When I Close My Eyes

I want to shout it out to all how much I LOVED this book and how much it is needed and how brave Elizabeth is for writing it! God’s Grace is sufficient but many times we don’t believe we are good enough or deserve it. As one who has also suffered from depression off and on my entire life; I highly suggest others to read this book. It definitely touched me and gave me a renewed feeling of hope.
Thank you to the author for the opportunity to be a part of her street team and reading an early copy of this wonderful book.

I could not stop reading this book! Thank you Elizabeth Musser for incorporating the seriousness of depression with candor and hope. I think you are so brave for writing this story. The characters are so real, the story line so believable, and the touch of suspense kept me reading into the early hours of the morning. I highly recommend it to all story lovers, anyone needing extra grace, and especially to anyone who suffers from depression, or anyone who loves someone who suffers. Well done.

Thank you to Bethany House and Net Galley for the early copy of When I close my Eyes. All opinions are my own.

…”I steadied my Glock, and took aim…In the same moment I heard a voice at the end of the alley call out, “Ms. Bourdillon! You forgot—” and the lady turned as my bullet laced its way silently through the air, so that it hit her on the right side of the head instead of full force in the back, as was my intent. But I saw her fall to the ground, lying in a puddle of blood, as the voice turned into a piercing scream. I disappeared around the corner…..”

I stopped reading at this point and checked to see if I was reading a book by Elizabeth Musser. I hadn’t read the book blurb, just looked at the cover and jumped in. I didn’t expect this opening from what the cover conveyed. After checking all was correct, I adjusted by expectations and settled down for a fascinating, brilliantly written tale told through Henry eyes, (paid assassin), and Paige Josephine’s daughter (budding novelist) with flash backs through bestselling author Josephine’s eyes. I felt readers got a peek into this authors’ personal story (as confirmed in acknowledgements). This was a story close to the authors heart as she gives a peek into her writing world and some of her experiences in France. (where she lives)

While well-known author Josephine Bourdillon lies in a coma the reader gets to know her as she recalls memories from the past, troubles family life involving her free-spirited sister, meeting her husband and how she because an author.

This story is beautifully told as this author tackles tough topics, keeping matters honest, non-preachy and true. The author shows how the lies we believe and tell others creates a web around us that’s hard to break. Issues touched on are suicide, mental illness, depression, friendship, love, acceptance, faith, trust, hope, and forgiveness all wonderfully shared through her soul-searching characters. Musser was able to have readers look at tragic events from a few different angles, sharing through compassionate, loving and graceful eyes. (John 8:31 – 32 Jesus said… you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”)

I appreciate the authors bravery and transparency in writing this story. These topics people don’t like to talk about and/or even think about. I liked how Josephine realizes the lies she’s believed about God, herself and others.

“I had to get to the end of myself before I could figure out how to live again. I thought quite literally and horribly and morbidly that the end of myself was dying. Depression does that, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. We sensitive souls feel everything so deeply. Everything matters, and I could not differentiate between the really big deals and the big deals in my heart that tormented me time and time again.”

This is a surprising, engaging, hopeful read that will bring much discussion for your book club group. The author includes 15 discussion questions to help you go deeper in discussing this novel. This author pens a remarkable story you won’t want to miss.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher, Netgalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”

Nora St. Laurent
TBCN Where Book Fun Begins! www.bookfun.org
The Book Club Network blog www.psalm516.blogspot.com
Book Fun Catalogue front page www.bookfun.org

What an amazing story! From the very beginning, I was hooked. I loved how the lives of these characters intersected and affected one another. The writing was touching and real. I found the perspective of an author’s life very interesting. With themes of forgiveness, grace, hope and finding light in the darkness, there is a lesson for everyone. The author’s respect and appreciation of people dealing with depression and PTSD is evident. I think that books discussing these issues are so important in our world today. I hope that many people will pick up this book. This is the first book that I have read by Elizabeth Musser but it won’t be the last. I was given a copy of this book by the publisher. All opinions are my own.

