“How to Get the Death You Want: A Practical and Moral Guide" by John Abraham is a thought-provoking exploration of a sensitive and often avoided topic. Abraham navigates the complexities of end-of-life choices with compassion and practicality. The book provides valuable insights into the moral and ethical considerations surrounding death, empowering readers to make informed decisions about their own end-of-life preferences. Abraham's writing is clear and empathetic, addressing a subject that many find difficult to discuss. Whether you're seeking guidance for yourself or supporting others in making these decisions, this book offers a thoughtful and well-reasoned resource.

It's definitely a book that people should be reading, especially if they are just thinking about the topic for the first time. The book takes the reader into topics which are important for everyone to know and prepare for. It's about the death itself, how to express your wishes to your family, the relationship with doctors, caretakers, legal aspects and how to be around a loved one who is dying. Since people tend to be different, it might not apply on a universal level. I've also read better books on this topic, so I wouldn't say this is THE book to read. I would say it's a reasonable source of information for everyone who wants to know how they can get the death they desire, how to handle such talks with their family and how to prepare for the unavoidable.

This is a book that everyone should read. It was written by an Episcopal priest but in no way pushes religion at you. All of us should have some type of plan as to how we want the end of our life to be.

It was particularly interesting and heartbreaking to me. My mom didn't want to make any plans other than cremation and no funeral. The hard decisions were ignored. She did not want to die and that was that! She a heart attack and then congestive heart failure. This happened in February 2014, and she was gone in July. She had no advocate. Dad was in the nursing home with her. He has dementia and could not make any decisions.

As her health weakened, she still would not tell us what to do. Her sister is the type of person who believes if there is life in her finger, then anything and everything should be done to keep her alive. It doesn't matter that she is suffering which I totally disagree with!

One evening I was called to see if my brother would sign POLST, comfort care. I live in another state so he called and told me he couldn't do because she smiled at him and talked. At this point, she was too weak to feed herself, her legs were weeping, oxygen for breathing. I talked to the nurse who said he doesn't see her cry in pain just trying to move her or gasping for air. She wanted him to think all was fine.

The next day, I called and talked to the social worker. She faxed the paper for me to sign. It was a hard decision but one that I felt should be done. Why should Mom suffer? So all meds were stopped and she was just given morphine for the pain. I only told my husband I was doing this. The rest of the family would have tore me up. As oldest child, I did so my mom wouldn't suffer. I did feel guilty until a hospice nurse told me to think of it as the final gift I could give my mother. Which I thought was a beautiful way of putting it.

This is book was excellent and so very helpful. I have my final days planned since I do not want to go through what Mom went through. I would highly recommend this book, you will learn so much.

* I was provided an ARC from the publisher and NetGalley. I voluntarily read and reviewed this book.

This is a valuable book. Written by an Episcopal minister, it covers all manner of issues related to death. The book discusses how to talk to a dying person, how to deal with the idea that the ailing person might want to organize their own dying experience, and what to do (from a practical standpoint) after a person has died. The author has broad experience in dealing with death. As a minister, he has attended numerous dying people and grieving family members. He has taught death studies classes at the university level. The author is a strong advocate of the death with dignity movement. He firmly believes that people should be able to relieve themselves of incurable suffering. For the author, this includes mental as well as physical suffering, though he doesn't really go into the mental portion of his argument in any detail. He makes a compelling case for his view, and the book includes a chapter intended to convince those who oppose the death with dignity movement. Overall, there is a great deal of useful information in this book. Anyone facing a loved one with terminal illness, or terminal illness of their own will likely find useful information in here. The only real shortcoming I found in the book is that I wish the author had explained the "mental suffering" part of his argument in more depth. Perhaps it's a topic worthy of a separate book. I hope the author writes one. I also occasionally felt like I was reading an advertisement for the particular advocacy group to which the author belongs: Final Exit Network. While I suspect I would be a supporter of this group, I felt at times like I was reading an argument about why Final Exit Network is the best of the death advocacy groups out there. Those things aside, this is a very valuable text that fills a distinct need.

See my notes for the Publisher.

NetGalley, please screen the formatting of the eBooks sent to Kindle apps. Too many of them simply regurgitate an unreadable stream of text.

This is the best book on death and dying I have ever read. It presents clear and useful information on a tough subject and it does it with a touch of wit. I highly recommend this book to everyone because, ultimately, it applies to us all. I recommended this book to my wife (a librarian) to add to their collection. (Just my opinion.)

Best book I've found on death. Clear and up to date with options. Interspersed sayings and poems keep the subject matter from being depressing. Highly recommend.

I received an e-ARC of this book through NetGalley and Independent Book Publishers Association (IBPA). Thank you.

At my time of life I am seeing more and more of my friends and acquaintances dealing with serious health issues. I am also attending more and more funerals. None of this is pleasant, but it has brought home to me how much the same these deaths are and yet how completely different each one has been. I find I have a lot of questions. This book has answered many of those questions in a practical way which allows for dealing with situations in a more knowledgeable and sympathetic manner.

This is not a book presented from any religious viewpoint. The author, John Abraham, was an Episcopal Priest for most of his adult life but he states he is no longer active in that capacity. Instead he now is a thanatologist - a person who specializes in the study of death related issues. The first six chapters of this book puts the focus on how terminal illness and death are treated in our society, philosophical expressions from the author and others on what death or a possible life after death means, and how to satisfy yourself on your feelings concerning your own death as well as loved ones and friends. This portion of the book was interesting to me, but I wanted more facts, solid information I could read to give me ideas of what might be ahead in the form of actions.

Beginning with the seventh chapter I found what I was looking for, the practical realities of dealing with what happens when death is either eminent or has already taken place. There is a huge amount of information regarding how a person with a diagnosis of terminal illness needs to talk to their family, their friends, their doctors. Even if you don't need to ask every question on these lists, you do need to see the words to be sure you have taken that item into consideration. What would you do if someone asked you to be their advocate as they are going through the hospital or hospice stage of dying? How would I go about choosing an advocate for myself? What legal liabilities does an advocate have? What legal rights do patients actually have and how do patients make sure their wishes are being carried out? What is the benefit of a Durable Medical Health Care Power of Attorney? What benefit can a patient expect if they have a Living Will? You will be very surprised by most of the information you read in this book. I know I was. Who is truly in charge of your care as you are dying?

There are probably not many people who get up one morning and suddenly decide they want to read a book about making all possible arrangements for their death. No, neither did I, but I have witnessed the anguish of family members and close friends who never gave much thought to what would happen when their body had deteriorated to such a degree that they could not abide the thought of living any longer. For them the preparation time, even thinking about making the preparations, was long past. If this book can do nothing else but open the eyes of readers to what problems they might face in the future, it will have been well worth the time it takes to read it. I had a very close friend who had been ill for a long time and it was obvious that he was not going to get better. I asked him how he was feeling that particular day and his answer surprised me. He said, "I just want it to be over, no more tests, no more hospitals. I just want to go home." How would you react to a statement like that? After reading this book my reaction for any future similar situation will be greatly different.

This was an excellent portrayal of dying in today's world. I take some exception to the thought that 'medical personnel" are not interested in the patient's wishes, however I concede that in 80% of cases that may be true. Anyone who has witnessed the agony of the process will acknowledge the inequity of the system. I would hope that one day we will rejoice in the right to choose.