When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser is such a different book. It is a deeply moving book, full of drama with very believable characters. A book that will draw you in from the very first chapter. It deals with serious depression but in a well written way. You cannot always tell what goes on in the heart/life of a person. Even though it seems they are famous and well adjusted, they may be fighting their own demons. This book was emotionally charged, deeply thought provoking and you will find it hard to lay down, and the ending was so surprising and different........ Thank you to Bethany House Publishing and NetGalley for this book. I was under no obligation to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser was such a different book for me. I was not expecting this story to be so full of drama and deep.

The story begins with an attempted assassination of a well known and loved writer. While Josephine is in a coma, she relives areas in her life. Her struggle with depression is a main focus of the story. Henry, the would be assassin, himself struggles with PTSD. Finding that he has failed in his mission, he begins to read Josephine’s books and has questions that need answers. When he tries to reach out and talk with Josephine, he finds something he never experienced before. Love and forgiveness.

Although a secondary character, I loved the introduction of Drake, Paige’s close family friend. When Paige asks Drake if he has a girlfriend he again say no. When she questions him further, he confesses,
“But I have already found the girl. I’m just waiting for you to grow up Bourdy.”
He is such a realistic character. Patient and kind in all ways.

The mystery is a surprise that keep you wondering until the end.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Net Galley and Bethany House. All views expressed are my honest opinion.

Told from the alternating perspectives of Josephine, Henry and Paige, "When I Close My Eyes" tells a story of how the lives of two dysfunctional families intertwine. It also addressed mental health challenges, including depression and suicide.
Henry has tried to murder Josephine because he needs money for his son's heart surgery. As Miz Bourdillon lies in a coma, her daughter Paige must put the pieces together and find the murderer. At the core of the story is the secret of The Awful Year, experienced years ago by Paige and her sister Hannah and their parents Josephine and Patrick, and the way it continues to affect each family member today.
It took me a bit to get used to the alternating narrators. I also was bored with the plot halfway through until the story took a huge twist that made me glad I kept reading. While I appreciated the message, the book is just okay for me. However, it does offer important insight into depression and faith and is an important book for readers who want to know more about how mental health and faith coincide.

"When I Close My Eyes " by Elizabeth Musser is a Christian fiction book. This story deals with important issues like how do people cope physically and emotionally when trauma strikes. and depression. When trauma strikes the patient is faced with lots of emotions like shock, anger , depression. The author describes the characters well and their dilemmas in their lives. The daughters response to the trauma of their Mom is expressed very well. The book is written from the past and then to the present. The reader sees the characters from different ages. I commend the author for addressing the problem of a serious trauma and depression. Often in our society people with depression and trauma are not given what they need to meet their needs. The author put some helpful resources in the back of the book for people dealing with depression. I know that people dealing with depression will receive help from those resources. The author stated that she has dealt with depression and understands what it is like. I found the story hard to put down. The opinions about the story are my own. I appreciate the publisher for allowing me to read and review this book. I also appreciate netgalley for allowing me to read and review this book. I am posting my review on Amazon, Goodreads, facebook, my blog, CBD.com, church staff.

When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser

Publication Date: 11/05/2019
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Imprint: Bethany House
Genre: Christian Fiction
Pages: 272
ISBN-13: 978-0593099735


Purchase: Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Indiebound, Book Depository

Elizabeth Musser on the Web: Website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Goodreads

Excerpt from When I Close My Eyes courtesy of Amazon’s Look Inside feature

Synopsis:

Could she ever share the secret of The Awful Year?

There is one story that novelist Josephine Bourdillon shirked from writing. And now she may never have a chance. Trapped in her memories, she lies in a coma.

The man who put her there is just as paralyzed. Former soldier Henry Hughes failed to complete the kill. What's more: he never received full payment--funds that would ensure surgery for his son.

As detectives investigate disturbing fan letters, a young but not-so-naïve Paige Bourdillon turns to her mother's turbulent past for answers. Could The Awful Year be worse than the one they're living now?