I loved it and seriously couldn’t put it down because I wanted to know the whole story!! It is such an honest account of how mental illness can occur in the best of times and the worst of times.
Henry reminded me of so many children who I have known; coming from trauma but still hoping for something more. And the author’s story was a realistic account of how secrets never stay hidden.
“God’s Grace is sufficient” could be the title because that was certainly the overriding gift of this book! I fear that some might find this book “too spiritual” but the best way to fight darkness like depression is with God+medication+therapy+transparency, and I so appreciate Elizabeth’s candor in making that so real here!

Wow! It is hard to put into words just how amazing this book is! It kept me up until after 2:00 this morning finishing it. I find it hard to categorize it. When I Close My Eyes is a book of mystery, suspense, family dynamics, secrets, budding love, and mental illness. I was captivated from the opening scene and had difficulty putting it down to actually function in the real world. At its core Elizabeth Musser weaves a story of grace and forgiveness, not just of others but of oneself. She illustrates how even a person of faith can suffer through mental illness such as depression and suicidal thoughts. Her work helped me understand myself and others who have dealt with depression and struggled with guilt and how that affects how we view ourselves and our relationship with God. I can't recommend this book enough.

This was an interesting book, though it took me a bit to get into it.

Musser's latest is full of secrets, love, mystery, and complicated family dynamics. The author tackles mental illness in a sensitive manner. Overall, themes of grace and forgiveness are woven throughout. She shows that Christians can also battle depression and PTSD, which is an area many authors shy away from. The story is a reminder that God's grace is truly enough.

Discussion questions make this a good option for book clubs.

"Faith and mental stability aren't mutually exclusive."

Wow. Can we just go back and read this quote from When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser again!? This is a message that I think is so very needed in the church today! As a Christian who struggles with mental illness, I know that there can be a true stigma within the Christian community about the issue. We so often hear that sadness or worry are not from God, and that if we only have a stronger faith, we can overcome these issues. That's a really harmful message for anyone dealing with anxiety and depression who already feel that that are falling short. What so many fail to hear is the illness part of that term: mental illness. Anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc are ILLNESSES. The symptoms may be different, but our attitude toward them should not be... we no more ask for depression than we ask for cancer... nor can we overcome it so easily with a change of attitude.

When I Close My Eyes speaks to that much needed message in such a beautiful way. It tells the fictional story of novelist Josephine Bourdillon, who has been a victim of an attempted assassination. She survives the attack, and the book tells the aftermath of this event through the eyes of Josephine, her daughter Paige and the shooter Henry. While there is some mystery as who hired Henry, and just what happened during 'The Awful Year', it is interesting that this book lets us know right from the start who the shooter is and into his thought process through the ordeal. It truly gives us a great sympathy for him and really brings home the idea of forgiveness and grace that are so important in this story.

As we go back and forth between each character, more and more details are revealed both about the current attack, and the details of Josephine's past and the events during 'The Awful Year'. It is a fantastic in depth look into the mind of someone who is dealing with depression. It is not a lighthearted read, dealing with mental health issues as well as discussion of suicide, but it is one that again is just so needed. For someone who deals with mental health issues of my own, I relate to Josephine's character so strongly, and love that the author truly wrote a character who was very strong in faith, despite her struggles. This is so true for so many Christians who are so often made to feel shame for the thoughts they cannot control. For those who have never dealt with depression, I really hope this book can be eye opening. It may be a work of fiction, but it is such a beautiful representation of that struggle and one that I hope others will take to heart. Despite the heavy nature of the book, it's actually quite an uplifting read with messages of grace and forgiveness.

This is one of the best books I've read this year, and one that I highly recommend.

**I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley for consideration. All thoughts are 100% my own.

"When I Close My Eyes" is a Christian fiction with three point-of-view characters: Josephine, an author that struggles with depression, Henry, the assassin that came from an abusive background, and Paige, Josephine's teenage daughter. Since Josephine was in a coma from the assassination attempt, we mainly got her viewpoint through flashbacks of her life from 1968 up to the present.

