So Many Thoughts! So Many Feeling!

This is such a heart wrenching story*. Tugs at your heart but it also brings so much of God’s truth into the story.

The characters are well developed and there are many levels to this story. Once parts come out and you think you’ve figured out the story something changes and there is another revelation.

Audiobook: Performed by various narrators. The various narrators brought so much life to this book. I don’t feel if I had sat and read it I would have stuck with it. Not because of the book or how it was written but the topic.

*Sensitive Topics are brought up mainly suicide, mental illness and depression.

I received a complimentary ARC of this book from NetGalley on behalf of the Publisher and was under no obligation to post a favorable review.

Due to personal beliefs, I feel that a review from myself would not be a benefit to this book nor to the publisher or Mrs. Musser.

I'm only sharing this on Netgalley so as to not harm the book elsewhere.

Enjoyed this unique story. It seems a book without a romantic thread is unusual in this time period, but one with deep topics like this, is even more so. Suicide, alcohol abuse, PTSD and other struggles are all present and accounted for, but there is a happy element to the story with that. Well written and great for discussion.

Depression. That is a word we hear about quite a bit and we all have an opinion on, but also a word we whisper about and are ashamed to admit we might struggle with it. Enter this book, the story of a courageous woman's fight against depression and its demons. This is a fight that she almost loses, but yet emerges at the end, a different, but better person who has finally been able to recognize God's love and forgiveness in her own life. This is the story of Josephine, a beautiful author and child of God, who writes beautifully about God's grace and redemption and forgiveness and yet struggles to embrace it all for herself. It's the story of Henry who must seek for that forgiveness.

It also feels like a personal story for the author herself. Elizabeth, in the acknowledgements, mentions her own struggle with depression. It feels like this story could be deeply personal for her too in her own journey through life.

I like to quote pieces from the book when I write reviews, but I can't say one thing just really, really stuck out to me that I needed to write down and yet the story was crafted in a way that left you full of suspense. I was sure what the ending would be and then it switched and I was left bewildered and then it switched again back to what I thought it would be, but the ride was fun and so worth it.

Another thing this book did was expose what lies and deception can do, how it can change a person and mess a family up in hidden ways and how beautiful life can be if lived fully in the truth and light of grace.

I just really enjoyed this book. I was reminded again how much I enjoy the writing of Elizabeth Musser and how I need to stay on a look out for more of her books to read.

I received this book from Bethany House via NetGalley and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed were my own.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser is an astounding novel. What a scenario-- a victim and the culprit, secrets abound and there is so much emotional complexity in this novel. It is a profoundly good read and I highly recommend it. I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher with no obligations. These opinions are entirely my own.

Elizabeth Musser is one of my favorites. I have followed her books for almost 20 years when I discovered "The Swan House" at the library. I received the "When I Close My Eyes" ebook as a member of her launch team b/c I am IN LOVE WITH HER.

And I'm in love with her b/c of everything that is good about this book: rich characters, thrilling storyline, deep emotion and full, strong Truth that will stay with you and can alter your heart!

This book is a murder mystery, but it's really about mental health--depression, anxiety, PTSD and basic family interactions. It's also about truth and lies.

As usual, I wish I had something profound to add but can't b/c the book was so profound! I always think Elizabeth Musser is a must-read, but I think with the mental health conversations we've been having in the culture the last few years, this is not only a timely story, but timely insight into a tough topic as well.

Also, all her restaurant descriptions in Asheville were the BEST! French Broad Chocolate!! My only food-qualm was that Paige ordered pancakes from the Waffle House?! Every good southerner knows you get the pecan waffles!

A beautifully written story full of hope and healing. Please give yourself the gift of savoring this novel. And please pass it on to all of your friends. Highly recommended. Five stars.