Set against the flaming hills of North Carolina and the peaceful shores of the Mediterranean Sea, When I Close My Eyes tells the story of two families struggling with dysfunction and finding that love is stronger than Anything.

There’s so many profound issues cleverly presented in this engrossing novel, the most striking being that of depression and its effects on a family. The subject of depression is portrayed in a very sensitive yet realistic way. Written in the voices of the three main characters, I was at once drawn into their stories. It centers around the attempted murder of a popular Christian author, Josephine, and the search for her assassin. But so many other intricate, yet relatable characters’ stories are woven throughout. What was the Awful Year they allude to about? This is one book I guarantee will keep you up all night reading and thinking about long after the last page.

Thank you to Bethany House Publishing and NetGalley for sending me this book. I was under no obligation to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.

What a gift you are about to receive as you turn the pages of this amazing read, tough subject, yes, but keep reading.
As we move along, your mind wants you to tell the character not to friend someone, but they don’t know the facts, and when the facts start to unfold, the hard thing for Christians begins, forgiveness.
We know who commits the crime, but who ordered it, and yes, I guessed wrong, and wrong again, but you will come to love this family, and in the end, I wanted more.
Often swept under the rug, depression is focused on here, and loved the author’s notes at the end.

I received this book through Net Galley and the Publisher Bethany House, and was not required to give a positive review.

When I Close My Eyes is an emotionally difficult book to read as it tells the story of a murder gone wrong, a women living her life in a coma, and the stories of each of these characters as they deal with the consequences of their lives. The book tells of a difficult year but also shows the grace that results from love that survives difficult situations.

Oh. My. Goodness. This book was emotionally charged, deeply thought provoking, and seriously amazing! I absolutely fell in love with each of these characters as they face tests of faith regarding God’s purpose and plan for their lives. There are realistic struggles with depression and the overwhelming demonstration of forgiveness. I found myself crying more than once over the emotion behind what each character experienced. It was extremely difficult to put the book down, and even when I paused in reading to do activities of my daily life, I found the words and themes of the story sticking with me. The ending is so beautiful and wraps everything up well. The writing was real and touching. The author has such a unique ability to craft such rich characters and themes! It was easy to connect with the characters and to relate to their growth and the spiritual lessons to my own life. Like all of her novels, Elizabeth Musser pens yet another book that is deeply powerful and definitely worth the read. I cannot recommend this book enough!

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author. Opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.

I loved the premise of this book, an assassination attempt gone wrong, but the execution didn't click for me. The writing felt choppy, and I struggled with all the different points of view. The constant switching from one character to another kept me from connecting with any of them very deeply. I appreciated the message the author was trying to convey, but it felt heavy handed at times. I wish I had enjoyed it more. It's getting great reviews on Goodreads, so it's probably just my personal taste. There's nothing content wise that would keep me from recommending it. It just wasn't for me.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley for the purpose of review.

Another excellent read by Elizabeth Musser and very un-put-downable! It's a puzzle I tried to figure out, and she kept me guessing with all the twists and turns. The book deals with some dense subject matter - but with themes that affect everyone today. Someone in our lives is affected by this, and it may be ourselves, that are going or have gone through mental illness. Our broken lives require healing, forgiveness, and hope. To be able to walk in the light and out of the darkness.

Elizabeth writes, "entertainment with a soul," and her new book fits this description perfectly. She is one of my favorite Christian authors as she presents the gospel so clearly, plus there is usually a hint of French culture in her books! I highly recommend this new novel of hers! I am thankful to the author and publisher for furnishing me with an ARC for this my honest review.

This was a riveting story line! I really was intrigued from the beginning of the first chapter to find out more about who shot Josephine. The author did a great job at developing the back stories of each character. Usually when an author writes in a memory, it’s a little bit dry and boring but Josephine‘a memories really added intensity and a bond with her as a main character. I would recommend this book to anyone dealing with depression.