Josephine wrote impactful novels showing people who dealt with difficult circumstances who found hope through forgiveness and trust in God. Henry began to read Josephine's books after his assassination attempt went wrong. Though there was some mystery about who hired Henry, the focus of the novel was more about if Josephine really believed in the grace that she wrote about since she struggled so deeply with depression. The main characters were complex, realistic people, and I cared about what happened to them.

There was no sex or bad language. Overall, I'd recommend this well-written book.

This was a riveting story line! I really was intrigued from the beginning of the first chapter to find out more about who shot Josephine. The author did a great job at developing the back stories of each character. Usually when an author writes in a memory, it’s a little bit dry and boring but Josephine‘a memories really added intensity and a bond with her as a main character. I would recommend this book to anyone dealing with depression.

Another excellent read by Elizabeth Musser and very un-put-downable! It's a puzzle I tried to figure out, and she kept me guessing with all the twists and turns. The book deals with some dense subject matter - but with themes that affect everyone today. Someone in our lives is affected by this, and it may be ourselves, that are going or have gone through mental illness. Our broken lives require healing, forgiveness, and hope. To be able to walk in the light and out of the darkness.

Elizabeth writes, "entertainment with a soul," and her new book fits this description perfectly. She is one of my favorite Christian authors as she presents the gospel so clearly, plus there is usually a hint of French culture in her books! I highly recommend this new novel of hers! I am thankful to the author and publisher for furnishing me with an ARC for this my honest review.

I loved the premise of this book, an assassination attempt gone wrong, but the execution didn't click for me. The writing felt choppy, and I struggled with all the different points of view. The constant switching from one character to another kept me from connecting with any of them very deeply. I appreciated the message the author was trying to convey, but it felt heavy handed at times. I wish I had enjoyed it more. It's getting great reviews on Goodreads, so it's probably just my personal taste. There's nothing content wise that would keep me from recommending it. It just wasn't for me.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley for the purpose of review.

Oh. My. Goodness. This book was emotionally charged, deeply thought provoking, and seriously amazing! I absolutely fell in love with each of these characters as they face tests of faith regarding God’s purpose and plan for their lives. There are realistic struggles with depression and the overwhelming demonstration of forgiveness. I found myself crying more than once over the emotion behind what each character experienced. It was extremely difficult to put the book down, and even when I paused in reading to do activities of my daily life, I found the words and themes of the story sticking with me. The ending is so beautiful and wraps everything up well. The writing was real and touching. The author has such a unique ability to craft such rich characters and themes! It was easy to connect with the characters and to relate to their growth and the spiritual lessons to my own life. Like all of her novels, Elizabeth Musser pens yet another book that is deeply powerful and definitely worth the read. I cannot recommend this book enough!

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author. Opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.

When I Close My Eyes is an emotionally difficult book to read as it tells the story of a murder gone wrong, a women living her life in a coma, and the stories of each of these characters as they deal with the consequences of their lives. The book tells of a difficult year but also shows the grace that results from love that survives difficult situations.

What a gift you are about to receive as you turn the pages of this amazing read, tough subject, yes, but keep reading.
As we move along, your mind wants you to tell the character not to friend someone, but they don’t know the facts, and when the facts start to unfold, the hard thing for Christians begins, forgiveness.
We know who commits the crime, but who ordered it, and yes, I guessed wrong, and wrong again, but you will come to love this family, and in the end, I wanted more.
Often swept under the rug, depression is focused on here, and loved the author’s notes at the end.

I received this book through Net Galley and the Publisher Bethany House, and was not required to give a positive review.