Former soldier Henry Hughes, trapped by PTSD and the emotional toll it has taken on his family, fears he cannot provide for his son who needs heart surgery. Being on medication dulls his ability to work and think; being off the medication makes it even worse. It is during the lowest of lows that Hughes agrees to assassinate author Josephine Bourdilion, but he fails at even that, leaving her in a coma. As Hughes tries to figure out a way to complete the job, he feels called to read Josephine's books, each one changing him a bit more. Meanwhile Josephine's family, especially her teenage daughter struggle with how much of their lives they should share with the investigating police as each wants to protect others. I have found each book I've read by Elizabeth Musser to be totally unique. No copying the popular trends with this author. Musser tells her own stories and they are fresh, thought provoking, even startling. I received a copy of this title from Netgalley and give it a high recommendation.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser is a powerful contemporary Christian story that will blow your mind as you witness the awesome love of God for His people and their great love for each other.
The novel has forgiveness and grace at its heart. We are all sinners in need of a Saviour. “Help me to leave the guilt and helplessness behind.” Sometimes we think we are so ‘bad’ that we are disqualified from God’s love. Nothing could be further from the truth. God passionately pursues us until we receive Him and His free gift of grace. “Forgiveness… it changes something in your heart.” When we receive forgiveness we exchange a heart of stone for a heart of flesh.
It is beautiful to watch a character seek the truth of who God is. Questions are asked that draw the character closer to the arms and heart of God. No matter what happens to that character, they receive a peace because they know Jesus.
The truth will set us free. The truth has been hidden for years in an effort to protect but the reality is – a burden has been carried that was never meant to be picked up.
The church is a lifeline in times of trouble. They “needed those people at church, needed their prayers and support.” The support, both practical and spiritual lifts up those without the strength to do so themselves.
Much of the novel is set in an ICU. It is a traumatic time with many heartfelt conversations. Characters experiencing despair are injected with faith and hope by others. Some of the most Christ-like actions come, not from those professing to be Christians but from a character who is actively running from Jesus, unaware that He is pursuing them.
There are some difficult topics of mental illness in the form of depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts. These are sensitively portrayed.
I found When I Close My Eyes an incredibly powerful novel with much godly advice. There were characters who walked in the footsteps of Jesus, revealing the heart of God. I could not put it down. It was a wow, wow, wow read. I will leave you with this powerful quote:
“I breathe in God’s forgiveness each day and breathe out His grace.”
I received this book for free. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.

I enjoy Elizabeth Musser’s novels because they’re something deeper than most Christian fiction.
They’re not afraid to ask tough questions, and When I Close my Eyes is no exception. The start of the novel a little confusing until I realised who the three viewpoint characters were, and why some portions were in italics.

Henry’s son needs his fourth major surgery in seven years, but there’s no money to pay for it. So Henry takes a cash job that will pay a lot … to shoot author Josephine Bourdillon. No, Henry isn’t a hit man. He’s just normal man who loves his son and would do anything for him to be well.

Paige is Josephine’s sassy sixteen-year-old daughter. She’s not a Christian, even though she knows her mother’s novels have strong themes of faith and forgiveness. I liked Paige. She was intelligent, thoughtful, and wise beyond her years. Despite being a teenager, she’s the one who holds the family together in many ways. She also helps the police by going through her mother’s letters and other writing in an effort to find out who is behind the shooting.

Josephine is the third point of view character, but her scenes are shown in italics because they’re not the present story (in which she’s unconscious). They’re snippets of her memories—some good, some not. It’s confusing, because the memories flit around in time, but that makes sense when we realise they are the memories of a woman in a coma.

There are two questions running behind the story. First (for me) is the question of who wants Josephine dead. The reader knows Henry is was the guy with the gun, but he’s not the person who wants Josephine dead. He just wants his son alive, and who can fault him for that? Sure, we can agree his method of getting the money for his son’s operation isn’t great. But is motive is strong and believable, and he’s close enough to the edge that I’m convinced he believed this was the only way. So he’s a sympathetic character. We want him to succeed. Except succeeding means Josephine Bourdillon would be dead, and we don’t want that.

The other question is about The Awful Year, as Paige refers to it. We don’t know what The Awful Year was, or when it was. All we know is that it was so awful, Josephine can’t think about it or write about it, and Paige barely knows what happened. All she knows is that it was awful. Do the events of The Awful Year have anything to do with what’s happening now?

Well, those questions certainly kept me turning the pages. This is probably one of those novels that need to be read and reread to fully appreciate.

