A powerful book that made quite difficult reading. It seems very wrong to say that I "enjoyed" this book but how I admire the author's courage for putting her thoughts and feelings in print with such amazing honesty

Gripping, terrifying, heart breaking. How Sue Klebold found the strength and courage to write this book I cannot imagine. Mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine shooters, it's clear that Klebold has wanted to share her knowledge, feelings, shame, guilt and deep, deep sorrow for a long time. Depositions, court cases and sealed findings have left her mute and as a result, the writing is almost at break neck speed as it gathers momentum.

Klebold shares her stories of Dylan as a toddler, as a young boy and as a loving son, but there is no self-indulgence here. She is clear about the unforgivable crime he committed and that, whatever happened at school regarding a pervasive culture of bullying, this cannot and must not be seen as justification for her son's actions. She also shares journal entries which document an ordinary family life with a sometimes truculent but mostly sensitive typically teenage boy. Despite the blame and anger aimed at Klebold and her husband's parenting, realistically, could anyone have predicted what Dylan was capable of? Mere days before,the massacre he was videoed jokingly throwing snowballs at his dad and letting his prom date pin a buttonhole on him. What parent can honestly say they know everything that is going on in their child's life, their head, their heart?

Although she does not court pity in the book, I feel very deeply for this woman. She lost her son and yet, even now, with meticulous research that maybe points to mental health issues, she cannot write a sentence about how she misses him and grieves for him without clarifying how many more innocents have also been left grieving, hurt and devastated.

It is a terrible legacy that her much loved son has left her with and one that she will never be able to relinquish. I suspect she does not want to - she keeps the victims and their families firmly front and centre of her writing. Klebold has consulted much respected academics regarding everything from the anatomy of violence to spotting signs of suicide and self harm and the book is peppered with references to research and findings. She has also dedicated her life to support groups and conferences and panels where she shares her story and her increasing knowledge. I suspect this is not only the intellectualisation of the crime but the restitution, the life sentence she feels she owes her son's victims.

This book is anything but an easy read. The chapter dealing with the actual shooting was incredibly traumatic and I had to put the book down for a while. What it is though, is honest and raw and a salutary lesson that should maybe be compulsory reading for those living and working with teens. Klebold understands the vitriol that is still aimed at her parenting of Dylan, as do I. As she says - I would feel the same.

In 1999 Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into Columbine School in Colorado and gunned down a teacher and twelve students and injured another twenty four before taking their own lives..

When these facts became available to the world, I and many others I'm sure, certainly the press, believed, somewhat complacently, that Harris and Klebold must have led lives sadly lacking in discipline and/or love, and probably had disinterested parents who too carried guns, of course the parents must have been to blame. Whilst reading this book I came face to face with my own smugness.

Sue Klebold has left no stone unturned as she has grappled over the ensuing years with the fact that her loving son, whom she loved deeply could have become a perpetrator of such a heinious crime. She never flinches from any guilt or responsibility as she works her way through details of their family life and the disbelief that they were caught up in such a situation.

As a parent who has brought up sons I was well aware that they can be a law unto themselves and often have secrets which we are unaware of but reading this account has led me to believe that for most of us it is a case of there but for the grace of God...

Although it eventually led to the demise of her marriage Sue Klebold has tirelessly revisited her journals leading up to that time, looked deep within her heart and spoken to mental health experts working passionately to bring her findings into the public arena in her hope that teenage depression can be recognised by parents, teachers and doctors and effectively dealt with so that school murder/suicides can be stopped before they become a reality..

"All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues." and I believe that this compelling and haunting book should be required reading if not for all parents then for teachers and even mental health experts..

A fascinating and terrifying insight into the lives of the Klebolds. It is a book which is difficult to read due to the tragic nature of the circumstances. At the same time, I think it has the potential to be a helpful read for many parents.

Thanks to Netgalley, publishers and author for this the chance to review this book.

I have to be honest I didn't know a lot about Columbine before I read this. I was in my early twenties when it happened, and although the shock waves reverberated around the world it seemed impossible it could happen here. And like so many others I wondered where were parents, and how could they not know. What kind of parents were they? What seems a lifetime later and now a parent myself I'd like to say I wasn't so judgemental but I'd be lying.

So confession time. I requested this book by accident. Normally I would never have chosen to read it. But now I think if we could create a curriculum for parents this would have to be required reading. I've never read a book so truthful and so profoundly affecting as Sue Klebolds account of the time before and after her sons involvement in the Columbine shootings. She makes no excuses for herself or her son and tells the story so honestly it's actually sometimes painful to read. And in reading it I realised despite my own experiences of depression and actually recognising some of the ways Dylan Klebold behaved in the 2 years before his death in my own behaviour at different points in my life I wouldn't have realised there was anything going on. So whilst this cannot be called an enjoyable read it's one that has left a mark on me. Which I think was the idea.