There’s so many profound issues cleverly presented in this engrossing novel, the most striking being that of depression and its effects on a family. The subject of depression is portrayed in a very sensitive yet realistic way. Written in the voices of the three main characters, I was at once drawn into their stories. It centers around the attempted murder of a popular Christian author, Josephine, and the search for her assassin. But so many other intricate, yet relatable characters’ stories are woven throughout. What was the Awful Year they allude to about? This is one book I guarantee will keep you up all night reading and thinking about long after the last page.

Thank you to Bethany House Publishing and NetGalley for sending me this book. I was under no obligation to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.

"When I Close My Eyes " by Elizabeth Musser is a Christian fiction book. This story deals with important issues like how do people cope physically and emotionally when trauma strikes. and depression. When trauma strikes the patient is faced with lots of emotions like shock, anger , depression. The author describes the characters well and their dilemmas in their lives. The daughters response to the trauma of their Mom is expressed very well. The book is written from the past and then to the present. The reader sees the characters from different ages. I commend the author for addressing the problem of a serious trauma and depression. Often in our society people with depression and trauma are not given what they need to meet their needs. The author put some helpful resources in the back of the book for people dealing with depression. I know that people dealing with depression will receive help from those resources. The author stated that she has dealt with depression and understands what it is like. I found the story hard to put down. The opinions about the story are my own. I appreciate the publisher for allowing me to read and review this book. I also appreciate netgalley for allowing me to read and review this book. I am posting my review on Amazon, Goodreads, facebook, my blog, CBD.com, church staff.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser was such a different book for me. I was not expecting this story to be so full of drama and deep.

The story begins with an attempted assassination of a well known and loved writer. While Josephine is in a coma, she relives areas in her life. Her struggle with depression is a main focus of the story. Henry, the would be assassin, himself struggles with PTSD. Finding that he has failed in his mission, he begins to read Josephine’s books and has questions that need answers. When he tries to reach out and talk with Josephine, he finds something he never experienced before. Love and forgiveness.

Although a secondary character, I loved the introduction of Drake, Paige’s close family friend. When Paige asks Drake if he has a girlfriend he again say no. When she questions him further, he confesses,
“But I have already found the girl. I’m just waiting for you to grow up Bourdy.”
He is such a realistic character. Patient and kind in all ways.

The mystery is a surprise that keep you wondering until the end.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Net Galley and Bethany House. All views expressed are my honest opinion.

This is my first novel from Elizabeth Musser and I’m still in awe at her incredible talent to bring a realistic, heart wrenching and poignant tale to life with such beauty and emotion.
The story is narrated through three different point of views. Josephine, a famous writer that has a murder attempt and lies in a coma in the hospital (we get her insights through flashbacks of her life since she was 6 years old), Henry, her assassin, a man with a mental illness who does it out of desperation to get funds to pay for his 7 year old son who needs an urgent heart surgery, and Paige, Josephine’s teenage daughter who wants to understand her mother’s past in order to understand her better and bring some light to her murder attempt.
This is not your typical romance novel, even if there might be a little bit of sweet and clean love scenes. This story deals with real life issues that we can relate to, maybe through our personal lives and struggles, or that of a family member or dear friend. This story deals with depression, anxiety, trauma, desperation, guilt, but at the same time, it brings a ray of light through a beautiful message of forgiveness (for one self and then for others), of trusting God with your broken soul, and trusting that only Him can bring true healing and good to us, even through our mistakes and weaknesses. And that He NEVER forsakes us. That is a beautiful and sometimes hard truth to acknowledge, when our faith is not strong.
My heart ached for this two grieving families. Henry was a man that tore at my heart. He was abused by his father and educated in a way that you had to get what you needed at whatever cost. That got him to behold his father’s murder after being caught in a thievery. That and dealing with PTSD after being in the military for some years. He’s a broken soul, and he acts out of desperation. But the murder he attempted failed and he doesn’t know what to do. So he instinctively buys his victim’s book, and dwelling in those pages will bring out some truths he was never aware of. Was his failure the providence of God? Is there a chance to redeem himself? But what of his little boy? How can this explain the existence of a loving God?
And Josephine… Her books, though historical, always tug strings and brings light to some difficult issues in history that keep repeating themselves: racism, corruption, hate… Her stories are full of God enlightening messages. But if she’s struggled with depression for so long, are her beliefs true or just a shell to hide from her fears? What is that big awful secret she's hidden and has still to share? Will she wake up from her coma to help solve and understand so many mysteries and family secrets?
Paige is innocent and naive, yet she’s very observant, and this quality will take her on a journey to not only unraveling family secrets, but also of self discovery and understanding of human nature. But best of all, of God’s love above all our failings and human mistakes, if we are willing to let Him in our lives.
This book addresses depression in a very profound way. The fact that the author struggled with it, even if in a low level, makes her an authority and gives solidness to her story. I loved that the story throws light about how to deal with it, in a human and also in a faithly way. It can help the reader if you are struggling with it, or it can help you understand when someone close to you is dealing with this illness. The need of understanding and empathy in these cases is so so great.
I loved other side characters, such as Patrick, and Drake. I wish Paige and Drake would get their own love story…
I was mesmerized by the whole story. The mystery element: the intrigue about who ordered Josephine’s death, the secrets about “that awful year”, the wondering of how these families could be healed and restored, keep you guessing and captivate you until the end. It is definitely love and only LOVE that can restore a broken soul. And, in the most perfect way, the most unconditional LOVE which is God’s love.
Thank you, Elizabeth Musser, for such an inspiring, human and compassionate story!
I totally recommend it! You will end with a feeling of purpose and hope at the end.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the Publisher via NetGalley and this is my honest and unbiased review