Overall, When I Close My Eyes is one of the best novels I’ve read this year, a unique story of forgiveness that deals with some tough issues, including mental illness. The writing is brilliant, the plot and characters are unique, and it’s close to perfect Christian women’s fiction (with a strong dose of suspense). Recommended.

Thanks to Bethany House Publishers and NetGalley for providing a free ebook for review.

Review Title: Wonderful Characters, Wonderful Read (review of When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser)
Reviewer: Janice S. Garey
***** 5 Stars

This book grabs the reader's attention from the beginning and does not let go even long past the last page of the book. The characterization seems so real and well developed so that scenarios are not just seen in black and white, cut and dry, good and bad, but the reader gets to see the gray that characters are stuck in as they make right and wrong decisions. Motivations and fauty thinking mix together with a growing understanding of the difference the Christian faith makes especially in the realm of forgiveness. These subjects play out on the pages to an ending that surpasses expectation.

The story tugs at the heart through characters in desperation. Tangles of plot that seem impossible to unravel are handled skillfully and believably by the author. The difference between the worldviews of Christians and unbelievers are displayed in unique but not preachy ways.

Those who enjoy suspense without graphic gore and details of crime scenes will be pleased to read this excellent novel. High tension and character transformation keep the pages turning.

I received this book from #Netgalley at no cost in exchange for reading it and giving an honest review which I have done. I am under no obligation to give a good review. I highly recommend this book. It is well worth the investment of time to get involved in the plot alongside these unforgettable characters.

Wow. That . . . was actually really good.

When I Close My Eyes couldn't really keep me hooked at first. I mean, it took me an entire month to get the whole thing read.

Henry's point of view was slightly difficult to read, as he was your typical hillbilly giant, and nearly impossible to connect with. Yet his love for Jase and his struggle to let his son know that he really did love him was endearing. As more of Henry's story comes out, the more you feel like you can understand why he doesn't know how to show affection.

Paige's point of view was drastically different from Henry's, needless to say. Her struggles with belief in God, her stubbornness to keep holding on, her fear of the unknown . . . and Drake. (That's his name? I can't remember #oops) Their relationship was actually really sweet and I enjoyed it a lot. (Until they finally started kissing. #ew)

But my favorite point of view was Josephine's. The flashbacks as she lay in a coma in a hospital bed, starting when she was a little girl and continuing until she had little girls of her own. Her depression, the black 'hole' in her head, The Motte. Patrick.

Overall, When I Close My Eyes was a super good book, and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a heartrending yet uplifting read!

When I Close My Eyes
A Novel

by Elizabeth Musser

Bethany House

Bethany House Publishers

Christian

Pub Date 05 Nov 2019

I am reviewing a copy of When I Close My Eyes through Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley:

Would she ever be able to share the secret of the awful year?

There is a story, novelist Josephine Bourdillon avoided telling that is her own story, the story of the awful year. Now she may never have the chance, as she lies in a coma.

Former soldier Henry Hughes is the one who is the reason Josephine is in the hospital, he had failed to kill her. Because he never killed her he never received full payment–funds that would ensure surgery for his son.

Detectives investigated disturbing fan letters, a young but not-so-naïve Paige Bourdillon finds herself having to turn to
her Mother’s turbulent past for the answers to what happened and why! Is it possible that the awful year is worse than the one they are currently living?

This book has it all action, intrigue, attempted murder, forgiveness and rebirth.

I give When I Close My Eyes five out of five stars!

Happy Reading!

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser

I have read some of Elizabeth Musser’s other novels, including her acclaimed The Swan House. This is her latest novel, featuring Josephine, a writer, and her family. Josephine is a gifted author, but suffers from depression. The author relates her story, switching from different character viewpoints to give the reader the complete picture. The depression, coupled with family secrets, threatens to overtake Josephine. However, satisfyingly enough, the truth wins out.

This novel deals with some gritty issues including depression and suicide, but is laced with a silver thread of hope. The author admits to struggling with depression herself and bravely writes about it in the epilogue of the book. I believe that readers who also suffer from depression will find some hope and practical help here.