As soon as I saw this book I knew I had to read it. This is a book written by the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine High School shooters. She writes thoughtfully and passionately about her thoughts and feelings throughout the 16 years since the incident happened.

After the incident Sue and her family were blamed for what Dylan did. As she says in the book, if she was an outsider then she would blame the family too. Dylan had a happy childhood and despite some minor problems in his teenage years, as far as the family were aware there was nothing for them to be concerned about.

This book is primarily a memoir however it is split into two parts – the first half describes with detail the day of the incident and works back through Dylan’s childhood. Sue doesn’t shy away from discussing some of the issues and fall outs her family had. Leading up to the day of the incident, Dylan does become quieter and spends more time on his computer. But his mother doesn’t see this as any source of concern as it is just stereotypical teenage behaviour. Among other things she assumes it’s nerves as Dylan is preparing to leave for college.

The second part of the book is still memoir but wrapped around every moment is insight into suicide research. Sue has now devoted her life to pushing for more research into helping people with mental illness (or brain illness as she refers to it) in order to prevent incidents such as these. She realises that signs she had ignored are actually signals of depression in teenagers but they’re not widely known and hard to distinguish between typical teenage behaviour. Even scarier still is that Dylan actively seemed to be getting better. But Sue has since learned that it’s common for people with depression, and even those planning suicide, to hide their true feelings and to even make future plans – such as going to college.

I had never read a lot of information on Columbine but hearing the thoughts of someone so close to one of the shooters, attempting to rationalise and understand what her son did is admirable. The work she has done since in aid of promoting research and encouraging more is fantastic. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in finding out more about Columbine without the media sensationalism. Or just people (especially parents) who want to understand more about depression and other mental illness in young people.

An interesting read of a mothers account of what happened before and after the tragedy of the columbine school shooting in 1999 when 2 boys opened fire shooting several people. This book is written by one of the shooters mother, and looks at mental illness and how they family coped with the aftermath.
A very insightful book.

Harrowing, heartbreaking & disturbing. My heart goes out to Sue Klebold, I have read some horrid reviews implying that she suffocated, tried to control her sons and so may have contributed to what her son Dylan did. This book is not a day by day diary of Dylan's too short life and Sue's mothering style, it gives an overview of the sort of mother she was and the home life Dylan had. As the mother of two boys who are now 29 & 21, I know just how hard it can be to know exactly what's going on in their lives & heads! Indeed, having found out some of the things they DID get up to (being 'grown ups' they can now revel in how the wool was pulled over our parental eyes) I'm kinda glad I didn't know, just as I'm happy for MY parents not to know HALF of what I got up to in my teenage years! Sue tries to give examples of their overall parenting methods, some of which I wholeheartedly agree with. I remember not letting my youngest son watch Human Centipede when he was 15, even though 'all his friends had seen it', yeah right (disgusting fodder that should never even have been made IMO)
Hindsight is a flippin' wonderful thing as we all know and with it, maaaaybe Dylan would have got the help he needed, however, without it, this quote from Soren Kierkegaard says it all "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." We all have regrets and shoulda woulda coulda's, especially when it comes to our children but this family has suffered enough without holier than thou comments from the perfect parent brigade (Show me a perfect parent and I'll show you someone without kids!)
I take my hat off to Sue for having the courage to open up her heart & mind with this honest, sometimes brutal account of before, during and after the Columbine shooting tragedy. Her insights and research into brain health are invaluable and will hopefully go some way into helping us understand and prevent suicidal thoughts and tendencies in young people.

I received a copy of this book from the publishers in exchange for my independent honest review. Where to start. Firstly as a mother of two boys myself I can place myself in Sue Klebold's shoes. As a mother of two boys I can place myself in the shoes of the victims parents. What I like about this book is how the author makes no excuses for what Dylan did and does understand the heartbreak too of the bereaved from both her family's viewpoint and those of the victims family. This is an event that has changed all their lives forever, they will never get over.
What I also liked is that Sue has been able to highlight mental illness in all its raw forms and I feel only by education we can start to help and provide appropriate services.
I felt every emotion with the Klebold's the day it happened, they were diswrought that their son might have been injured by mad gunmen, only to find out one of them was their son and brother. This could so easily be you or I who have sons and have brought them up to be good, kind law abiding people and then wham you no longer know them. I applaud the honesty, I am shocked at how badly this family was treated, although understandably so when victims families need someone to blame.
Very well thought out and well written book.
A must read for every decent parent who thinks they know their kids. Do we really.?
As a mother, despite not having any reason to feel responsible, most of us would and how Sue comes out the other end of such tragedy is applaudable. For the parent's of those who lost their lives that day, my heart goes out to you to.
Please read this.