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser is such a different book. It is a deeply moving book, full of drama with very believable characters. A book that will draw you in from the very first chapter. It deals with serious depression but in a well written way. You cannot always tell what goes on in the heart/life of a person. Even though it seems they are famous and well adjusted, they may be fighting their own demons. This book was emotionally charged, deeply thought provoking and you will find it hard to lay down, and the ending was so surprising and different........ Thank you to Bethany House Publishing and NetGalley for this book. I was under no obligation to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.

Thank you to Bethany House for the free review copy. All opinions are my own. 

This book takes off quickly right in the beginning. An assassination attempt on a famous author is what sets up this story. The unique part is that the assassin has his own sections in the book, helping the reader to understand what made him come to make this decision. 

I really liked the alternating views in this book. Henry, the attempted assassin, is humanized. While he did make a bad decision, the author shows why some people make these desperate decisions. Paige, Josephine's daughter, is used to illustrate how children are protected and how that protection may not actually be beneficial. Josephine's memories work to show how she has been impacted throughout her life. 

I think that the author did a great job with these three characters stories. She included mental illness into the story in different ways and portrayed it accurately. I think that she also showed how family secrets can have lasting effects on those in the family, even if they aren't directly involved in the decisions that were made. 

I don't want to say too much and give the story away, however, this story has a lot of depth and I loved it and the characters. I thought the writing was great - once I became invested, I didn't want to quit reading. She also portrayed grace so well throughout the book. I only wish a few things had been revealed earlier so that there was more time to explore the character's feelings regarding these situations.

Heart wrenching:
What an amazing book! It grabbed my attention from the very beginning and I had to hang on for a roller coaster ride of plot twists and emotional angst. I loved the beautiful writing style with deeply describe sentences. Whilst there were different timelines and triple points of view, it still flowed well. The characters were all authentic, facing real life emotions and struggles and I found myself rooting for them all, including the "villian".
The story was rather tragic and heart wrenching but it was simultaneously poignant and quite beautiful as it explored some deep truths. There was mystery and intrigue surrounding 'The Awful Year' and I wanted to just keep on reading in order to find out how everything would be resolved.
I felt the author dealt with the issues of depression and PTSD honestly and respectfully. It was especially touching reading in the author's notes about her own struggles with depression and that must be why it felt so real and touching in the novel. Thank you to Ms. Musser for being willing to be so open and transparent in order to shed light on this issue.
So whilst this book was quite sad and tragic, it was also about hope, grace, forgiveness and mercy. It showed how we have to completely surrender to God's grace and redemptive mercy but when we do there is freedom to truly live in Christ.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review. All opinions expressed are solely my own.