The characters were well-written easily garnered my sympathy. I found myself wondering how they were doing even after I finished the book. Even though Josephine so obviously struggled with her demons, I admired her faith and tenacity. It is a sign of good writing that I found myself rooting for Henry, “the villain,” to come to a true experience of faith. I also found myself wanting to read Josephine’s novels—they sounded so compelling!

The plot was written so well that I had a hard time putting down this book. It unfolded at a good pace and had some twists that surprised me.

I really enjoyed this book and think other readers will, too, especially those who enjoy contemporary women’s fiction with some substance and hope. Many thanks to Elizabeth Musser, who created a work that will help readers even while it entertains them. I am grateful to the publisher for this free copy of the book in exchange for this, my honest review.

I grew up seeing my parents sacrifice for each other in lots of little ways and some great big ones. I didn't know as a child if those sacrifices were wise or foolish, but I knew one thing. My parents knew a lot about real, deep-down love. They knew it hurt, they knew it cost something valuable, they knew it was worth keeping.

Josephine Bourdillon and her family are counting the cost of love. Josephine mother of 2 girls Hannah and Paige, wife of Frenchman Patrick, sister, and daughter. With most families, there is a history of pain, love and victory. An author, Josephine writes from her past and what she has overcome. She writes historical fiction from the heart that embraces faith. A faith that gives hope to her readers. However, when Josephine is gunned down by Henry Hughes a hired assassin, her family is at loss of who would hire a gunman to kill their mother. Now in a coma, the family along with the authorities, must find who hired to kill her. Was it a family member that what the family calls the "awful year" is to blame. Or is a reader who threatened her to stop writing about her faith.

Each twist from the "awful year" to why Henry took the job becomes an engaging read. The "awful year" where each family member remembers that time with foreboding and is fearful of what took place and what secrets were hidden to protect the family. Henry as he is in a battle of his own. From his past and the life of his only son. The ironies of Henry and Josephine childhood and how they both must confront their past as each fights for love.

I love the 3 voices of Josephine, Henry and Paige. Each tells a different perspective as they deal with hot topics of depression, anger and bitterness. It is faith filled prose but it is not preachy but it is how faith is lived out. Highly recommend.

A Special Thank you to Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

When I Close My Eyes is a phenomenal novel by Elizabeth Musser. It is by far my favorite read I have read by her. I highly recommend it.
5 stars.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a book by Elizabeth Musser that I didn’t think rated five stars, and this one is certainly no exception!!
Based on reading the Acknowledgment at the end, the author knows whereof she writes, in this case, depression. So brave to be so vulnerable! But it is needed. I come from a family where depression is common. I have suffered from it, and so has my family, by extension.

This will definitely be one of my book club’s selections for 2020!

Thank you to Bethany House for the free review copy. All opinions are my own. 

This book takes off quickly right in the beginning. An assassination attempt on a famous author is what sets up this story. The unique part is that the assassin has his own sections in the book, helping the reader to understand what made him come to make this decision. 

I really liked the alternating views in this book. Henry, the attempted assassin, is humanized. While he did make a bad decision, the author shows why some people make these desperate decisions. Paige, Josephine's daughter, is used to illustrate how children are protected and how that protection may not actually be beneficial. Josephine's memories work to show how she has been impacted throughout her life. 

I think that the author did a great job with these three characters stories. She included mental illness into the story in different ways and portrayed it accurately. I think that she also showed how family secrets can have lasting effects on those in the family, even if they aren't directly involved in the decisions that were made. 

I don't want to say too much and give the story away, however, this story has a lot of depth and I loved it and the characters. I thought the writing was great - once I became invested, I didn't want to quit reading. She also portrayed grace so well throughout the book. I only wish a few things had been revealed earlier so that there was more time to explore the character's feelings regarding these situations.