"When I Close My Eyes" is a Christian fiction with three point-of-view characters: Josephine, an author that struggles with depression, Henry, the assassin that came from an abusive background, and Paige, Josephine's teenage daughter. Since Josephine was in a coma from the assassination attempt, we mainly got her viewpoint through flashbacks of her life from 1968 up to the present.

Josephine wrote impactful novels showing people who dealt with difficult circumstances who found hope through forgiveness and trust in God. Henry began to read Josephine's books after his assassination attempt went wrong. Though there was some mystery about who hired Henry, the focus of the novel was more about if Josephine really believed in the grace that she wrote about since she struggled so deeply with depression. The main characters were complex, realistic people, and I cared about what happened to them.

There was no sex or bad language. Overall, I'd recommend this well-written book.

"Faith and mental stability aren't mutually exclusive."

Wow. Can we just go back and read this quote from When I Close My Eyes by Elizabeth Musser again!? This is a message that I think is so very needed in the church today! As a Christian who struggles with mental illness, I know that there can be a true stigma within the Christian community about the issue. We so often hear that sadness or worry are not from God, and that if we only have a stronger faith, we can overcome these issues. That's a really harmful message for anyone dealing with anxiety and depression who already feel that that are falling short. What so many fail to hear is the illness part of that term: mental illness. Anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc are ILLNESSES. The symptoms may be different, but our attitude toward them should not be... we no more ask for depression than we ask for cancer... nor can we overcome it so easily with a change of attitude.

When I Close My Eyes speaks to that much needed message in such a beautiful way. It tells the fictional story of novelist Josephine Bourdillon, who has been a victim of an attempted assassination. She survives the attack, and the book tells the aftermath of this event through the eyes of Josephine, her daughter Paige and the shooter Henry. While there is some mystery as who hired Henry, and just what happened during 'The Awful Year', it is interesting that this book lets us know right from the start who the shooter is and into his thought process through the ordeal. It truly gives us a great sympathy for him and really brings home the idea of forgiveness and grace that are so important in this story.

As we go back and forth between each character, more and more details are revealed both about the current attack, and the details of Josephine's past and the events during 'The Awful Year'. It is a fantastic in depth look into the mind of someone who is dealing with depression. It is not a lighthearted read, dealing with mental health issues as well as discussion of suicide, but it is one that again is just so needed. For someone who deals with mental health issues of my own, I relate to Josephine's character so strongly, and love that the author truly wrote a character who was very strong in faith, despite her struggles. This is so true for so many Christians who are so often made to feel shame for the thoughts they cannot control. For those who have never dealt with depression, I really hope this book can be eye opening. It may be a work of fiction, but it is such a beautiful representation of that struggle and one that I hope others will take to heart. Despite the heavy nature of the book, it's actually quite an uplifting read with messages of grace and forgiveness.

This is one of the best books I've read this year, and one that I highly recommend.

**I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley for consideration. All thoughts are 100% my own.

This was an interesting book, though it took me a bit to get into it.

Musser's latest is full of secrets, love, mystery, and complicated family dynamics. The author tackles mental illness in a sensitive manner. Overall, themes of grace and forgiveness are woven throughout. She shows that Christians can also battle depression and PTSD, which is an area many authors shy away from. The story is a reminder that God's grace is truly enough.

Discussion questions make this a good option for book clubs.

Wow! It is hard to put into words just how amazing this book is! It kept me up until after 2:00 this morning finishing it. I find it hard to categorize it. When I Close My Eyes is a book of mystery, suspense, family dynamics, secrets, budding love, and mental illness. I was captivated from the opening scene and had difficulty putting it down to actually function in the real world. At its core Elizabeth Musser weaves a story of grace and forgiveness, not just of others but of oneself. She illustrates how even a person of faith can suffer through mental illness such as depression and suicidal thoughts. Her work helped me understand myself and others who have dealt with depression and struggled with guilt and how that affects how we view ourselves and our relationship with God. I can't recommend this book enough.