When I Close My Eyes is a phenomenal novel by Elizabeth Musser. It is by far my favorite read I have read by her. I highly recommend it.
5 stars.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a book by Elizabeth Musser that I didn’t think rated five stars, and this one is certainly no exception!!
Based on reading the Acknowledgment at the end, the author knows whereof she writes, in this case, depression. So brave to be so vulnerable! But it is needed. I come from a family where depression is common. I have suffered from it, and so has my family, by extension.

This will definitely be one of my book club’s selections for 2020!

I grew up seeing my parents sacrifice for each other in lots of little ways and some great big ones. I didn't know as a child if those sacrifices were wise or foolish, but I knew one thing. My parents knew a lot about real, deep-down love. They knew it hurt, they knew it cost something valuable, they knew it was worth keeping.

Josephine Bourdillon and her family are counting the cost of love. Josephine mother of 2 girls Hannah and Paige, wife of Frenchman Patrick, sister, and daughter. With most families, there is a history of pain, love and victory. An author, Josephine writes from her past and what she has overcome. She writes historical fiction from the heart that embraces faith. A faith that gives hope to her readers. However, when Josephine is gunned down by Henry Hughes a hired assassin, her family is at loss of who would hire a gunman to kill their mother. Now in a coma, the family along with the authorities, must find who hired to kill her. Was it a family member that what the family calls the "awful year" is to blame. Or is a reader who threatened her to stop writing about her faith.

Each twist from the "awful year" to why Henry took the job becomes an engaging read. The "awful year" where each family member remembers that time with foreboding and is fearful of what took place and what secrets were hidden to protect the family. Henry as he is in a battle of his own. From his past and the life of his only son. The ironies of Henry and Josephine childhood and how they both must confront their past as each fights for love.

I love the 3 voices of Josephine, Henry and Paige. Each tells a different perspective as they deal with hot topics of depression, anger and bitterness. It is faith filled prose but it is not preachy but it is how faith is lived out. Highly recommend.

A Special Thank you to Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

When I Close My Eyes
A Novel

by Elizabeth Musser

Bethany House

Bethany House Publishers

Christian

Pub Date 05 Nov 2019

I am reviewing a copy of When I Close My Eyes through Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley:

Would she ever be able to share the secret of the awful year?

There is a story, novelist Josephine Bourdillon avoided telling that is her own story, the story of the awful year. Now she may never have the chance, as she lies in a coma.

Former soldier Henry Hughes is the one who is the reason Josephine is in the hospital, he had failed to kill her. Because he never killed her he never received full payment–funds that would ensure surgery for his son.

Detectives investigated disturbing fan letters, a young but not-so-naïve Paige Bourdillon finds herself having to turn to
her Mother’s turbulent past for the answers to what happened and why! Is it possible that the awful year is worse than the one they are currently living?

This book has it all action, intrigue, attempted murder, forgiveness and rebirth.

I give When I Close My Eyes five out of five stars!

Happy Reading!

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser

I have read some of Elizabeth Musser’s other novels, including her acclaimed The Swan House. This is her latest novel, featuring Josephine, a writer, and her family. Josephine is a gifted author, but suffers from depression. The author relates her story, switching from different character viewpoints to give the reader the complete picture. The depression, coupled with family secrets, threatens to overtake Josephine. However, satisfyingly enough, the truth wins out.

This novel deals with some gritty issues including depression and suicide, but is laced with a silver thread of hope. The author admits to struggling with depression herself and bravely writes about it in the epilogue of the book. I believe that readers who also suffer from depression will find some hope and practical help here.