Heart wrenching:
What an amazing book! It grabbed my attention from the very beginning and I had to hang on for a roller coaster ride of plot twists and emotional angst. I loved the beautiful writing style with deeply describe sentences. Whilst there were different timelines and triple points of view, it still flowed well. The characters were all authentic, facing real life emotions and struggles and I found myself rooting for them all, including the "villian".
The story was rather tragic and heart wrenching but it was simultaneously poignant and quite beautiful as it explored some deep truths. There was mystery and intrigue surrounding 'The Awful Year' and I wanted to just keep on reading in order to find out how everything would be resolved.
I felt the author dealt with the issues of depression and PTSD honestly and respectfully. It was especially touching reading in the author's notes about her own struggles with depression and that must be why it felt so real and touching in the novel. Thank you to Ms. Musser for being willing to be so open and transparent in order to shed light on this issue.
So whilst this book was quite sad and tragic, it was also about hope, grace, forgiveness and mercy. It showed how we have to completely surrender to God's grace and redemptive mercy but when we do there is freedom to truly live in Christ.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review. All opinions expressed are solely my own.

This is my first novel from Elizabeth Musser and I’m still in awe at her incredible talent to bring a realistic, heart wrenching and poignant tale to life with such beauty and emotion.
The story is narrated through three different point of views. Josephine, a famous writer that has a murder attempt and lies in a coma in the hospital (we get her insights through flashbacks of her life since she was 6 years old), Henry, her assassin, a man with a mental illness who does it out of desperation to get funds to pay for his 7 year old son who needs an urgent heart surgery, and Paige, Josephine’s teenage daughter who wants to understand her mother’s past in order to understand her better and bring some light to her murder attempt.
This is not your typical romance novel, even if there might be a little bit of sweet and clean love scenes. This story deals with real life issues that we can relate to, maybe through our personal lives and struggles, or that of a family member or dear friend. This story deals with depression, anxiety, trauma, desperation, guilt, but at the same time, it brings a ray of light through a beautiful message of forgiveness (for one self and then for others), of trusting God with your broken soul, and trusting that only Him can bring true healing and good to us, even through our mistakes and weaknesses. And that He NEVER forsakes us. That is a beautiful and sometimes hard truth to acknowledge, when our faith is not strong.
My heart ached for this two grieving families. Henry was a man that tore at my heart. He was abused by his father and educated in a way that you had to get what you needed at whatever cost. That got him to behold his father’s murder after being caught in a thievery. That and dealing with PTSD after being in the military for some years. He’s a broken soul, and he acts out of desperation. But the murder he attempted failed and he doesn’t know what to do. So he instinctively buys his victim’s book, and dwelling in those pages will bring out some truths he was never aware of. Was his failure the providence of God? Is there a chance to redeem himself? But what of his little boy? How can this explain the existence of a loving God?
And Josephine… Her books, though historical, always tug strings and brings light to some difficult issues in history that keep repeating themselves: racism, corruption, hate… Her stories are full of God enlightening messages. But if she’s struggled with depression for so long, are her beliefs true or just a shell to hide from her fears? What is that big awful secret she's hidden and has still to share? Will she wake up from her coma to help solve and understand so many mysteries and family secrets?
Paige is innocent and naive, yet she’s very observant, and this quality will take her on a journey to not only unraveling family secrets, but also of self discovery and understanding of human nature. But best of all, of God’s love above all our failings and human mistakes, if we are willing to let Him in our lives.
This book addresses depression in a very profound way. The fact that the author struggled with it, even if in a low level, makes her an authority and gives solidness to her story. I loved that the story throws light about how to deal with it, in a human and also in a faithly way. It can help the reader if you are struggling with it, or it can help you understand when someone close to you is dealing with this illness. The need of understanding and empathy in these cases is so so great.
I loved other side characters, such as Patrick, and Drake. I wish Paige and Drake would get their own love story…
I was mesmerized by the whole story. The mystery element: the intrigue about who ordered Josephine’s death, the secrets about “that awful year”, the wondering of how these families could be healed and restored, keep you guessing and captivate you until the end. It is definitely love and only LOVE that can restore a broken soul. And, in the most perfect way, the most unconditional LOVE which is God’s love.
Thank you, Elizabeth Musser, for such an inspiring, human and compassionate story!
I totally recommend it! You will end with a feeling of purpose and hope at the end.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the Publisher via NetGalley and this is my honest and unbiased review