow. Where to start. This was so brave to write this story. A horrific event and you almost don’t even want to understand why or what the perpetrator families felt or how they experienced it.

But the writing style makes you want to give the author a big hug and makes you reflect - what if...

There is so much honesty, reflection, grief and loss in this book that you can’t help but be moved.

This book was very sad and wrenched my heart about the suffering of everyone involved. Really hope that the families can find peace

Heartbreaking.
Sue Klebold paints an honest and harsh portrayal of her son Dylan- who was one of the shooters involved in Columbine.
This book was a revelation in terms of understanding that the family were a good, normal loving and functional one that were blasted apart like a 14th victim, initially suspected then investigated and then supported through the horror of Columbine. There own grief confusion and fear an absolute testimony to the meaning of family and community unwilling to turn on one of its own.

An amazing, amazing, heart-rendingly honest book by Sue Klebold, mother of Dylan Klebold. Dylan Klebold, along with Eric Harris, was one of the teenagers involved in the shooting at Columbine High School on April 20th 1999 which left 15 people dead, 24 people wounded physically, and numerous others with the mental trauma that ensued from the event. Ever since, Sue Klebold has been struggling to come to terms not only with the actual events, but with her own feelings about the shooting, about her son, about the months and days leading up to April 20th - even about her core values and ability as a parent.
In 'A Mother's Reckoning,' Sue leaves no stone unturned as she examines every scrap of evidence available to her, talks to numerous experts and shares her innermost thoughts and feelings as she attempts not only to come to terms with, but also to move forward with dignity from the devastating revelation that her beloved son is a murderer. What she does not ignore and yet highlights with great sensitivity so as not to undermine the feelings of the victims' families, and without making any excuses for his actions, is the fact that Dylan died by suicide; his mental health was such that he could see no other way out than to end his torment and turn his gun on himself - sadly, choosing to take so many other much-loved people with him - and therein lies the unknowable as Dylan took the reasons why with him.
Not only is 'A Mother's Reckoning' an autobiography and a personal memoir, it is also a superbly written book, planned and written methodically and expressed articulately, demonstrating huge emotional intelligence in ruthlessly scrutinising her own reactions while simultaneously validating the responses of the many other victims of the tragedy.
I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this book and give it a full 5 stars.

I could not finish this book. I'm unsure why it was written and felt I was intruding into a mother's grief.

A painfully honest and soul-searching personal account. Many of us have our lives shaped by the actions of others; we may be victims of crime, disabled by accident, touched by terrorist acts, enhanced by the charity of strangers, enjoy reflected glory from the achievements of our children, be catapulted to wealth by a lottery win. We may choose to unthinkingly accept but we are more likely to reflect upon the event and its implications.

Sue Klebold has reflected deeply for years and has many heartfelt things to say about parenting, mental health, responsibility, gun-crime, reconciliation and family love. And she is worth listening to.

If you feel distaste at the idea of the mother of one of the Columbine killers selling her writing then I have two thoughts for you: the proceeds are going to very relevant charities and you can quickly judge for yourself by listening to Sue Klebold explain her reasons on a TED talk video (https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_klebold_my_son_was_a_columbine_shooter_this_is_my_story).

An astonishingly honest telling of how the Kliebold parents missed the signs that their son was so deeply troubled that he would leave home one morning and, along with a friend, gun down fellow pupils in his high school. How his actions tore apart his parents' lives and how the local community reacted to this tragedy makes for a harrowing story - all the worse in that this book is fact not fiction. For certain every reader, especially those with children, shall have reason to reflect deeply as to how sensitive they are to a child's mental wellbeing as clearly it is all too easy to not detect the warning signs. This book tells us that love by itself isn't enough. Parents must continually engage with, and understand, the world their children live in every day and that's a tough ask.

This is a book which will stay with me for a long time. It's impossible to imagine what this family and the families of the victims went through in the wake of Columbine, this is obviously just one perspective and no one really knows what was going through the minds of the two killers.
It's difficult to review the book. I think that Sue Klebold is making an honest attempt to try to understand what happened to her son, how he could be capable of such an atrocity, and I think that what she does show well is that, whilst there were signs during his last year that he had problems, nothing that she described looked any different to any other teenage boy.
The book does get repetitive and too bogged down with different psychological studies but I respect her decision to write this book and her motives for doing so. This was her little boy, the conflict she feels between her grief for him and the knowledge of what he did is conveyed with a rawness that is heartbreaking. I'm sure that there is bias in her recollections, how could there not be, but I don't think, like some reviewers, that she makes excuses either for him or herself.
A far more disturbing book than any fiction. My thanks to Netgalley for this copy.

A Mother's Reckoning

I was 19 when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into Columbine High School and killed 12 students, a teacher and then themselves. When I saw this book, I wanted to read it, to try to understand things from Dylan's mother's view. I say understand but how can anyone comprehend being in that position?

I loved that Sue Klebold in no way attempts to excuse the actions of her son, she details how 'normal' their lives were, not perfect but no different to anyone else's.

A chilling and highly emotional read that I more than recommend. With thanks to Netgalley and the publisher, four stars.

This isn’t the kind of book I would usually read. I am not someone who thrills to tales of real life violence; the True Crime section in the bookshop is of no interest to me and although I do read in-depth newspaper and magazine articles, I try to steer clear of sensationalist nonsense that seems to glamorise crime. There’s a ton of that crap about though, so clearly there’s an audience.