"There, but for the grace of the Universe, go I"
I've had to make the headline of this review "There, but for the grace of the Universe, go I" because I have absolutely no idea how I would have reacted if I'd been told that my son had gone into a school and killed thirteen people, seriously injuring others, before he eventually put a gun to his own head.
I remember hearing the horrific news that two students had walked into their school; Columbine, and opened fire on students and teachers. I also remember feeling shock and disgust that a tragedy like this could have occurred. I kept asking the question "How could the parents of the two boys, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, not had any idea that their sons were going to commit this atrocity? Sue Klebold has devoted her life to trying to find out the answers since that fatal day.
When her husband Tom phoned to say that there had been a shooting, she immediately thought that someone else had been responsible, not for a second thinking it could be her son. She raced home from work and discovered that the police were already there going over her house with a fine tooth-comb. Her prayer changed from "please keep my son safe" to "please let him kill himself". She was terrified that he'd be killed in a hail of police bullets.
The story of the aftermath of the shooting is truly shocking to read and absorb. In fact, I found myself dreaming about it. I also found myself asking the question over and over again "How could you not know that your son/daughter was suffering from depression, planning to murder others?”. I keep coming back to my own lies that all is well. Smile, laugh, just never ever admit to the real pain going on inside. (Let's face it; we've all had to hide our pain or stress at some stage of our lives). My other deep concern from this story is that someone had known that Eric Harris had built a website that was full of hate crime, particularly against one boy. The boy's parents had found out about it and had reported the site to the police, but no action was taken. Possibly if the authorities had reacted, the killings could have been prevented.
The other conundrum that Sue raises is; do you as a parent have the right to snoop through your children's bedrooms? If she had, she would have discovered the notes he'd scattered throughout his books on his desperation to end his life.
He was a popular boy with friends from first grade. They too never suspected what he was feeling and definitely not what he was planning. He was able to put on a brave face, laugh, chat and do the normal teenage activities with these friends. Several of them had somewhat negative feelings about Eric Harris but again, nobody realised how close they were.
I will never be able to understand why these sorts of killings take place. I will also never truly understand how Sue Klebold, her husband Tom and son Byron have survived what happened to their family. It seems that the shock brought on Sue's breast cancer. It has also driven her almost to the point of becoming a fanatic about suicide/murder prevention. She has tried to find out the how and why of mental disease that causes this type of crime to happen. She has also tried to find out how people can pick up the early sign of mental disease, but at a huge cost. Her husband Tom wanted to just move on with his life. She couldn't. The strong marriage that they had before this event collapsed and they divorced.
I think what I found most distressing - and possibly don't have the right to even raise this criticism, is that Byron almost became an afterthought in her life because of this relentless search to understand suicide and suicide/murder. Dylan's actions caused a tsunami of catastrophic events for his family to cope with.
Since Columbine, there have been other massacres that have left us shocked and deeply disturbed, carried out by children/teenagers. "Why?" we ask. Why would these teenagers plan to commit such atrocious acts - never a spur of the moment type of act, but a well thought out plan? All I can say is "There, but for the grace of the Universe, go I"
Treebeard
Breakaway Reviewers received a copy of the book to review.

This is challenging, can you put yourself in the place of a woman who has lived a life that you couldnt envisage?
the writing is good , when it feels weak it is because you cant imagine finding the lyricism to please the readers.
This will make you feel and that is something most books cant do

I was slightly nervous reading this book; not because I feel no sympathy for the family, quite the reverse. I was worried it would be a 'saintly mother' coming to terms with her son's actions. And, in one way, it was. But it was more than that. Klebold goes deeper than her own grief and her own and her family's, and into the wider repercussions for the other families, and for society as a whole.

The Columbine Shootings were a terrible incident, I'm not denying that in the slightest. But I think this book could help parents to try and connect more to their offspring, and for people in general to be more open in all things. Secrecy breeds.... well, many things: isolation, depression, resignation, resentment, bottling up of feelings, major incidents where long-held feelings are expressed, violence to self or others, mental illnesses, confusion, attachment or detachment, and loneliness.

As Klebold says, she hopes her story may help others. And it sounds like it did; even at the beginning, she knew of people confessing things to family members that had been kept secret for years. I've always known about the hate mail and the secrecy they've had to live their lives in, but I didn't know what compassion people also showed them from the start. It restores faith in humanity.

Definitely worth a read.

A Mother's Reckoning

I was 19 when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into Columbine High School and killed 12 students, a teacher and then themselves. When I saw this book, I wanted to read it, to try to understand things from Dylan's mother's view. I say understand but how can anyone comprehend being in that position?

I loved that Sue Klebold in no way attempts to excuse the actions of her son, she details how 'normal' their lives were, not perfect but no different to anyone else's.

A chilling and highly emotional read that I more than recommend. With thanks to Netgalley and the publisher, four stars.