The characters were well-written easily garnered my sympathy. I found myself wondering how they were doing even after I finished the book. Even though Josephine so obviously struggled with her demons, I admired her faith and tenacity. It is a sign of good writing that I found myself rooting for Henry, “the villain,” to come to a true experience of faith. I also found myself wanting to read Josephine’s novels—they sounded so compelling!

The plot was written so well that I had a hard time putting down this book. It unfolded at a good pace and had some twists that surprised me.

I really enjoyed this book and think other readers will, too, especially those who enjoy contemporary women’s fiction with some substance and hope. Many thanks to Elizabeth Musser, who created a work that will help readers even while it entertains them. I am grateful to the publisher for this free copy of the book in exchange for this, my honest review.

Review Title: Wonderful Characters, Wonderful Read (review of When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser)
Reviewer: Janice S. Garey
***** 5 Stars

This book grabs the reader's attention from the beginning and does not let go even long past the last page of the book. The characterization seems so real and well developed so that scenarios are not just seen in black and white, cut and dry, good and bad, but the reader gets to see the gray that characters are stuck in as they make right and wrong decisions. Motivations and fauty thinking mix together with a growing understanding of the difference the Christian faith makes especially in the realm of forgiveness. These subjects play out on the pages to an ending that surpasses expectation.

The story tugs at the heart through characters in desperation. Tangles of plot that seem impossible to unravel are handled skillfully and believably by the author. The difference between the worldviews of Christians and unbelievers are displayed in unique but not preachy ways.

Those who enjoy suspense without graphic gore and details of crime scenes will be pleased to read this excellent novel. High tension and character transformation keep the pages turning.

I received this book from #Netgalley at no cost in exchange for reading it and giving an honest review which I have done. I am under no obligation to give a good review. I highly recommend this book. It is well worth the investment of time to get involved in the plot alongside these unforgettable characters.

I enjoy Elizabeth Musser’s novels because they’re something deeper than most Christian fiction.
They’re not afraid to ask tough questions, and When I Close my Eyes is no exception. The start of the novel a little confusing until I realised who the three viewpoint characters were, and why some portions were in italics.

Henry’s son needs his fourth major surgery in seven years, but there’s no money to pay for it. So Henry takes a cash job that will pay a lot … to shoot author Josephine Bourdillon. No, Henry isn’t a hit man. He’s just normal man who loves his son and would do anything for him to be well.

Paige is Josephine’s sassy sixteen-year-old daughter. She’s not a Christian, even though she knows her mother’s novels have strong themes of faith and forgiveness. I liked Paige. She was intelligent, thoughtful, and wise beyond her years. Despite being a teenager, she’s the one who holds the family together in many ways. She also helps the police by going through her mother’s letters and other writing in an effort to find out who is behind the shooting.

Josephine is the third point of view character, but her scenes are shown in italics because they’re not the present story (in which she’s unconscious). They’re snippets of her memories—some good, some not. It’s confusing, because the memories flit around in time, but that makes sense when we realise they are the memories of a woman in a coma.

There are two questions running behind the story. First (for me) is the question of who wants Josephine dead. The reader knows Henry is was the guy with the gun, but he’s not the person who wants Josephine dead. He just wants his son alive, and who can fault him for that? Sure, we can agree his method of getting the money for his son’s operation isn’t great. But is motive is strong and believable, and he’s close enough to the edge that I’m convinced he believed this was the only way. So he’s a sympathetic character. We want him to succeed. Except succeeding means Josephine Bourdillon would be dead, and we don’t want that.

The other question is about The Awful Year, as Paige refers to it. We don’t know what The Awful Year was, or when it was. All we know is that it was so awful, Josephine can’t think about it or write about it, and Paige barely knows what happened. All she knows is that it was awful. Do the events of The Awful Year have anything to do with what’s happening now?

Well, those questions certainly kept me turning the pages. This is probably one of those novels that need to be read and reread to fully appreciate.