I loved it and seriously couldn’t put it down because I wanted to know the whole story!! It is such an honest account of how mental illness can occur in the best of times and the worst of times.
Henry reminded me of so many children who I have known; coming from trauma but still hoping for something more. And the author’s story was a realistic account of how secrets never stay hidden.
“God’s Grace is sufficient” could be the title because that was certainly the overriding gift of this book! I fear that some might find this book “too spiritual” but the best way to fight darkness like depression is with God+medication+therapy+transparency, and I so appreciate Elizabeth’s candor in making that so real here!

What an amazing story! From the very beginning, I was hooked. I loved how the lives of these characters intersected and affected one another. The writing was touching and real. I found the perspective of an author’s life very interesting. With themes of forgiveness, grace, hope and finding light in the darkness, there is a lesson for everyone. The author’s respect and appreciation of people dealing with depression and PTSD is evident. I think that books discussing these issues are so important in our world today. I hope that many people will pick up this book. This is the first book that I have read by Elizabeth Musser but it won’t be the last. I was given a copy of this book by the publisher. All opinions are my own.

…”I steadied my Glock, and took aim…In the same moment I heard a voice at the end of the alley call out, “Ms. Bourdillon! You forgot—” and the lady turned as my bullet laced its way silently through the air, so that it hit her on the right side of the head instead of full force in the back, as was my intent. But I saw her fall to the ground, lying in a puddle of blood, as the voice turned into a piercing scream. I disappeared around the corner…..”

I stopped reading at this point and checked to see if I was reading a book by Elizabeth Musser. I hadn’t read the book blurb, just looked at the cover and jumped in. I didn’t expect this opening from what the cover conveyed. After checking all was correct, I adjusted by expectations and settled down for a fascinating, brilliantly written tale told through Henry eyes, (paid assassin), and Paige Josephine’s daughter (budding novelist) with flash backs through bestselling author Josephine’s eyes. I felt readers got a peek into this authors’ personal story (as confirmed in acknowledgements). This was a story close to the authors heart as she gives a peek into her writing world and some of her experiences in France. (where she lives)

While well-known author Josephine Bourdillon lies in a coma the reader gets to know her as she recalls memories from the past, troubles family life involving her free-spirited sister, meeting her husband and how she because an author.

This story is beautifully told as this author tackles tough topics, keeping matters honest, non-preachy and true. The author shows how the lies we believe and tell others creates a web around us that’s hard to break. Issues touched on are suicide, mental illness, depression, friendship, love, acceptance, faith, trust, hope, and forgiveness all wonderfully shared through her soul-searching characters. Musser was able to have readers look at tragic events from a few different angles, sharing through compassionate, loving and graceful eyes. (John 8:31 – 32 Jesus said… you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”)

I appreciate the authors bravery and transparency in writing this story. These topics people don’t like to talk about and/or even think about. I liked how Josephine realizes the lies she’s believed about God, herself and others.

“I had to get to the end of myself before I could figure out how to live again. I thought quite literally and horribly and morbidly that the end of myself was dying. Depression does that, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. We sensitive souls feel everything so deeply. Everything matters, and I could not differentiate between the really big deals and the big deals in my heart that tormented me time and time again.”

This is a surprising, engaging, hopeful read that will bring much discussion for your book club group. The author includes 15 discussion questions to help you go deeper in discussing this novel. This author pens a remarkable story you won’t want to miss.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher, Netgalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”

Nora St. Laurent
TBCN Where Book Fun Begins! www.bookfun.org
The Book Club Network blog www.psalm516.blogspot.com
Book Fun Catalogue front page www.bookfun.org

This is a powerful book about living with depression, creativity/art, forgiveness, family relationships, love, sacrifice... In many ways it reads like a murder mystery, with multiple suspects, red herrings, clues slipped in here and there, and an unexpected solution.

One of the main character's daughters says “Momma writes truth in a way that gets into people's hearts,” and I find that sums up Elizabeth Musser's writing for me. This may not be an easy book to read, but it is worth reading. I highly recommend it!

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Baker Publishing Group through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.