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of two teens who murdered 13 people at Columbine High School in 1999. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris injured another 24 people, attempted to kill many more with home made bombs which failed to detonate, and committed suicide. I haven’t read anything beyond news reports at that time, did not want to read assumptions and theories about what happened, but was interested to hear that Sue Klebold had written a book and curious to know what she had to say. I imagined it would be a painful read, and I approached it with empathy – I am a mother of teens, I know our teens make choices that aren’t comfortable for us, but this horror is unimaginable and unbearable. There are those who squarely blame the parents – how could they not have seen who their sons were? That’s not how I think, but how do you live with that anger against you, that level of blame? How do you endure when your son is revealed to be a hate filled murderer?

This book is Sue Klebold’s attempt to do something positive. She wants to alert people to the signs she missed in her own son (that he had “brain illness”, that he was depressed, bullied, at break point. She aligns herself with other mothers of kids who committed suicide, albeit murder-suicide, and speaks about how her son wanted to die. Unlike Eric Harris, who wanted to kill. There is a clear distinction.)

Sometimes people speak passionately and the words are vivid and maybe a little messy, but heartfelt, and other times, usually when professionals speak, each word has been carefully chosen and the delivery is dry and careful. This book is the latter. It reads as if lawyers have combed through it 1,000 times for anything potentially damaging. There is nothing here but a few descriptions of her son, meaningless to anyone except her family, a few anecdotes that present him as “normal”, a lot of scientific evidence of brain illness, and an avoidance of anything potentially controversial. The first few chapters describe her disbelief as the police turn up at her home immediately after the shootings. She has no access to news but bits filter through as she waits outside while the house is searched, enough that she understands her son was involved. She assumes he was an unwilling participant, or didn’t understand what was happening, or was in thrall to Eric Harris. But she won’t describe the actual events, or what it felt like to comprehend the truth.

There is a necessary need not to offer a template for others, but what is left is not a compelling read. It’s a terrible story, but we do not learn anything here and Klebold seems reluctant to go beaneath the surface. Perhaps she can’t, our minds protect us from unbearable things, but it makes me wonder why she wrote this.

The most valuable thing in the book is not written by her. In the introduction, Andrew Solomon says, “…we want to believe that parents create criminals because in supposing that, we reassure ourselves that in our own house, where we are not doing such wrong things, we do not risk this calamity. I am aware of this delusion, because it was mine…

I came away thinking that the psychopathy behind the Columbine massacre could emerge in anyone’s household. It would be impossible to predict or recognise; like a tsunami, it would make a mockery of all our preparations.”

Which is chilling, but feels true to me. There is a tipping point when our children, necessarily so, grow away from us and all we can do is hope the foundations we have laid hold them steady. We can’t be responsible for their actions. Klebold’s efforts to get more recognition and support for people suffering mental illness is admirable and I applaud her determination to use this awful notoriety she has to do something positive. I don’t think this is a good book though. There are a variety of assertions made – “We’ve all felt angry enough to fantasise about killing someone else.” Well, no, actually I haven’t. “Most of us can’t name a single celebrity who has struggled–successfully anyway–with depression or another mood disorder…” Erm, well actually I can… There’s an attempt to present Dylan Klebold as a “normal” teen but offers scant evidence of it and all the while we know that behind his mother’s back he was writing diaries planning his suicide, filming vitriolic segments with Eric Harris, playing with guns, getting into trouble with the police.

Why would we want to judge Sue Klebold? Why would we need to? I hope she finds a peace in her activism and support. But this is a book review and this book is not great.

Some 18 years have passed, yet this book brings back that immediate fear. Told from the unique perspective of the mother of Dylan Klebold. Entwined with psychobabble as a means to find the answers, the author still has an unrelenting drive to find out why, and to retrospectively analyse what happened. Slightly muddled in the chronology.

However, there is the strong dichotomy of no forewarning and yet throughout is the continued Hindsight of changing things would have made a (better) outcome. She says the she would not respect her sons privacy and go through his room with a fine toothcomb. As if that would make the incident disappear. She holds a strong, and probably permanent guilt, yet doesn't truly accept in her own mind what she believes,

The love of a mother fighting to hold on to her sanity against a tide of hate and fear is shown in all its raw pain . How a mother is able to move forward after such a life changing episode is shown with honesty and emotion without self pity . My whole being was torn with two sides of the story . How many times more will the horror of guns in the wrong hands be played out ?

This is a fascinating book and sometimes makes uncomfortable reading. But it is an account of a family torn apart by shocking events which makes it so gripping. Sue Klebold has told the story of her life with her son with honesty and love. It is an important book but not easy to recommend to others.

Thank you, Net Galley, for giving me the opportunity of reading it. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to pick it off a shelf in a bookshop and buy it.

Maureen Haltrecht

I was slightly nervous reading this book; not because I feel no sympathy for the family, quite the reverse. I was worried it would be a 'saintly mother' coming to terms with her son's actions. And, in one way, it was. But it was more than that. Klebold goes deeper than her own grief and her own and her family's, and into the wider repercussions for the other families, and for society as a whole.

The Columbine Shootings were a terrible incident, I'm not denying that in the slightest. But I think this book could help parents to try and connect more to their offspring, and for people in general to be more open in all things. Secrecy breeds.... well, many things: isolation, depression, resignation, resentment, bottling up of feelings, major incidents where long-held feelings are expressed, violence to self or others, mental illnesses, confusion, attachment or detachment, and loneliness.

As Klebold says, she hopes her story may help others. And it sounds like it did; even at the beginning, she knew of people confessing things to family members that had been kept secret for years. I've always known about the hate mail and the secrecy they've had to live their lives in, but I didn't know what compassion people also showed them from the start. It restores faith in humanity.

Definitely worth a read.