Overall, When I Close My Eyes is one of the best novels I’ve read this year, a unique story of forgiveness that deals with some tough issues, including mental illness. The writing is brilliant, the plot and characters are unique, and it’s close to perfect Christian women’s fiction (with a strong dose of suspense). Recommended.

Thanks to Bethany House Publishers and NetGalley for providing a free ebook for review.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser is a powerful contemporary Christian story that will blow your mind as you witness the awesome love of God for His people and their great love for each other.
The novel has forgiveness and grace at its heart. We are all sinners in need of a Saviour. “Help me to leave the guilt and helplessness behind.” Sometimes we think we are so ‘bad’ that we are disqualified from God’s love. Nothing could be further from the truth. God passionately pursues us until we receive Him and His free gift of grace. “Forgiveness… it changes something in your heart.” When we receive forgiveness we exchange a heart of stone for a heart of flesh.
It is beautiful to watch a character seek the truth of who God is. Questions are asked that draw the character closer to the arms and heart of God. No matter what happens to that character, they receive a peace because they know Jesus.
The truth will set us free. The truth has been hidden for years in an effort to protect but the reality is – a burden has been carried that was never meant to be picked up.
The church is a lifeline in times of trouble. They “needed those people at church, needed their prayers and support.” The support, both practical and spiritual lifts up those without the strength to do so themselves.
Much of the novel is set in an ICU. It is a traumatic time with many heartfelt conversations. Characters experiencing despair are injected with faith and hope by others. Some of the most Christ-like actions come, not from those professing to be Christians but from a character who is actively running from Jesus, unaware that He is pursuing them.
There are some difficult topics of mental illness in the form of depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts. These are sensitively portrayed.
I found When I Close My Eyes an incredibly powerful novel with much godly advice. There were characters who walked in the footsteps of Jesus, revealing the heart of God. I could not put it down. It was a wow, wow, wow read. I will leave you with this powerful quote:
“I breathe in God’s forgiveness each day and breathe out His grace.”
I received this book for free. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.

Former soldier Henry Hughes, trapped by PTSD and the emotional toll it has taken on his family, fears he cannot provide for his son who needs heart surgery. Being on medication dulls his ability to work and think; being off the medication makes it even worse. It is during the lowest of lows that Hughes agrees to assassinate author Josephine Bourdilion, but he fails at even that, leaving her in a coma. As Hughes tries to figure out a way to complete the job, he feels called to read Josephine's books, each one changing him a bit more. Meanwhile Josephine's family, especially her teenage daughter struggle with how much of their lives they should share with the investigating police as each wants to protect others. I have found each book I've read by Elizabeth Musser to be totally unique. No copying the popular trends with this author. Musser tells her own stories and they are fresh, thought provoking, even startling. I received a copy of this title from Netgalley and give it a high recommendation.

A beautifully written story full of hope and healing. Please give yourself the gift of savoring this novel. And please pass it on to all of your friends. Highly recommended. Five stars.

Elizabeth Musser is one of my favorites. I have followed her books for almost 20 years when I discovered "The Swan House" at the library. I received the "When I Close My Eyes" ebook as a member of her launch team b/c I am IN LOVE WITH HER.

And I'm in love with her b/c of everything that is good about this book: rich characters, thrilling storyline, deep emotion and full, strong Truth that will stay with you and can alter your heart!

This book is a murder mystery, but it's really about mental health--depression, anxiety, PTSD and basic family interactions. It's also about truth and lies.

As usual, I wish I had something profound to add but can't b/c the book was so profound! I always think Elizabeth Musser is a must-read, but I think with the mental health conversations we've been having in the culture the last few years, this is not only a timely story, but timely insight into a tough topic as well.

Also, all her restaurant descriptions in Asheville were the BEST! French Broad Chocolate!! My only food-qualm was that Paige ordered pancakes from the Waffle House?! Every good southerner knows you get the pecan waffles!